This is the new Mercedes Benz SCL600. A beautiful car, but what differentiates it from the other Mercedes class, or for that matter, any other car on the road?

Well, it doesn’t have a steering wheel. Or pedals. It has a joystick.

Yet I don’t see a “Shoot” button on the joystick. Good luck if you’re battling some sort of space alien.

I suppose this is the wave of the future. I also suppose that from now on, if you want to buy a Mercedes, you’re going to have to get your four year old to show you how to drive. If you’re lucky, maybe Timmy will take you out to the parking lot at the No Frills grocery store and take you for a spin.

According to that most venerated of scientific magazines, the Daily Mail, science has again come to the rescue to answer one of life’s most longing questions: how much skin should a woman bare in order to attract a man without being asked the question “how much”?

British scientists believe the answer is an outfit that reveals 40% of a woman’s skin, which provides “just the right” amount of attention. While 40% may be a strange number to quantify in clothing, think coverage. Legs and arms can really soak up most of that number, while a plunging neckline can probably finish the job. But attention must be paid to where that 40% is provided. Obviously devoting 40% all in one place can easily have negative repercussions as well.

To hit the right figure, Leeds University psychologist Colin Hendrie sent four female researchers to one of the city’s biggest nightclubs to experiment in what level of skank would be most appropriate:

There, they stood on a balcony overlooking the dancefloor, and noted what the female clubbers were wearing and how many times they were approached by men.

All their observations were taped on dictaphones hidden in handbags.

[...]

And clothing – or lack of it – was one of the factors that helped them stand out.

Specifically, women who showed off around 40 per cent of their skin were approached by twice as many men as those who were more covered up.

Of course some people use visual aids a little better than just trying to conceptualize some number. So here’s some help.

Too much skin:

Not enough skin:

Just right:

What’s that? No, actually, Ms.Biel is wearing a 60/40 clothing-skin ratio in the above shot. You’re letting your imagination run away with you.

Put that damned bottle of GHB down. They’ve invented a “female Viagara”, dubbed flibanserin, which helps boost the female libido. Or in less PC terms, it gets women horny, which is bound to make men horny. No, not thorny, horny.

The drug flibanserin appears to increase sexual desire in women suffering from low sexual desire, according to the drug’s German maker, Boehringer Ingelheim, which funded three clinical trials. The results were presented this week at the Congress of the European Society for Sexual Medicine in Lyon, France.

“Flibanserin was a poor antidepressant,” lead researcher John Thorp, of the University of North Carolina, told the meeting. “However, astute observers noted that it increased libido in laboratory animals and human subjects… So, we conducted multiple clinical trials.”

Interestingly, the drug is being dubbed “Viagra for women” after the little blue pill that treats male erectile difficulties and that was also discovered by accident. Viagra was developed as a heart medication but while it failed poorly in testing, researchers noticed it helped increase blood flow in the penis. The rest is pharmaceutical history.

History indeed. One can readily imagine the initial human testing results:

Doctor: “Do you feel less depressed?”
Patient: “I want you inside me.”

For the studies, more than 2,000 women in the U.S., Canada and Europe took doses of the drug, and the women reported significant improvements in sexual desire, upping the average number of times the women put out from 3.7, to 4.5. Makers of the drug report a short-term side effect of drowsiness, dizziness, and dry mouth. I don’t know about you, but I can think of how to cure the last problem.

A tall glass of lemonade. What did you think I was going to say?

The Mayor gets a nasty feeling that if you decide to take on this mission, you might not be coming back. On the bright side, if my instincts are correct, at least your corpse will go to the greater good by feeding buddys family for a week.

As someone who helps warp the minds of today’s youth with the rubbish of yesterday to make them the leaders of tomorrow, Keyser has long noted that they seem to be out of touch with the classic movies of the past that Keyser would frequently watch on television in his own youth. Make a reference to a “famous” phrase like “Mother of mercy, can this be the end of Rico?” and they’ll look at you like you’re speaking in Georgian. Well, either folks today have never seen a science fiction movie, or they paid no attention:

At a loss for things to do this woozy post-Christmas weekend? Well, if you have access to a garage or basement — or even just some extra room on your dining table — you could always take up a hobby that is exploding in popularity across the Atlantic: genetic engineering. Or, to use the more fashionable term, “biohacking”.
(more…)

So, here’s a gem from an interview with Edward O. Wilson, the father of “sociobiology” (the idea that behavior is a genetically acquired trait that is engendered in people through natural selection):

Are ants better at anything than humans?
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According to Italian Finance Minister, Giulio Tremonti, Pope Benedict, (who works part time as a mall Santa) actually prophecized the current financial global meltdown in a paper he wrote nearly 25 years ago:

“The prediction that an undisciplined economy would collapse by its own rules can be found” in an article written by Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, who became pope in April 2005, Tremonti said yesterday at Milan’s Cattolica University.

That’s not exactly Kreskinesque now, is it? I’m not even sure he predicted anything. From what I gather, he said an undisciplined economy can collapse by its own rules. It’s a bit of a stretch to extrapolate that Pope Rat actually predicted the current global recession from those words he wrote 25 years ago. If that’s what predictions have down to, then I’m Sargon the Magnificent. Hey, here’s a prediction, I’m going to go upstairs in about 6 minutes and pour myself another rye and ginger. My God, you should really burn me at the stake, I’m a freakin’ witch! Here’s another prediction, in 25 seconds I’m going to go pee. “Stop it Mayor, you’re freaking’ us out!!!”

I predict the article will be here…voila!

Keyser was under the impress that a ganesh was one of those Jewish food things you buy in Brooklyn. But no. It turns out that it’s a sort of Hindu god that might choose to manifest himself in your plants. (more…)

It is time to think about upgrading your brain.

As you know, the brain really is three brains: two primate brains: righty and lefty; and the amphibian complex or brain stem.

Lets talk about upgrading your amphibian complex. I can teach you how to use meditation, rituals, and amulets to change your amphibian brain into that of the far more advanced snake. Yes, you can now develop your own snake complex. This is good news.

Lets go!

A study released last week and reported in the never wrong Globe and Mail stated that Antarctica is melting at an alarming rate and may cause global water levels to rise by 60 meters (180 feet):

One of the biggest worries about global warming has been its potential to affect the stability of the Antarctic ice sheet, a vast storehouse of frozen water that would inundate the world’s coastal regions if it were to melt because of a warming climate.

The huge implications posed by the health of the ice sheet have prompted major scientific interest into whether it is growing, shrinking, or stable, with no clear consensus among researchers about its overall trend. But a new study released yesterday, based on some of the most extensive measurements to date of the continent’s ice mass, presents a worrisome development: Antarctica’s ice sheet is shrinking, at a rate that increased dramatically from 1996 to 2006.

Never known to worry about political correctness, or current global trends, our colonial thief-cousins from downunder have decided to flood the earth and doom humanity by starting daily airline flights to Antarctica.

The statist Australian Civilian Aviation Safety Authority approved the daily Airbus 319 flights, flights that will land on a newly built Firefox style 4 mile long ice runway (video can be seen here), after considering many pertinent safety facts such as fuel requirements and emergency landing sites. It appears though the horrific eco effect of the 8 hour return flights to earths most fragile continent wasn’t one of them. Where is the talk of the environment? Where are our Carbon Credits? Where is Algore when you need him? The world demands answers!

How can we blog knowing that our fate has been sealed by a bunch of beer swilling hooligans from Convict Isle? Instead of blogging now Fenris worries about the fate of Marginalized Action Dinosaur as Lake Winnipeg boils over. The Mayor, a blogging giant amoung men, frets over the fate of his waterfront properties in Belize, Jamaica, Hawaii, Madagascar, Texas, Italy and Sarnia instead of writing posts. Australia must be stopped before it is too late. You as a citizen blog reading activist can stop the horror downunder: send Fenris your money – send all of it (PayPal, Visa, Canadian Tyre cash and Carbon Credits accepted).

Vote for Mitchieville – Canada’s Best Humour Blog

Last night, I had the opportunity to talk to Doctor Ernst Winkelschlieffer, noted civil engineer, famous for his redesign of the semi-portable concrete traffic barrier tetrahdra …

Doctor Ernst believes that our Canadian Armed Forces emits too much greenhouse gas, and suggests that a few simple solutions to the complex problem of Global Warming.

The Assault Sled is a concrete tub (boasting both an open top to allow fresh air and sunlight access to passengers, and an open back for easy entry and exit) which is dragged behind any armored fighting vehicle. Simple and easy to construct from concrete and sheet metal, the Assault Sled does not have a carbon dioxide spewing engine. It can transport up to five soldiers (seated) or three (laying down) into most hostile environments. The device replaces conventional motorized transport and emits no carbon dioxide.

Using sophisticated computer modeling methods (in this case, the board game Panzerblitz * , dice, and a calculator), Doctor Ernst is confident that a military equipped with assault sleds would be invincible. Global Warming science shows that if four or eight infantry platoons are allowed to Panzerblitz assault instead of one, then pretty well any tracked vehicle is capable of defeating any opponent.

Like most modern designs, the Assault Sled is capable of multi-tasking. When turned upside down, it provides protection from rain. Its thick sides are capable of stopping all projectiles from arbalest * and petard * type weapons systems, something sadly lacking in our mismanaged Canadian Armed Forces, suffering under the brutal heteronormative rule of the Harperites.

We can only hope that the government spends some research money to show the feasibility of initiating a study to examine the effectiveness of this Earth-friendly technology.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this