Archive for the ‘Barbie Party's’ Category

Buffet Busting Barbie Part Duh

Monday, December 26th, 2016

The Mayor can’t get over how the world all of a sudden decided to give up on fat shaming. It was working so well. When we were in prime fat shaming world, monstrosities like this Amy Schumer unit couldn’t and wouldn’t EVER be involved in a Barbie movie. Unless Barbie was addicted to eating and had a fucked up face. But Barbie isn’t like that, she’s trim and cute, and Amy Schumer looks dirtier than a neglected storage unit.

Amy Schumer in a Barbie movie is akin to Orphah Winfrey in a Weight Watcher’s commercial.

Say what?

Ya right, like that will last.

C’mon Barbie, Let’s Go Party

Friday, June 3rd, 2011

Looks like Ken has his hands full tonight.

It’s impossible to compete with that guy. He’s got a Vette (not a Chevette, but a Corvette), he’s a successful businessman, and he owns some sweet property in Malibu. Not only that, but the women love his long, flowing locks of blond hair, his chiseled chest that’s on his 6′11″ frame.

It seems the only thing The Mayor has that Ken doesn’t is a penis. But what good is that compared to a Vette?

~sigh~

C’mon Barbie, Let’s Go Party

Wednesday, June 1st, 2011

For years The Mayor couldn’t figure out what the big attraction was when it came to My Little Pony, but now he sees it as clear as day. Children love the idea that My Little Pony eats human flesh. That’s gotta be the reason, amiright?

It looks as though MLP even went as far as unclothing Barbie before he started field dressing her. No use getting clothing in your yap if you can help it, amiright.

As the MLP theme song says, “Where will my next adventure be?” May The Mayor suggest a visit to Lady Gaga’s house?

C’mon Barbie, Let’s Go Party

Monday, May 30th, 2011

Malibu Anna is looking good, she accessorizes very well. The colour of her purse really accentuaues the knot in her skull.

Actually, looking a little closer, Malibu Anna sort of looks like Nancy Pelosi.

Sorry, Anna, it’s true, I’m not just saying that to hurt your feelings.

One Of Dem Butts Aint Like The Other One

Saturday, September 4th, 2010

If what you are looking at were stores, they would be from left to right, Badgley Mischka, Bottega Veneta, and Hal’s Old Boots & Second Hand Emporium.

If they were champagne’s, you’d be looking at Pernod-Ricard Perrier-Jouet, Shipwrecked 1907 Heidsieck, and a bottle of Bubba’s Bubbly Berries.

If they were cars, you’d have a Bugatti Veyron, a Mercedes SLR McLaren, and a broken down pick-up truck with a damaged back end.

Class – yup, it’s natural.

C’mon November!

Wednesday, July 7th, 2010

I’m not sure if I should be tagging this NSFW, but I am definitely going to tag it “sexy beyond belief!”

**Click to enlarge. The calendar, pervert.

C’mon Barbie, Let’s Go Party Week

Friday, March 19th, 2010

barbieqmad1

I betcha Barbie tastes like chicken. 

Barbie Week has been kind of a bust. From The Mayor’s lack of posting because of his near-death experience, to the absense of comments, I can read the writing on the wall; and the writing says “Barbie Week sucks, give us more backtits.”

No. No backtits for you. Not yet, anyway.

Backtits are earned, not just given away willy-nilly. Yes, I said *willy-nilly*.

However, not is all lost, as Poletax seems to have enjoyed Barbie Week. And from what I understand, Poletax is a mountain of a man. And when the revolution comes, The Mayor intends to be on the good side of every large individual he can be on.

It’s like a creed I have. I’m very moralistically based.

Good riddance, Barbie Week. You are now vapour to me.

Poof!

C’mon Barbie, Let’s Go Party Week

Thursday, March 18th, 2010

barbie-slut

There was a time in The Mayor’s life when he thought the “tramp stamp” was pretty awesome. I’m sure many of Mitchieville’s male constituents thought the same thing. But now when I see a fresh “California license plate” on the back on a young nubile, the first thought that comes into my head is, “what were you thinking, you stupid idiot?”

I’m not saying all tats are bad, hell knows The Mayor is inked up to the nines. What I’m saying is that the ”slag tag” has been done to death and needs to lay down in a bed of rosies. In other words, for the sake of the cheeeeelllldren, no more “Strumpet Trumpets”, “Alabama bumper stickers”, or ”bullseye tattoos”.

C’mon Barbie, Let’s Go Party Week

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

barb1

You would think at her age – 84 – Barbie would know better than to get behind the wheel all liquored up. But you can’t tell that girl anything. And funnily enough, Ken said to her when she was leaving their Malibu beach house, that if she took off in the condition she was in, their relationship was over. So Barbie said to Ken, “Oh Ken, don’t lose your head over it.”

Somehow I knew those words would come back to haunt her.

C’mon Barbie, Let’s Go Party

Monday, March 15th, 2010

barfing-barbie

Actually, maybe Barbie’s partied enough. Okay then, how about this, “Come on barbie, let’s take some Tylenol, drink some water and get some sleep!”

Doesn’t really have the same ring to it.

It’s C’mon barbie Let’s Go Party part Deux. Guaranteed to be twice as offensive as the original. If that’s possible.

Man Arrested For Trying To Have Orgy With Mannequins

Monday, November 3rd, 2008

Just like the title says: Man, mannequin, orgy, arrested:

Department store staff were left shocked after discovering a burglar tucked up in bed with some of their plastic female dummies.

Staff who opened the store in the morning found Metin Erzurum wrapped up in a window display bed with three mannequins.

The 37-year-old kinky burglar is being charged with burglary and criminal damage after admitting he attempted an orgy with the dummies.

 

I’d be lying if I told you I never fantasized about bagging me a mannequin. I’m not shy in admitting that there was a time in my life when I nearly ran away with a certain mannequin beauty. I was 22, impressionable, and was coming off a bad relationship. I wasn’t even looking for a girlfriend, but it just happened, it was like destiny.
I was in the mall looking for a turtleneck sweater when I saw her standing in the window of the Suzy Shiers. She was like no other woman I have seen before–her smooth, plasticy skin, her wide, beautiful brown eyes, and her half an arm, twisted sideways, almost impossibly.
 
She was gorgeous in her split-neck cable-knit sweater dress with matching Bobby Blu faux leather knee-high boots. Our eyes met, I stared deep inside her cavernous eye sockets, and she stared back at me without blinking, obviously. I knew at that point I had to have her. I went into the Suzy Shier and sauntered over to the window, and when some old lady inquired to one of the sales associates about a pair of striped herringbone cropped pants, I took full advantage of the opportunity and threw my new-found love over my shoulder and ran for the parking lot.
 
I took her home and placed her gently in my favourite chair. I asked her her name, but she was shy and didn’t answer me. I decided to call her Ruby. After a few drinks, I could see that Ruby was loosening up. Usually I’m not the type of guy that takes advantage of a woman with a belly full of margarita’s, but I’d be damned if I didn’t get to taste the plasticy goodness of this spectacular beauty.
 
I sat down beside Ruby and placed my hand on her cold knee. Being the shy girl that she is, she didn’t let on if this was a *go or no* moment. Typically, not acknowledging my advances really pisses me off, but this was a night for love, not a night for violence and anger. I took my hand off her knee and put it around her neck. Ruby still didn’t move, she just sat there, with not a care in the world. I then tried to turn her head towards me, but she seemed to have incredible neck muscles and I couldn’t even budge her head an inch. I tried even harder, but nothing. Finally, using two hands, I yanked her neck towards me and plum pulled her head right off.
 
I will tell you right here and now: Pulling a woman’s head off is a buzz killer.
 
I panicked. My adrenalin was flowing, I couldn’t make sense of the situation. I took ruby’s head and carcass and brought it out to my backyard and threw it all in the fire pit I had. I lit her on fire and watched the blue flames escape to the sky. Even though the fire was raging and Ruby’s plastic skin was burning off in chunks, she made one last attempt to reach me. She said…I…will…always….love…..youuuuuuuuu.
 

Sarah Burge Has Spent $1.4 Million To Look Like Barbie

Wednesday, October 29th, 2008

 

After being beaten up and left for dead when she was a teen, Sarah Burge started her journey into the world of cosmetic and reconstructive surgery. Her goal was to look like Barbie. After more than 100 surgeries and a whopping $1.4 million later, this is the end result (not that she wants to stop having even more surgery)

The half-million pound costs include: £32,000 have her whole face lasered to remove a layer of skin to give it a more youthful look; £26,500 on perfecting her bust – including having it reduced and the nipples moved; £30,000 keeping her jawline firm; nearly £15,000 on her tummy; and £14,000 on keeping her bottom pert.

‘It’s addictive – you find yourself wondering what you can have done next? It’s not that I’m unhappy with the way I look – I’ve always been confident about my appearance.

‘That’s why I want to keep my body and face as they are. All the work I’ve had done has been to stop the ageing.’

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