It has been so long since we’ve played Chicks With Dick’s that I’m not actually sure if the idea behind this game is to guess who the chick is or who the Dick is. Funny that. But I’m relatively sure it’s the Dick, so let’s go with that, shall we?

We are all familiar with Barbara Bach. She’s an actress (sort of), Bond girl and ex model. She is also married to a Dick, a tricky Dick at that. Tricky because said Dick doesn’t actually go by the name Richard or Dick, but rather by a pseudonym. A pseudonym is a hard word to spell and required SpellCheck, something The Mayor should use more often.

Barbara’s Dick played drums with Rory Storm and The Hurricanes in the late 50’s and early 60’s, and then went on to play for another band that, I suppose you could say, had some decent worldwide success for the better part of the next 15 years.

After that band split up, Dick tried a solo career, but that was about as successful as Obama’s economic policies. Ya, that’s pretty terrible, ainit?

Telling you anything else is a dead givaway, but I’m pretty sure a handful of you already know who I’m talking about.

Which Dick is attached to this Chick?

We haven’t played Chicks With Dicks® in ages, mostly because of the lack of talent named Dick. Not many parents name their child Dick nowadays. Same goes for Richard. Now, if I changed the name of this segment to Chicks With Jabari, or Chicks With DeShawn, well, then I’d have another 90 weeks of entertainment for you. But then the title would mean little, and The Mayor is all about the one joke wonders that he pulls off on a semi-consistent manner.

The Dick that this chick is attached to was born in the year of our Lord, 1928. Dick comes from a long line of family members being actors, actresses, directors, etc. Dick and Chick with Dick have three sons, all of them actors. In other words, no one in this family as far as the eye can see has ever had a real job. When the SHTF, these lugans will be left out to dry. Into the stew pot, Dickie bird.

I’m pretty sure Dick is still alive, although I remember he was really sick a few years back, heart attack or something. Perhaps lucas. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t AIDS.

I don’t know much more about this Dick, other than a few quirky facts, like: he was in `Weird Al` Yankovic`s “Smells Like Nirvana” video, he is the Founder of “Natural Balance” dog food, and he was the father in a show that ran from the late 70’s into the early 80’s. A VERY popular tv show. Maybe The Mayor only thinks it’s popular, seeing as though it only ran for four years,

As for the Chick with the Dick, I have no information about her, other than she actually looks like the Dick she’s married to. When I first saw her picture, I was like, “That’s the Dick”. But it wasn’t the Dick, it was only the Chick that sleeps with the Dick, eats with the Dick, nags the Dick, and occasionally makes sweet love to the Dick.

Who’s the Dick?

I believe the woman on the left hand side is the Chick With the Dick. The person from the site where I took this from sure thinks so. As a matter of fact they said, “the woman on the left, ______, is blah blah’s wife. That’s good enough for me, let’s go with it.

Woman on the left would be the second wife of her Dick. She has two kids from a previous marriage/affair/hospital theft, and there’s not much known about her other than she sure married into money.

The Dick she’s married to is one of the richest men in the world. Yet he doesn’t display that air of superiority. I’m sure he’s a real arsehole in his own right, but I see him as more of a down to earth type of guy. He once had a short-lived show on the tube that I had the misfortune of watching 5 minutes of. The show was so bad that I wrote up and invoice and sent it to him. The invoice was for forty thousand dollars. Six dollars for the time I wasted watching it, and 39994.00 for pain and suffering (my dollar sign key doesn’t work so I have to type every amount out, in case you’re wondering).

Dick guy is a Libertarian, and referred to the two main political parties in his country as being “the same”. Seems Dick likes freedom and free markets, and I think that’s why I like Dick. As in, Dick the person, not some sort of twisted homosexual reference about male genitalia. Get your mind out of the gutter.

Have I given you enough information? Do you need more clues? Can you believe Dick married the woman on the left and not her hot daughter? I mean, Dick is worth a zillion dollars and he married for love. Hahahaha. Wait, that’s beautiful.

March 30 was the last time we played Chicks With Dicks, and on that day, Dp4Life and Stacy both correctly identified the Dick with the Chick was none other than the great unwashed, Keith Richards. Could you imagine if Keith’s whole persona is one giant lie and he’s actually a stickler for cleanliness and hygiene? Ya, me either, he’s swine.

Today’s Chick With a Dick seems to have an arm growing from her shoulder. Although it seems she doesn’t mind it, perhaps it gives her more options when she’s apple picking. I don’t have an awful lot of information about her, other than she’s kind of cute, she’s been in over 100 commercials, and she got engaged to her Dick about two years ago.

That’s it, that’s all I got. Let’s move on to the Dick.

Her Dick is a pretty funny guy, who was in the news a few years ago for all the wrong reasons. He was in one of the most successful shows ever in the history of television, and he was the main reason why most people watched it (IMHO). He was born in 1949 in Culver City, California, to parents of Italian descent.

He has been in a buttload of movies and TV shows, and after the show he was in went off the air, he starred in his own show, under his own name, but that piece of shit was cancelled less than a season in.

I can’t give you many more hints, but if you want to find out who this character is, Google “Laugh Factory”.

I just gave it away.

So, who is the Dick With the Chick?

The last time you were subjected to Chicks With Dicks was waaaay back on March 18, and on that day of the Lord, River Rat and Stacey successfully guessed that the Dick that belonged to the Chick was that seedy piece of animal feed, Richard Dreyfus.

Congratulations River Rat and Stacey, it’s good to see you’re able to pick out a commies wife from limited information. Your skills will be needed in the next eight years, and then afterwards during the show-trials that will follow the nations eight year nightmare.

Let’s not test the waters by dipping our large toe into it, let’s just jump right in and find out a little about the Dick in question and a little information about the chick who is married to said Dick.

This woman was a super model in the 1970’s. She appeared on all the rag-type magazines, such as Vogue, Glamour, Seventeen, Home & Garden Mitchieville Edition, etc.

In the 1980’s she tried acting and failed miserably, but at least she was still a hot piece of ass and could rely on her good looks to get her through those cold winter nights. In 1983 she married, and a few years later started popping out children like my popcorn maker pops out half-cooked kernels of Orval Redenbacher popping corn (???).

The Dick she is married to is a real dirty pig. He could very well be the nicest guy in the world, but he looks like he hasn’t showered in years, or shaved, or taken any pride in his personal appearance. The Dick is as rich as they get, I guess he’d be valued at about a billion dollars, or 750 billion yen.

I can’t tell you what the Dick does for a living, but I can tell you he’s a musician whose band is still on tour. What do you know, I told you exactly what he does. I can’t keep a secret, I have issues regarding secrecy.

You’ve probably figured it out already, although saying a musician is a dirty pig is rather vague.

Who Is The Dick With This Chick?

February 23 was the last time we played Chicks With Dicks. It was a cold and miserable morning when I typed out that gem, I remember my feet were freezing and I had to put on an extra socks. At one point it got so cold that I had my dog lay on my feet. Then my dog got really cold and I had to lay on his feet. Although technically, dogs don’t have feet, they have paws. I’m surprised you didn’t know that.

Go_Fish was the only person to correctly identify that the Dick with the Chick was none other than Richard Gere. Go_Fish got extra points for correctly identifying Gere’s wife, Carey Lowell. That’s pretty good. It’s like I served up the perfect fastball right down the tube and Go_fish just finished making love to his Louisville Slugger and hit it clean out of the park. Ya, I know, I have to work on my analogies more.

Today’s Chick with a Dick is a commie. She was born in Russia, so I can only assume she’s a mail order bride. However, you would figure that if the rich Hollyweird actor she’s married to was to get a mail order bride he’d choose one that isn’t so chunky. Then again, the actor she’s married to isn’t exactly a prize pig either.

Her idiot husband, and I call him an idiot because he is in fact an idiot, has been married three times, and the couple currently live in California. Fortunately for society, idiot boy has never had the good grace to knock-up any of his former or current slaves, so hopefully his bloodline will end when he kicks the bucket.

The commies idiot husband was a conscientious objector during Vietnam (read-coward), he was part of the crowd that wanted to impeach Bush because of war crimes, and he is a general malcontent and worthless piece of flesh.

The commies idiot husband is also bi-polar, a depressive, and he’s suing his father over a loan he made to him over 25 years ago. What a creature.

Other than than, I’m sure these two will split in a few years, it seems no one can stand being around a guy that whines like a girl and looks like a dinner knapkin from an all-you-can-eat spaghetti bar.

It is your job to guess the Dick that belongs to the Chick. And that’s why this feature is so aptly named, “Chicks With Dicks”.

The end.

We have to go all the way back to February 4  to find the last time we played Chicks With Dicks. I remember that date very well. The corn was knee-high in the field, my oldest legitimate son knee-high to a grasshopper, and I was wearing a pair of wonderful looking knee-highs. What a time it was for celebration.

It was also the day that N. O’Reilly correctly identified the Chick With Dick as Gloria Glad, girlfriend and bunk-muffin of Richie Rich. Gloria and Richie were a lovely couple, unfortunately drugs, alcohol, and a love for the needle ended their 17 year love affair. When will people learn that the love of money is the root of all evil. And so is a 60 pounder of Valu-U-Rite vodka and a syringe full of Tokyo white.

The person you see in front of you is the Chick of a big obnoxious Hollyweird Dick. When he’s not winning Oscar’s (not last night, years back) and yammering on about the poor souls of some foreign country and how we should help them, he’s making mostly successful movies and hanging around being one of the biggest sex symbols on the planet. At least he was years ago.

This woman has had a baby with her Dick. She was a Ford Model, I suppose before they instituted standards for weight and looks, and is apparently an actress. Other than that, she seems relatively useless and as I stated before, not that attractive. Oh, she was a Bond girl in Licence to Kill. Now she’s probably a bondage girl in licence to sicken.

I’ve given you enough hints, I’m sure you know who the Dick is that she’s with. You may even know her name, anything is possible.

Any guesses who the dick is?

You would have to go back to January 28 of the year of the Lord 2009, to find the last Chick With Dicks segment we ran at Mitchieville. It wasn’t just the last time we played, it was the only time. It was history in the making, it was something that none of us will soon forget.

Out of the rubble of answers that were cast that day, only the Godless Commie knew that the Chick With the Dick was none other than Kari Clark, wife of Dick Clark. Actually, GC knew it was Dick Clark’s wife and didn’t know her name. And  why would he, she’s insignificant.

Did you know that Dick Clark’s middle name is Wagstaff? Absolutely true. His full name is Richard Wagstaff “Dick” Clark. I wonder if he got punched out much as a kid?

Today we have featured someone that is not only smart, but irresistibly beautiful. She has legs to her shoulders, lovely flowing red hair, a nice tight ass, and a set of the hardest breasts you will ever find.

She is the girlfriend of a Dick, and if I’m not mistaken she has never been married. Her boyfriend has an awful lot of money, was involved in print media–specifically comic books, had a successful television show, and although he had parents, they didn’t seem to take an active role in his life.

No more hints, I’m basically throwing this game for you as it is.

What I’m looking for is the name of the Dick this sexy young temptress went out with. That’s why we call this game, “Chicks With Dicks.”

Since “Which Dick Said That?” turned out to be a bigger failure than John McCain’s election campaign, or the acting ability of Ben Affleck, I’ve decided to go a different route and introduce a segment that still incorporates the Dick, which I know you love, while inserting the word *Chick*, which I know over 40% of you like. I have to admit, I think I have a winner on my hands. Oh my God, that’s not a winner on my hands, what the hell is on my hands? Actually, that may be next week’s game–”What The Hell Is on The Mayor’s Hand?”

The game is simple: Identify the name of this person–the person who is married to a Dick. I can’t give you many hints as I’m finding it hard to formulate sentences or original thoughts this morning, but I will tell you this:

She has a face that looks like it is being stretched to the max with Saran Wrap.

Ya, that really wasn’t a hint, it was more of a personal observation. However, her husband also has the same snare drum type skin, and many of you will associate him with music countdowns. Many of you will also be under the impression that her husband died years ago, but that simply isn’t true. Sure, nature should have snuffed him out long ago, but we can’t control nature, we can only abide by its cruel and terrifying rules.

Oh, her husband has great hair, especially for a guy that’s well over 300 years old.

Any idea who the chick with the Dick is?