It has been a week of sadness at the Etobicoke Temple of Set, the Snake God. Beauregard, the newest addition to the mud pit, has taken ill, and was off his food. There is nothing sadder to those that worship omnivorous river reptiles than to see a young croc off his feed. Food is life, especially to a crocodile, and to those that take omens from the way they eat and the scattering and composition of leftovers. It is alot like reading tea leaves.

Lucky for devotees of Set, the Snake God, there is in Toronto a man with a special gift. The Crocodile Whisperer is a man with a calling, and that calling is to be able to talk to the animals, walk with the animals, to understand their voices, like a rich kid Liberal, born with a silver spoon in his mouth can understand the working classes. Just like that.

The Crocodile Whisperer came to us in the Etobicoke Temple this last Serpentday (which is what we devotees call Sunday; and if you call Sunday anything but Serpentday, we will haul your arse to the Human Rights Commission, you insensitive scum) to help us to help Beauregard. Poor Beauregard, he has been off his feed. He was not eating. He was not even playing with his food. And here it was Serpentday, and one of our members was celebrating his recent divorce with his ex-wife, her boyfriend, and her divorce lawyer as special guests.

The Crocodile Whisperer is very wise. He never mixes anything with his bourbon. His advice was to anoint the special guests with a special sauce. How about something from * Lisa’s Kitchen? I suggested. The devotees of Set, the Snake God have found the many delicious recipes from there to be capital in stimulating the most jaded appetite of our happy Global Village of crocodiles, alligators, and komodo dragons. Certainly, crocodiles love anything with coriander and cayenne pepper; and alligators are fond of cinnamon (check out the pay site to see this is true). After after dinner cocktails, The Crocodile Whisperer selected three especial soups from this delicious post * , one for the ex-wife, one for the boyfriend, and one for the divorce lawyer. It was a win-win situation. Beauregard got his groove back, thanks to Lisa.

Yes, come to the Etobicoke Temple of Set, the Set Snake God. Learn how crocodiles only eat vegetarians. Bring a Greenpeace canvasser to prove to yourself this is true, bring a Green party member, bring someone who deserves to be elevated through the mystical process of digestion. And, above all, bring your money. Souvenir videos are only 39.95 during the month of Scorpio. And go to Lisa’s blog and vote on your favourite soup * .

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.
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This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 22nd, 2008 at 4:55 pm and is filed under News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.