Archive for the ‘absurd’ Category

That’s A Little Disappointing

Tuesday, June 14th, 2011

Honestly, The Mayor thought she’d be a girl that shaved.

Fear Not

Thursday, May 12th, 2011

There’s more of a chance that a Soviet satellite will fall into her tea cup while she sips English Breakfast with the Queen of England, than there is of her being anorexic. Unless someone changed the definition of anorexic to mean fat, or something. The only thing anorexic on that broad is her brain.

Words Clyde Millman Says

Tuesday, April 5th, 2011

As Al Bundy once said, “Women, can’t live with ‘em, pass me the pretzels.”

Anyone For a Game?

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2011

The Green Urban Green Trader

Monday, March 21st, 2011

A good Dog pelt can fetch you $35 if you know where to take them; that is, the Black Market. Maybe it is time you cashed in on diversity and made some cash in these tough times by being multi-cultural. The whole story of Canada’s underground economy in furs starts with squirrels and road kill. Some of our village peoples celebrate a diversity of attitudes towards road kill; infact, they eat road kill; and to get to the eating, there has to be a gathering, surely as spending follows taxes. Then came the merchants of faux; and the first faux fur from the black market was squirrel, not polymer.

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Why Aren’t The Japanese Looting?

Tuesday, March 15th, 2011

Ed West, reporter for the Telegraph asks an interesting question – Why is there no looting in Japan?

West never really does come to a conclusion, but does point out that there was some looting in Britain in 2007 during the floods in the west country where some people stole….wait for it….water (egad), there was some looting in Chile after the earthquake last year; and after Katrina there was widespread looting. Viewed through that perspective, I suppose everyone BUT the Japanese loot. The Brits (white, I suppose) are looters, Chileans (Spanish-like) are looters, and the peoples from New Orleans (possibly black) are looters.

Looting is looting, I guess Ed is saying. The Brits stole water, the Chileans stole water and food, and the residents of New Orleans stole just the bare neccesities in order to stay alive. Although what was looted was different in one out of those three examples, I suppose Ed is looking for confirmation that it doesn’t matter what skin tone you have, EVERYONE is a looter after a disaster. Or something like that.

Except for the Japanese.

Mind you, I’m wondering how many people were raped and shot to death after the flooding in west country or the quake in Chile last year? Probably the same amount of people that were raped and shot to death in New Orleans after Katrina. After all, that type of behaviour has nothing to do with skin type. Just like looting.

I guess if we have to draw any conclusions from Ed’s inconclusive conclusions, it’s that whether you steal a bottle of water to stay alive or whether you steal a big screen tv then rape your neighbour, a looter is a looter and we are all the same regardless of skin colour.

Except for the Japanese.

Hmmmm…..

Gruesome Discovery Found In England

Tuesday, March 8th, 2011

Ol Remus had the following article described to him as “shocking.” The Mayor agrees:

A STARTLED man has told how he found a bullet lying in a York city-centre street.

Tim Stark said he was unloading items into the MOR Music store where he works in Fossgate yesterday morning when he spotted what he believed to be a live .22 bullet gleaming in a puddle.

He said he immediately called police, who came and took it away.

“I have no idea what it was doing there,” he said.

A North Yorkshire Police spokesman said the bullet had been put into safe storage, and CID had confirmed it was not thought to be connected with any incident currently under investigation.

He asked anyone with any information about the bullet and how it came to be in Fossgate to phone the force on 0845 60 60 47.

This story troubles The Mayor so much because it reminds him of another shocking story that took place not long ago in SE Mitchieville. TLDG and The Mayor were in the Yarn Barn looking for fabric to cover our sofa pillows, when The Mayor looked at the floor and spotted a sewing needle. Not unlike Tim Stark of the above article, The Mayor was startled. He started trembling, he shook more than a fat broad running for the last cheese doodle at an all-you-can-eat restaurant.

The Mayor wasn’t sure what to do, so he took a deep breath, said a quick prayer, and found some composure. I asked the assistant to the assistant manager to procure some bright yellow tape. Since there was no yellow tape around, she ripped up 20 feet of a lovely canary poly-cotton blend ($1.99 a ft all this week!). I secured the area, called 911 and closed the yarn barn – letting no one in and no one out.

CSI arrived within minutes and initiated a full crime scene. There were literally hundreds of detectives there – searching, investigating, taking names and numbers, taking prints and DNA samples, checking security cameras, and looking at all the fantastic Yarn Barn deals (now open ’till 9pm on Saturdays).

When all was said and done, after the seventeen weeks of detective work finished, the police concluded that someone who was in the Yard Barn that day dropped that sewing needle.

Can you imagine? They DROPPED it!

The horrors!

I guess you could say The Mayor is a hero. A crisis was adverted and The Mayor was the reason for it.

Mitchieville is a better place now, even though the mystery of the dropped sewing needle was never solved.

Chimney Watch 2010

Wednesday, February 16th, 2011

The ground is firmly frozen around Mitchieville. All those open acres of farm land, interspersed with trees and lone houses, a few barns. The ground is good footing for heavy vehicles; and nowadays, there is the snow mobile. Back in the days of heavy vehicles, they did not have snow mobiles. Now, we do. Life is better. Life will be better.

I can live with gun control.
I have made sacrifices. For recreational weapons, I will not use a gun. And, I will be making more sacrifices. I have a list. You should have a list, too. Always make a list. That is good advice.

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Welcome To My Nightmare, Kermit

Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011

It’s hard to believe that the song I’m Eighteen came out 40 years ago. School’s Out will be 40 next year. Ya man, that makes you OLD OLD.

Did you know that Alice Cooper’s (his given name was Vincent, I’m not sure what his last name was) father was a preacher in the Latter Day Saints? Boy, did that apple ever fall FAAAAAR away from the tree.

Anyway, I really like this picture, it gave me a good laugh. I’m not sure who the kid is beside Cooper, but he has terrible skin.

Employment Equity and Ethnic Cleansing

Tuesday, December 14th, 2010

I ran into another person who thinks that a serious number of these so-called ‘terrorist’ attacks are really just agent provacateurs for some unknown conspiracy. They are such a bunch of bunglers. Too many failures, too often. Someone is putting salt peter in their food, so too speak. Really, after the shoes don’t blow up, the underwear doesn’t blow up, and now the Swedish self-detonator, like, would not someone at Evil Headquarters notice?

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Right White Wing Weekend Wrap-up

Sunday, December 12th, 2010

Boy, I sure do eat well when I have a weekend retreat at some Survivalists compound, only short drive from Toronto, in Wellington County * , Ontario. I cannot really say where; I cannot really tell names, or mention the vast magazines of weapons, collections of munitions, and underground mazes connecting garage to strong point to barracks to palatial residence (if underground, and ringed by dry wall, lead, concrete, steel, and fine Ontario aggregate) to underground swimming pool. If you like meat done the right way: roasted slow in front of a hearth fire in a Viking hall decorated with impact weapons, then you know what I mean.

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1, 2, 3?

Sunday, November 21st, 2010

You would think that if two breasts are better than one breast, then three breasts would be better than two. But you would be wrong, there’s something very unequal, and gross, about the whole thing. Maybe if all three breasts were roughly the same shape and size, then The Mayor could jump on that bandwagon and ride it to victory, but the way things stand in this picture, The Mayor isn’t happy at all. He’s not happy at all!