Archive for the ‘Blogfest’ Category

Blogfest 2009

Thursday, August 20th, 2009


The picture you see in front of you has nothing to do with Blogfest 2009. Nothing.

Or does it?

Can this picture be the absolute perfect representation of Blogfest 2009? Try to wrap your noggin’ around that.

Blogfest 2009 is SO on that I could vomit. I am so stoked about this party I could punch myself in the face. I’m giddy with excitement.

I received not one, but two emails asking if the party would be postponed if there is rain. My answer to both emails was this, “Stop freaking out”.

Rain or shine, Blogfest is a go. If it rains we have shelter for you. If it doesn’t rain, we also have shelter for you. If you get sick and pass out, Fenris and I will steal your wallet and throw your body in a ditch outside Mitchieville. I guarantee you that.

There is still room for a few more bodies. If you would like to attend, get some free vittles and a night full of fun, send The Mayor an email at themayor @

I promise that this will be the second best Blogfest ever!

Blogfest 2009

Wednesday, August 5th, 2009


The day has been set. The food has been arranged. I’ve already started drinking. That can only mean one of a handful of things: Blogfest 2009.

Bring your lawn chair, bring your smile, and bring a clean pair of shorts, for Saturday August 22 is a day that will live in infamy. Actually, that whole infamy talk is ridiculous, but we are going to have a fairly lovely evening.

As I’ve previously mentioned, the theme for this year is *Bailing out the Scumbags*. Every attendee will be issued a cheque and given the choice of which organization they think least deserves our taxpayer dollars. We will then take the cheques and burn them. Yes, burn them to hell. To hell. Hell.

From the response so far, it seems like we’ll have quite a good turn out this year. I’m actually very stoked about this whole thing. There is one thing that’s missing though — you.

You, you, you and you. But not that other guy. He sucks. But you’re pretty great and we’d love to have you.

Where’s Mitchieville, you ask? Let’s just say if you live within the perimeter of Peterboro to London, and from Toronto north to Barrie, Mitchieville isn’t that far.

Anyway, it’s worth the drive to Mitchieville. Wow, what a great slogan. Some smart township should run with it.

Email The Mayor at themayor at (@) for directions and other info.

Blogfest 2009

Thursday, July 16th, 2009


The Four-Horned Mountain Goat is a majestic, magnificent beast, that we are going to sacrifice at Blogfest 2009 ™.

And when is this party, you ask? An excellent question. Saturday, August 22, at maybe 6 or 7 pm. Oh, and it’s going to be at The Manor.

We had a great turnout last year, and we hope to have an even better turnout this year. We are going to have so much fun this year that we will be whistling zippity doo da out our bumholes. That much I can promise you.

The theme for this years Blogfest is *Bailing out the Scumbags*.

Fenris and I will be handing out blank cheques to this years attendees, who will in turn fill them out to their least favourite group that the government subsidizes, and then we are going to burn the cheques.

We may also sing while be burn. We might even throw things. We will swear, for sure.

There will be games, tons of food, great company, a broken pear tree, and a few celebrity mystery guests (that might not be true).

Would you like to attend Blogfest 2009™? Sure you would, why wouldn’t you?

Consider this your invitation.

This is an open invitation, if I know you (from the site, of course), you’re pretty much as good as in. Don’t be shy, I’d like to meet you, too.

Email The Mayor at themayor at (@) for directions, and all other inquiries.

Good day to you.

Wasn’t That A Party!

Tuesday, January 15th, 2008

What a better way to celebrate your youth than a little party while the parents are away (link). Corey Worthington, a schoolie of Melbourne, Australia, had a little get together over the weekend while mom and dad were away on vacation to which 500 of his closest mates showed up. While young Corey said he told his neighbours of the party and they were okay with it, they called the cops on him anyway and that’s when a bit of a barney erupted. Twenty police cruisers, the dog squad (that’s what the Aussies call it, I guess K-9 unit sounds silly), and a police helicopter arrived to put a damper on things starting a small riot that caused $20,000 dollars in damage.

While some folks are thinking that Corey is a few Kangaroos loose in the top paddock, all the attention has turned Corey into something of a local celebrity. The party itself caused a lot of attention downunder but it is Corey’s lack of remorse that is getting him in trouble now, check out his Elton’s:

I doubt any stickybeak from the CBC would give Corey an earbashing like that. The local authorities are fed up to the back teeth with this situation and are threatening to bill Corey’s parents for the 9800 quid in damage. Like any responsible parka wearing in-the-summertime dazzler, Corey has now run away from home (link ) to avoid having to deal with his parents. As for me, some people might think that Corey is drongo , but seeing that people will be talking about this for years I say “Onya” and will see that Corey gets an invite to Blogfest 2008. Cheers!

Here is your Aussie slang dictionary and h\t

Blogfest 07 Will Live in Infamy

Monday, July 9th, 2007

Wow, that was one hell of a Blogfest, I’m still a little sick. I bet you wish you had attended, I know you do, you’re the extremely jealous type. Well, there’s always next year.

I’m so happy with TLDG, she did such a good job putting everything together on such short notice. Sure, we’ve been planning Blogfest 07 for a month or so, but considering we just moved into the new Manor, and considering we had so much work to do to make this place habitable, she really did a fine job. I’m going to make love to her tonight like I’m a man on a deserted island and she’s two-holed coconut. Thanks, TLDG, you’re the shit.

I want to thank Reg for all the cooking he did, it was absolutely amazing. He made a 7 layered dip that my body is still excreting, even as I type. He made appetizers, he made Lisa dinner, he made Fenris sick when he removed his shirt only to reveal he has numerous nipples. What a guy, Reg is great, I am officially a big fan of Reg. Thanks Reg.

I want to thank The Foggers for showing. Lisa, MapMaster, Mike, Jess, and Andrew are just so cool and decent that if for some reason you didn’t immediately like them, that would prove that you’re nothing more than a douchebag. I love seeing the Foggers, they are always interesting and fun, and when they leave I always cry…right before I take a pot-shot at the cats.

Bruce came in from Chelsea, Quebec, and even though he’s from a French province, it’s nearly impossible to hate him. Weird eh? I liked Bruce right from the start, right from when he said, “I have some beer for you”. From that moment forward, I knew I found a new best friend. All joking aside, thanks for coming in so far, Bruce, you are a good guy, it was a pleasure having you at The Manor, the door is always open for you.

Ian. I said before that when Blogfest 07 came around, that I wanted to get some time in with my bro, Ian. And we did get some time in, not nearly enough, but we got to share a tumbler and some fine conversation. We are very fond of Ian around these parts, and we’re very happy he graced us with an appearance. There’s a story I’m busting to tell about Blogfest…

Around midnight, Bruce and Ian got into a little political discussion that went back and forth. Lisa and Mike were also in it, but Bruce and Ian were the main players. Bruce spoke, then Ian, and back and forth it went. Both made excellent points, both had thoughtful responses and theories. Unlike the way a thread gets murdered on a website after about 10 comments, at no time did either of the debaters call the other a fascist, a nazi, Hitlers fluffer, or an idiot. It was a respectful conversation between two VERY smart people. And it was refreshing as hell. Fenris and I spoke about it the next day and we were equally as blown away by the breadth of knowledge these two gentlemen have. And that’s exactly what these two guys are: Gentlemen.

As for Fenris, he was his regular charming self. He’s my buddy.

A few other people I’d like to thank are Nikita, Sargon, Trav, and SCREAMIN’ BILL. All those folks are wonderful and beautiful people, I love you all. You guys are totally amazing, how can I not love you?

Most of all, I’d like to thank myself. Without me, there wouldn’t have been a party, and all the wonderful memories. I suppose it’s fair to say that you exist because of me. Wow, that’s some responsibility, but it’s totally true, without me, there is no you. Don’t thank me, you’ve done enough already.

On the one hand, I’d like to thank Jay Jardine for contributing a bottle of beautiful Scotch to the Blogfesters 07. On the other hand, I’d like to kick Jay Jardine in the pills for buying something that contributed to a two day hangover for The Mayor.

From what the Blogfester 07’s had to say about Jay Jardine, he seems like a real stand-up guy, thanks for everything, Jay, that was awfully kind of you.

There will be more stories as time goes on, plenty of stories, I’m sure. For now though, I’m signing off because there’s a Jessica Simpson post I’m dying to write.

Thanks again, guys and dolls, you really made Blogfest 07 turn out to be something truly special.

**Be sure to have a boo at Ian’s blog for a write-up of the night, and also go to Bruce’s site for some pretty cool pictures. The London Fog has everyting pretty well wrapped up, too.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

Monday, July 9th, 2007

Ladies and Gentlemen of Mitchieville:

This post is to hereby recognize Mapmaster as a map maker without peer. From this moment in history forward all maps made will be measured to the exacting standards of the maps he makes. That he is able to create such high quality maps with such constant high maintenance distraction in his life is remarkable. Mapmaster is a God among the map making masses of this environmentally doomed planet, a mapmaster without peer. Should I, Suvorov, ever have the privilege of touching his hands again it will be on a bended knee with my head bowed. I am in awe of you, oh great Mapmaster.

Postscript: I, Suvorov, have posted this post as a part of my plea agreement with The Crown in regards to the “temporary non-consensual disappearance” of the communist-lesbian. I am glad to report that she is alive and well though thoroughly creeped out by her stay in Mitchieville. Just 363 meaningless days left till Blogfest 2008.

Right Wing Weekend Wrap-up

Sunday, July 8th, 2007

This weeks theme was the body of literary criticism devoted to Death Camp Literature.

After the whiskey was served after lunch, and the afternoon entertainment of firing shotguns and belt fed weapons, there was the report of the Literature committee.

Reports are available at the pay site, or you can use your Mitchieville credit card to pay on line at our secure web site. Its wonderful.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this

Blogfest 2007 – A Live Blogging Extravaganza

Saturday, July 7th, 2007

Algore may think that the event of the day today is the Live Earth Day Concert. He would be wrong (again). The thousands of young couples getting married today on 7-7-7 may think that their wedding is the event of the day today. They too would be wrong as today is Blogfest 2007 at ‘The Manor’ in uptown Mitchieville. The gazelle is on the rotisserie, our blogger friends are arriving and I have whipped up some tasty snacks for the evening so join The Mayor, Fenris, TLDG and I for the live blogging event of the day. Say hello down below in the comments section and send Fenris your money. – Reg

4:15pm – How the hell is it the the word ‘blogger’ is not in the spellcheck dictionary for This question needs to be answered. Fenris will surely know – Reg

4:30 – Lisa Foggy sent an email this morning where she informed us that we could expect the London Fog crew “before 3:30″. Is it that Lisa is lying like so she often does in our Smackdowns? Is it that the jerks from The Fog are holding her up? Maybe it is a bit of both. The other bloggers are starting to talk about them behind their back. I never knew that about Basil… – Reg

4:54 – They still aren’t here, a few of us are very worried. I have dispatched the local Mitchievillian po po to comb the streets to find them. Ian still isn’t here, but he did mention that he might not show up until 6 pm. I would like to take this time to ask you to put in a prayer to Set, the Snake God, asking Set to bless the Foggers and Ian with safe travels. Bruce is here, all the way from Chelsea, Quebec. As I type this, Fenris is filling his mind with nasty thoughts. I fear for Bruce, he’s looking a tad bit scared, yet slightly turned on by the whole thing. – The Mayor

5:40 – The Foggers have finally arrived and well past the accepted standard of “fashionably late” – and they brought booze. What the hell kind of blogfest do they think this is? – Reg

6:51 – A questionable business deal of mine has fallen through. I was using the blogger festival as a cover/alibi for this high cash transaction. Crap. Otherwise, things are fine. The whiskey is flowing and the chow is excellent. Reg has a wonderful curry dip, which I must patent and sell under another label. Bruce is looking for a job … perhaps I can set him up as a homeless shelter supervisor? I have to approach Dave about a scheme involving Insta-bank transactions in Urugay. – Fenris

7:00 – Mitchieville is just as I expected it: a toxic chemical wasteland inhabited by toothless, inbred snake-worshipers. But it’s not like we have to have much contact with the local citizenry; the Mayor’s party is being held in his manor, located on a hill overlooking the rest of the town. And what a palace it is! It apparently was designed by one of Saddam’s former architects. He took a cut from his usual rate just for the honour of working on this project. But I have to say, the North wing still needs quite a bit of work. Some of the statuary looks quite shabby, actually.

Ooh, gotta go. Fenris is about to perform his sacrifice to Set. I’ve heard his transformation is something that I just shouldn’t miss. More later. – Bruce

7:19 – Bruce brought beer from Quebec, I believe he referred to it as, “Beer from Quebec”. It’s quite delicious, although it took me a while to find out as Mike stole my beer. Vengeance is mine, I’m going to put a scorpion in his sleeping bag – The Mayor

8:35 – I have breached the grounds of the Mayor’s manor. I am winded after the long trek up the hill, but after some careful maneuvering I have avoided detection from the guards. It appears The Mayor is having some sort of special gathering. I was not invited of course, it looks like there is a sacrificial alter in the shape of a serpent. The servants are frantically gathering glassware for the grand opening of some royal nectar. I must try to get a closer look and perhaps a taste… – Nikita

11:54 – The loose blocks in the new retaining wall at the back of the Manor is proving useful for disposing of sacrificial victims chosen by the Mayor’s diabolical “Pass the Ace” game. It is well that Mitchieville’s police force receive their paycheques directly from the Mayor along with a kiss on the cheek. – MapMaster

12:02 – Charades was a great success, then we moved on to Scattergories. Oh, how we laughed! And the hors d’oeuvres were delightful with the selection of wines. Whoops, gotta go, time for the key exchange. – Bruce

10:00 am, the next day. The Mayor’s neighbours have put up a for sale sign. And, there was a dastardly line up at the Tim Hortons for the morning coffee and carbohydrate ingestion. Somehow, I think the locals are slowly absorbing some sort of conscious realization about the new Mayor in Town. Otherwise, the donations to Set, the Snake God are up over budget. The squirrels carried off the peanuts I left for them to fight over. – Fenris

10:24 Ack! The lesbian-communist who made her way past security last night is nowhere to be found this morning, yet her yellow running shoes are in middle of The Manor foyer. Fenris is very angry with me. I, Suvorov, know nothing about her disappearance and have an alibi. Fenris has called the Mitchieville Public Library Secret Police. I need to get a head start, the blood hounds haven’t been fed for days. Should the Crown make the offer, I will take a plea bargain.


Wednesday, July 4th, 2007

This is a question that has tormented and baffled the readers of this blog for ages. Who is Fenris Badwulf? What makes him tick? Does he love and give love, or is he a heartless, bitter, lonely man, seeking refuge from his personal demons on the virtual world that is the internet? I can’t answer those questions as I have yet to meet the legend that is Fenris Badwulf. I can’t even say what he looks like. It has been written that we all create God in our own image. After 18 months of hanging around Mitchieville I think the same thing can be said of Fenris Badwulf. Don’t believe me?

It was during a lonely Sunday afternoon shift some year-and-a-half ago that I was reading another gut busting post by This post was my first read at Mitchieville, the accompanying picture on the right was the picture posted by Fenris for that post. I still have nightmares about this picture.

Despite that terrifying picture and the deeply disturbing post I returned to Mitchieville to find that it was so much more than a creepy guy blogging about masturbation. There were two creepy guys at Mitchieville and they liked to post about things like women, Hollywood deadbeats, women with no clothes on, Roman history, teenaged girls with very little clothing on, political correctness and trivia. Mitchieville rocked and I was hooked.

I stumbled across this next picture in the dark bowels of the internet and thought for a while that the hairy dark hued fellow beside The Mayor was Fenris. I eventually decided that his un-kept hooligan was likely a fan who just wanted his picture taken with The Mayor before he ended his life. I’ve come to believe that The Mayor, kind and benevolent as he is, granted this request only to spare the fragile psyche of this lost disheveled soul. Rumor has it that the man in that picture found the strength to carry on and is now a near famous musician. True story.

For the love of all that is good I hope this is the last time that any of us have to see this picture. This picture, I am sorry to say, really is me and not “that fat bastard Fenris” to quote one of our commenter’s. Should that commenter show up this weekend I will be demanding reparations and a hug.

Over at DMB last month a few readers thought that the person sitting beside Darcey was our cherished Fenris. Those readers would be wrong. That hunk of man flesh is Albertan Technophile from Not Dead Yet .

So what does Fenris Badwulf look like? Does he have the boyish looks of Tom Cruise? Does he have the glistening Pecs and curly locks of a Matthew McConaughey or is he a human troll like the men pictured above? Find out for yourself this weekend at “The Mayor’s 2007 Blogfestapolooza”. Send His Worship an email at: Mitchieville at for the details and directions (if you don’t know enough to replace the ‘at’ with the ‘@’ symbol then there is no hope for you in this world). The BBQ gazelle is free with the purchase of 100 carbon credits. Don’t forget to bring Fenris your money.

Sharon Stone Will Not Be Attending Blogfest

Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007

It’s true, I was thinking about inviting her, but it looks like she’s been doing too much partying as it is. Although Sharon Stone, that hag, will not be attending this year, Bruce from Autonomous Source, will be making the trip all the way from Quebec. What a freaking trooper, I’m stunned by that, although I shouldn’t be, Blogfest is the place to be, this Saturday at The Manor, 6 pm.

My Campaign Manager, Chris Strange and GIGC will be in attendance, as will the gang from The London Fog, who, BTW, have a snazzy new looking site, go have a boo. Ian from Ianism will be there. I’m glad Ian is going to show up, he sent me an email yesterday that warmed the cockles, and sub-cockles of my irregularly beating heart. We have some catching up to do, Irish decendant to Irish decendant.

It looks as though Sharon Stone was in one of those freaky pie throwing contests, but where as she was throwing pies at people, everyone else was throwing bags of hammers at her. She’s not getting into the party, I’ll have security throw her ugly ass out.

Fenris and Sargon, Reg and Trav, TLDG and myself will also be in attendance. Remember, there’s plenty of room, so plan on staying over. There will be tons of food, entertainment, prizes–yes, prizes–games, Blogfest will rock your world. Oh yes, it certainly will.

As for Sharon Stone? Life hasn’t just tossed her a curveball in the looks department, life has beaned her and beaned her hard.

Anyway, this Saturday, 6 pm, email The Mayor for directions, mitchieville at (replace *at* with @).