Archive for the ‘Chicks With Mustaches’ Category

Chinese Year Of The Goat

Friday, March 27th, 2015

Whoever said that Chinese women don’t age gracefully obviously hasn’t seen this year’s Chinese Year of the Goat poster girl. If there’s anything hotter than a chick with a horn, no teeth, and hands so large that it would feel like you’re getting a handjob from Corey Perry of the Anaheim Ducks while he wears hockey gloves, well then, The Mayor hasn’t seen it/her.

Don’t change a thing horn-woman, keep on being China proud.

Chicks With Mustaches Week

Saturday, March 19th, 2011

We had lotsa lotsa peoples that didn’t believe Thursday’s mustache chick was even a chick, so The Mayor decided to end this weeks segment with a slam dunk. Try telling me this isn’t a chick. Go ahead, try. That’s what I thought.

Although there’s a little mustache growing, as you can clearly see, I still think today’s chick is pretty cute. VERY feminine features, perfect skin, eyes you could get lost in, this is the real deal. If only she’d shave that little stache. Oh well, when you’re that young a little stache is still cute. Although The Mayor truly believes in his heart of hearts (which is still my heart, right?), that today’s chick is incapable of ever growing any more facial hair than what she already has.

Chicks With Mustaches Week

Thursday, March 17th, 2011

Congratulations, it really looks like your membership with E Harmony has really paid off.

Considering the comments the last few days, it looks as though Chicks With Mustaches Week has really upset and disgusted my fellow Mitchievillians. My job is done here.

I suppose next weeks “Bloody Lump Week” isn’t going to win us any more fans, that’s for sure.

Chicks With Mustaches Week

Wednesday, March 16th, 2011

If she put on another 40lbs she could easily get a job serving food at any restaurant in Oshawa.

The Mayor doesn’t wonder but can hardly imagine if that’s what it looks like above the fold, what lies beneath the fold must be 2 billion times scarier. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about either. You most certainly do.

Chicks With Mustaches Week

Tuesday, March 15th, 2011

This is Madonna’s kid, Lourdes. As in, Good Lourdes child, you might want to shave that beaver off your lip and weed-whack that jungle between yer eyes. I heard that one time Lourdes was playing Monopoly and picked up the card that awarded her $10 for winning second prize in a beauty contest. On the back of the card it said “lol, as if.”

Chicks With Mustaches Week

Monday, March 14th, 2011

The Mayor isn’t sure if this is an ugly dude or the winner of Miss Saskatchewan 2011? Either way, I have a feeling Iwon’t be sleeping much tonight now that I have this image burned into my head.

When The Mayor was younger he use to date a very pretty girl from Colombia. She really had a lot going for her; she was pretty, she was smart, she was athletic, she had good taste in guys, obviously – but she also had a stache, and that deeply concerned The Mayor to the point where one day he had to confront her about it.

Now, The Mayor isn’t a very shy kind of guy. If something needs to be said, he typically has no problem saying it. But confronting a chick about her mustache is a totally different type of beast. So instead of actually confronting her head-on, The Mayor took the backdoor approach.

“Trudy, we’ve been dating for a few months now, but I’m really sorry to say we have to break up.”

“Why, what have I done wrong?”

“Well, you’re Catholic. I’m a Mormon. Truth be told, because you’re Catholic, I don’t even think God is going to allow you into heaven. And I’ll be a son of a bitch if I’m going to be in heaven all lonely and shit.”

“Are you sure you aren’t breaking up with me because of my mustache?”

“What!!?? Noooooo. It’s because you’re Catholic.

Guys, and girls I suppose, if you’re dating a chick who’s sporting a stache and you want to break up with her, The Mayor gives you permission to use the whole Catholic/Mormon routine. It’s money in the bank.

Chicks With Mustaches Week

Friday, August 21st, 2009

russia-stache

I figure I would end Chicks With Mustaches Week by inserting a little royalty into my final post. This is Helga, Queen of Crapstickistan. Aint she beautiful?

At this point there are probably some of you that are wondering if Helga’s drapes match her carpet. To this I reply, “please don’t come back to Mitchieville ever again”. Although they are low, we still have standards around here.

And so this concludes Chicks With Mustaches Week. Secretly you all loved it. Don’t lie to me, I can always tell when you’re lying. I also know when you’re sleeping and when you’re awake. If you’d like me to stop looking through your windows, pull down the shades.

If you found this post lacking in humour, then I am indeed dmorris.

Chicks With Mustaches Week

Thursday, August 20th, 2009

old-stached-lady

I really get a kick out of old people, I always have. I like how pushy and ornery they are. It’s like they have realized their days on earth are numbered, therefore that gives them carde blanche to be total arseholes. Yup, The Mayor digs that.

I like old people and I like listening to them, but even I have my limits. Take this old bird, for instance. She’s a drinker, that’s good. She has a wedding ring on, so that means she probably has had her fare share of sex. She’s probably a lot of fun. But how on earth can anyone talk to someone that has more hair on their face than Chewbacca? As the French would say, “impossible!”

Old people tend to spit in your eye when they talk to you, and they act like they don’t even know they’re doing it. Whatever. I can put up with a little spit. But I can’t talk to mustachiod old women, that’s where I draw the line.

This post was mostly useless, I realize that. I don’t want to make excuses, but I’m tired, I’m hungry, and posting a whole week of mustached women is really starting to get me down.

Tomorrow will be better, or my name isn’t dmorris.

Chicks With Mustaches Week

Wednesday, August 19th, 2009

mustache-girl

A few constituents have challenged The Mayor as to the validity of whether or not the mustachio female pictures I have been posting lately are actually of the girly persuasion. What the hell did I just type there? Did that make any sense? Hey, look over there!

Man, that was close.

Some of the stached girls kind of look like guys, it’s always hard to tell when you don’t have a full body shot. We have to make due with what we have, however. Take this girl with a mustache (please). At first blush it certainly seems like a woman, but the longer you look at it the less obvious it becomes. I’m pretty certain if you looked at it for 15 minutes straight it might start resembling a piece of cheese, or a llama. Who knows, we’re all drunk, let’s just admit it.

This chick could easily be a dude from one of those enlightened European countries like, actually I don’t know any European countries. Is Toronto a European country? Cuz this creature could easily be some dude named Scott from Yonge/Wellesley. Or it could be a guy named Miguel from El Salvadore (except it’s probably not, as subject is wearing clothes and has eye-wear, unlike the average El Salvadorian who has no clothes and wears pop bottles for glasses). Or, stick a beret on that person’s head and you have Pierre, the smelly cheese-eating Frenchman.

Either way, I wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot pole. Sure, I might smack the hell out of it with a ten foot pole, but I’m cruel and wildly, I have a violent streak and strangely enough, I have a HUGE fetish that revolves around getting loaded and beating asexual foreign lady-boys with ten foot poles.

What did you call me? Care to take it outside?

Chicks With Mustaches Week

Tuesday, August 18th, 2009

mustach-woman

Dmorris disagreed with The Mayor yesterday and said that mustachioded isn’t actually a word, and the word I was really looking for was mustachioed. Well, art, fart, be it as it may, I think the one thing we can agree on is that this is quite possibly the most hideous looking monstrosity I have posted on this site to date. Maybe if I needed someone to spot me when I’m bench pressing then sure, bring on the Sasquatch. Sorry, I’ve lost my train of thought. The dry heaves does that to me.

Chicks With Mustaches Week

Monday, August 17th, 2009

chick-with-stach

I get the feeling that if you weren’t a big fan of Backtit Week, you’re probably not going to fall in love with Chicks With Mustaches Week. You never know though, I’m not sure what floats your boat.

I think this is probably the best mustachioded (yes, that is certainly a word) picture of a woman I have, so the rest of the week might be a downer, so enjoy the hell out of this while you can. Mind you, I’m sure some good constituent of this fine town might have a few stach pics hanging around that they would like to send The Mayor to help him out of a bind…