Archive for the ‘Accidents’ Category

Diary of Irresponsible Government

Sunday, February 8th, 2015

The driving experience in Toronto is a snapshot into the inner state of the great progressive experiment that is being heaved onto our heads by our irresponsible leaders. My observations are personal anecdotes, and completely distant from the standards of journalism and Global Warming science.

Being crafty, I live only a twenty minute drive from my place of work. I never have to take the major highways (401, DVP, 427, …) on my morning commute to work, nor on my afternoon return home. Ha ha, I have it easy! Not so. Since starting this commute, some six months ago, I count the number of driving infractions I see.

In Toronto, it is rare for a driver to signal lane changes or turns. From experience I watch their wheels to second guess where the progressive driver wishes to go. Every day for the last six months I have counted at least one failure to signal. Big deal you say. Indeed. Just drive on the defensive.

At night, the number of my fellow drivers who drive without headlights, without running lights, runs to one every two to three days. On one special occasion, there were two head lightless drivers. Big deal you say. Toronto is filled with street lights. Who needs head lights? For that matter, drivers in the progressive urban setting like to drive with their high beams on. This happens, oh, at least twice a week. And every day there are those with a headlight, signal, or tail light just not working.

In the early morning, before sunrise, the streets of Toronto have their share of joggers and cyclists. Even in winter. Joggers like to run on the road, with their backs to traffic, and wearing trendy black sports gear. This is the standard, not the exception. People walking dogs, though, they use the sidewalk. I have yet to see a cyclist who uses hand signals to indicate turns. The majority of cyclists will run stop signs and red traffic lights. They do not even slow down to give the illusion that they are aware of the peril they place themselves and others in. When the sun rises, the jogger and cyclist behavior is the same.

The Danforth is notorious for drivers driving backwards down the street.

Let us park. Anywhere. One may complain about the choked streets, sluggish commutes, and inexplicable delays. The Toronto driver is a scofflaw who thinks nothing of standing, stopping, or parking in Do Not Park zones. Delivery trucks will stop to deliver in dedicated right turn lanes … just check out St.Clair West any old day. Toronto has no parking during rush hour zones. Usually filled with parked cars. You can count them. I do. At least one a day; the record is seven.

Who cares? I know I don’t. I assume my fellow Toronto drivers are scofflaws. I expect them to turn left on red lights, barrel through stop signs, and open their doors in traffic. Let the other drivers, cell phone distracted, to plow into them. Let Darwin do his job, I say. Let the night joggers in black get plowed under by some darkened car. Let the cyclists get crunched by a door, squished by a left signal, right turn combination driver, or just crushed by a cell phone chatterer. I drive with caution, I drive slow, and I drive undistracted. You do the same. But what of all that money, that confiscated income, taken by the state to provide services? Is there not a constabulary responsible for enforcing the Highway Traffic Act? Some sort of impediment to the left turn on red light tribe, a watch dog to deter distracted drivers, an enforcer of parking laws? In my youth, the dominant white male patriarchy frequently pulled over wayward white devils for missing signal lights, rolling stops, and mid intersection parking. Today, are they asleep? Or just too busy with diversity seminars, and too wise to mess with the victims of the legacy of racism for fear of facing some hissing, spitting progressive white guilt slurper?

These transgressions occur daily, frequently, and across a short time frame. Do the math. If this is only a one hour slice of a narrow reality, then what is going on in the greater Toronto? The Toronto driver is a scofflaw, the roads are a death trap for the unwary, and the constabulary are career wisely avoiding confrontation in preference for the warmer classroom of bullshit meetings. Of course, I could complain to The Authorities. Sure. I could collect license plate numbers, makes and models. Sure. That would work. Do you think it would work? Do you think it would work to modify human behavior, make the streets safer, and generally bring about the rainbow utopia where unicorns roam free. My money is on silence. I will drive slow and cautious. Let Darwin do his job. Darwin works, and he is free. Traveller, be warned.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.

Philippines Total Global Warming Disaster Watch

Tuesday, November 12th, 2013

My glass of scotch is shaking in my hands, I am so angry. My eyes are wet with tears. The mere thought that cash money sent to help the victims of the world’s worst ever environmental disaster is being diverted to anything but whatever makes me quake with rage. Ghack.

In short, be cautious about giving money to charity. The media is not showing looting, pillaging, or crime associated with this disaster. So, I guess it is not happening. Maybe there are not enough youth there to get uppity. Go figure. A better solution would be to send me your money.

Mitchieville gets results

Saturday, November 2nd, 2013

The terrible racist carnage that is the dooring of cyclists by white supremacist, carbon spewing car owner/drivers appears to be at an end. Just check out the website that tracks such incidents. Gosh. When I checked today the last incident was some twenty days ago! You do not have to be a statistician to observe a sudden and abrupt drop off in incidents. Let us not forget that the Vanguard Bolshevik media, namely the Red Star, horked up a promotional article touting the site. Surely, the poly gendered progressive majority have this site bookmarked and eagerly enter in the slightest incident of dooring. I can only speculate on the funding that came into the man purse of the progressive author of the site. Who cares about that? It is only other people’s money. For my part, I am content that Mitchieville climbed on the bandwagon * * .

Mitchieville gets results.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.

Fenris Badwulf caring person

Saturday, November 24th, 2012

I, Fenris Badwulf, am a caring person. Rare is the day that my keyboard is not soaked with tears, or the interview room in the Human Resources department not filled with shouts of anguish. People have remarked that the basement where the department is located has the ambiance of a torture chamber, what with all the shared suffering going on. Someone has to have stewardship over the resources that are human, and that someone is me. I care.
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Sodomy in the Morning

Sunday, May 20th, 2012

It was early in the morning, but a Saturday. I was outside preparing to head out on a road trip when my neighbor came outside to pitch trash into the recycling. I could hear his cry of rage: someone had tied a used condom to his automobile aerial. He became angry and uttered homophobic statements, slurring their morality, paternity, and general cleanliness. It was hate, hate in the sunny sunshine of a Toronto morning. How could this be? After billions, nay, xillions spent to raise awareness, why is tolerance not spread like peanut butter on the breakfast toast of our society? How could a shit dipped condom with a goopy wad of spooge, tied with a granny knot to a car antennae, inspire such hate? I was sad. I invited my neighbor over for coffee: perhaps some calm conversation would desensitize him to this issue.

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Buster Keaton – Badass

Tuesday, May 1st, 2012

 This famous stunt in the movie was actually built around what went wrong with the original stunt. Keaton intended to leap from one building onto the roof of another building, but he fell short, smashing into the brick wall and falling into a net off-screen. He was injured badly enough to be laid up for three days. But when he saw the film (his camera operators were instructed to always keep filming, no matter what happened), he not only kept the mishap, he built on it, adding the fall through three awnings, the loose downspout that propels him into the firehouse, and the slide down the fire pole. (The Three Ages - 1923)

From Mudwerks:

This famous stunt in the movie was actually built around what went wrong with the original stunt. Keaton intended to leap from one building onto the roof of another building, but he fell short, smashing into the brick wall and falling into a net off-screen. He was injured badly enough to be laid up for three days. But when he saw the film (his camera operators were instructed to always keep filming, no matter what happened), he not only kept the mishap, he built on it, adding the fall through three awnings, the loose downspout that propels him into the firehouse, and the slide down the fire pole. (The Three Ages – 1923)

Fenris Badwulf caring person

Saturday, March 3rd, 2012

Everyone should study the art of First Aid. Here at Mitchieville the state (in the three headed form of Federal, Provincial, and Federal-Provincial) prints up a diversity of checks to accompany the truckloads of brochures, pamphlets, work books, and power point presentations, and we would not be good stewards of spending other peoples money were we to be remiss in not riding the gravy train that is First Aid spending. I, Fenris Badwulf, I care.
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Chemical Drain Cleaner Blues

Monday, January 30th, 2012

Have you ever wondered about someone’s ability to plug the drainage system of a house of apartment? Everyone sheds hair, everyone pours bacon fat down the kitchen sink, but why do some people get all the clogs? These special people have the plumber on speed dial; they are knowledgeable about toilet snakes, are conversant with the dissolving speeds and ratios of caustic to fat, and they know which midnight gardening supply center has specials on Drain-o. You know someone like this, do you not? (more…)

Having A Great Time, Wish You Were Here

Friday, January 27th, 2012

“It’s a little cold today, but the sun is shining and it’s promising to be a spectacular day. David stayed on the ship, as he got kind of wasted last night at the bar and is feeling all topsy turvy this morning. Gotta go, the kids and I are taking a pilates course in about an hour on the main deck. Fun fun fun!”

She Should Have Listened

Tuesday, January 24th, 2012

Tragic, yes:

A Saudi woman who defied a driving ban in the kingdom was injured and her companion killed when their car overturned in the northern Hael province, a police spokesman said on Monday.

“One woman was immediately killed and her companion who was driving the car was hospitalised after she suffered several injuries” when their four-wheel-drive vehicle overturned late on Saturday, said police spokesman Abdulaziz al-Zunaidi.

Ultra-conservative Saudi Arabia is the only country in the world where women are not allowed to drive.

The Mayor isn’t saying he agrees with the Saudi driving ban, but maybe these laws were put in place for a reason.

Just shittin’ ya, Man, The Mayor can really be an insensitive boob sometimes.

Hahahaha, “boob”.

Having A Great Time, Wish You Were Here

Tuesday, January 24th, 2012

“It’s a little chilly, but it’s wonderful and sunny today. The buffet is just marvellous, and Greg won $40 at the roulette table last night. Gotta run, Greg and I are taking line dancing lessons in 15 minutes!”

Love,

Sheila & Greg

xoxo

Humanity

Thursday, August 11th, 2011

That is certainly a brave act on behalf of the 200 oldies. And after they clean the radiation, at least they will have an interesting story to tell – unlike the boring-ass stories they tell now that begin with “in nineteen dickety doo” and end with me throwing a series a lefts and rights into the gob of a boring cooter who wasted 10 minutes of my meaningful life. Sure, that sounds pretty rough, but if you don’t like it you can always move to Japan and clean radiation off of toilet seats that were used by Sumo wrestlers. Hater.