Archive for the ‘alchemy for investors’ Category

Horoscope for the week of April 3, 2011

Monday, April 4th, 2011

The Age changes tomorrow. Neptune transits into Pisces, which it rules. This is the final accounting for the passing Age of Pisces. This may be good, this may be bad. Do you have any bad actions on your conscious? Stuff you really never talk about, to anybody. The bad stuff.

I do not mean stuff like having sex with dead people, although that would apply. Actually, it is more like having sex with people you have brought back from the dead. This is the more spiritual side of Pisces, and that means the way that the sign of the fish in the ocean can expedite communication with the departed. Scientists can go off into the small room and debate how hard it is to get data about this. The afterlife is ruled by this sign, and it is the powers of the afterlife moving around, dressed as Pisces, that are moving around, shaking the earth, and rescuing stranded dogs. Appease Poseidon, Ulysses.


A moment of perfection

Friday, February 25th, 2011

I was visiting a friend the other day, and listening to her music. I smiled, ate her food (best on the planet, actually), drank her red wine, smoked her dope, and added powerful elements to her various black market enterprises. And throughout that entire afternoon, evening, and dark of night well past midnight, there was only one untruth that I kept hidden in my heart. Only one falsehood, one dagger, one claymore hidden behind the water cooler. Why am I burdened with a scowling conscience, where all else is like warm sunshine, a kitchen groaning with fresh baked bread, and kettle full of tea? It is not a great trouble, yet it is the olive pit in the pasta.


Astrology and your love life

Wednesday, February 9th, 2011

Looking for that ideal mate? Maybe just some tail, and not the whole hind quarter? Astrology can help you get the things you want in life. It is easy and fun to use astrology!

Background: The two planets most involved in human relationships are Mars and Venus. Everybody has them in their horoscope somewhere. So, take out your tarot deck, have your chart handy, and make the following pattern on the trestle board:

This is a four card pattern, with two rows of two.

The first row is: The Empress, and the trump that represents the sign that your natal Venus is resident in.

The second row is: The trump that represents the sign your natal Mars is in, and The Tower.

Reading across, you have your own chart. The subject here has Venus in Scorpio, and Mars in Capricorn.

Reading up and down, you have the subjects complement: his ideal mate, which would be someone with Mars in Scorpio, and Venus in Capricorn.

Quiet contemplation of this figure will plant suggestions in your subconscious and conjure up your mate. No other effort is required, although other rituals can expedite the process.

Complications: What if your natal Mars and Venus are in the same sign? Send me an e-mail, and I will explain.

Further questions: What happens if I apply this method to other planets in my chart, other pairs? What happens when I combine, say, Sun and Moon? Good question. Learn, Dare, e-mail me your observations.

The Horoscope of Fenris Badwulf

Wednesday, January 12th, 2011

What better way to prove the accuracy of Astrology than to use the example of the birthday boy, Fenris Badwulf? His late mother would be proud of him; and his late father filled with happiness. His horoscope is filled with good news for the Republic, and for your estate. You can click to enlarge if you are not just cruising for one of the Mayor’s sex posts.


Lindsay Lohan – Old Before Her Time

Saturday, October 24th, 2009


There must be more to it than that. I’m not disputing that drugs will age you before your time, but what I’m saying is that drugs must have been used in combination with something else in order to turn a beautiful young lady into something that screams at pigeons in parks in a matter of only a few years. I’m thinking it was drugs + booze + licking busted rods of radioactive isotopes. It’s all a theory, but I’m sure one day when the truth comes out about Lindsay Lohan’s aging, you will think back to this exact moment – the moment you read this post on a cool Saturday in October, dressed only in your underwear and a wool cap – and you will say, “The Mayor was right yet again, he sure did have a canny instinct.”

And you will be exactly right – I do in fact have a canny instinct.

Mood Killer: Moody’s Edition

Friday, February 27th, 2009

Well, readers. There have been a lot of goofy posts over at Keyser’s Lair recently, with Keyser laughing in horror as the politicians in Washington seem set to take a bad situation and to do their damnedest to make it worse to the greatest extent that they can. So, just to bring us back to the astonishing reality of how bad things may get, Keyser presents this little piece of prophecy:

In what will be seen by many as die-cast confirmation that the world economy is plummeting towards an economic and corporate implosion of unprecedented proportions, Moody’s said it anticipated a tidal wave of defaults was approaching.

Uh Oh: Christmas Edition

Monday, December 29th, 2008

What with the Christmas season and all, recently there hasn’t been much in the way of economic news. Seemingly, no news was bad news: (more…)

The Fate of the Dollar

Monday, November 24th, 2008

So, Keyser was just posting yet again about the impedning devaluation of the dollar as the result of the refusal of anyone in the US to face the reality that you can’t go on buy shit on credit forever, and now the Fed is intentionally going to “flood” the world with dollars. Well, unless they’re planning on getting the whole planet to adopt the US dollar as their sole currency, this sort of thing has go to come to a bad end.

Well, when Keyser was strolling around the Intrawebz on the hunt for quality material for you, Keyser’s esteemed viewers (because, as we all know by now, customer satisfaction is Quantifiable Indicator of Output Quality Number One for Keyser Söze, just as it is at the Treasury Dept.), Keyser found this image, which seems to encapsulate the foreseeable result of borrowing untold trillions of dollars: (more…)

Decline of Western Civ.: Porker Edition

Thursday, November 20th, 2008

So, yesterday we were pondering the implications of designer vaginas. A bit weird maybe, but one can at least wrap one’s mind around the idea (so to speak). But now we have some huge guy wallowing in his sexy so much that he wants to have people buy calendars of his girth to admire it in erotic awe: (more…)

“A Slump Deeper than the Great Depression”

Wednesday, November 19th, 2008

Holy bummer, Batman! This is from a week ago, but it’s not like the prediction is now out of date (particularly with the DJIA losing nearly 500 pts. today and finishing below 8000 for the first time in five years):

The economy faces a slump deeper than the Great Depression and a growing deficit threatens the credit of the United States itself, former Goldman Sachs chairman John Whitehead, said at the Reuters Global Finance Summit on Wednesday.

Paul Krugman: Fucking Idiot

Tuesday, November 18th, 2008

In an earlier post over at the Lair, Keyser ruminated on the question of whether the financiers who got us into this financial mess and now want the government not only to bail them out but to keep paying them huge bonuses for the privileging of having them continue to mismanage those corporations are liars or imbeciles. Well, now it would seem that the question arises as to whether professional economists are certifiable idiots. And sadly the answer seems to be yes if Paul Krugman is anything to go by.

The Horror of It All

Thursday, November 13th, 2008

Keyser just read a piece about the origins of the disaster on Wall Street that’s enough to freeze the blood of even the most sanguine Hungarian. The piece is written by a guy who apparently wrote an exposé book about his experiences on the Street in the ’80s. Here’s how he describes his background:

To this day, the willingness of a Wall Street investment bank to pay me hundreds of thousands of dollars to dispense investment advice to grownups remains a mystery to me. I was 24 years old, with no experience of, or particular interest in, guessing which stocks and bonds would rise and which would fall. The essential function of Wall Street is to allocate capital—to decide who should get it and who should not. Believe me when I tell you that I hadn’t the first clue.