Burgler Beats Broad Badly By Boner
This next story is what Australians like to refer to as a real lurk:
The court was told Burke wore a black leather mask and was armed with a large rubber dildo wrapped in duct tape, which he used to assault the 49-year-old female occupant of the house.
Burke then allegedly assaulted the woman about the face and head with the dildo leaving her with bruising and small bumps to the face.
The mother, together with her 19-year-old son, who witnessed the event, then escaped the home.
Burke and his female co-accused then allegedly took the family dog, a Lahsa Apso, to a nearby park where they taped the animal to a tree, causing it to choke to death.
Two of the charges carry a maximum penalty of life imprisonment.
At least we know it wasn’t Todd that committed the crimes, reports say his dildo is purple.
In Canada, if you get convicted of murder, you’ll get a maximum of 20 years in prison, which means you will be out in seven for good behaviour. In Australia, you can life in prison for beating someone up with a rubber dildo. Think about it.
I’m not sure what kind of street cred one gets in prison by beating the hell out of a person with a rubber dildo, but I have a feeling that when the other prisoners find out, they’re going to cook his shrimp on a barbie.
**Just to let any new bloggers know, if you are posting anything about Australia, if you end the post with the words “cook his shrimp on a barbie”, you can’t lose. You may want to write that down, I’m throwing you pearls here.
January 15th, 2009 at 11:11 pm
You do realise that nobody in Oz has ever or will ever chuck a shrimp on a Barbie. And no my dildo is not Purple. I am both offended and disgusted by your implication. I demand retribution and a full apology and compensation and, and, and …. I’ll get back to you after discussions with my Barister. No, MINE is camo green with a purple tip. Not Purple! Only absolute weirdos have purple dildo’s!!
January 16th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
Yeah, I’m not Australian, but was always suspicious of that “shrimp on a barbie” thing, didn’t sound manly and Australian at all,really.
More “French”, if you know what I mean, though they’d probably throw the shrimp into a fondue pot.
They have huge cattle ranches in OZ, so why in hell wouldn’t you Aussies barbecue a F’in STEAK!
“took the family dog, a Lahsa Apso, to a nearby park where they taped the animal to a tree, causing it to choke to death.”
THIS is really odd behaviour, even for Australians! Canadians will, on occasion, shoot a bothersome dog, but tape it to a tree!