Archive for the ‘Anna Nicole Smith’ Category

Al Caponeionism

Wednesday, October 6th, 2010

The Mayor finds it hard to believe Al Capone said this, simply because of the word smile. Had this been “A gun will get you pretty  far, but two guns will get you farther”, then sure, I would strike it up to Al Capone. As it stands, it could have been Oprah that said that.

For this, I Gush Sorryness

Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007

If you ask me, Anna Nicole Smith looks exactly like my Uncle Ralph. I want to bring up this question to the faithful readership of Mitchieville: Is this picture appropriate, or does it leave a bad taste in your mouth? I didn’t think it was a good idea to show this picture, especially after I received it from some little puke, and I fought with the idea of posting it, but I finally decided to spit it out. At one point I hurled the picture across the room, I figured many other people have posted it, I didn’t want to regurgitate the same old stories they had. I’m sorry if I offended you, it wasn’t my intention of spewing nastiness about Nicole, sometimes my humour can be nauseating.


Hopefully One Last Thing About Anna Nicole Smith

Friday, February 18th, 2005

Out of all of the annoying people in this world, Anna Nicole Smith ranks among the worst of them. I’d say Anna would be in the top five even, Nicole Ritchie is just ahead of her, but not by much. I’m starting to detest the name Nicole. Who would have thought that such a mediocre celebrity like Lionel Ritchie could have such a sub par human daughter like Nicole? In America you can make it big and still be a boring, untalented, pretentious, stupid little creature like Nicole Ritchie. What a country, as McDonald’s says ” I’m lovin’ it”. As a side note, if you mix up all the letters in “I’m lovin’ it”, doesn’t it nearly spell “Ailing Vomit”? Anyways, enough of Nicole Ritchie, for I grow tired of her.

Back to Anna Nicole Smith. You suck. I don’t even any feel pity for her, she’s just such a fucking train wreck, it’s gross to watch. This ugly, stupid, noxious nothing, has made a fortune on the backs on rich old guys, and porn producers, and sometimes both at the same time. And now she has a show and tons of dough, and she’s suing her dead sugar daddies estate for a quitrillionbillzillianmomillian dollars. When will this madness finally end? Hey Anna!!!, you’re not Marilyn Monroe, you’re a washed out hag that needs to just go to bed and either wake up in heaven or hell, just get the fuck off of earth.

So today in Fox News, or some other crock of shit news site, there’s This Article about how the courts ruled against her and she is not entitled to any of her husbands estate. You have to admit, she’s complete class from the tip of her stupid head to the bottom of her gnarly toes. Here’s the best parts of the article.

Smith’s attorney, Howard K. Stern, said he would appeal to the Supreme Court.

You hired an attorney named Howard Stern? Do you take the little yellow bus to court every day? I think all the silicon has gone out of her tits and leaked into her brain. How can the Judge possibly take you serious when all he can think about is the story he gets to tell to all the other judges about the time you came in with a lawyer named Howard Stern. Fuck, they’re all gonna piss their Depends when that story’s told. That’ll be a story they’ll be chuckling about for years.

The 1993 Playmate of the Year was 26 when she and oilman J. Howard Marshall II married in 1994. He was 89. They met three years earlier when she was working as a stripper.

So she did have a career before they met, maybe she really is entitled to $800 million dollars. Not even if she could suck a basketball through a garden hose would she be worth that much.

Stern disagreed.

I just thought that looked funny, “Stern Disagreed”. And then Stern went on to make poopy jokes and tell the world how great he is.

Hopefully this sad tale has come to an end. If I never see her again, it’ll be too soon. I would just like it if she would just fade away, go bye bye, see ya, don’t let the door smack your ass on the way out. The only thing I want to see is the back of your head, beat it.

Anna Nicole Smith has an I.Q of 184

Wednesday, January 12th, 2005

Here are a few things Anna Nicole Smith said to me the other day at a MENSA meeting.

Expansion ratios vary widely from as low as 5:1 to 300:1 or more for the Delta II RS-27 engine that has a ratio of 12:1. But isn’t it funny that a thruster looks exactly like a giant penis?.

Umberto Eco has been called an “intellectual bon viveur”, His writings are an elegant patchwork of tales from European literature, allusions to esoteric texts and personal anecdotes. A man of robust intellect and genuine erudition. However, I hear he has a small penis.

Josef Stalin once said “A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.” While this can certainly be argued in the affirmative, people are missing the main point. We’re talking about a million dead penises here.

I’m a believer in Affirmative action. For too long we have subjugated minorities and kept them down under the heel of colonial authoritarianism. Besides, I’m a big fan of ethnic penises.

I’m going to the can right now to take a piss. When I’m finished, I’m NOT going to wash my hands, I’m going to go right over to that booth and order a footlong hotdog, Then I’m going to spread mayo all over it and deepthroat the whole fucking thing, bun and all.