I was in Grade Two when Astrology was taught to my class. It was fun. Back then, in racist, sexist Ontario, it was an interesting diversion from reading, writing, and math. Some parents complained. They considered it teaching religion. I remember that. But the progressive principal backed up his staff and supported tha curriculum.

During my time in Ontario schools, the curriculum was changed from racist, sexist reading, writing, and math, to a more progressive focus. Now the focus is on things like not biting, not spitting, and being able to communicate not biting and not spitting in Ebonic. And we have learnt more about the progressive motivation for social policy: greed for Global Warming, spite for immigration, lust for sexual rights, all mixed in with nepotism, hypocrisy, and stupidity. Thus, the introduction of astrology into the public school curriculum was not motivated by philosophical reason, but by some vulgar primate emotions. None the less, I took the seed of that teaching, and studied, and became, in time, a professional astrologer.

To add insult to injury, the progressives who exposed me to astrology, have now abandoned their support, and now scoff at this ancient occult art. Astrology was just a tool used by these venal primates to chip away at Christianity and Western Civilization .

I was attending a pagan sacrifice the other night, and, between offering and augury *, the topic of the lack of employment opportunities for astrologers came up. Where are the staff astrologer positions? Human Resources satrapies? The portfolio managers born under the stars? No, the progressives, those lying shifters of dung, have just used the practitioners of the ancient art, much as Trotsky used and betrayed the anarchists of Nestor Makhno *.

I am angry. My feelings are hurt. I have been oppressed. I am owed reparations. Unlike some of my peers in the occult community who prefer immolation (Aries), ex-sanguination (Cancer), eye-plucking (Gemini), skinning alive (Leo), squishing (Libra), boiling in brine (Scorpio). electrocution on the toilet (Aquarius), kidnapping (Pisces), slow torture (Virgo), quick torture (Sagittarius), or grisly dungeon dismemberment (Taurus), I eschew such methods of debt collection. No, I am a Capricorn and above such methods (details: * ).

How should I take my revenge? How shall I get what was taken from me? Where is my pound of flesh in the supermarket of justice? Where is the sledgehammer to smash these watermelons … green on the outside and red on the inside? Well, telling you would ruin the little susprise I have conjured, would it not?

I shall keep my own counsel in this regard. None the less, to those progressives who are now cursed (and damned, as far as Christianity goes, actually) you may cut a separate deal with me. I am reasonable. As for your other vengeful, betrayed allies, whistling Dixie will not get you off the hook. I demand a six figure tenured university position, with a reserved parking spot close to the entrance, and an over-mighty pension worthy of a lardy union president.

Now hip hop to it, progressives. You are being hunted by the visible and the invisible. I want my share before, well, before the life insurance vests that Fenris has placed on your piano playing hands.

Sargon the Magnificent, Financial Astrologer to the Captains of Canadian Capitalism, wrote this.

This is a great Youtube that I am showing to impressionable minds. As a worshiper of Set, the Snake God, I take comfort in the scenes depicting the abduction of that woman (Persephone, in our religious-spiritual system), thereupon to be taken to an altar where hooded and knife wielding acolytes plot sacrifice. Thank you, HippySympathizer! What could be more politically correct than an obviously non-Christian, perhaps pre-Christian, being depicted in a public forum. Take that, you Christians!

May the blessings of Set, the Snake God be upon you, especially during this inconvenient time of Saturn square Pluto.

Here is another good one …

Now hurry my minons to the altars! Offer up burnt offerings to Set, the Snake God for the defeat and torment of your enemies. Saturn is in Libra, square Pluto in Capricorn. Thus, Pluto is disposed by Saturn, and the ruling Saturn is Exalted in Libra! Now is the time to appease the Emerald Eyed One! Summon the Host from out of Tartarus! They will obey only You! Let someone else be eaten first!

Now that my boss, Fenris ‘Iron Purse’ Badwulf has seen reason to accept my reasonable wage demands, I can enlighten the enlightened readers of Mitchieville with some of the more useful applications of Astrology, namely seduction. This week, I illustrate, based on the ancient near science of astrology, how to seduce the Mayor’s flesh kitten of the month, Emmanuelle Vaugier *

The Chart:
(courtesy astrodienst )

I got her birth date from her wikipedia entry * , this being June 23, 1976.

For the vigilant male, seeking to seduce this particular wench, our analysis begins with What is She Looking For. This is shown by the position of Mars in the natal horoscope. She has Mars in Leo, so she is attracted to strong, masculine men. (This is unusual in poly-gendered Hollywood, so I would predict that she will leave the acting profession after a while.) The man seeking to get this ones attention should avoid transvestite themes, perfumes, and sporting a man-bag. Feats of strength and gallantry (staged or otherwise) will do the trick. Breaking the jaw of a main stream media reporter would be a good start.

Having selected suitable attire, the gentleman intent on seduction must now arrange a meeting, planned or accidental. Emmanuelle has her natural fifth house ruler in Cancer, so arrange to demonstrate your chivalry in a domestic setting, such as a supermarket, shopping mall, or some place where young children are normally present. (I am being heteronormative here; Toronto is filled with crack houses filled with children. This is not a normal venue, unless you are a progressive) Airport lounges, or on the airplane whilst drinks and supper are being served would be ideal … offering up your napkin to this wench to mop up a spill, or just putting some greasy dolt in his place, would certainly get you in her pants.

One of the keys to seduction is, of course, self image. For sex, for women, this is shown in the natal placement of Venus. Emmanuelle has her Venus in Cancer. This woman sees herself as a hausfrau, and can be sparkled out of her clothes with chat about ‘living on a farm’, or your ancestral farm house built by your Scottish grandfather. Food is important, too. Emmanuelle is a foodie, and good feed of sensible victuals is sure to weaken her will to resist.

Obstacles. The situation of Mercury in the Natal Horoscope shows how agile the mind is. Conveniently, Emmanuelle has a difficult aspect to her Mercury. It is clouded by an opposition from Neptune, so your rigged game of strip scrabble will pass muster. Also, her Mars is square Jupiter, so this girl has no love of Police, Lawyers, Judges, or Clergy.

So, arrange to bump into this girl on an airplane. Dress casual, comfortable, and masculine. Be a Knight in Shining Armor, but not a Lawyer. And talk about your love of home and hearth.

You can never go wrong doing a Tarot reading to shed light and insight upon those irksome problems. Here is a reading I did for a client. (click to enlarge)

This type of spread features five sections: The Center (C), the upper right (UR), the upper left (UL), the lower right (LR), and the lower left (LL).

The Center: This shows the question as posed by the Client. Revealed wisdom is that a 5 card here shows ‘a divided mind’. This person is divided between pleasant contemplation (the four of cups) and a great work (the ace of pentacles). The five here is one of victorious action. This person is planning a great work, and this project is in the initiation stage.

Now the powerful ten of swords at the juncture of a wing indicates that the path following will not happen. Note that the ten is in the Lower Left, which is the guideposts, or indicators of future events.

The Lower Left: This client has absolutely no idea what the future will bring. He has an idea, one of King of Cups/ Page of Cups, which is a message (page) of order and calm (king). This is not going to happen. Instead, the client should be warned to expect turbulence, and excitement.

The Upper Left This wing shows the alternate path. It shows disappointment (the three of swords) over a orderly and calm event. Of course this is shown, because this project is not going to plod along as planned.

The Lower Right: This is an awesome collection of cards in this position. The eight of cups shows a man advancing towards the happiness beyond expectation (the nine of cups) reinforced by victory (nine of wands). This person is destined to leave behind his contemplation and advance towards success!

The Upper Right: This is the path that the client is planning to take. Indeed, the ace of wands is a card ideas in the formative universe, not having manifested in form. The three of wands is a card of leadership, foresight, and exploration. Indeed, this person is starting on a journey with a map that is not accurate, but his skills will lead to victory and success. He will receive a message to this effect soon (the page of swords).

General notes: Cards of the same suit beside each other modify and express themselves more powerfully (e.g. the 8 and 9 in the LR; the ace and 3 in the UR; the king and page in the LL); as do cards of the same number beside each other (the two nines in the LL). To an extent, cards above and below each other have this effect as well.

In summary, the client is beginning an adventure. His expected path to victory is not what is going to be the path he takes. From the turbulence, he can expect growth and happiness beyond expectation.

I, Sargon the Magnificent, wrote this.

Astrology for Capricorns is dedicated to those great climbers of the zodiac, those born under the constellation Capricorn. Everyone is influenced by this sign, and mastery of its lessons is of interest to all those who desire to prosper, to grow, and to master.

The Midheaven is that point in your horoscope where the sun would be if you were born at High Noon. It is the most important house cusp in your chart, and the most important of the four cardinal points. Standing opposite your Midheaven is the Nadir, which represents that upon which you stand.

The axis along the Midheaven – Nadir represents the shades of gray from that which is completely under your control (the Nadir) to those things that are not (the Midheaven). Both are positions of power. Planets conjunct the nadir show powers and abilities. Planets conjunct the mid heaven show powers and abilities over others. It can easily be seen that the ambitious Capricorn is both drawn and attracted to the potentials in the mid heaven. And if you are a climber of ladders, be they social, material, emotional, or creative, then you too will be improved by an understanding of this point in astrology.

The alchemists considered the mid heaven to be the magical point of transition between the element of mutable fire (shown by Sagittarius) into the element of cardinal earth (Capricorn). The just law of Jupiter is manifested by the material laws of Saturn. All things practical, useful, and real reside here. This is not a point of creativity. The artist who moves through this point will be able to earn a good living from his art, but from this he will derive no artistic insight … for that the artist must look elsewhere in his chart. The romantic who moves through this point will have the wealthy and the powerful for lovers, but from this he will derive no clues as to methods or timing of seduction … for that the romantic must look elsewhere.

The Nadir is the transition from mutable air (Gemini) into cardinal water (Cancer). Here is shown mastery over self. Which makes self as we have the most agile of air (nimble Gemini) in communication with the great collective subconscious of Cancer.

Mastery of Self is rarely associated with Mastery of Others. The perfected ascetic of the Nadir is rarely the philospher king of the mid heaven. Even the dreamers and half-mystics that lurk in the Nadir rarely become dictators for life.

Those who wish to climb must, of necessity, face the challenges of command, or rule, and of control. These may be employees, irate customers, or soldiers, but they are all shown by the mid heaven. So, you who wish to have a full bank account, comfortable retirement, or college for your children, read what I have to say. Oh, and get your horoscope cast by an astrology so that you know what sign you have on the mid heaven, and any planets in aspect to this point.

Those of you who do know your placements can comment on the blog and I will answer your questions as we go along.

I, Sargon the Magnificent, wrote this.