Archive for the ‘Eric Carmen’ Category
Something like this happened to The Mayor just this morning. Instead of an urinal, it happened in one of the stalls. Typically, The Mayor likes to save his *business* for The Manor, but today he was busting out so bad he had to pull off the highway to find a place to take care of his business. Seeing as though nearly every washroom in the retail world is a freaking disaster, he went to the one place where the washrooms are always clean – a place where no one ever goes to whether for business or bowel pleasure: Zeller’s.
Zeller’s had a fairly decent four stall system going on, and seeing as it was 9 am and Zeller’s just opened, The Mayor figured he was set. So, he went into the furthest stall to the far right and waited for the magic to happen. Not less than 2 minutes later, the washroom door swung open and some dude decided to pull up to the stall right beside The Mayor. What gives? What kind of sick maniac would pull up beside someone when there were two good stalls a half mile apart?
The Mayor immediately did what any heteronormative male would do: he checked for glory holes. There were none. Thank any God but the Christian God. But if there were no glory holes, then why would someone decide to make potty right next to someone else who is making potty?
Well, that is a question that might never get answered. Let’s just say buddy was a weird cat looking to get his face kicked in, and leave it at that.
Look, The Mayor was never in danger, besides, his superior grappling skillz would have guaranteed he would have made it out in one piece. The point is – never, ever, ever do your business beside another guy if you can possibly help it. Give some space, and for the love of Set, don’t talk to the dude next to you, don’t look anywhere but straight, and always remember that if you shake more than three times, technically you’re fondling yourself.
Bare feet and pajamas are no longer welcome in Tesco grocery stores in Wales, as a new dress code basically says what the whole world has been thinking for years: put on some real clothes you lazy bitches and bastards:
Shoppers in pyjamas and bare feet are no longer welcome at a supermarket in Wales where customer complaints have prompted the introduction of a strict dress code. Signs announcing the no-PJs rule now grace the entrance to the sprawling Tesco’s outlet in St Mellons, a suburb of the Welsh capital Cardiff, that is open most nights until 10:00 p.m.
“To avoid causing offence or embarrassment to others, we ask that our customers are appropriately dressed when visiting our store (footwear must be worn at all times and no nightwear is permitted),” they read.
As a stack of angry emails will attest, I’ve managed to offend about 36% of Mitchievillian constituents in the last two weeks; but since I haven’t hit my 45% quota, I’m going to say something now that I’m sure is going to rattle somebody somewhere: If you are that person who goes out into public wearing pajamas; if you think it is okay to leave your house and go into public wearing your sleepy clothes, you sir madam need a solid kick to your funny spot.
Pajamas are for sleeping in, and that’s it. Sure, you can laze around the house in pajamas, but as soon as even one solitary toe touches the pavement outside your house, you should have ditched your pajamas and put on adult clothes. You’re not 5 years old. You’re not an idiot. Stop being a tool.
It’s not cute, it’s not funny, people don’t think you’re edgy. People hate you and want to kill you. And I don’t mean that people want to beat the living hell out of you and leave you for dead, they actually want to kill you dead. That’s the truth, you bug everyone.
So there you have it. Truth to power, punches to outdoor pajama wearers.
I’m so hurt and lost now that Mitch is no longer Mayor of Mitchieville. I’ve wanted to tell him how much he means to me, this song pretty well sums up how I feel. I love you Mitch. You will always be my Mayor.
Posted by mayorluver69 for Mitch cause he’s dreamy