Archive for the ‘Buttchops’ Category

Buttchops

Wednesday, December 14th, 2011

If The Mayor was a betting man - and he is – he’d feel pretty confident laying down odds of 5/1 that the ass in the picture is easily going to rip that pole from the ground. Meaning, if you bet $5 and that ass rips the pole from the ground, you win $1. Plus your original $5 bet. That doesn’t sound right, let The Mayor go over that again – if you bet $1 and that ass doesn’t rip the pole out of the ground, you win $5. Plus your original bet of $1. No, no, no, that doesn’t seem right either. How about, if you give The Mayor $5 and that ass rips the pole out of the ground, you win $5. Meaning, you’ll have $10 in your pocket, or wherever you keep your money. But keep in mind that’s only if that ass rips the pole out of the ground. But the pole has to be completely ripped out of the ground, not just bent in half. For you to win, that ass has to rip the pole all the way out of the ground. Wrong. The Mayor meant it the other way. For you to win any money, that ass won’t be able to rip the pole from the ground. THEN, and only then are you entitled to any money.

C’mon ass, you can do it!

Buttchops

Monday, November 21st, 2011

The last time The Mayor saw that many dimples, he was looking at a picture of Shirley Temple’s face. Wait, that’s not funny. The last time The Mayor saw that many dimples he was staring at a Titleist golf ball. A bit better, for sure, but still not great. But any joke at this time doesn’t even have to be great, let alone even good. And that’s because when The Mayor is completely out of material and still wants to garner a few comments, all he has to do is post buttchops. You’ll see, this place is going to rock.

Lowe’s Half Off Sale

Tuesday, November 8th, 2011

Another dilemma. The Mayor wasn’t sure whether to categorize this picture under “Buttchops” or “Bubble Butts”, or create a new category called “I am going to projectile vomit until blood runs out my eyes.” The last one seems a bit wordy, but it truly hits the nail on the head.

BTW, cute shoes.

Buttchop Week

Thursday, November 18th, 2010

I am not exaggerating in the least when I tell you that I have never been so angry in my life as I am right here and now. Fenris flew back in from Monte Carlo last night, took the red-eye out and arrived back in Mitchieville in the wee hours. He went directly to Ithkus’ sleeping quarters (it’s the poolhouse, actually), roused him from his sleep and read him the riot act. Fenris is typically a calm and collected person, but last night he just went off. He beat Ithkus so bad that his screams set off car alarms.

Fenris gave Ithkus one last chance; a chance to come up with the perfect Buttchop picture and make things right. And here is what The Mayor received this evening when he opened up his email – a freaking pork chop.

I am going to step away from the computer for a few hours and head down to the liquor store and then the firing range. When I get back to City Hall tomorrow morning, everything better be right.

Buttchop Week

Wednesday, November 17th, 2010

The Mayor is so mad at Ithkis (one of Mitchieville’s interns) that he can hardly form words. The Mayor gave him one simple task: find me a buttchop picture. And look what I get, a freakin’ headbutt picture. Or maybe it’s a picture of a butthead. Either way, I’m so upset I can hardly drink the rest of my tumbler of Springbank 32 Year Old whiskey. Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally going to drink it, but I’ll feel all unsettled the whole time doing it.

Fenris, make this better!

Buttchop Week

Tuesday, November 16th, 2010

When I was growing up, I was always told by influential people in my life, that it was wise to always date a short woman. That way, when you go to a party, you can always rest your drin and an ashtray on their head. Who are these influential peoples that gave The Mayor this advice? Let’s just say they have connections to the Vatican.

I suppose that a bubble butted/buttchop woman would be the same in a way. From the look of it, you can easily rest your drink, your ashtray and a box of Ritz Crackers on their buttchop. The only problem The Mayor sees is that it looks like a lot of food slips down the crack of that buttchop. “Hey, I’ve lost my roast beef sandwich, and I’ll be damned if I’m man enough to go get it!”

Buttchop Week

Monday, November 15th, 2010

I betcha it has its own postal code.

Sure, we’ve had Bubble Butt Week, Moobs Week and Backtits Week, but The Mayor was looking for something a little more cutting edge. Hence, Buttchop Week.

Buttchop Week is actually a combination of Bubble Butt, Moobs and Backtits, all rolled up into one disgusting, putrid ball ‘o flesh. And I just know you’re gonna love it. You’re already loving it. You’re sick in the head.