Archive for the ‘Canada’ Category

The CN Tower – 1975

Wednesday, January 23rd, 2013

The Toronto CN Tower was actually completed in 1976 and was, at the time, the tallest free-standing structure in the world. It has since been surpassed, but The Mayor couldn’t tell you by what or by where, and to look that type of information up would take valuable seconds. Try Wiki if you’re really curious.

The Mayor remembers the construction and opening of the tower, he was just a young lad at the time. He remembers commenting to his father that the CN Tower looked like a sword. Later that day The Mayor kissed little Molly Johnson on the cheek and then shit his pants an hour after that. What a day. What wonderful memories.

Canada is a racist shithole day

Sunday, July 1st, 2012

Like most Un-Hyphenated-Canadians, I forgot this was Canada is a racist shit hole day. If you live in Toronto, City of Light, you are either staying indoors or fleeing the city to get away from the fish stinking Queer-Canadian festival. Wear shoes, my Father always told me; stepping on a used condom is worse than stepping on a fresh dog turd. There is no parking in the city; and after the sun sets your rectum will attract intruders like brains attract zombies. Really now, who owns Canada*. I do not. I identify with my tribe, I begrudge the confiscations called taxes, and I seek out every advantage over the state I can manage. This Canada Day thing celebrates nothing; it is an excuse to pass money to political hacks, advertisers and marketeers with similar political agendas; it is an excuse to squeeze out more rewriting of history slanted towards the viewpoint of the knuckle walking left (The Battle of Lundy’s Lane* was a struggle for a woman’s right to choose, for example), and it is nothing but a bread and circuses show for the urban never workers, to distract them from themselves, to lure their slack jawed attention from their culture of welfare, drugs, crime, and pillage. Canada is a racist shit hole, more so with every fresh plane load of victims of racism brought in to puff up the Statist vote.

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Britneyism

Tuesday, April 10th, 2012

Yes, across the seas from the US to Canada. Britney is obviously talking about the Great Sea of Erie, Ontario, Superior, Michigan, and the greatest Sea of all, Huron. Because there is no way she’s talking about the Sea of Winnipeg or the Sea of Okanagan – hahaha, they don’t even border the US.

Unless she meant oceans. Like the Great Slave Ocean, or the Ocean Athabasca….

Canada Day 2011

Thursday, June 30th, 2011

Canada Day, 2011. What a racist shit hole. And now, sadly, we come again to the day celebrating that racist shit hole. Let us have a party around the latrine, drink beer, and stare down at the diversity of turds floating in the multicultural blend of urine, vomit, and condom drip.

As a Unhyphenated-Canadian I am deeply ashamed of my country, and especially those tax payers who resent paying more taxes for social programs that never seem to work in fighting racism. I hate this country. I wish it would go away, and something more progressive replace it. The progressives keep on setting up examples, and I, like them, can cherry pick from one and the other, using Global Warming science. Just close your eyes and visualize something other than reality, to wit. I want Canada to be a progressive success story so instead of talking about Canada and its few accomplishments, I shall talk about a better place, a better country, a better state. That country is Prussia.

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Why Are Canadians…

Saturday, June 25th, 2011

Canadians have a reputation throughout the world as being polite, being peacemakers, and being boring (The Mayor isn’t even sure of the peacemaker part, but for the life of me I couldn’t figure out three things Canadians are known for, and when drawing attention to something, using three examples always works the best – except in this case). Although being boring isn’t even on the list, The Mayor has read more times than not that Canadians are boring peoples. Even Google Search thinks Canadians are boring. Look at the boring list that comes up when faced with the query “Why are Canadians…”.

And before anyone mentions that Canadians are known worldwide for hockey, that doesn’t really fit in with the query, “Why are Canadians…”. So there.

And yes, we are a very good looking peoples. And afraid of the dark.

Canadian Terminology – Beer VS Sex Acts

Wednesday, May 4th, 2011

The Mayor’s favourite Canadian terminology/Beer/Sex act/joke goes like this: in Canada, Moosehead is a beer, in Ohio it’s a misdemeanor.

Thoughts On The 2011 Canadian Election

Tuesday, May 3rd, 2011

Another Canadian election is in the books and Stephen Harper and his Conservatives are the proud owners of a brand spanking new majority government.

The socialist party won 103 seats and will form the official opposition. The liberals and Bloc were beaten like rented mules, and in the Bloc’s case, they will not even receive official party status.

The leader of the the liberals, Michael Ignatief, lost his seat in Etobicoke, while separatist leader, Gilles Duceppe, failed to win his seat in Whereverville Quebec.

All in all, if you are a Conservative or a socialist, this morning you will be partying like it’s 1999 (or in the Conservative case, 1986). If you are a liberal or a Bloc-head, you will most certainly be on suicide watch.

Notable liberal losses, ones that made The Mayor smile from ear to ear include, but are certainly not limited to: Ken Dryden, good riddance.

Mark Holland, Ajax Pickering – done nothing but collect cheques since arriving on parliament hill.

Ruby Dhalla – voters don’t want slave owners.

Joe Volpe – out with the old.

Gerard Kennedy – “the future of the liberal party.”

Dan McTeague – useless from the start. Useless to the end. Get a job.

John Cannis – a true liberal. Never showed up to vote, only cared for his fellow Greek countrymen, blight on society.

The list goes on and on, those are just a few of the deadbeats The Mayor has watched over the years who wasted our air.

Bob Rae declared that the biggest irony EVA was that voters left the liberals to go to the ndp, and in turn gave the Conservatives a majority gov’t. Rae totally missed the irony that the ndp, if elected, would have destroyed Canada, but since the voters left the liberals for the ndp, the ndp ended up completely obliterating the Bloc, the party that wants to destroy Canada. Now THAT’S irony!

Polls are for chumps. The last poll The Mayor saw had the Conservatives ahead of the ndp 33.6% to 32%. The Conservatives ended up with over 40% and the ndp 30%. Kinda reminds me when the polls had Rob Ford in a dead heat with Smitherman. Ford only won the biggest landslide in Toronto political history.

Even though Global, the CBC, Toronto Star and all the other rag outfits will never admit this, Stephen Harper is a genius. He not only held on to power through the toughest economy in decades, he solidified and expanded his support. Remarkable. No matter how much you hear the pundits crow about how well Smilin’ Jack the commie did, the fact is that the Tories have a 5 year mandate to run Canada. And in the end, they are the best of the worst.

The Canadian Leaders Debate

Thursday, April 14th, 2011

It’s often been said in politics that you don’t have to agree with every platform of a political party to vote for them, you just have to agree with most things. Or many things.

The Mayor, like tens of hundreds of other unfortunate souls, watched the Canadian leaders debate Tuesday night. After all was said and done, it dawned on The Mayor that there really isn’t a lot of difference between any of the major political parties, they all support the same platforms, the differences they have is how to implement them.

When it comes to mass, unchecked immigration, all three parties agree that Canada needs even more immigrants. The only argument here is how much more cash should be given to them.

When it comes to gun control, all three parties are for it.

When it comes to a massive, bloated bureaucracy, again, all three parties are for it.

When it comes to socialized medicine, all three parties are for it.

When it comes to abortion, all three parties endorse it.

When it comes to multiculturalism, all three parties support it and want to expand it.

When it comes to cap and trade all three parties are for it, the difference being how to implement it.

When it comes to justice and law enforcement, all three parties agree that the most pressing issue in Canada is violence against women, gays and minorities.

When it came to the $60 billion stimulus, all three parties voted for it.

It goes on and on and on and on and on. All the leaders even wore the same suit.

When The Mayor steps back and looks at the issues and who supports what, what is the conclusion he is suppose to draw? Harper is better because he’s not Ignatief? Actually, that IS a good reason, but not enough reason to vote for Harper.

The Mayor will not vote for any of the major three parties this year, he refuses to vote for one party because they’re not the other party. That doesn’t make sense.

All three parties are virtually identical, with perhaps the ndp being the bizarre uncle of the group.

None of them will get my vote.

We Stand On Guard For Thee

Tuesday, January 4th, 2011

That’s taking the whole *True patriot love* thing a little too far, I would say.

Invasion USA

Tuesday, September 7th, 2010

The Canadian Trojan Horse Moose™ is finally operational and ready to be deployed.

You hosers are in for it now.

Beauty.

Canada – Where Are Our Green Shoots?

Thursday, September 2nd, 2010

Jim Stanford of the Globe & Mail, reporting on the Canadian economy, has come to the same conclusion The Mayor reached over a year ago: our economy is screwed:

Tepid GDP numbers released Tuesday by Statistics Canada confirm that Canada’s economic recovery, such as it was, is sliding completely into the ditch. We’re clearly heading for stagnation at best, and quite possibly another “double dip” downturn.

The headline number was disappointing, to say the least. Real GDP grew only 2 per cent (annualized) in the spring quarter. That’s just a hair faster than the U.S. economy (which everyone knows is still deeply in the soup). Two per cent doesn’t keep up with population and productivity – implying higher unemployment ahead, not lower. Typically, at this stage of recovery, the economy should be growing three times faster.

Dig a little deeper, and the picture looks even worse. Half the growth reported Tuesday was a statistical “shadow” of the faster expansion experienced in the first quarter – earlier growth that automatically boosted the second-quarter numbers, whether the GDP kept growing or not. From March through June, actual growth was weaker, about 1 per cent annualized.

Moreover, the growth that did occur was due solely to inventory accumulation, as businesses began restocking the shelves in hopes of stronger market conditions. Strip out new inventories, and real GDP actually declined. But consumer spending is already slowing, and now those inventories will drag down future growth.

There is no growth. The only reason there was any growth the last year and a half was because of our *Conservative* government flushing $60 billion down the toilet on an idiotic stimulus program. Now the stimulus is gone and there is no cash left. The *Conservative* government shot their bolt, and all that is left is to watch businesses close down, the housing bubble explode, and unemployment soar. The Conservatives should pack a really big box lunch, because come spring they will be shipped off to the political desert for another 20 years. But that’s what happens when you govern like a bunch of liberals.

Also, consumers have stopped spending. That’s because they have no cash left. Like our American brothers and sisters, Canadians got credit card fever in the 90’s and haven’t stopped spending since. Now it’s time to pay the piper, and Canadians from BC to Newfie are looking for a place on the piper to swipe their maxed-out Visa card (that was pretty funny):

The average Canadian family’s household debt rose to $96,000 last year, a new study says.

Debt-to-income levels rose to 145 per cent – the highest level ever recorded in the study, which has run annually for 11 years.

The Vanier Institute of the Family study found a dramatic rise in late debt payments.

Mortgage payments that were at least 90 days late were up 50 per cent over 2008.

Additionally, there was a rise of 40 per cent in credit card payments that were three months behind.

If you care to look up the statistics, the average Canadian household has  far more debt right now than the average American household did when everything crashed in 2007-2008. Our debt-to-income ratio? Yup, we’re #1 again. Yippee!

Multiply that with the housing bubble that is already here and you have a recipe for disaster.

Jim Stanford of the Globe ends his piece in typical msm pump-monkey fashion:

Governments clearly need to keep stimulating through budget deficits and low interest rates (rather than choking off recovery with premature tightening). But in the absence of business leadership, they’ll also have to take on a bigger task: finding ways to directly expand output and create work, filling the vacuum left by the private sector’s continuing failure to borrow and spend.

Of course, spend more money on more idiotic stimulus projects. Why didn’t our government think of that before? Oh, they did? Well then, maybe the idiotic stimulus wasn’t idiotic enough. Maybe if the “Conservative” government can find something more idioticer to waste money on, our economy will shape up quick-smart.

I have another idea that may help. I know, it has never been tried before and is probably pretty dumb, but you never know, maybe, just maybe it could make a teenie-weenie bit of difference. Here goes: maybe if the government, on ALL levels, cut their spending and got the flying fuck out of the way of the business person – the wealth creators – maybe then we would be on our way to economic growth.

Keraaaazy, eh?

But what kind of government cheese can be cut out on all three levels of government?

I’m glad you asked.

Firstly – get rid of the Ministry of Intergovernmental Affairs. What the hell purpose does it serve? Oh, to “provide advice to the Prime Minister, the Minister of Intergovernmental Affairs and Cabinet on federal-provincial-territorial relations, the evolution of our Federation and Canadian unity.”

That’s dumb and useless. Get rid of it and everyone associated with it.

Next – get rid the Ministry of Western Economic Diversification and combine that department with Natural Resources. It’s overlap, it’s expensive and ridiculous.

Next – get rid of the Ministry of Indian and Northern Affairs Canada. Stop apologizing and start living. We are broke. We have no money. The Indians have to realize it and move on starting 25 years ago. We are all equal under our constitution (I think), let’s stop degrading the Indians by treating them like welfare cases.

Next – combine the Ministry of the Environment with the Ministry of WED and Natural Resource into one smallish ministry. It’s all the same thing. It’s like having a Ministry of Knives, a Ministry of Forks and a Ministry of Spoons. Combine them and make a Ministry of Cutlery. Think outside the box, Jeeves.

Citizenship and Immigration? Cut the budget by 2/3. Why? Because we’re cutting immigration from 300,000 a year to 100,000. Again, we are broke. We have no money. There is no gravy left. Yes, I know, immigrants contribute to the tapestry of diversity which is our strength. Sorry, we don’t need any more tapestry. Someone peed on our carpet. To repeat: we are broke. We have no money.

Ministry of Canadian Heritage? Gone. No one gives a rats ass about such trivial and wasteful things like Canadian Heritage. If I want more Canadian Heritage I’ll YouTube up the Beechcombers and eat a pound of poutine.

Ministry of Fisheries and Oceans? Again – combine it with the Min of Nat Res. Done.

Ministry of Agriculture and Agrifood? See above.

That’s a start. I’m sure we can work on Ministry of Human Resources and Ministry of Public Works, but my fingers are getting tired saving our country billions and billions and billions and billions and billions of dollars.

As for the province and the municipal governments (as well as the feds) – ANY program, agency, board, offices, councils, tribunals, centers, commissions, services, etc; ANY and ALL of those that encompass any group – racial, sexual, religious, environmental, or anything with the word *wheat* in it, is to be disbanded and never talked about again.

Think about it: if the Ministry of Canadian Heritage was gone tomorrow, would you miss it?

Can we live without the Human Rights Tribunal?

Is the National Film Board really necessary?

Is the CBC worth a cool billion a year?

What’s the name of the chap that runs Defence Construction Canada?

Our governments’ need to stop spending. They are out of control spendaholics. They need to cut. They need to cut government ministries and ministry jobs. The need to streamline immediately. If they don’t, we need to get rid of them right away. There are no second chances.

Folks, we are seriously fucked in this country and no one gives a shit. Our governments’ (that’s plural) are all bankrupt, yet they continue to spend recklessly and we actually let them. Hell, we re-elect them. Imagine, we keep re-electing those that have screwed us without kissing us, all the while believing that even though they have shown not one iota of common sense in the past, they are sure to be better stewards with our money next time.

That is insanity.

Classic insanity.

I’m not sure where to go with this, it’s tiring and frustrating. I got way off topic, but it was fun.

Another Foot Has Washed Up On A West Coast Beach

Saturday, August 28th, 2010

Yet another foot has washed up on a West Coast beach, and once again there is not a sole that has any idea whose it is or how it got there:

The right foot was found by a tourist on Whidbey Island, about 50 kilometres north of Seattle, on Friday morning.

“Based on the size, we’re estimating it belongs to either a female or a juvenile,” Island County Sheriff’s Office spokesman Det. Ed Wallace said in an interview. “Based on the condition, we’re estimating it’s been in the water less than two months.”

He said the foot was found without a shoe or a sock, and the tourist was quite startled by the discovery.

Wallace said based on the information police have gathered, they don’t believe the foot matches any missing persons cases in the area.

Officers plan to reach out to surrounding jurisdictions, including B.C., to see if any of their cases might fit.

Seven feet have been found on B.C. shores since August 2007.

Since the police can’t figure this out for the life of them, and detectives from Washington to BC are out of ideas and clues, I believe now is the right time to bring in the only person that can solve the mystery of the beached foot: the Prince that was boning Cinderella.

Even if the Prince showed up to the house where the woman with the one foot lived, and say she had a few ugly sisters that dug the Prince, even if they tried the shoe on, it’ll never fit. There is only one person whose foot will fit perfectly inside that sneaker, and only the Prince that was boning Cinderella can find this out.