Archive for the ‘Bad Tans’ Category

Bad Tan Week

Thursday, April 15th, 2010

A Caucasian never knows how white they really are until they get a bad sunburn and can compare the burnt bits to the white bits. Being the third whitest guy in Mitchieville, I can attest to that. Word. Another thing I can attest to is if you’re white like The Mayor, and you get a bad sunburn like the poor woman in the picture, that burn aint turning into a tan any time soon. Oh noes, it’s turning into itching and then flaking. And flaking. And more flaking. Sexy-like, isn’t it?

What segment would you like The Mayor to post about next week?

1) Sign Language Week

2) Photobomb Week

3) Women Holding Their Melons Week

Ya, I wonder which one will get the nod? Hmmmmm…..

Bad Tan Week

Wednesday, April 14th, 2010

So, I hear there’s a chance of rain this weekend. I might buy an umbrella. We’ll see. yup. Okay, take ‘er easy.

Bad Tan Week

Tuesday, April 13th, 2010

I have no idea what these two fellas were charged with, but by the look of them, it wasn’t anything that involved using math, science, or English in their crimes.

This is the first time The Mayor has posted a bad tan picture where the bad tan is actually the second dumbest looking thing on the person’s body. I’m referring to the hair on these guys, btw. Because their hair is kinda dumb looking. Yup. Their hair. Dumb looking. Hair. Dumb.

I’m wasting my breath here, aren’t I?

Bad Tan Week

Monday, April 12th, 2010

Bad Tan Week is back and it’s, in the words of Green Bay hospital administratia, more “Tasteless & Offensive” than ever before. And that’s what The Mayor is always striving for: T & O.

Bad Tan Week – you made a terrible choice.

Donatella Versace – What A Babe

Thursday, January 28th, 2010


When I first saw these pictures of Donatella Versace, I thought I was looking at a piece of bacon that had been cooked for 12 hours. To my horror, I later found out that not only is this not a reptile, but a human, AND, she is only 53 years old.


I think at this point in her life, sunscreen in not going to protect her skin. Hell, a HazMat suit won’t protect her skin. Blotting out the sun and drinking a quart of celestialvirgin blood won’t even help. I suggest to Donnatella Versace, the best thing to do at this point in her wrinkled life is to lay in the sand and wait for cats to come by and bury her.

**NSFW pictures (like these are safe, or something) and some risque advertising, can be found at Erooups.

Bad Tan Week

Thursday, August 6th, 2009


At first when I saw this pic, I thought buddy was pulling skin off his body. But then I realized it was material from his shorts, yet somehow it didn’t make the picture any less disgusting. Bad Tan Week was a bad idea. I’m sure there is a certain corner in hell reserved specifically for me now that I’ve done this segment.

Bad Tan Week

Tuesday, August 4th, 2009


I was in the Dominican Republic about 15 years ago and I pulled my lounger under a bunch of tall trees and fell asleep. I thought I was pretty well covered up, but it turns out that my feet were in the sun. When I woke up from my drunken stupor about 4 hours later, my feet looked like two blistery tomatoes. I couldn’t wear socks or shoes for a month. When I stepped into a hot shower I cried like a liberal losing a grant.

My story has very little to do with this post, but I find it hard to actually look at this picture, as every time I do, I want to vomit.

Bad Tan Week

Monday, August 3rd, 2009


Seeing as how terrible this guys burn is, and considering some smart-ass thought it would be funny if they put their paw print on his sunken chest, I would usually feel sorry for him. Usually is the operative word. However, this unit has both ears pierced, and considering he’s not a pirate, that means he’s a punk. And I’m sorry punk, but The Mayor is all out of pity today. Come back tomorrow when I’m not licking my wounds from the alcohol poisoning I administered myself last night, and things might be different. Probably not though.