The interwebs always amazes The Mayor. Winehouse’ss’sss’s body is just starting to get cold, yet editors all around the world are furiously trying to mash together the most obnoxious thing they can dig up about her in order to offend and repel us. This graphic isn’t a good example, as it really doesn’t make a whole hell of a lot of sense (and yes, The Mayor knows what buddy was driving at, he just had poor execution and zero knowledge about how humour works and is constructed), yet….yet nothing. Really, that’s the end of this post. You got my point, let’s not beat a dead cat any more than we have to.
Archive for the ‘Amy Winehouse’ Category
Singer Amy Winehouse was found dead today of a suspected drug overdose:
The 27-year-old star, who had fought a long and well-publicised battle with drink and drug addiction, was pronounced dead after police were called to her £2.5 million three-storey home in North London.
Amy was said to be devastated and ‘inconsolable’ after being dumped by her on-off boyfriend Reg Traviss, 34, just before she checked herself into The Priory rehabilitation clinic last month.
Friends of Amy are devastated, as seen in the picture below of the young gentleman Twittering over the collapsed body of an inconsolable friend:
The animal kingdom is also in shock, as seen here:
That’s a dead bird, folks. Upon hearing the news of Amy’s death, the poor critter fell right out of a tree. The humanity.
And here is what The Mayor was eating when he heard about the terrible news of singer Amy Winhouse’ss’s’s death:
Even the perfect combination of salt AND vinegar couldn’t take away the bad taste The Mayor had in his mouth when he heard about the horrific news of songwriter Amy Winehouse’s’ss’s death.
Here is how hot is was in Mitchieville this morning at around 9:15 am, which may or may not have been the time singer Amy Winehouse passed away:
This might not relate to this post, but this is The Mayor’s favourite number:
And finally, here’s a picture of a large-breasted Japanese girl. That’s something you don’t see every day. Perhaps you can keep those breasts in mind when you think of Amy Winehouse (even though Amy had very small and ugly breasts).
And there you have it, Amy Winehouse, dead at age…I’m guessing 60? 62? Somewhere in there. No one will ever know for sure.
A friend once told me that Amy Winehouse really wasn’t all that bad looking, and then sent me a picture of her dressed up to the nines, in full make-up and her hair done to a tee. I couldn’t believe it. Seriously. I couldn’t believe my friend had such terrible vision and taste in women.
I’m running Hump Day Junkie today instead of the regular Hottie feature because I believe every so often you need a reminder why you shouldn’t do drugs, and what will happen if you do. That’s right, suck on that crack pipe and prepare to look like Mr Burns from the Simpson’s.
Consider this a Public Service announcement.
And you thought you were going to go all day without seeing a picture of Amy Winehouse and a chicken. I’m sorry, but you couldn’t be more wrong. Come back tomorrow where I’ll be showcasing pictures of David Hasselhoff and a goat (probably nsfw).
Oh yes I can, the alien on the right doesn’t have any track-marks on its arm.
Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder are no more, after 17 months of wedded bliss, the couple will file for divorce. In an emotional, and I can also assume gross display, Amy told reporters about some of the couples disgusting sexual secrets that really should have gone to the grave with Amy–and with any luck, that would be tomorrow:
“Mostly it was Blake suggesting new things but Amy doesn’t need encouragement. They were like animals, at it all the time.
“Just like they were with drugs, they pushed themselves to the limit.
“They were into threesomes. It was Blake’s idea but Amy said she’d been with women before so it wasn’t a problem. She said she’s had a string of female lovers.
“Whenever Blake said he wanted three-in-a-bed Amy would fix it.
“They didn’t care about sharing themselves with others because it turned them on. They thought they were on this sexual journey together.
“And the pair of them were into some real kinky stuff, not just the usual bondage and sex games but really gross stuff you couldn’t mention in a newspaper.
“Amy said that was the basis for their relationship. It was built on sex so when he went inside prison there was nothing for them to fall back on.
The only way I’d ever do a threesome with Amy Winehouse is if it involved me, Amy, and a chainsaw. I’m not totally opposed to necrophilia, but from the look of her, she must have been laying around the morgue for a couple months, so if we did get into a threesome with a chainsaw, I’d have to wear a HAZMAT suit with matching safety goggles. And to protect the chainsaw, I’d wrap it in a few Glad garbage bags and make it promise me that no matter how much the ghost of Winehouse begs for some of that crazy chainsaw sex, it won’t penetrate.
I’ve never really had a good look at the severity that is Amy Winehouse’s face until this morning. Suffice to say, this hasn’t been a good morning.
I understand that it is going to be damn near impossible to guess the one disease that Amy Winehouse is going to die from, considering her body is like a Haitian Petri dish, but we’re going to give it the old college try and give it a go anyway.
If I was to guess, I would say genital ulcer disease with a side of full blown syphilis. Shit, those are two diseases, I can’t even follow my own rules.
What do you think? What The Hell Disease Am I Most Likely To Contract And Die With?
Since there isn’t a product in the world that has been able to restore Amy Winehouse’s face back to any semblance of normalcy, she has decided to opt for an alternative medicine that seems right down her alley:
Amy, 24, above, is prepared to be a testing monkey for a radical new ointment.
It will require her to perform the stomach-churning task of adding her own urine to the solution before massaging it into her face.
I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I am willing to help Amy out.
Being the humanitarian that I am, being someone who is a people’s person, I am willing, at no charge, to pee on Amy Winehouse’s face.
I’ll even go as far as massaging my urine into her face with a baseball bat. If it takes my urine and a baseball bat to rid Amy Winehouse of that disgusting face she lunks around all day, then by golly, put me in coach, I’m ready to play.
“She wants to bring out a range of cosmetics and fashion products. There could be hairspray, head scarves, liquid eyeliner, perfume.
“All the things that are distinctive of her look.”
I can see it now, “Rehabilitate your Hair, with Amy Winehouse Hair Products”.
I find it hard to believe that any human, with an IQ above that of, well, Amy Winehouse, would want to actually look like Amy Winehouse. If a woman really wants to look like Amy, there’s a more cost-efficient way to achieve that end: Drink until you vomit all over your clothes, and then shove a busted whiskey bottle into your face. Ta da, you look like Amy Winehouse.
Now, go take all of your God given talent and waste it on crack, meth, and copious amounts of whiskey. Congratulations, you are now as much of a loser as Amy Winehouse. Oh, and go get herpes.
”How the hell did this Barbaro-faced broad manage to be the least sexy woman in a group of very unsexy women and still star on a show with ’sex’ in the title?” the magazine said. In the runner-up position is the beehived singer Amy Winehouse, because of her ”openly haemorrhaging translucent skin, rat’s nest mane and lashes that look more like surgically attached bats.”
On the small screen, Grey’s Anatomy star Sandra Oh came third and Madonna, ”with a mug that looks Euro-sealed to her skull”, was fourth,
Britney Spears, took last place in the Unsexy 5.
”Less than five years ago, Britney had a python wrapped around her well-toned torso onstage at the VMAs.
“Since then, she’s lost the ability to perform, but gained two kids, two useless ex-husbands, and about 23 pounds of … pudge.”
When did Maxim become unfunny? I could have sworn Maxim use to be funny. When did they start hiring lame writers with zero sense of funny? I’m not sure who the little bitch is that wrote that article, but he deserves to be unemployed.
“I’ve been with lots of people when they’ve taken coke, including stars like Lindsay Lohan and Kate Moss, but I’ve never seen anyone take as much coke as Amy. Even I wasn’t that bad.”
When you’re not as bad as Courtney Love, that’s saying a bundle. When you hear those words, it’s time for some serious self-reflection. That’s like Hitler telling you that you can’t join the SS because you’re too much of an anti-Semite.
That’s like a producer telling you that you can’t join the cast of his Broadway musical because you’re far too gay.
That’s like Courtney Love telling you that you’re a bigger druggie than she is. Oh right, that’s what this article is all about. You already knew that, didn’t you? Good job, check and mate.