Archive for the ‘Elvis’ Category

When They Were Young

Thursday, August 19th, 2010

Not many people know this, but Elvis Presley was an avid gun collector. He LOVED guns. He never left the house without one, or five. As a matter of fact, Elvis loved guns so much that he incorporated “gun language” into many of his songs, only to see the higher up muckity-mucks record producers demand he tone down his pro-gun language for to something that was “less offensive” to their delicate liberal sensitivities.

Like the song Heartbreak Hotel. We know the lyrics as”

Well, since my baby left me,
I found a new place to dwell.
It’s down at the end of lonely street
at Heartbreak Hotel.

You make me so lonely baby,
I get so lonely,
I get so lonely I could die.

That was AFTER the PC police came a callin’. The lyrics BEFORE producers made Elvis change them consisted of these words:

My baby better not think of leaving me,
Or taking her possessions from the place where we dwell.
Or I’ll cap her ass and kill her cats
I’ll see that byatch in hell.

Don’t make a life-changing mistake, baby,
Think carefully what your next move will be,
Or you’ll see both barrels of these fine made-in-the-USA weapons, and you could die.

You know, not to sound all liberal or anything, but maybe those lyrics were a bit offside. Then again, maybe record producers shouldn’t try to stifle creativity.

Bastards.

Elvis Week–Friday Edition

Friday, March 20th, 2009

I meant to post the Oriental dwarf Elvis today, but I was under the influence of devil juice last night and I thought yesterday was actually Friday. Today when I woke up I thought it was Tuesday. Hopefully tomorrow will be Saturday or I’m just going to cut my losses and not wake up until Monday, whenever that is.

It doesn’t matter though, I had a fantastic week. Mitchieville is doing great. TLDG is doing great. Clare and my other two legitimate children are doing great. And as for you? You couldn’t be any greater if you were deaf, dumb and owned a liquor store. Wow, I nearly sounded like that guy on TV last night that hates mentally challenged people.

Anyway, Elvis may have left the building, but he will never leave my heart and or soul. He was/is the greatest musician ever and is still an inspiration to me to this day.

Long live The King!

Elvis Week–Thursday Edition

Thursday, March 19th, 2009

I’ve been getting quite a few threatsthank you’s for bringing Elvis Week to your computer, and truth be told, it’s been my pleasure. It’s my pleasure to give you pleasure. And I’m sure you would be the first to admit that if you had a chance, you’d be more than willing to pleasure me. And the fact of the matter is I’d gladly allow you to pleasure me.

To recap Elvis week so far, I’ve brought you fat Elvis, fat naked Elvis, good-boy Elvis, and now Asian dwarf Elvis. There may be no topping Asian dwarf Elvis. Tomorrow we shall see.

Good night. I’m drunk.

Elvis Week–Wednesday Edition

Wednesday, March 18th, 2009

I know most of you were getting pretty sick of seeing pictures of fat Elvis, so I thought I’d give you a break and introduce you to Good Boy Elvis.

I’m sure you were thinking I was going to say something about a hound-dog, but I am so gosh-darned unpredictable that I decided to take things in a different direction.

I know, I’m very sassy (and I still like frolicking in meadows full of 20′ lilacs).

Elvis Week–Tuesday Edition

Tuesday, March 17th, 2009

I think the thing that peaks my interest the most about this picture is the police tape that is condoning off the backyard. I figure that if Elvis and the horse weren’t the ones to be arrested, I can hardly imagine the crimes that actually took place.

Two Dogs said yesterday in the comment section that Elvis Week has nowhere to go but up, but he’s sure he will be proven wrong. Two Dogs is right, he’s about to be proven wrong.

See what I did there? I double talked.

Elvis Week–Monday Edition

Monday, March 16th, 2009

There’s a hunk of burning love if I’ve ever seen one.

Welcome to Elvis week.