Archive for the ‘Easy like Sunday morning’ Category

Simona Fusco Stratten – Easy Like Sunday Morning

Sunday, June 5th, 2011

It’s Sunday morning, you just woke up and it feels as if someone took a 2 x 4 to your skull. It’s as if bassist Robert Trujillo of Metallica is playing a free concert in your head. You open one of your crunk-eyes to find someone is occupying the space beside you in your bed. He/she/it has long blond hair, that’s a great sign.

You slowly position yourself to look over the side of his/her/its head to find out if there are any curvy parts. You reach pass the point of no return and BAMM! Lookie lookie, those certainly do look like breasticles. Oh glory days, your streak of 12421 days without being gay is still intact.

Now the interesting part – is she a hottie or a nottie?

This is where The Mayor has to interrupt you. Don’t do it. Let – pardon the expression – sleeping dogs lie. You already had a major victory this morning, why wreck it only to find out you just slept with Two-Tooth Sally (by the by – TTS has an Adam’s apple).

Go back to sleep, and with any luck you’ll wake up in 15 hours and she’ll be long gone. Probably to her cave, but whatever, that has nothing to do with you now. Tomorrow, when your friends asked how you did on Saturday night, you can tell them you hit the jackpot and bagged the lovely Robert Trujillo   Simona Fusco Stratten.

There’s nothing wrong with hanging out at the gold medal podium for a bit. You deserve it. After all, you….ahhhhh, errrr, hmmmmm, anyway, whatever, just hang out and enjoy.

Genevieve Morton – Easy Like Sunday Morning

Sunday, May 29th, 2011

When it comes to predicting the 2012 NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs, you’d be well served to ignore anything The Mayor says and start listening to what Cudgel and Phaedra have to say.

The Mayor went an embarrASSing 0 -2 last round, while both Cudgel and Phaedra went 2 – 0, predicting Boston would win in 7 and the Canuckleheads would win in 6. There’s an easy explanation why Cudgel and Phaedra did so well though: they are of the devil. Neep neep – Cudgel and Phaedra are of the devil – neep neep.

So it’s down to the Bruins and the Canuckleheads for Lord Stanley’s Cup. How ~yawn~ exciting.

The Mayor thinks Vancouver will take it, but he’s predicting the Bruins in 7.

Ohhhhhh right, that’s Genevieve Morton in the picture.She may or may not enjoy hockey.

What say you – who will take Lord Stanley’s Cup, the hated Vancouver Canucks, or the Beantown Maggot Bruins?

**The Mayor just learned that Phaedra actually didn’t predict the Bruins/Dolts series correctly, meaning, Phaedra is not of the devil.

Melissa Debling – Easy Like Sunday Morning

Sunday, May 22nd, 2011

Melissa Debling agrees with The Mayor when he says he couldn’t be happier that the world didn’t come to an end yesterday. The Mayor was walking on egg shells all afternoon yesterday, the thoughts of apocalypse dancing through his head like visions of sugarplums. He thinks.

But imagine what the folks who lost a loved one yesterday must think today. Because buddy’s prediction was spot-on when it came to their friend or family member. Think about it. It might just blow your mind.

Maryna Linchuk – Easy Like Sunday Morning

Sunday, May 15th, 2011

Maryna Linchuk is a model from the ex commie sate of Belarus. That’s the same place where Toronto Maple Lead forward Mikhail Grabovski is from. It’s true. Grabovski was traded From The Canadiens to the Leafs in  July 3, 2008, in exchange for the draft rights to Greg Paterynand a 2010 second round pick. Grabovski has turned into a solid forward for the Leafs and one of their best scorers.

Grabovski and his girlfriend had their first child last year, The Mayor believe it was in December .

Other than that, that’s all The Mayor knows about Maryna Linchuk.

Erika Jacobs – Easy Like Sunday Morning

Sunday, April 3rd, 2011

If The Mayor was to guess, he would say that Erika Jacobs spent her Saturday night in a pub, surrounded by drooling cro-magnons who fed her ego every 6 seconds like she’s come to expect/demand; and surrounded by jealous, petty young women who would smile at her, but in the back of their minds secretly wish Erika Jacobs was soon to be the victim of an acid to the face attack.

As for us, The Mayor has a good idea what various Mitchievillian’s were up to last last. As for myself, The Mayor stayed at home licking his wounds. Literally. It was quite a sight. Dmorris, well, he was probably out in the forest shooting some form of endangered species. The MONSTER, he was drowning his sorrows at the local bar, waiting for the love of his life to return from Fort McMoney; and Andy, he was busy picking out floral patterns at the Yarn Barn for the new love-seat he and his wife just purchased. We all lead interesting and diverse lives. Or not. Or whatever. And The Mayor believes he speaks for everyone when he say “who cares?”

Truer words, my friends, truer words…

Easy Like Sunday Morning

Sunday, March 27th, 2011

That was a right powerful Saturday night you had, wasn’t it? You certainly were the life of the party. You sure pounded back the brewski’s, didn’t you? You were a one-man wrecking crew. And that thing you did with the cork from the champagne bottle? Classic, absolutely classic.

And who’s laying all over you porcelein floor this morning? I’m not including your vomit, I’m talking about the person. Who is she, and why is she not moving? Boy, you really did do well, I’m impressed. Seriously though, she’s still not moving. What up wit dat, yo?

Plus, she’s right in front of the bathroom door, eventually you’re going to have to move her. Nudge her with your foot. Harder, you sissy. C’mon, give her a good kick, like this. And this. And this. Man, she really is a solid sleeper. Hey, listen, The Mayor has to get going…really fast…good luck with your sleeping Asian chick, I’m sure she’ll wake up any time now.

Cassie Cutler – Easy Like Sunday Morning

Sunday, March 20th, 2011

It’s the first day of spring today and The Mayor is positively beaming. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and although it’s only 23 degrees, it’s only a short matter of time before it warms up to the point where if The Mayor passes out outside, he won’t die of hypothermia.

The maple syrup is flowing, the Maple Leafs destroyed Boston last night, and large breastited women adorn the pages of Mitchieville. If The Mayor felt any better he would rip up his health card.

Hana Soukupova – Easy Like Sunday Morning

Sunday, March 6th, 2011

It’s not often you find someone who has more vowels in their name than consonants. In some cultures – the Czech culture, specifically – it’s a sign of genius. That means that Hana Soukupova is not only a lovely looking woman who has sharp hips, but she is also pretty smart.

Good looking and smart, but the question everyone is wondering is, can she make a decent sammich?

The Mayor wrote this post at 6:52 am on a Sunday morning.

Kate Upton – Easy Like Sunday Morning

Sunday, February 20th, 2011

I think the thing that intrigues The Mayor the most about Kate Upton is that she takes an 8 1/2 shoe. For a woman, that’s the equivalent of wearing shoe boxes on yer hooves. Mind you, Kate Upton is 5′10″ tall, so an 8 1/2 doesn’t exactly make her a circus freak or anything.

By now you’re probably saying out loud, at the breakfast table, in front of your wife and seven legitimate children, “where can I see more pictures of Kate Upton, and is it possible to find interviews with her where she eschews her views on politics and current events just like Justin Bieber did for the Rolling Stone the other day?”

That’s a fantastic question. Really, you put a lot of thought into it, and The Mayor applauds you for it. I especially like the part where you embarrassed your wife and legitimate children by asking to see pictures of an 18 year old swimsuit model. Guy, you’re eating buttermilk pancakes and drinking orange juice with your family, your question could have waited 10 more minutes.

But you’re the king of your castle, the bread-winner of the family, it’s all about you. You, you, you. And you shall get what you want. Again. Like usual. Sure, your wife is sitting on the couch crying her little eyes out, and the kids are playing X-Box and devising ways to kill you in your sleep, but it’s pictures of models you want, and who am I to cast judgment on you and your perverted fantasies?

Exactly.

Here ya go, here is Kate Upton in Sports Illustrated Swimsuit 2011.

Enjoy them while you can. And make sure to email The Mayor to tell him how comfortable your couch is to sleep on.

Alessandra Ambrosio – Easy Like Sunday Morning

Sunday, February 13th, 2011

The Mayor understands that beauty is subjective and that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. BUT, if  Alessandra Ambrosio doesn’t blow your mind, then you sir are gayer than a toothpick.

I feel that my analogies have really come a long way. Gayer than a toothpick pretty much proves that last statement.

Easy Like Sunday Morning

Sunday, February 6th, 2011

Playing football in high heels is ridiculous. This woman is just looking to sprain an ankle, or worse, pull a hammy. However, seeing as it’s a woman, she’ll definitely sprain an ankle, because that’s what dames do, see. They run through the woods and fall down and sprain their ankles, see. Dames have weak ankles, see.

Green Bay 24   Pittsburgh 23

What say you?

Gabriela Holsten – Easy Like Sunday Morning

Sunday, January 9th, 2011

It’s hard not to dig a woman who hangs around a laundromat wearing only a few threads of skimpy clothing and scowl on her face. The only thing that could make this picture/fantasy any better is if she had a bottle of Gibson’s Finest Rye in one hand and a bag of pretzels in the other. A muzzle wouldn’t hurt, either.

Hey, this is The Mayor’s fantasy. If you don’t like it, get your own!