Archive for the ‘Baking bread with Sean Connery’ Category

Baking Bread In The Black & Decker Automatic Breadmaker 2000 With Sean Connery

Monday, March 24th, 2014

Shay, what do you think of the big collar, Hawaiian shirt under a shport’s jacket look I’m shportin’? Ya, it’s pretty shitty, isn’t it?

Sean Connery knows that with each pashing day he’s shtarting to resemble a human catheter more and more, but that doesn’t mean I shtill can’t make the most kick ash loaf of bread you’ll ever eat. Case in point, I am preparing some delishish Apple Oat Bread.

You need to ashemble a cast of indrediants firsht: milk, apple jiush, butta, shuga. shalt, chinomon, white flour, oats, and a bunch of dry yeasht. Shay, that shounds like something my firsht ex-wife Diane Cilento used to eat when I fed her in her shtall at the shtable – that horsh-face lawn gnome.

Anyway, crank up the Black & Decker and let’s get this potty shtarted.

Measure ingredients into pan. Select “white/powdered milk.”

Now push shtart.

When complete, the light will flash green.

Wash your filthy hands

Remove bread.

Wait until the bread cools before slicing. There is no need to be a jackash.

And that’s how you make a delishish loaf of Apple Oat Bread.

Shpeaking of a delishish loaf, Sean Connery is going to the men’s room to pass an Oprah Winfrey. Send in a dove.

**Mitchieville takes no responsibility whatsoever for any advice/advertisement/recommendations or opinion in regard to the Black & Decker Automatic Bread Maker 2000™.

Baking Bread In The Black & Decker Automatic Breadmaker 2000 With Sean Connery

Tuesday, November 27th, 2012

Everybody with a pulsh and flowing blood in their shtinking veins knowsh that Sean Connery loves a good shlice of chinnimon and raishin bread. My firsht wife usesht to make me chinnimon and raishin bread, and then she left me for that dirty foreigner pool boy. Damn you, Rafael. may you burn in the hottesht part of hell.

For thisshhh recipe, you will need a shet of ingredienst that include:

1 cup watta
2 tableshpoonsh margarine
3 cupsh flowa
3 tableshpoons shuga
1 1/2 teashpoons shalt
1 teashpoon chinnamon
2 1/2 teashpoons yeasht
3/4 cup raishins

Now you are dialed in to the ingrediensh. Let’s continue, and put thish puppy on the paper:

1) Add all the ingredients in order given except the raisins.

2) Add raisins in on the “add in” beep.

3) Bake on “sweet bread” setting.

If it was any easier than that, I’d be holding your hand. In a manly way, of course. Do not make me come over there and break you into a thoushand peeshes.

And there you have it, delishis chinnimon and raishin bread. Have it with a nice cup of tea. A Twiningsh or an Earl Grey.

**Mitchieville takes no responsibility whatsoever for any advice/advertisement/recommendations or opinion in regard to the Black & Decker Automatic Bread Maker 2000™.

Baking Bread In The Black & Decker Automatic Breadmaker 2000 With Sean Connery

Tuesday, January 3rd, 2012

When it comesh to baked bread, I love every lasht morshil that comesh out of the Black & Decker Automatic Breadmaker 2000®. Today we are going to tackle a delishish loaf of cornbread. A yeashted cornbread that can be made in a bread machine. Tashty with jam, but I love it with a shpicy bowl of chili! I bet you never thought the Shcottish even liked chili. There are a lot of things you didn’t know about the Shcottish.

Let’s get shtoted:

Ingredients

  • 1 1/3 cupsh warm watta1/4 teaspoon hot pepper sauce
  • 3 tableshpoons vetshetable oil
  • 1 tableshpoon white shugar
  • 1 1/2 teashpoons hsalt
  • 3/4 cup cornmeal
  • 3 1/4 cupsh all-purpishe flowa
  • 1 1/2 teashpoons inshtant yeasht

You’ll need to place these ingredientsh into the breadmaka and push shtot.

A few howas layta and you’ll be eating wondeful, fresh cornbread. Eat it with jam like I told ya, you will not be disappointed. Maybe a raspberry jam, or even a marmalade.

Baking Bread In The Black & Decker Automatic Breadmaker 2000 With Sean Connery

Monday, October 4th, 2010

There is shumthing about a good, warm bread that always putsh a shmile on my fache. A bread that never mishes for me is a lovely raishin bread. Raishin bread ish delishish, and reminds me of timesh pasht.

Like the time I wush in that movie with that little puke whatsh his face? The movie wush the Untouchables, Coshtner, Kevin bloody Coshtner. That little puke. He ate all of my bread. I’ll never forgive him. That little bread-eating puke.

But they were good timesh. I mean, exchept for Coshtner eating all my bread.

A raishin bread is shimple to make if you have the  Black & Decker Automatic Breadmaker 2000™. Jusht follow these directshuns and you’ll have bread in no time. Jusht make sure that puke Coshtner isn’t nearby.

1-1/4 cupsh of milk

3 tbsp. shortening

2 tbsp. shugar

1-1/2 tsp shalt

3 cupsh flour

1 tsp. Chinnamon

3 tsp. Dry Yeasht

1/2 cup raishins

1) Measure ingredientsh into pan

2) inshert baking pan shecurely into baking unit, closhe lid

3) Shelect appropriate bread shetting “raishin powdered milk” or “raishin fresh milk”.

4) push shtot button

5) The “complewte” button will flash when bread ish done

6) enjoy that bad bashtard, you have done well

The  Black & Decker Automatic Breadmaker 2000™ is a bloody geniush, you would be a fool not to get one. You’ll never need to buy bread again. Geniush, bloody genuish.

When you get the  Black & Decker Automatic Breadmaker 2000™, the only problem you’ll eva encounter is having that punk Coshtner showing up at your housh and shtealing your bread.

I’m Sean Connery, happy eating.

**Mitchieville takes no responsibility whatsoever for any advice/advertisement/recommendations or opinion in regard to the Black & Decker Automatic Bread Maker 2000™.