Archive for the ‘David Hasselhoff’ Category

Friday Night Man Approved Man Flesh

Friday, April 18th, 2008

The citizens of Mitchieville seemed generally pleased with (or at least tolerant of) my Man Flesh post last week. DMorris happened to note that the dudes that Lisa and I showcased were freakishly hairless. And it’s true: The guys were all shaved, waxed, and buffed smoother than polished marble. So tonight, I’m spotlighting three sexy studs who are all slightly more au naturale in the body hair department.

First up is Damien. He is a sizzling Latin stud who’s incredibly skilled with his hands. The over-sized wrench he’s holding suggests that he knows a thing or two about pipes. As his smoldering eyes burn holes right though to your core, Damien growls, “Hello M’am. How can I be of service?”

This is Rock. His tits are huge. Let’s face it, women who get tripple-D breast implants don’t come out with tits that big. And the crevices between his ab muscles are vaguely reminiscent of that little canyon in Arizona. Just look at that sultry glare, the chiseled jaw-line, and the arrogantly cocked head. He knows he’s sexy. You know he’s sexy. He knows you know he’s sexy. Now that everyone’s on the same page, who wants to jump in that shower and help him scrub his back?

Johnny is a college student and is also Rock’s younger brother. (The head-tilt is a genetic trait that runs in the family.) Johnny thinks he’s a bad-ass. But, in reality he’s just a cocky, skinny punk who carries a football around to fit in with his frat brothers. He’s doesn’t quite have enough hair on his face to grow a full beard. Instead, he defiantly juts his stubbly chin out: “Rawr. I’m a tough guy. Don’t mess with me, because someday I’m gonna grow up to be a stud. Until then, I’ll totally get my roided-out brother Rock to beat you up if you even try to start something with me.”

Next week perhaps will explore the vast wonders of men in underwear. Or maybe guys playing sports whilst scantily clad. We’re also open to taking suggestions. What do the ladies readers of Mitchieville want to see? What about the other gay guy who reads this blog? Phone lines are open, cast your votes now.

And, until next time, remember: Studies show that a weekly dose of Man Flesh actually improves your heterosexual health!

Posted by Logan

The Hoff Dispenses His Cream

Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007

The only soap that may make you feel dirty.

Brought to you by the coalition to bring cleanliness to filthy political campaigns like the one’s Fenris and Lisa are running.

I found that pic here

David Hasselhoff is Loaded and Eating Meat

Thursday, May 3rd, 2007

TLDG thinks this short clip of David Hasselhoff, who is ripped right out of his head, is too sad to post. I, on the other hand, think that watching David Hasselhoff completely hammered while being begged to stop drinking by his little daughter, is more than worthy to post.

Over the next few weeks I’m sure you will hear that David Hasselhoff is a bad drunk. Do not listen to those people, David Hasselhoff is a magnificent drunk. Perhaps one of the greatest drunks of all time. Precious, don’t go changin’ a thing!

David Hasselhoff Does Not Get Drunk

Thursday, July 27th, 2006

David Hasselhoff, shown here with pepperoni nipple implants, was banned from a British Airways flight yesterday due to being shit-faced:

The report said Hasselhoff downed bottles of beer and shots of whisky as he waited for his flight and told BA staff he was upset about his divorce from wife Pamela after 16 years.

The actor also wandered around the lounge, propping himself up on a pillar, it was claimed.

A witness said: “A passenger asked if he was David Hasselhoff and he said, ‘Not at all, you must be mistaken’.

BA staff told Hasselhoff he was unfit to board the plane, and he agreed with them.

That could possibly be one of the greatest lines I have ever heard; “Not at all, you must be mistaken”. I’m telling you right now, I’m getting those words tattooed on my face.

Let’s get one thing straight, David Hasselhoff doesn’t get wasted, Mitch Buchanan might, but not David Hasselhoff. David Hasselhoff doesn’t care about his ex-wife, perhaps Mitch Buchanan does, but not David. David fucking Hasselhoff doesn’t prop himself up against pillars, he’d fuck that pillar before he’d lean on it.

This sounds like the work of Mitch Buchanan, not David Hasselhoff. If there’s any blame to be thrown around, it should be placed squarely on Mitch Buchanan, for David Hasselhoff is above criticism.

What a waste of a post

David Hasselhoff-Secret Agent Man

Friday, July 21st, 2006

Classic Hasselhoff. Or, the end of the world.

Hasselhoff Drunk Again

Wednesday, July 5th, 2006

David Hasselhoff was reportedly booted from Wimbledon yesterday for being drunk and disorderly:

The 53-year-old actor – who has battled alcohol problems in the past – was reportedly ejected by security guards after he tried to barge into a private players’ bar at the London club while intoxicated.

What is wrong with this world?! It wouldn’t have been David that was drunk, it would have been the onlookers who were “intoxicated” by his beauty. His radiating aura may have made him appear like he was slurring, stumbling and violent. The reports that he was a drooling mess must be false, perhaps his adoring fans drooled on him and made it appear he was drooling, or maybe he caught sight of himself in the mirror and was drunk on his own reflection.

It is a rare person who can stay sober in the presence of David Hasselhoff!

Was Hasselhoff drunk or were you?

Reported by Secret Agent Nikita

**Are you looking for the YouTube video of a drunken Hasselhoff? Like maybe from today? 3/5/07?

Try here

David Hasselhoff Injures Hand

Friday, June 30th, 2006

According to Starpulse, David Hasselhoff had to seek medical attention yesterday from a London Hospital:

Hasselhoff severed a tendon on shards from a glass shelf, which he accidentally smashed on the restroom wall while shaving. A hospital aide tells British newspaper The Sun, “David was about to shave when he hit his head on a shelf, which shattered. His hand was cut quite badly.”

That doesn’t sound like something David Hasselhoff would do, that sounds more like something Inspector Clouseau would do. If David Hasselhoff was to cut his hand, I’m sure this is how it woul;d have happened:

David Hasselhoff was admitted to hospital yesterday after cutting his hand on broken glass from a bathroom mirror. David Hasselhoff was posing down in front of the mirror, when the mirror shattered. Sources say that the mirror had no choice, just having the reflection of David Hasselhoff on it was far too much stress for the poor mirror to handle.

The glass shattered into a million pieces, and David Hasselhoff willed every piece into his hand before they reached the sink. Every piece but one, that is. The final piece of glass cut David’s tendon, but he managed to pull the piece out of his hand and danced in front of it until it exploded. Then he tied his hand off with his g-string underwear and went to the Hospital where nurses passed out at the very sight of him.

Yes, that’s exactly how it happened.

David Hasselhoff is Single

Sunday, January 15th, 2006

Hide the sheep and lock up yer women, for David Hasselhoff is now a free man:

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) — Former “Baywatch” star David Hasselhoff filed for divorce Thursday from actress Pamela Bach, his wife of 16 years.

“The couple have agreed to an amicable settlement,” said Hasselhoff’s publicist, Judy Katz.

Hasselhoff, 53, and Bach, 42, wed in December 1989. They have two teenage daughters.

I know I don’t have to tell you the reason why David and Pamela broke up, but I will anyway, it’s quite obvious; David Hasselhoff was way too manly for that little woman.

Let’s face it, David Hasselhoff stinks of manliness, you could bathe in the stench of his testosterone. His wife couldn’t handle it, there are very few women that can handle a man-beast like David Hasselhoff.

It must be impossible to be married to such a he-man like David. I could barely imagine how many times Pamela fainted after looking directly into David’s hairy chest. She must have a face full of bruises and welts from her head hitting the floor after she passed out after looking at the eye-candy that was her husband.

I’m not gay or anything, but if I was, I’d do David Hasselhoff. I take it back, I’d let David Hasselhoff do me. It’s not as if I’d have a choice anyway.

Emily E must be doing cartwheels right now, for David Hasselhoff is single

David Hasselhoff Trips the light Fanfuckingtastic

Sunday, January 23rd, 2005

See David Hasselhoff as he’s never been seen before, and with any luck, he’ll never be seen like ths again.

My eyes are freakin’ burning, please make this madness end.