Archive for the ‘Chicks With Dicks’ Category

Chick’s With Dick’s

Wednesday, December 28th, 2011

There have been times in the past where The Mayor has posted pictures of a wife of a Dick, not completely sure if that picture was in fact the actual wife of the Dick in question. This is another one of those times. If you have an instant-recognition program kicking about, the type where you can scan a face and then feed it into your computer and it will instantly tell you who that person is – the same instant-recognition program like what they used in the terrible movie I Am Number 4 – then you will be “going yard” with today’s segment. For those of you that are not privy to technology that doesn’t exist yet, here are some rather rotten clues to help you along the way.

This woman’s Dick was born in New Jersey in 1939. When her Dick was a young boy he lost his left eye after he jammed a pencil in it. No one knows why Dick did that, it was probably due to the fact that he was stupid. Her Dick was a college and professional basketball coach before retiring and getting into broadcasting.

He is best known for his catchphrases like “baby!” and “diaper dandy”….whatever the hell that means.

The Mayor wishes he could tell you more about this wife’s Dick, but Dick has kind of led a life under the radar.

From the clues given, it’s possible you folks might not be able to get your head around today’s Dick. Today’s Dick might be out of reach. At first it might seem this Dick is at your fingertips, but the more you think about Dick, the more Dick starts to fade from your mind. Whether that’s a good or bad thing is up for debate, a debate The Mayor simply does not have time for.

Who is today’s Dick?

Chick’s With Dick’s

Friday, October 14th, 2011

You would have to go back to about the middle of July this year to find the last segment of Chick’s With Dick’s. During that segment, it was revealed that Mr Fnortner, DMorris, Andy, Marc in Calgary©, and the River Rat really know their Dick’s. Those five guys are really into their Dick’s, obviously. They know everything Dick. They really have their hands on the pulse of all things Dick. They must eat, sleep and dream Dick, 24/7, 366 on a leap year. How else to explain that all five of these Dick loving men knew that Richard Simmon’s was the mystery Dick of the day?

That is the only explanation. And not to beat a dead and or dying horse here, but some guys suck at Dick’s, while others – like DMorris, Andy, Mr Fnortner, Marc in Calgary© and the River Rat lap up all things Dick. The Mayor supposes they love Dick’s more than life itself.

The Mayor extends his congratulations to all five of these Dick lovers. Good job, Dick loving Dick kissing, Dick fondling Dick Dick’s. Fags.

Who and what is that grainy picture in today’s post, you ask? Well, it’s the wife of a Dick. As for the picture, it’s the only one The Mayor could find of this wife of a Dick. There are more pictures on the intertubes of the Loch Ness Monster doing deep knee bends on Rosie O’Donnel’s face than there are of this wife of a Dick. Not sure why there aren’t more pictures, perhaps she’s really ugly.

The picture you do see comes from the game show set where Dick met this grainy creature. Yup, they met on the set of a game show that he hosts. He probably tried to woo her by saying something like this, “if you come back to my trailer, I’ll hook you up with a years supply of Rice-A-Roni, it’s the San Francisco treat.” And seeing as though she’s a huge fan of processed foods and rice that contains low nutritional value, she fell at his feet and kissed his stinking Bruno Maglia’s until security had to hose her off him. That’s what happened, and it does no good for you to reject history in its purest form.

Other than that, no one really know much about this lover of the Dick. Her first name is Gretchen, we do know that much. She has terrible hair and teeth, the picture clued us in to that. But other than that, it’s all a mystery, the past is history, and today is a gift, because we call it the present. So go suck on my poetry for a while, bitchez, and answer the question that’s drooling down from your swollen lip – Who is today’s Dick?

Chicks With Dicks

Monday, July 25th, 2011

Why the picture of the three dalmatians, Mayor, I thought we were playing Chicks With Dicks, what gives? What gives is this, oh mighty question asker – when we play Chicks With Dicks, the Mayor typically posts a picture of the Chick that is married to the Dick The Mayor is referring to in said post. Seeing as today’s Dick is single, and admittedly lives with three dalmatians, the dogs are the closest objects The Mayor could get to finding a chick to accompany today’s Dick.

That was thoroughly exhausting. A back rub and a tumbler of cognac is the only thing that is going to help right now. And maybe some salt and vinegar chips, you bunch of angry haters of the BEST chips in the universe (you know who you are, don’t make The Mayor point you out and make a spectacle of your terrible choices in junk foods).

Today’s Dick is a creepy little maggot who was born in 1948 in a little place The Mayor likes to call the USA. He opened a gym in Beverly Hills way back when that catered to fat people, and a few years later came out with a series of videos that really launched his profession career (if you call jumping around in a pair of shorts acting like a little bitch a career).

Today’s Dick appears quite a bit on that not-funny show, David Letterman, and Letterman pretends to be mean to to him, and the crowd falls for it, and then Letterman goes home and spanks himself senseless (which wouldn’t be a Herculian task by any means) over the thought that he just embarrassed a fellow homosexual.

There’s not much more to say about today’s Dick other than he’s not funny or entertaining, and the second The Mayor sees Dick’s image anywhere, he immediately takes out a little brown bag he always holds in his upper right pocket of his Armani, and pukes until his lungs hurt.

Who is today’s Dick?

Chicks With Dicks

Monday, April 25th, 2011

The Mayor trusts everyone had a delicious Easter holiday. As for The Mayor, well, he went on an Easter egg hunt yesterday and failed to turn up one single Easter egg. He just doesn’t understand what went wrong? He did everything exactly like he did when he was a child, yet nothing, not one bloody egg. The Mayor is starting to think that when he was a child, someone actually planted Easter eggs before he went hunting making it easier to find and collect eggs. Sure, that may sound ludicrous, but it’s a possibility, is it not?

Moving on, today’s chick with a Dick was never actually married to her Dick, she just had copious amounts of sex with him and spawned his baby. She was and still is a baby factory. She should be very proud of herself.

Her Dick was born in Minneapolis, Minnesota and is now 61 years old. Her Dick has been in plenty of shows such as General Hospital, Stargate SG-1 (whatever that is), and another role that made his career. The Mayor says this because to this day he still hears the name of Dicks tv show used when someone describes being able to come up with a solution to a problem when they only have a few items available to them – like dirt and a string, for instance.

That was a huge hint, dontchaknow.

Today’s Dick actually goes by three names, but none of them are hyphenated, meaning, we shouldn’t jump on the kick-him-in-the-balls-bandwagon, thinking he’s some sort of enlightened, progressive, useless slab of flesh. Perhaps he is, The Mayor just lacks evidence to prove it.

And that’s pretty much all the hints you’ll receive about this Dick.

Who is this Dick?

Chicks With Dick’s

Thursday, July 15th, 2010

Barbara Bach photo

It has been so long since we’ve played Chicks With Dick’s that I’m not actually sure if the idea behind this game is to guess who the chick is or who the Dick is. Funny that. But I’m relatively sure it’s the Dick, so let’s go with that, shall we?

We are all familiar with Barbara Bach. She’s an actress (sort of), Bond girl and ex model. She is also married to a Dick, a tricky Dick at that. Tricky because said Dick doesn’t actually go by the name Richard or Dick, but rather by a pseudonym. A pseudonym is a hard word to spell and required SpellCheck, something The Mayor should use more often.

Barbara’s Dick played drums with Rory Storm and The Hurricanes in the late 50’s and early 60’s, and then went on to play for another band that, I suppose you could say, had some decent worldwide success for the better part of the next 15 years.

After that band split up, Dick tried a solo career, but that was about as successful as Obama’s economic policies. Ya, that’s pretty terrible, ainit?

Telling you anything else is a dead givaway, but I’m pretty sure a handful of you already know who I’m talking about.

Which Dick is attached to this Chick?

Chicks With Dicks

Monday, March 8th, 2010

dick-who

We haven’t played Chicks With Dicks® in ages, mostly because of the lack of talent named Dick. Not many parents name their child Dick nowadays. Same goes for Richard. Now, if I changed the name of this segment to Chicks With Jabari, or Chicks With DeShawn, well, then I’d have another 90 weeks of entertainment for you. But then the title would mean little, and The Mayor is all about the one joke wonders that he pulls off on a semi-consistent manner.

The Dick that this chick is attached to was born in the year of our Lord, 1928. Dick comes from a long line of family members being actors, actresses, directors, etc. Dick and Chick with Dick have three sons, all of them actors. In other words, no one in this family as far as the eye can see has ever had a real job. When the SHTF, these lugans will be left out to dry. Into the stew pot, Dickie bird.

I’m pretty sure Dick is still alive, although I remember he was really sick a few years back, heart attack or something. Perhaps lucas. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t AIDS.

I don’t know much more about this Dick, other than a few quirky facts, like: he was in `Weird Al` Yankovic`s “Smells Like Nirvana” video, he is the Founder of “Natural Balance” dog food, and he was the father in a show that ran from the late 70’s into the early 80’s. A VERY popular tv show. Maybe The Mayor only thinks it’s popular, seeing as though it only ran for four years,

As for the Chick with the Dick, I have no information about her, other than she actually looks like the Dick she’s married to. When I first saw her picture, I was like, “That’s the Dick”. But it wasn’t the Dick, it was only the Chick that sleeps with the Dick, eats with the Dick, nags the Dick, and occasionally makes sweet love to the Dick.

Who’s the Dick?

Chicks With Dicks

Friday, October 30th, 2009

chick-with-dick

I believe the woman on the left hand side is the Chick With the Dick. The person from the site where I took this from sure thinks so. As a matter of fact they said, “the woman on the left, ______, is blah blah’s wife. That’s good enough for me, let’s go with it.

Woman on the left would be the second wife of her Dick. She has two kids from a previous marriage/affair/hospital theft, and there’s not much known about her other than she sure married into money.

The Dick she’s married to is one of the richest men in the world. Yet he doesn’t display that air of superiority. I’m sure he’s a real arsehole in his own right, but I see him as more of a down to earth type of guy. He once had a short-lived show on the tube that I had the misfortune of watching 5 minutes of. The show was so bad that I wrote up and invoice and sent it to him. The invoice was for forty thousand dollars. Six dollars for the time I wasted watching it, and 39994.00 for pain and suffering (my dollar sign key doesn’t work so I have to type every amount out, in case you’re wondering).

Dick guy is a Libertarian, and referred to the two main political parties in his country as being “the same”. Seems Dick likes freedom and free markets, and I think that’s why I like Dick. As in, Dick the person, not some sort of twisted homosexual reference about male genitalia. Get your mind out of the gutter.

Have I given you enough information? Do you need more clues? Can you believe Dick married the woman on the left and not her hot daughter? I mean, Dick is worth a zillion dollars and he married for love. Hahahaha. Wait, that’s beautiful.

Chicks With Dicks

Tuesday, April 14th, 2009

March 30 was the last time we played Chicks With Dicks, and on that day, Dp4Life and Stacy both correctly identified the Dick with the Chick was none other than the great unwashed, Keith Richards. Could you imagine if Keith’s whole persona is one giant lie and he’s actually a stickler for cleanliness and hygiene? Ya, me either, he’s swine.

Today’s Chick With a Dick seems to have an arm growing from her shoulder. Although it seems she doesn’t mind it, perhaps it gives her more options when she’s apple picking. I don’t have an awful lot of information about her, other than she’s kind of cute, she’s been in over 100 commercials, and she got engaged to her Dick about two years ago.

That’s it, that’s all I got. Let’s move on to the Dick.

Her Dick is a pretty funny guy, who was in the news a few years ago for all the wrong reasons. He was in one of the most successful shows ever in the history of television, and he was the main reason why most people watched it (IMHO). He was born in 1949 in Culver City, California, to parents of Italian descent.

He has been in a buttload of movies and TV shows, and after the show he was in went off the air, he starred in his own show, under his own name, but that piece of shit was cancelled less than a season in.

I can’t give you many more hints, but if you want to find out who this character is, Google “Laugh Factory”.

I just gave it away.

So, who is the Dick With the Chick?

Chicks With Dicks

Monday, March 30th, 2009

The last time you were subjected to Chicks With Dicks was waaaay back on March 18, and on that day of the Lord, River Rat and Stacey successfully guessed that the Dick that belonged to the Chick was that seedy piece of animal feed, Richard Dreyfus.

Congratulations River Rat and Stacey, it’s good to see you’re able to pick out a commies wife from limited information. Your skills will be needed in the next eight years, and then afterwards during the show-trials that will follow the nations eight year nightmare.

Let’s not test the waters by dipping our large toe into it, let’s just jump right in and find out a little about the Dick in question and a little information about the chick who is married to said Dick.

This woman was a super model in the 1970’s. She appeared on all the rag-type magazines, such as Vogue, Glamour, Seventeen, Home & Garden Mitchieville Edition, etc.

In the 1980’s she tried acting and failed miserably, but at least she was still a hot piece of ass and could rely on her good looks to get her through those cold winter nights. In 1983 she married, and a few years later started popping out children like my popcorn maker pops out half-cooked kernels of Orval Redenbacher popping corn (???).

The Dick she is married to is a real dirty pig. He could very well be the nicest guy in the world, but he looks like he hasn’t showered in years, or shaved, or taken any pride in his personal appearance. The Dick is as rich as they get, I guess he’d be valued at about a billion dollars, or 750 billion yen.

I can’t tell you what the Dick does for a living, but I can tell you he’s a musician whose band is still on tour. What do you know, I told you exactly what he does. I can’t keep a secret, I have issues regarding secrecy.

You’ve probably figured it out already, although saying a musician is a dirty pig is rather vague.

Who Is The Dick With This Chick?

Chicks With Dicks

Wednesday, March 18th, 2009

February 23 was the last time we played Chicks With Dicks. It was a cold and miserable morning when I typed out that gem, I remember my feet were freezing and I had to put on an extra socks. At one point it got so cold that I had my dog lay on my feet. Then my dog got really cold and I had to lay on his feet. Although technically, dogs don’t have feet, they have paws. I’m surprised you didn’t know that.

Go_Fish was the only person to correctly identify that the Dick with the Chick was none other than Richard Gere. Go_Fish got extra points for correctly identifying Gere’s wife, Carey Lowell. That’s pretty good. It’s like I served up the perfect fastball right down the tube and Go_fish just finished making love to his Louisville Slugger and hit it clean out of the park. Ya, I know, I have to work on my analogies more.

Today’s Chick with a Dick is a commie. She was born in Russia, so I can only assume she’s a mail order bride. However, you would figure that if the rich Hollyweird actor she’s married to was to get a mail order bride he’d choose one that isn’t so chunky. Then again, the actor she’s married to isn’t exactly a prize pig either.

Her idiot husband, and I call him an idiot because he is in fact an idiot, has been married three times, and the couple currently live in California. Fortunately for society, idiot boy has never had the good grace to knock-up any of his former or current slaves, so hopefully his bloodline will end when he kicks the bucket.

The commies idiot husband was a conscientious objector during Vietnam (read-coward), he was part of the crowd that wanted to impeach Bush because of war crimes, and he is a general malcontent and worthless piece of flesh.

The commies idiot husband is also bi-polar, a depressive, and he’s suing his father over a loan he made to him over 25 years ago. What a creature.

Other than than, I’m sure these two will split in a few years, it seems no one can stand being around a guy that whines like a girl and looks like a dinner knapkin from an all-you-can-eat spaghetti bar.

It is your job to guess the Dick that belongs to the Chick. And that’s why this feature is so aptly named, “Chicks With Dicks”.

The end.

Chicks With Dicks

Monday, February 23rd, 2009

We have to go all the way back to February 4  to find the last time we played Chicks With Dicks. I remember that date very well. The corn was knee-high in the field, my oldest legitimate son knee-high to a grasshopper, and I was wearing a pair of wonderful looking knee-highs. What a time it was for celebration.

It was also the day that N. O’Reilly correctly identified the Chick With Dick as Gloria Glad, girlfriend and bunk-muffin of Richie Rich. Gloria and Richie were a lovely couple, unfortunately drugs, alcohol, and a love for the needle ended their 17 year love affair. When will people learn that the love of money is the root of all evil. And so is a 60 pounder of Valu-U-Rite vodka and a syringe full of Tokyo white.

The person you see in front of you is the Chick of a big obnoxious Hollyweird Dick. When he’s not winning Oscar’s (not last night, years back) and yammering on about the poor souls of some foreign country and how we should help them, he’s making mostly successful movies and hanging around being one of the biggest sex symbols on the planet. At least he was years ago.

This woman has had a baby with her Dick. She was a Ford Model, I suppose before they instituted standards for weight and looks, and is apparently an actress. Other than that, she seems relatively useless and as I stated before, not that attractive. Oh, she was a Bond girl in Licence to Kill. Now she’s probably a bondage girl in licence to sicken.

I’ve given you enough hints, I’m sure you know who the Dick is that she’s with. You may even know her name, anything is possible.

Any guesses who the dick is?

Chicks With Dicks

Wednesday, February 4th, 2009

You would have to go back to January 28 of the year of the Lord 2009, to find the last Chick With Dicks segment we ran at Mitchieville. It wasn’t just the last time we played, it was the only time. It was history in the making, it was something that none of us will soon forget.

Out of the rubble of answers that were cast that day, only the Godless Commie knew that the Chick With the Dick was none other than Kari Clark, wife of Dick Clark. Actually, GC knew it was Dick Clark’s wife and didn’t know her name. And  why would he, she’s insignificant.

Did you know that Dick Clark’s middle name is Wagstaff? Absolutely true. His full name is Richard Wagstaff “Dick” Clark. I wonder if he got punched out much as a kid?

Today we have featured someone that is not only smart, but irresistibly beautiful. She has legs to her shoulders, lovely flowing red hair, a nice tight ass, and a set of the hardest breasts you will ever find.

She is the girlfriend of a Dick, and if I’m not mistaken she has never been married. Her boyfriend has an awful lot of money, was involved in print media–specifically comic books, had a successful television show, and although he had parents, they didn’t seem to take an active role in his life.

No more hints, I’m basically throwing this game for you as it is.

What I’m looking for is the name of the Dick this sexy young temptress went out with. That’s why we call this game, “Chicks With Dicks.”