In what I can honestly say is the most pathetic and stupid story I have ever heard in my life, a woman in Cornwall, England, has filed for divorce after she found her husband was having a cyber-affair–in the role-playing game Second Life:

Amy Taylor, 28, whose online alter ego is named Laura Skye, said that her husband’s virtual infidelity exacted a pain that cut as deep as any extramarital liaison. “It may have started online, but it existed entirely in the real world and it hurts just as much,” she said. “His was the ultimate betrayal. He had been lying to me.”

To be fair, this broad is an idiot. It seems though that Amy/Laura considers honesty to be the most important trait, as she should. Let’s find out a little bit about Amy/Laura:

Online, Laura Skye works as a club DJ and is 6 feet tall, weighs 112 lb. and has a penchant for skin-tight cowgirl outfits. In reality, Taylor, an unemployed former waitress, is 5 feet 4 inches tall, weighs 224 lb. and prefers T shirts and leggings.

She should be sued for false advertising. I would say she’s quite a catch, but I’m not sure there’s a trawler net big enough to reel in that humpback.

It seems that Amy/Laura’s husband, who goes by the online name of Dave Barmy, has quite the wandering cyber-eye, as this is not the first time he has stuck his cyber-penis into a woman’s cyber-vagina:

 Shortly after her marriage, Taylor woke from an afternoon nap to find Pollard watching his Dave Barmy avatar having sex with a computer-generated prostitute.

“I went mad — I was so hurt,” Taylor said of the Internet affair.

Ya, well maybe if she cybered the guy once in a while, he wouldn’t be out having fake sex with fake women.

Tripping over the footsteps of normality, Amy/Laura did what any normal world citizen would do: She hired a Second Life private investigator to keep tabs on her husband:

Macdonald hatched a plan whereby a female avatar flirted with Barmy in an effort to lure him to her cyber-bed. Instead of succumbing to temptation, Barmy spoke of his strong feelings for Laura Skye.

In April of this year, however, things soured when Taylor caught Barmy getting intimate with another avatar, named Modesty McDonnell. “I caught him cuddling a woman on a sofa in the game. It looked really affectionate,” she said. “I ended up going off to his mum and dad’s in floods of tears.”

Pollard dismisses any accusations of wrongdoing. “We weren’t even having cyber-sex or anything like that,” he said. “We were just chatting and hanging out together.”

This guy is quite the ladies man, he must be hung like a cyber-horse.

Things somehow got uglier from there, and now Amy/Laura has filed divorce papers, in the real world. There is good news though, both Amy/Laura and Barmy have hooked up with new partners:

Taylor has a new boyfriend whom she met through playing World of Warcraft. And by Friday afternoon, the Daily Mail in England had reported that Pollard is now engaged to Linda Brinkley, 55, the woman behind the Modesty McDonnell avatar.

What a sweet ending. The bad news is that both couples will for sure have cyber-babies and pro-create until the cows come home. The good news is that this is all in cyberland and not in the real world, where normal people live, unlike these two fucking morons who should slip and fall down a sewer grate and crack their idiot heads wide open.

What a Second Life

This entry was posted on Monday, November 17th, 2008 at 5:52 pm and is filed under absurd. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.