The interwebz can be a very strange place. Anyone who has read Keyser’s Lair in the past may recall that an idle comment of Keyser’s regarding MEGASTAR TONY ORLANDO’s supposed “megahit” “Tie a Yellow Ribbon” in which he called it “dopey” led to denunciations by Lunatic-in-Chief Denise Molianro (the Grand Cyclops or something of “Tony’s Storm Troopers,” a band of deranged middle-aged women with nothing better to do with themselves than defend to (somebody else’s) death the sacred name of TONY ORLANDO), who egged on various minions including the vile Lynette E. Grimm (what a name!), who had the temerity to suggest that Keyser should be strangled for daring to besmirch the reputation of the Hallowed Has-Been. Well, Keyser was reasonably tolerant of the whole thing until he got the death threat, and at that point told the Storm Troopers that if they don’t like the Lair, they should just exercise their constitutional right tostay the fuck away. The tempest then returned to its teapot.

Well, another idle posting by Keyser has led to a bit more craziness. (Long-time readers of the Lair will remember that the original subtitle of this blog was “…where madness lies.” Perhaps Keyser should have left that alone, but basically since Keyser thinks that he’s sane and the world’s crazy - and isn’t that what all crazy people think? - he decided to change the subtitle to the current, rather more enigmatic one.) Anyhoo, a few days ago Keyser happened to come across a blog entitled “Caruso and Me,” which is dedicated to saying uncomplimentary (though generally with good reason) things about David Caruso’s execrable style of “acting.” Keyser merely noted the existence of this blog and added a few YouTube videos that likewise make fun of DC’s ridiculous acting. Time to move on to another topic, right?

Well, no. Within a half hour of putting up the post, Keyser gets a comment that was removed by its author even before Keyser could read it, but one minute later there’s a reply to the “vanished” post from Vixen, the author of “Caruso and Me,” defending herself against whatever had been said before. Then a half hour after that, we get this comment from “dojo”:

I assume you know Vixen is the blogger to whom you refer. I assume you also are aware she’s a criminal fugitive hiding in Tijuana, wanted on 2 continents, with an outstanding international warrant. The charges vary from harassing/stalking David Caruso to sending death threats to skipping on 2 scheduled hearings. She’s also a classic troll/sockpuppet with half a dozen blogs and hundreds of aliases.

Well, dojo’s blogger profile isn’t publicly available, which makes Keyser a bit suspicious. And why would anyone assume that Keyser knew any of this stuff? Keyser was clearly blissfully unaware of anything about “Caruso and Me” until he found the site entirely by accident.

Well, Keyser conversed a little with Vixen, who seems pleasant enough. (Then again, Keyser’s got his own problems, so what does he know?) Then this morning, we get another comment on that post from yet another person (”Sara”) with a concealed profile. She informs us that

“Vixen” (which is one of hundreds of pseudonyms she uses)is none other than Heidemarie Schnitzer, the fugitve Austrian stalker wanted for stalking and threatening the lives of three people: David Caruso, his grown daughter Greta and Liza Marquez

But “Sara” does provide a link to her own website, “The Stalker Files,” which turns out to be a page devoted to - denouncing Vixen as a stalker! The top story on the site leads to the following story from the Associated Press (though the link is from the International Herald Tribune):

VIENNA, Austria: An Austrian woman accused of stalking “CSI: Miami” star David Caruso is being sought on an international arrest warrant, and officials said Tuesday she could be hiding in Mexico.

The woman allegedly sent more than 100 letters to the American actor, pursued him for an autograph and then sent death threats when he refused to give her one, according to prosecutors in the Austrian province of Tyrol.

The woman — identified only as being in her early 40s — was charged with stalking and threatening to kill Caruso, but failed to show for her trial in July 2007 and again in April, Innsbruck Provincial Court spokesman Thomas Lechner said.

Judge Guenther Boehler has issued an international warrant for her arrest, Lechner said.

The woman is believed to be abroad, possibly in Mexico, the spokesman said without elaborating.

Caruso plays Miami police Lt. Horatio Caine on the crime drama series on U.S. network CBS.

Austrian authorities said a 2007 letter allegedly written by the suspect and bearing a Miami postmark was discovered in Caruso’s fan mail. It read, in part: “I will locate you and your ugly Latina tramp and kill you.”

It is unclear if the Latina reference alluded to actress Alana De La Garza, who played Caruso’s wife on the TV show until her character was killed.

A court-appointed psychiatrist testified that the suspect has a “profound personality disorder.” If convicted, she faces up to three years in prison.

Well, well. If one goes to “Vixen”’s profile, one finds that she also runs the blog “David Caruso Revealed,” and a quick glance through both blogs reveals a fairly strong interest in DC’s love life. Keyser had no idea he was such a serial babe magnet (go figure). This meets with disapprobation from Vixen, who refers to DC’s latest females as “tarts” and “sperm receptacles,” which seems uncharitable to say the least.

Now, if Vixen actually is this woman from Austria, then all Keyser has to say is congratulations for developing such excellent skills in English. There’s the occasional glitch, but it seems to be the sort of blogging-generated lack of polish rather than any failings in idiomatic English. And the English is very colloquial. If Vixen really is an Austrian lunatic, she’s picked up flawless English from somewhere. (And as an aside, Keyser finds it cool that this Austrian stuff went on in Innsbruck. Right at the moment, Keyser is editing a series of documents involving witchcraft in fifteenth-century Inssbruck, so Keyser has had to familiarize himself with the local topography.) And if one looks at Keyser’s little map widget showing where people come from, there is a recent visitor from Tijuana. Now what does that prove?

Want to know something else that struck Keyser? The Vixen blogs use a lot of coloring of the text for emphasis, which is not a common trait (at least not in the sorts of blogs that Keyser reads - maybe it is elsewhere). And guess who else posts like that. Why, it’s Vixen’s archenemy Sara. Stick that in your meerschaum pipe and see what smoke emerges!

Keyser doesn’t imagine that we’ve heard the end of this.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 30th, 2008 at 11:47 am and is filed under A Victims Perspective, Accidents. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.