Archive for the ‘10 Most Revolting Women’ Category

The Woof Of Wall Street

Thursday, February 18th, 2016

Many people are asking themselves today why Hilary Clinton got onstage in front of tens of tens of supporters and started barking like a dog? Was she retelling a story from the past that involved a dog? No. Was she telling a joke that involved a dog and needed to bark to drive home the punchline? No. Was she trying to garner support from the SPCA? No.

Then why on earth would someone running for president of the USA decide it was a good idea to bark like a dog? Simple. That’s what Goldman Sachs demands of Clinton before they write her a $360,000 cheque for a 20 minute speaking engagement.

And for $500,000? She would eat kibble out of Gary Cohn’s ass.

The Top 10 Most Revolting Women On The Planet–#6 Margaret Cho

Tuesday, September 11th, 2012

A while back I started a list called, “The 10 Most Revolting Women in the World”. I said that over the course of 10 days I was going to reveal my revolting list. That was January 11. It is more than 10 days. I’m sorry.

I’m also sorry to say that I fully intend on finishing the list, it may take me longer than expected, but as God is my witness, the list will be completed.

Without further ado, we have Margaret Cho coming in at #6. If you’re familiar with Margaret Cho, you will agree with me when I say that this pig has zero likeable qualities. She’s not funny, she’s not cute and I’m pretty sure her parents hate her.

I once had a girlfriend who called me into the living room one time to tell me that Margaret Cho was on, and she was soooooo funny. Later that night I burned down my girlfriends house and crippled her cat.

Margaret Cho got famous for squishing up her face and putting on a silly Korean accent and making retarded jokes. For some reason that only Satan is familiar with, some women thought Cho was some sort of laugh riot. In reality, the women who thought Cho was funny were equally as unappealing, unattractive, idiotic and unfuckable.

Margaret Cho is a self-declared bi-sexual, meaning, now there are two sexes that don’t want to touch her with a 10 foot pole. Margaret Cho is dirty and most likely smelly.

This tub of shit really should be #1 as far as the most revolting piggy in the world, hell, she could be all of the top 10. But she’s not, she’s #6.

The 10 Most Revolting Women on the Planet–#7 Paris Hilton

Friday, September 7th, 2012

I was working at The Shoe Horn, I was the Assistant to the Assistant Manager, when in walked Paris Hilton. I knew it was Paris Hilton from the look of her droopy eye and the smell of slut that permeated the air. She came up to me and asked what I thought would look good on her. I told her a German shepherd. I said to her, what do you want? She said, “I’ll tell you what I want”, and then became silent. I asked her again, “tell me what you want, what you really really want”. She replied, “I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want”, and became silent once again. I could see this was getting me nowhere fast.

I decided to keep trying, I was, after all, on a pretty sweet 3% commission rate. “So tell me what you want, what you really really want”

“I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna”

“For God’s sake, you little herpe machine, spit it out”

“I really really wanna zigazig ha”

What? What in the hell do you mean by that? It’s not bad enough that you’re an STD rollercoaster, a worthless hump pinata who has seen more wang than a Chinese phone book, but you have to come in here and waste my precious time? You’re going on my list. Oh ya, you are truly revolting.

Let’s itemize, shall we? Paris Hilton–Worthless? Check. Sewage slop? Check. Riddled with disease? Check. Crap human being? Check. #7 on the list? Check.

The 10 Most Revolting Women on the Planet–#9 Lindsay Lohan

Wednesday, September 5th, 2012

Many of you might be wondering how in God’s green earth Lindsay Lohan managed to take the #9 position for the most revolting woman on the planet while Barbra Streisand only managed #10. Many of you might be curious as to how a woman with a pretty acceptable body like Lindsay could have a crappier position than that of a woman that has the body of a beat up pickup truck. Many of you might be asking yourself why you have a large greasy bump on the inside of your bumhole.

I’ll answer those questions thusly: Lohan is #9 and Streisand is #10 for the simple fact that Lohan is a filthy whore while Streisand is just a dirty bitch. Filthy tops whore and whore tops bitch.

The reason you have a large greasy bump on the inside of your bumhole is because you don’t wipe well enough. It’s God’s wake-up call to you. He’s saying, “Hey, dirty pig, you need to clean better down there or I’ll plague you with disgusting bumps”. God is just.

I really wanted to give Lohan the benefit of the doubt, I really didn’t want to put her on my list, but she made me. Lohan has proven quite useless throughout 2006, being sloth-like and lazy, pigdogish and generally dysfunctional. She’s unproductive and pointless, feckless and meaningless, she’s a garbagy, no good, valueless trash deposit. And that’s on her good days.

Lohan deserves to be on my list, she’s a real dirty girl. Lohan has had more balls bounce off her chin than a retarded child playing dodgeball. That was a terrible line, I should be ashamed of myself. And I am, and Lohan should be ashamed of herself, but she’s not, easy broads never are.

Have a look at #10!

The 10 Most Revolting Women on the Planet–#8 Madonna

Tuesday, September 4th, 2012

Madonna is another creature that could have easily been the first choice for the most revolting woman on the planet. Hell, she could have captured the top three spots all by herself. She has managed to offend pretty much everybody in her lifetime, and she makes no qualms about it, she just goes on with her demented life, talking in a fake British accent, adopting children and harvesting them for spare parts, trying to convince people that the freak-show cult she belongs to is nothing short of normal, and of course, preaching love and tolerance by offending Christians and their beliefs.

Madonna is a real work of art. Having said that, art is subjective, and that nearly always means that art is shit. So, what that really means is that Madonna is shit. Following those lines, Madonna is true art in its purest form. Perhaps the artsiest woman I have ever seen. She has art oozing from her every pore. Yup, she’s an arthead.

From the look of that picture, you could drive a truck through the space of her teeth. Although most of us would rather drive a railroad spike through her forehead. Her vagina? Same thing, you could drive a truck or a railroad spike through it. She wouldn’t notice, she’s just go about eating her salami sandwich and listening to her IPod.

I have never found Madonna attractive, I’m not sure that I have ever met anyone that has found Madonna attractive. Even if she did have a hint of attractiveness, it is instantly wiped out by her pomposity and pretentiousness. When all is said and done, she’s just a worn out clown who made her millions by dancing like a whore and singing disgusting lyrics. So what, I can take a shit and read the newspaper at the same time, send Fenris money.

Madonna comes in #8, I wish it could be higher but we have an extremely shitty crop of losers this year, so she’ll have to take #8. There’s always next year, and hell knows, Madonna isn’t getting any better.

The Ministry of Strength and Justice

Sunday, January 2nd, 2011

Of course, we talked about my Mother at the Badwulf family reunion. She has been gone for a decade now, but her influence is still writ large on those she touched. Tears are welling up in my eyes, and splashing on the key board as I write this. Yes, it has been over ten years now that my dear mother has been gone. She was a powerful influence for good on so many people, particularly, the extended family in which I grew up in scenic and tranquil Erin Township, Ontario.


Revolting Women

Tuesday, December 7th, 2010

The Mayor and Fenris have various posts dealing with revolting women. This one is from October 15, 2010 * . Margaret Atwood here feels the lash.

I have not met anyone who had any book by Margaret Atwood that was not purchased, obtained, required but for some sort of school course. I have attended a lifetime of house parties, stood in front rooms, and admired the collection of school texts that all post Trudeau Canadians have. Every man jack and dolly has one, two, or ten of the works of the Canadian Left’s favorite non-transgendered person whose vision exactly matches their own in the way that Easter Islanders always seemed to carve the same face to celebrate their dysfunctional culture.


Mad Mike’s Book Store

Saturday, October 23rd, 2010

My buddy Mad Mike * has a book store. Everyone who knows him, which is quite a few, call this place Mad Mikes Book Store. Mad Mike is a pretty mellow guy; he is not filled with rage, as so many mercenaries are. He likes a big dinner, beer, and women in latex catsuits. But then I mentioned Margaret Atwood *, and his face contorted in rage, like a free born British yeoman being told about Ship Money *.


Burning Margaret Atwood

Friday, October 15th, 2010

I have not met anyone who had any book by Margaret Atwood that was not purchased, obtained, required but for some sort of school course. I have attended a lifetime of house parties, stood in front rooms, and admired the collection of school texts that all post Trudeau Canadians have. Every man jack and dolly has one, two, or ten of the works of the Canadian Left’s favorite non-transgendered person whose vision exactly matches their own in the way that Easter Islanders always seemed to carve the same face to celebrate their dysfunctional culture.


Currency Week

Thursday, July 29th, 2010

During bad economic times (a depression comes to mind), it’s not uncommon for municipalities to offer their own script - local currency or certificates to that is used just like fiat money. When hyper inflation takes over (we still have about 2 years to go before we see that) and prices go through the roof and regular ole fiat money is worthless, THEN local municipalities roll out the certificates like the one you see above.

This happened in Alberta in 1936. The Social Credit Party began to issue local certificates called Prosperity Certificates. They were issued in $1 notes and were designed to pay relief workers, gov’t officials and such. The idea behind the certificates was to discourage hoarding. Here’s how it worked:

A holder had to affix to the back of a certificate a 1-cent stamp before the end of every week, for the certificate to maintain its validity. But the hassle and expense of the stamps made the certificates unpopular with the public. To make matters worse, the tiny stamps (smaller than 1 cm²) kept falling off. To avoid having to purchase and affix the stamps, holders would try to spend the certificates just before the week’s validity expired. That left them in the hands of merchants, who would have to purchase and affix the stamps themselves to maintain the notes’ validity.

The notes were intended to be redeemed after two years of issue, by when 104 stamps would have been affixed. But the program was cancelled after only about one year.

Oh, are we done? Is the post over already? Man, that was pretty quick, I thought there would be more of a story than that.

Tune back in tomorrow and I’ll tell you the story about the time Marc from Calgary and The Mayor went to DMorris’ stag. What a keraaaaazy night!!

Oh Kadeisha!

Wednesday, June 16th, 2010

I’m not sure if Kadeisha was giving or receiving the hair weave, although I’m also not entirely sure that’s the main point The Mayor should be making in this post.

I will say though that I’m a little less confident in our future than I was 10 minutes ago.

Keyser Threatened With Death

Friday, October 24th, 2008

As Keyser’s loyal readers are no doubt already aware, Keyser made a passing comment about the dopey song “Tie a Yellow Ribbon” that riled someone belonging to an organization that had heretofore escaped Keyser’s attention, namely Tony’s Storm Troopers. Keyser made a somewhat derisive post about this, but being a man of peace (runner up for the 1993 Nobel Peace Prize, but as a humble man Keyser doesn’t make too much of this) Keyser decided to try to make nice to the Yellow Shirts by stating:

So, to all you Tony Troopers who have wandered over to the Lair, welcome! TONY ORLANDO is undoubtedly a fine human being, even if Keyser does adhere to the characterization of his Megahit “Tie a Yellow Ribbon” as dopey. It is a sign of international tolerance and liberty that we can disagree about fundamental issues like this and still remain friends.

Keyser made an idle joke about feeling threatened by Ms. Molinaro’s fatwa, but it turns out this was no joke. One of TONY ORLANDO’s Troopers has threatened Keyser with death: (more…)