Archive for the ‘Britney Spears’ Category

Britneyism

Tuesday, April 10th, 2012

Yes, across the seas from the US to Canada. Britney is obviously talking about the Great Sea of Erie, Ontario, Superior, Michigan, and the greatest Sea of all, Huron. Because there is no way she’s talking about the Sea of Winnipeg or the Sea of Okanagan – hahaha, they don’t even border the US.

Unless she meant oceans. Like the Great Slave Ocean, or the Ocean Athabasca….

Britney Spears – Queasy Like Sunday Morning

Sunday, October 30th, 2011

It’s not even worth wondering how someone who looked like this just a few years ago now looks like a grizzled ham hock like the one in the above picture. It’s not worth even contemplating; you should just go right now to the one you love and throw your arms around them and tell them how much you love them. Unless they look like the grizzled ham hock in the above picture, then you should go to the nearest bar and drink yourself to death.

Britney Spears Time Machine

Saturday, November 14th, 2009

britney_spears-time-machine

It’s amazing that in just 10 years Britney Spears has gone from a sexy, sensual, no talent inbred, mentally weak, ignorant, brainless post-hole, to a not-sexy, not-sensual, no talent inbred, mentally weak, ignorant, brainless post-hole. I suppose the biggest difference though is that now she has that cool watch.

KFed Is Well Fed

Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009

kfed

Often times when someone goes through a nasty break-up they fall into either one of two extremes: They either lose a ton of weight, or they gain a ton of weight. Since it’s obvious KFed didn’t go the anorexia route, it could only mean he went the – and I’m not exactly sure what the medical term is, but I believe they call it the *disgusting* route.

Now there is nothing wrong with being overweight, most of us have been there at one time or another (or are stationed there full time). However, combine KFed’s newly rotund frame and the fact that he can neither read, write, or speak coherently, and his future is suddenly about as bright as a bat cave. And not the cool bat cave like what Batman has — one with electricity, big cushy chairs, and a slave that will make you a grilled cheese sandwich at 3 am, but rather a dingy bat cave where actual fanged bats will bite you and leave terrible scars on your person, and then fly into your hair and you’ll have to shave your head just to get the bat out.

Ya, that’s the bat cave I’m talking about.

Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009

Tiny MENSA Teaser

When Rocky put his answer to the last Tiny MENSA Teaser, I immediately looked at it and said, “What the hell Rocky, you’re not even close.” I then looked at his answer again and finally figured out that I was actually looking at his comment from my Misha Barton post. When all was said and done, Rocky was right, but so was I–Misha Barton is a drag queen from planet Xunthu.

Here is today’s Tiny MENSA Teaser, I hope you enjoy playing it as much as I enjoyed toiling over it:

A palindrome is a word, sentence, or group of words that reads the same backward or forward. What palindrome is suggested by the following clue?

What the Dutch housewife did to please the palates of her cheese-loving family

M _ _ _    _ _ _ _

Interesting. I’m pretty sure the answer is Mary Lamb. Check that, I’m POSITIVE it is.

What say you?

Terrorists Want To Cut Off Britney Spears Head

Wednesday, September 12th, 2007

Spokesman and senior leader of the Popular Resistance Committees terror organization wants to cut the head off of Britney Spears:

“If I meet these whores I will have the honor – I repeat, I will have the honor – to be the first one to cut the heads off Madonna and Britney Spears if they will keep spreading their satanic culture against Islam,” said Muhammad Abdel-Al.

First Keven Federline took her heart. Then childbirth took her body. The VMA’s followed suit by taking her soul. God jumped in and took her brain. Now the terrorists want to take off her head. What is this, a hillbilly garage sale?

I have one question regarding all of this: If the terrorists succeed and lop off Britney’s head, will anyone notice? Will Britney even notice?

Britney Spears forgets the lyrics

Monday, September 10th, 2007

HT: Darcey. A video of Britney Spears’ appearance at the MTV awards. Just plain sad. Without cue cards, and multiple takes, this woman could barely even remember the name of her own children.

The Top 10 Most Revolting Women On The Planet–#4 Britney Spears

Wednesday, July 18th, 2007

Talk about falling from grace. I use to get 2-3 emails a day from horny readers, demanding that I put up more pics of Britney Spears. Now, I put up 1 pic of Britney Spears in a month and I get death threats. MACCO threatened to cut out my eyes with a dull chopstick. Damn, that would really hurt.

Anyone who read Mitchieville a few years ago will remember that Britney Spears was one of The Mayors favourite little princesses. Now, I’d rather put my penis in a gopher hole than even look at a picture of that malformed, insane gnome. Where has my pleasure gone…oh ya, it’s gone to Meghan Fox.

I don’t know what happened to Britney Spears. Some say after she was KFed a diet of punk yokel for a few years she just snapped. Some tend to think the money and the success made her go snakey. Me on the other hand, I don’t give a shit.

Out of all the revolting women on this list, Britney is by far, more useless than all of them. I can hardly see what purpose this creature has on earth, but God is all knowing and all that, but I’ll be damned if I can figure out what good she is.

How revolting is Britney Spears? Let’s put it this way: Margaret Cho is #6, Britney is #4. Ya, that’s pretty effin’ revolting.

I made a promise to myself a few months ago that I would stop posting about Britney Spears. The only time I was allowed to was if I continued with the Top 10 revolting list, or if she fell down a flight of stairs. One down, one to go.

Britney Spears is in Rehab–I Officially Rid Myself of Her

Tuesday, February 20th, 2007

As if we didn’t see this coming, Britney Spears has checked herself into rehab:

“Britney Spears has voluntarily checked herself into an undisclosed rehab facility today,” publicist Larry Rudolph said in a statement. “We ask that the media respect her privacy as well as those (privacy concerns) of her family and friends at this time.”

I wonder why Britney checked herself into rehab, she seemed like such a normal and grounded young lady. Maybe someone slipped her a roofie without her knowing it.

It was about a month ago to this day that Kevin Federline told Britney Spears that she needed to check herself into rehab. On Saturday, I said this on these exact same illustrious pages, “by the time this is over, Kevin Federline will be regarded as the sane one”. About three weeks ago, my buddy Jim said this, “That David Suzuki, what an arrogant, useless prick”. Although Jim got a wee bit off track with that comment, it’s amazing how correct all three of those sentences are.

Amazing I tells ya. amazing.

Britney Spears is Bald, Ugly, Stupid

Saturday, February 17th, 2007

This is Britney Spears with a bald head. Why does Britney Spears have a bald head, you ask? Is it A) She is a newly christened member of the Los Angeles version of the Hari Krishna B) She is united in solidarity with cancer survivors C) She is auditioning for the part of a holocaust victim in an upcoming Steven Spielberg movie D) She has completely lost her fucking mind.

If you guessed *D*, you sir/madam are correct.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, by the time this is over, Kevin Federline will be regarded as the sane one.

Is Britney Spears a Lesbian?

Thursday, February 8th, 2007

Reports from sketchy sources say that Britney Spears participated in wild orgies, threesomes and girl on girl sex before splitting from Kevin Federline:

Kevin’s friend, rap music producer Omar ‘Iceman’ Sharif, lifted the lid on Britney’s alleged sexual exploits to In Touch Weekly magazine.

He said: “Britney was into threesomes and girls. There was tons of porn in the house – but it was mostly Britney’s.”

Omar also claimed that Britney would host X-rated parties at her Malibu marital home.

He said: “They were friends of her who she would invite to her house and they would drink and party. They had their hands all over each other.”

Another source said: “Sometimes it was three girls, and sometimes there were more like six. I heard about her being with girls at least 20 times while they were married.”

I always say, if you can’t trust a guy who’s name is Omar *Iceman* Sharif, then who the hell can you trust? Actually, the only person I trust more than someone named Omar *Iceman* Sharif is that *Anonymous Source* character. They seem to be behind quite a few of these stories.

If Britney was into girl on girl sex, it’s only because Federline was such a limp dick that he couldn’t satisfy the poor girl. We have to remember that Britney was once one of the more desirable women on the planet. Fast forward three years and now we have a girl that eats chocolate covered bacon and rolls in mud. That’s because of Federline. And God. Man, God really is funny sometimes.

She’s a lickalotapuss

Thanks for the article, Mark, I owe you one

Oops, That Disgusting Pig May Have Done it Again

Wednesday, January 17th, 2007

I’m not sure what’s worse, the thought that Britney Spears might be pregnant again, or we will be subjected to tabloid and newspaper reporters starting out their segments with the words, “Oops, she did it again”. Haha, that was funny the first 9 billion times I saw that, but it’s getting a little old now, retardo-boy:

Britney Spear’s friends believe that the baby-popping singer may be pregnant again, according to In Touch Weekly.

The friends concern may help to explain why Spears seems not to have lost any of her pregnancy weight and why she has been getting sick lately.

If any female Mitchievillian ever sees Kevin Federline in public, do not look him in the eye. I’m guaranteeing you that if he sees you, you will instantly be infected by his demon seed. And if he looks at your ass, that kid is going to be delivered out your bum. Kevin Federline could throw his sperm at you and you’ll have his baby yuck-yuck growing in your belly within the hour.

Run far and run fast. But by God, run.