Elbert Duffy was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest December 31 last year, after  he “continually taunted” the public and police officers “in an attempt to instigate a physical reaction” and continued to do so after being instructed by police to stop.

That’s not the story The Mayor is interested in though. There’s a nugget of information in the article that I see as being the most important part of the story, although completely unrelated to his arrest:

A month after he was thrown out of the city’s homeless shelter for having “sexual relations with a Raggedy Ann doll,” police say Elbert Duffy “taunted members of the public and police” at his new residence, the Brewster Street Rooming House.

While police attempted to locate him, he was described as wearing a flag on his head attached by a seat belt.

Let he who has never thought of having sex with a plastic or fabric covered doll cast the first stone.

Who among us hasn’t thought about throwing a solid one into a Cabbage Patch doll at least twice in our lives? Who can honestly say that they have never had dirty thoughts about plugging Barbie in the back of her light pink Corvette? Let the man stand up who can honestly admit that he doesn’t want to make sweet love to any and all of those Strawberry Shortcake bitches. If I asked every Mitchievillian woman whether or not they have ever had fantasies about being ravished by GI Joe and Aquaman at the same time, GI Joe taking them from behind while Aquaman gets underneath and roots around like he’s lost a handful of change, and then they change positions and GI Joe takes the bottom position and instead of having regular doggie style sex, Aquaman instead shoves a few fingers up their ass and makes them cum by rubbing their clit until they scream, all the while their legs shake like they have epilepsy–there wouldn’t be a woman who would deny such a claim.

So do not judge this man, he is one of us. Well, actually he’s one of you, because I have never had a pathetic fantasy about fucking plastic dolls like your sorry ass has. You make me sick, pervert.

Are you on the Raggedy, Ann?

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 24th, 2009 at 8:21 am and is filed under bizarre. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.