Archive for the ‘art’ Category

The Pipes of Madness

Saturday, August 11th, 2012

Some people do not like traditional Scottish Music. They compare the lilt of the pipes to cat torture or the slow squishing of an obnoxious telemarketer. But let us be honest here, bagpipe music was developed for one thing: to scare the shit out of enemies. It does scare people, admit it. And for those of you who listen to the pipes, in your heart you delight in its ability to liquify the bowels of your enemy. Pipe music came from the same reservoir of the arts as did haggis *. (more…)

Spitting Image

Monday, March 19th, 2012

Boy, it’s hard not to get lost in Jennifer’s eyes, isn’t it? Even the wandering one. The artist has captured Jennifer’s essence exquisitely, you can nearly feel her beauty jump off the canvas. Just be careful it doesn’t jump on you, The Mayor hears that getting rid of cooties is a bitch.

How To Draw A Horse

Monday, February 27th, 2012

The Mayor didn’t have any luck drawing that horse. When it came to drawing a Lithuanian Heavy Draught horse, that was no problem, but the Blazer horse in the picture proved to be a real doozy. Hope you have better luck.

Moaning Lisa

Tuesday, February 21st, 2012

Considered the most famous painting in the world, even to this day there is great discussion as to whether Mona Lisa is smiling or not; if *Lisa del Giocondo* was the subject of a different portrait, and if this is actually a portrait of Isabella of Naples. One thing The Mayor believes we can all agree on, and that is the Moaning Lisa is 10 billion times hotter than that ditch pig Mona Lisa.

I Don’t Have Enough Chalk

Friday, June 3rd, 2011

After staring at the this picture in complete astonishment, The Mayor has finally concluded that buddy in the truck is hiding an ass under his shirt.

You see that, dontcha?

American Gothic Revisited

Thursday, January 20th, 2011

You’re looking at the original figures standing beside Grant Wood’s American Gothic. Most people assume that the two folks in the original painting are husband a wife, but that’s not true. It’s actually a farmer and his spinster daughter.

AND, she’s not just a spinster, but she’s actually Grant Wood’s sister. The farmer is modeled after Wood’s dentist.

Grant Wood submitted his painting in a competition at the Art Institute of Chicago, and funnily enough, the judges awarded him a bronze medal for his work and $300.00 based solely on what the judges deemed as a  ”comic valentine.” Ya, they thought it was a joke! Actually, they thought it was satire of small town America.

When you think about it, American Gothic is about 80 years old now, and at the time the big-wig artsie fartsie types awarded American Gothic a bronze medal because they believed (incorrectly) that Wood was taking the piss out of small town America – the “Bible thumpers”, so to speak. Not much has changed in 80 years it would seem.

*Art* Depicting Christ Receiving Oral Sex On Display In Loveland, Colorado

Thursday, October 7th, 2010

An *art* exhibit on display in Loveland, Colorado that depicts Jesus Christ in various homosexual acts has caused an uproar, with proponents claiming, among other things, that the controversy in “necessary” to establish dialogue (??), and opponents claiming the piece entitled “The Misadventures of the Romantic Cannibals” is nothing more than tax-payer funded smut”:

“This is not art — it’s smut, pure and simple,” said Minto, who said he’s not against graphic art per se. “(But) this is a museum, not an X-rated bookstore.”

The lithograph, “The Misadventures of the Romantic Cannibals,” is part of a touring 10-artist exhibit titled “The Legend of Bud Shark and His Indelible Ink.”

Susan Ison, the city’s director of cultural services, said she asked Loveland’s cultural services board to review Chagoya’s work, and they didn’t have any problems with it. Ison said Chagoya was attempting to describe his “midlife crisis” in the piece.

“It’s very complex,” said Ison. “I really can’t describe simply what he’s trying to get at.”

Loveland resident Carol Ware said Chagoya’s piece is not something she’d want on her living room wall. But, she said, “it’s provocative and thought-provoking. I thought that is what art is all about.”

Susan Ison, the city’s director of cultural services admits openly that she has no idea what the piece represents. It’s about the artists “midlife crisis” supposedly; but we do know that Susan Ison must think the artistic piece isn’t wrapped in anti-Christian hate because if it was, there is no way the artistic piece would be displayed. You see, by definition, displaying anti-Christian hate would be a hate crime.

I’m sure Susan Ison has thought this out. If an artist came to her next month with a lithograph displaying the Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) receiving anal sex from a squirrel, why that’s just artistic expression, too, “provocative and thought-provoking”. Perhaps the artist in question is having a midlife crisis, also. Since artists are so deep that no one can understand anything about the inner-workings of their collective minds, it would be wrong to judge what the Mohammad/squirrel artist held in his/her heart.

Art is subjective, so I’m told.

Sure, we see what  happened across the world when some Mohammad cartoons (artistic expression) were released, but again, not being able to get inside the brain of the cartoonist (true artists, one and all), I’m sure Susan Ison would be the first to defend the artistic expression of the cartoonist, and would proudly welcome the display to her city. Bomb scares and threats to her personal safety that would come? Think of that as more artistic expression.

If this exhibit wasn’t government funded, I wouldn’t care less where or when it was displayed. If the *artist* was touring his piece on his own dime, then he will either sink or swim on his ability as an artist. If you don’t like what he represents, don’t see it.

The Mayor has no doubt in his mind that the artist in question is little more than a weasley little coward. You see, this type of anti-Christian art has surfaced and resurfaced dozens of times over the years and has now hit the point where it’s boring and cliche. These *artists* think they are “pushing the envelope”, that they are “cutting edge”, but the reality of the matter is that they are basically little more than schoolyard bullies that take great pleasure is picking on those that won’t fight back.

The artist knows that Christians will turn the other cheek. We’ve seen this type of *art* before, and to my knowledge the artists that offended haven’t had their throats slashed for what they did. It’s easy being the hero when you know you won’t have to fight. If the artist wanted to impress The Mayor, his next piece would be about Mohammad and the squirrel I alluded to earlier.

But that would never happen, that would take guts, it would take an actual backbone.

For now, the artist will wrap himself up with all the various rights that protect him. The right to free speech, the right to this and the right to that. And that’s fine, we all get what he’s doing.

The only thing these *artists* don’t get is that when they go out of their way to offend Christians, it makes the Christian community stronger. It also opens the eyes to those outside the Christian community. But maybe, seeing as though this artist is soooooo deep, maybe that’s what he had intended in the first place.

Whoa, I just blew my own mind.

Art Imitates Life

Sunday, July 18th, 2010

Or is it life imitating art? Either way, that Art guy is KILLING me.

Stephen Wiltshire – Autistic Artist

Tuesday, July 6th, 2010

Stephen Wiltshire. This young artist is grabbing a lot of attention by the likes of CBS and other national news outlets. Stephen has been drawing cities since being diagnosed with autism at a young age, saying it’s his way to express himself. What’s unique about this artist though is that all he needs is a 20 minute helicopter ride above New York and after 7 days, 12 pens, and a lot of music on his ipod, he finishes the massive 18 ft accurate depiction of the city all from memory. He’s so accurate that when drawing Rome, he drew the exact number of columns in the Pantheon. His work is being shown at Brooklyn’s Pratt Institute along with his permanent gallery in the Royal Opera Arcade, Pall Mal.

From In the Month of Mae:

Stephen Wiltshire. This young artist is grabbing a lot of attention by the likes of CBS and other national news outlets. Stephen has been drawing cities since being diagnosed with autism at a young age, saying it’s his way to express himself. What’s unique about this artist though is that all he needs is a 20 minute helicopter ride above New York and after 7 days, 12 pens, and a lot of music on his ipod, he finishes the massive 18 ft accurate depiction of the city all from memory. He’s so accurate that when drawing Rome, he drew the exact number of columns in the Pantheon. His work is being shown at Brooklyn’s Pratt Institute along with his permanent gallery in the Royal Opera Arcade, Pall Mal.

Impressive, but it’s not quite Dogs Playing Poker now, is it?

Lol – the bulldog is holding the ace of clubs with his toe. Tell me THAT isn’t art?


Tuesday, April 13th, 2010

I’ve been racking my brain trying to come up with a great joke about this article, but then I decided to open this up to you – my funny, brainy, and quite bizarre constituency. In other words, I’m doing what we politicians like to call “delegating.”

If you want to see a larger picture of this article, simply click on said article. BTW, that’s something you still can’t do on Andy’s blog. (okay, that’s a lie, you can open up pictures really big at Andy’s. I’m not sure why I keep saying that. Perhaps it has to do with the $30 Andy has owed me for the last 3 years).

How To Draw An Elephant

Thursday, January 7th, 2010


**Thanks to Steven Humour , an artist in his own right.

Hate the art funding all you want, but there are bigger funding issues with entertainment

Thursday, September 3rd, 2009


Ho hum. Art. As we’re all painted as knuckle-dragging conservatives, we naturally hate everything of any artistic value. I have been to the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra just once, and while I had a great time, I’d also like it if it were self-sustaining. It currently gets over $2.5 million per year from federal and BC government grants. Oh well. It can’t be all Elise Estrada bubble gum tunes all of the time.

There has been a huge backlash related to arts funding lately, with the recent announcement–and subsequent retraction after one day–of cuts to arts funding. This is basically what happens when you sign contracts with these kinds of institutions. They don’t care that the government is now in major hock to the tune of $2.8 billion–they want their money. The arts programs have an agreement to be paid out based on gambling revenues, which is basically seen as separate from the major revenue pool. Here’s how bad the arts community has it these days:

Tuesday’s budget said the government would hand out $139 million in gambling grants this fiscal year. Including the grants restored for this year, along with the additional $30 million, the government is allocating more than the $167 million announced in February.

Not bad. They were able to goose out an additional $30 million for a total of 530 groups asking for funding. Personally I think they should combine the two ideas and make gambling a component of the art. Botticelli Baccarat, Renoir roulette. Come on, seven! Daddy needs a new pair of Dadas!

While the government might be offering the loosest slots in town to the art community, we should probably save more outrage for another elitist pastime–sports. Take the BC Place, for example, owned by the British Columbian government and losing money at $4 million a year. Venue for the BC Lions, as well as a few concerts and trade shows, it will also be the opening and closing ceremony host for the 2010 Winter Olympics.

Even if it were a simple money-loser like stated above, then you could at least argue it’s comparable to the arts community with thei hand out. However, they’re now looking for a little sprucing up:

Faced with having to spend $360 million of taxpayers’ money to put a retractable roof on BC Place Stadium, the Liberal government has begun exploring another option.

Why not throw the massive redevelopment project open to the private sector, using Premier Gordon Campbell’s favourite development model — a private-public partnership deal?

$100 million has been spent already, and now they are considering starting from scratch. They also can’t even decide on whether they want this roof or a brand-new stadium. How on Earth are they planning on getting back their costs for this? Even if the new retractable roof were to last fifty years, which would be a true miracle, they would have to get roughly $15 million profit from the stadium per year, or roughly what its operating budget is now. I’m officially quitting my profession and building stadiums for dupe cities.

The cost of going to a BC Lions game can be argued to be an elitist activity, too. Even the cheapest seats are $30, with the premium ones going for $80. How is a family of four supposed to enjoy a day out to the football stadium they helped to build? Picture four people in the nosebleeders behind the goalposts. Once you buy the hot dogs and pops, you’re looking at well over $200 for attending.

Does CFL football really need a retractable roof? I’m sure the Doily Expo is a huge draw for Vancouver, but I’m pretty sure the BC Lions can get by on outdoor benches somewhere in Burnaby or Richmond and we can just board up the place. All said and done, the costs of the supporting of the BC Place, which is directly competing with the GM Place that is not getting the same kinds of subsidies, might not just rival the arts committees but cost us millions more. At least the arts community is getting along with gambling revenues, mostly, which anyone can do for $3 with Extra.

Pharaoh Campbell can feel free to build this giant roof or a new stadium or whatever he needs to, but he had better get spending under control. There are plenty of arguments for having major venues in cities to get people to come out for concerts and commerce (estimated at $40 million a year in Vancouver), but it will be overshadowed by the cost of overbuilding with this monstrosity. Whether in generous grants to the arts or to sports franchises or so Bono can make himself feel better, the true spectator elitist sport is government overspending while Rome burns.