Archive for the ‘Children Dun Wrong’ Category

It’s A Girl!

Wednesday, August 18th, 2010

The old school way of birthing a child was far superior to today’s method. Forget going through the whole newborn and toddler stages, and go right to the school-age stage. No more having to wake up in the middle of the night with a crying baby, changing diapers or trying to figure out what the little critter wants because they can’t communicate properly. Pop a 5 year old out and you’re in business. Sure, carrying around an extra 47 lbs in your stomach for 5 years might suck a bit, but what are ya, weak? You don’t see Marge complainin’, do ya?

Great Home Theatre System

Sunday, August 8th, 2010

You know what they say, the family that completely ignores each other, stays together.

You know what that living room needs? You’re right, another TV. How did you know what I was going to say, are you into the black arts, or something?

What Children Think

Sunday, May 16th, 2010

I know what you’re saying – who cares what children think? And you’re right, of course, no one with a mind greater than a simpleton cares what children think. Even when people say “it’s for the children”, what they are really saying is “it’s for the children, if they shut up and are not seen or heard.”

Perhaps I’m wrong, perhaps people do care what children think. Hahaha, of course they don’t, I only said that to pacify the weak and delusional.

Children Lurv Wraslin’

Friday, April 9th, 2010

Don’t laugh, this is how Hulk Hogan started. Yup, by kicking his old man right square in the melon.

Sleep Country Canada – Why Buy A Mattress Anywhere Else?

Monday, March 8th, 2010

sleep-on-train-tracks

Luckily for Maria, the 9:10 to Mexico City always runs late, so those extra few winks won’t cost her her life.

OTOH, The Mayor is a rather light sleeper – yet dangerously handsome and strong like an East German woman athlete of the 1970’s – so there wouldn’t be a snowballs chance I could rest my weary head on that Comfortmatic 2000 mattress and fall asleep. I mean, there’s not even a pillow. And if I don’t miss my guess, which I don’t, I would say that even if  these littluns even had a pillow, I highly doubt it would be a hypoallergenic, down-filled Eiderdown pillow. I HIGHLY doubt it.

Have I mentioned that I’m dangerously handsome?

Children Are Our Future

Thursday, February 11th, 2010

no_begging_here_please

And they won’t tolerate begging. If the old bird had been smart, she would have topped up her RSP’s when she was younger, then she wouldn’t have found herself in the mess she’s in now. But at least the young girl still thinks the old bird is #1. That’s kind of nice.

My Sister-In-Law Isn’t Bat-Shit Crazy After All

Sunday, January 20th, 2008

My brother and his wife were over for supper last Tuesday night (Top Sirloin Roast with all the trimmings) when my favourite sister-in-law told us the magnetic toys my son was playing with were dangerous. She explained that some kid in the States had swallowed the magnetic sticks then they reattached in the stomach and the kid died. Neither my brother or I believed her and then proceeded to tell her that was impossible and how a good doctor could pump those magnetic sticks right out of the little kiddies tummy. Favourite sister-in-law got her back up and we dropped the subject with my brother and I thinking that she was crazy. Imagine my surprise then when I was over at Strangedaze last night reading about the “10 Most Shocking Things Found In People’s Stomachs” and I saw this:

Good thing my brother and I aren’t doctors eh? So for you, favourite sister-in-law, I say it loud and I say it proud: you were right (beeyach).

Wasn’t That A Party!

Tuesday, January 15th, 2008

What a better way to celebrate your youth than a little party while the parents are away (link). Corey Worthington, a schoolie of Melbourne, Australia, had a little get together over the weekend while mom and dad were away on vacation to which 500 of his closest mates showed up. While young Corey said he told his neighbours of the party and they were okay with it, they called the cops on him anyway and that’s when a bit of a barney erupted. Twenty police cruisers, the dog squad (that’s what the Aussies call it, I guess K-9 unit sounds silly), and a police helicopter arrived to put a damper on things starting a small riot that caused $20,000 dollars in damage.

While some folks are thinking that Corey is a few Kangaroos loose in the top paddock, all the attention has turned Corey into something of a local celebrity. The party itself caused a lot of attention downunder but it is Corey’s lack of remorse that is getting him in trouble now, check out his Elton’s:

I doubt any stickybeak from the CBC would give Corey an earbashing like that. The local authorities are fed up to the back teeth with this situation and are threatening to bill Corey’s parents for the 9800 quid in damage. Like any responsible parka wearing in-the-summertime dazzler, Corey has now run away from home (link ) to avoid having to deal with his parents. As for me, some people might think that Corey is drongo , but seeing that people will be talking about this for years I say “Onya” and will see that Corey gets an invite to Blogfest 2008. Cheers!

Here is your Aussie slang dictionary and h\t

British Police Kick In The Head Of Illegal Pumpkin Ring

Thursday, November 1st, 2007

Police in South Wiltshire, England, have busted an illegal stall manned by some of Britain’s worst–I’m just going to say it–rapscallions:

Justin Sanford, 35, and his sons Robin, 7, Jack, 4, and Benjamin, 3, set up their stand last week on a rural road near their home in South Wiltshire to raise money to buy costumes to go trick or treating.

But they were shocked when two Police Community Support Officers pulled over and threatened them with a fine if they didn’t shut up shop.

“But I couldn’t believe it when I was told my kids were breaking the law by selling pumpkins without a licence.”

Justin was furious police took such a heavy handed approach especially as it took them 10 DAYS to respond when he called after his house was recently burgled.

I’m as sorry as the next guy that the police decided to squash this illegal stall, but these children have to be taught a lesson. The police are right to plant the seeds of justice, which will hopefully grow on the children and stem new beginnings of proper civic responsibilies. Maybe this will carve a new face of justice for the kidlets and light the candle of hope within their giant heads. Now orange you glad the po po did this?

VOTE Mitchieville for Best Canadian Blog

6 year Old Faces $300 Fine For Sidewalk Chalk *Graffiti*

Wednesday, October 17th, 2007

A 6 year old girl is facing a $300 fine for vandalism after drawing on the sidewalk with chalk:

a neighbor called 311 to report the “graffiti,” and the Department of Sanitation quickly sent a standard letter to Natalie’s mom, Jen Pepperman.

“PLEASE REMOVE THE GRAFFITI FROM YOUR PROPERTY,” the Sanitation Department warning letter read. “FAILURE TO COMPLY … MAY RESULT IN ENFORCEMENT ACTION AGAINST YOU.”

Many of you may think it’s ridiculous for the DOS to threaten this little girl with a fine, but I think otherwise. *Chalking*, as the kids call it, is the first step to a life of crime.

It’s true, first kids experiment with chalking, the next thing you know they’re constructing lemonade stands without a building permit or a Certificate of Health. Soon after that they’re raking leaves without a form 231.1 from the Ministry of the Environment, not paying unemployment dues and failing to declare their income to the Ministry of Revenue.

Forget it, little Suzie, the gigs up–you’re going down!

Graffandalism