February’s job figures will be released this Friday, and in a tell-tale sign that they are going to be absolutely terrible, White House economic adviser Larry Summers has already found a culprit to blame the losses on:

“The blizzards that affected much of the country during the last month are likely to distort the statistics. So it’s going to be very important … to look past whatever the next figures are to gauge the underlying trends,” Summers said in an interview with CNBC, according to a transcript.

Construction activity was hit particularly hard by the storms, but many restaurants and stores also had to close, putting the brakes on hiring plans and temporarily throwing some employees out of work.

Is that how things work in the States? You get a snowstorm so Chucky Cheese lays off its wait staff? 6″ of snow is enough for an employer to push its employees out the door? “Grab a shovel, Pete, then grab your last cheque”.

If only there was a way we could warm up the earth so this kind of job-killing weather could be stopped…

So people get laid off because of snow, and I’m sure in the spring we’ll be told that people were fired because of the rain, and in the summer people will be fired because it’s too hot to work, and in the fall we’ll be told it was just to *autumny* for people to work. For every season turn, turn, turn.

Then again, it wouldn’t surprise me if the job figures were *better than expected*. Meaning, we’re being softened up to believe the job figures will be a complete disaster, and then when they’re 5% *better than expected*, Summers can then say that even though employees fired by the zillions, because of the administrations hard word and dedication to job creation, things weren’t as bad as we thought they would be. “We saved 400,000 jobs!!”

One thing is for sure though: when we find out on Friday that the economy lost 250,000 jobs, the stock market will go up 130 points, proof that the economy is improving.

Last week, Barack Obama had his first medical examination since becoming President, and the results show he’s as healthy as a horse.  A cigarette smoking, drunken horse:

His health was described as excellent and he does not have to return for another medical until 2012. Obama, who is 48, has 20-20 vision, weighs 179 lbs in his shoes and clothes, and requires little medication.

And his clothes and shoes account for about 8 lbs, so he’s really around 170 lbs soaking wet. He’s also 6′2″ tall. I use to know a guy who was 6′2″ and 170 lbs, his nickname was “Crackpipe Jerry”. I’m not suggesting Obama is still using cocaine, but when you get down to that weight it’s generally because you’re a drug user or you have AIDS. I’m not saying Obama has AIDS, but according to any height/weight ratio chart, a healthy weight for a male that’s 6′2″ is anywhere between 175 lbs and 197 lbs. Then again, that’s a pretty decent weight for your average Kenyan. I suppose that eating plates of arugula and all that time spent bowing to foreign leaders have really trimmed down the young Community Organizer.

Obama is sensitive about his cigarette habit and tetchy with reporters who raise it. But after his 90-minute medical at the Navy hospital outside Washington yesterday morning, his doctors confirmed he had not yet managed to conquer the habit and suggested he “continue smoking cessation efforts”.

The doctors said the president used medication to try to ease the pangs, they described it as “nicotine replacement therapy, self-use”.

Obama is sensitive about his smoking habit because he’s always Jonesin’ for a smoke. You saw what he was like at that health summit circus the  other day, he was hanging so bad I thought he was going to start gnawing on Nancy Pelosi’s face. Not that Pelosi would have been able to feel it, what with Obama’s sensitive baby teeth and Pelosi’s face that’s as tough as the tread on my massive SUV.

But I thought Obama promised a certain woman with an enormous ass that he was going to quit when he became President?

Obama promised Michelle when he embarked on his campaign to become president he would quit, at the time he said he was smoking about eight a day.

About eight a day? Like maybe ten a day then? Or 15? I use to be an amazing smoker, a little less than a pack a day. But when someone asked me how much I smoked, I never said, “Ahhh, about 22 cigarettes a day”, I said a pack a day. When Obama said ”Eight a day” , he’s trying to minimize the fact that he’s a smoke hound. His clothes stink, his teeth are yella, his lungs look like Vladimir Putin’s head.

So Obama lied to his wife and children. Big deal, I suppose, none of our business. It’s not like he’s lied to the American public. Right? Buehler? I mean, his lying isn’t some sort or pattern. Right? Buehler.

Oh well, so he’s a smoker. Lots of people smoke. Not many Presidents mind you, but lots of people do, none-the-less. It’s not like he’s a drunk:

The doctors also recommended “moderation of alcohol intake”.

Come again?

The doctors also recommended “moderation of alcohol intake”.

Say that slower…

The      doctors      also     recommended     ”moderation     of     alcohol     intake”.

One more time for the record:

The doctors also recommended “moderation of alcohol intake”.

How many of you occasional drinkers have had a physical and after all is said and done, the doctor recommends that you should “moderate your drinking?” Even if you have a glass of wine a day, no doctor is going to tell you to moderate your drinking. Because that’s not a big deal. The only reason a doctor would tell you to moderate your drinking is if your drinking is problematic enough that it warrants moderation.

So Obama is in excellent physical health, but he’s underweight, he’s a smoker and a booze hound? Like River Phoenix, he is.

Believe me when I say I have no problem with a smoking, drinking, lying, underweight, Kenyan Manchurian President. If Obama wants to smoke, it’s his own choice. If he wants to pound back the wine coolers (because you know that’s all the lightweight could handle), then so be it. Lying to his wife? That’s between Obama and Allah.

If Obama’s “excellent health” is the prognosis of the state-employed health care physician, then by God, when socialized medicine is rammed through in another month, that will mean every American will suddenly morph into perfect physical condition.

According to the Evil Conservative Online, this is a new logo designed for the Department of Defense’s Missile Defense Agency:

This is one of those things that makes you say to yourself, “Is this really happening? Can this really be the new patch for the DoD’s Missile Defense Agency?” Apparently it is, as the official Missile Defense Agency website confirms.

Is it self-aggrandizing hubris? An Islamic crest? A bizarre mixture of the two? Or just an amazing coincidence?

The Mayor rather likes this new logo and doesn’t see any problem with it. I figure if Obama is going to be President for life, then more agencies need to start designing their logos after him. I would suggest more halos and more glow though, every logo should convey peacefulness and a feeling that if we put all our trust in the government then everything will always work out just fine.

Next - work on getting the words “land of the free and home of the brave” out of the American national anthem and replaced with “home of the polygendered, multicultural village- peoples.”

Remember a year ago Obama set executive pay limits for those people whose companies received federal bailout money? Well, that was sooooo February 2009:

After resigning as president and CEO of General Motors in December, Fritz Henderson might have gone into hiding or decided to sit out the harsh Michigan winter on a Florida beach.

Instead, here he is popping up again, this time as a consultant to GM on international operations at the very fancy fee of $59,090 a month for 20 hours of work a month. That works out to almost $3,000 an hour for a CEO who was ousted after just eight months on the job.

Consider that one a *job saved*. To date, the Obama stimulus has either saved or created 2 000 001 jobs.

Yet I seem to remember Obama railing against executives receiving outrageous compensations? Cue dream sequence, February 2009…

“For top executives to award themselves these kinds of compensation packages in the midst of this economic crisis isn’t just bad taste — it’s a bad strategy — and I will not tolerate it. We’re going to be demanding some restraint in exchange for federal aid — so that when firms seek new federal dollars, we won’t find them up to the same old tricks,” the president added.

Under Obama’s plan, companies that want to pay their executives more than $500,000 will have to do so through stocks that cannot be sold until the companies pay back the money they borrow from the government. The rules will be implemented by the Treasury Department and do not need to be approved by Congress.

A year ago, Obama “wouldn’t tolerate these kinds of compensation packages” for top executives, but this year he seems to be able to tolerate them just fine. You know what that means, don’t you? It means Obama has become more tolerant. And that’s a good thing. It’s a sure-fire sign of someone maturing.

To be fair though, Fritz isn’t a top executive getting over $700,000 a year for working a mere 20 hours a month, he’s a consultant who gets over $700,000 a year for working a mere 20 hours a month.

For a mere consultant to make more money than most top executives at GM, that must mean he must have a pretty solid skill-set, correct?

Although Henderson’s compensation seems a little steep, getting him back to work makes sense. Nobody ever questioned his brains or his work ethic.

And it was in-part thanks to Fritz Henderson, that even through The Worst Economic Downturn Since The Great Depression™, GM was still able to keep it’s ranking as the worlds #1  #2  #3  #4 whatever the hell it is now, car manufacturer in the world. It’s obvious that without Fritz and his mad skillz and unquestionable work ethic, GM would have been bankrupt and possibly nationalized by the Obama administration. 

Thank any God but the Christian God THAT didn’t happen.

——->Thanks to Ol Remus

American Grand Jury says, “investigators have been unable to turn up a single shred of written documentation for the years 1981, 1982, 1983, 1984 that show where Obama appeared on a school roster, register, faculty memo, bulletin board, school awards, dean’s list; where Obama’s name appeared in a yearbook, club record, fraternity record, extra curricular activity member roster, student newspaper, student radio or tv activity; where Obama appeared in any records as a worker, employee, laborer in or about Columbia University; where Obama enrolled in any sports activity or program.” The Whitehouse response is, um, what? Dog ate your transcript?

“Iran is tiny, it poses no threat to us”. Remember Obama said that on May 18, 2008? Suuuure, here’s the video evidence to prove it.

You know who does pose a threat to us though? Joe the plumber.

Speaking at the National Prayer Breakfast (I’m not sure if he prayed toward Mecca or not), Al Habib Hussein Barack Obama praised Navy Corpsman who helped the sick and injured in Haiti by referring to them as “Corpse Man”. Not once. Not twice. But THREE times.

And why did Al Habib Hussein Barack Obama refer to Navy Corpsman as “Corpse man?” Because he is the smartest and greatest orator the world has ever seen.

Barack Obama, January 28:

President Obama has not changed his view on whether the self-described mastermind of the Sept. 11 attacks should face trial in New York City, a White House spokesman said today, despite fresh criticism from Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg that the proceedings should be moved from Manhattan.

Michael Bloomberg, January 28:

“It would be great if the federal government could find a site that didn’t cost a billion dollars, which using downtown will,” Bloomberg said at a press conference Wednesday morning. “It’s going to cost an awful lot of money and disturb an awful lot of people.”

Barack Obama, January 28:

The White House ordered the Justice Department Thursday night to consider other places to try the 9/11 terror suspects after a wave of opposition to holding the trial in lower Manhattan.

The dramatic turnabout came hours after Mayor Bloomberg said he would “prefer that they did it elsewhere” and then spoke to Attorney General Eric Holder.

Since when are politicians considering a billion dollars a lot of money?

(more…)

I’ve been trying to wrap my head around what happened to Barack Obama last night at that puppet show Americans refer to as the State of the Union address. What a train wreck. At first I thought it was the handful of barbiturates and the belly full of lemon gin that made me think Obama was so angry, accusatory, unstatesman-like, scared, and generally pathetic; but waking up 14 hours later, throwing up on an ant hill and putting things in perspective, I now see that being high and drunk had nothing to do with my reality last night; Obama really was a mess.

No matter how much the state-controlled media might tell us today that Obama transcended into further greatness last night, those of us with a pulse and a living brain cell will have seen it differently. What Obama did and said last night is exactly the mental picture I get in my head when I think of Chicago-style politics; accuse, intimidate, omit and all-out lie.

But if I saw it, and you saw it, certainly a lot of liberal eyes opened last night to what is really going on.

Buehler?

I suppose the only thing scarier than Obama’s demeanor last night was the pair of wax figures someone placed in the chairs behind him.There was the maniacal, smiling, plastic hag and the Jim Hensen Muppet, either Statler and Waldorf, I’m not sure which one it was. The old girls face looked like an 80 year old microwave dish. I’m sure when she talks it must sound like a door creaking. And as for that old guy, I’m convinced he’s being controlled via remote control. I couldn’t believe how much scratching the old dude was doing, it’s like every parasite in Washington found a new host.

Have you ever watched a movie or a TV show that was so terrible that YOU actually felt embarrassed, like people were looking at YOU, like YOU directed it? That’s how I felt last night. Obama’s speech has so disorganized and hard to follow, he was so angry and all over the map. He needed a slap. And when he was wrapping up, he went into this schizophrenic mode and started listing all the dumb shit in no particular order he wants done: “I want a health care bill, cap and trade, more funding for kids with freckles, I want to see an end to the “don’t ask, don’t tell policy” of our armed forces. Whooooooaaaaaa, duuuuuuude. Back that truck up, Soerto. You want what?

Where the dilly did that come from? Where was that little tidbit for the first 59 minutes of his speech?

And then, mercifully, the speech comes to the end. And this is where Obama delivered his most strangest line of the night, “I don’t quit”.

Even if we ask you really nicely?

I thoroughly enjoyed last night, and not only because my head was swimming with mind-altering chemicals, but because I got to see the President of the United States have a complete meltdown. Last night was a *teachable moment*, if I do say so myself. I learned that anything bad that has happened in the last year had absolutely nothing to do with Obama. 5 million more unemployed on his watch? Not his fault. 10% unemployment? Not his fault. Record deficits as far as the eye can see? Not his fault. A $800 billion stimulus that has had no effect? Not his fault. Job killing legislation? Not his fault. Lowest consumer confidence in 40 years? Not his fault. A completely and utterly destroyed housing market? Not his fault. Trillions and trillions and trillions GIVEN to the banks? Not his fault.

The affirmative action President was on fire last night, it was a pleasure to watch. And to think, only 7 more years of this to go. Yes, seven.

Get ‘em before they’re all flushed away for good.

***I first spotted this picture at Curmudgeonly & Skeptical.

According to many a headline The Mayor has read today, good times are here again, as ONLY 84,000 jobs were cut by US companies in December:

The number of private-sector jobs has steadily declined for the past 23 months. The December ADP numbers marked the smallest reductions since March and sparked hope that the national jobless picture was improving.

“Employment losses are now rapidly diminishing and, if recent trends continue, private employment will begin rising within the next few months,” the report stated.

Only in liberal circles could 84,000 lost jobs in one month be construed as good news. It’s like believing an anorexic is getting better because she only lost 5lbs last month instead of the 10 lbs she usually loses.

To put this into perspective, try remembering the horrible, horrible Bush years. Remember how the unemployment rate was at a minuscule 5% under BUSH, but according to the lamestream media the economy was in shambles? But now things are rosy as. A 5% rate of unemployment under GWB was/is twice as bad as a 10% rate of unemployment under Obama.

If the writer of that article wasn’t such a suck-ass little fanboy, he would have given his article the title, “ANOTHER 84,000 jobs lost in December. 4 million since Obama took office, the most jobs lost under ANY President in the history of the USA”.

Then again, liberals hate facts that don’t fit their narrative.

If you poor men were plagued with the elusive Shangri-La known as the G-spot, you’re not alone. Apparently a handful of nerdy scientists can’t find it either? Who would have guessed? I bet they would have found it if it was a secret dungeon in World of Warcraft.

Apparently a figment of the female imagination, or perhaps even the male one, scientists cannot put their finger on it:

The elusive erogenous zone said to exist in some women may be a myth, say researchers who have hunted for it.

Their study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine is the biggest yet, involving 1,800 women, and it found no proof.

Just think–if they wanted a comprehensive study of 1,800 women and their genitalia, they could have just as easily called Warren Beatty. He just recently denied having slept with over 14,000 women, which at first made me think maybe they had low-balled him. But no! Apparently, even as a man, he’s upset at an accusation like that.

Speaking of women who might have trouble finding her dream place, President Obama appointed a transgendered woman to Senior Technical Advisor at the Department of Commerce. AMANda Simpson apparently has a strong aviation background, having flown as a test pilot for several years, and yet ironically is still having trouble with the new applicator wings on her pads. When asked about the schedule change with her new job, she said she just had to move a few things around.

Simpson’s desire to open the gates for other transgendered people to come forward was made clear in a statement:

“I’m truly honored to have received this appointment and am eager and excited about this opportunity that is before me. And at the same time, as one of the first transgender presidential appointees to the federal government, I hope that I will soon be one of hundreds, and that this appointment opens future opportunities for many others.”

Funny, seeing as so many liberals I ever knew liked to call J. Edgar Hoover a cross-dressing weirdo. I don’t remember them warming up to the idea of dude looking like a lady until very recently. Jake Tapper reports that the White House might not be so accommodating:

The White House had no comment on her appointment.

Are you telling me the first (sort of) African-American president isn’t going to declare history has been made? I also detect a Clintonian parsing of a phrase here. See, if they have no comment on her appointment, they can simply state that they were not aware of what woman anyone was talking about. If only Bill Clinton had dressed up in a Donna Karan evening gown and could ignore the press when they asked, “Excuse me, Mister President…” Then again, with such a fluid transfer between genders, I have a feeling Bill Clinton would also be setting the precedent of having sexually harassed himself.

You might just count Mr/s. Simpson’s lifestyle as just a quirk in an otherwise normal life, but Simpson is also heavily involved with the Southern Arizona chapter of the ACLU. Some of their recent accomplishments include allowing day labourers to flagrantly advertise their availability for work, strike down requirements like photo ID for voting (Prop 200), removing a “loyalty oath” requirement for state workers, and suing to allow criminals abortions while in prison. (News headline from their website: “ACLU Obtains Key Documents Showing Most People Arrested During Northern Arizona ICE Raids Had No Criminal Record.” Other than being in the United States illegally, like the ACLU actually care about that.) The transgendered sideshow is just a distraction from having yet another ACLU/SEIU/ACORN groupie in the Cabinet.

Only in Washington can we possibly see the right man for the job being a woman…who used to be a man. Regardless of whether he can find the fabled G-spot, President Obama is increasingly unable to put his finger on the pulse of the American public.