Archive for the ‘Everything Chinese’ Category

Hell’s Library’s Book Return Chute

Sunday, September 6th, 2009

Like all activists who have an unquestioning acceptance of the diversity of things they have to believe in in order to get a high paying state job, I strongly support universal health care. Anyone who questions universal health care is a racist.

Doctor Drake Mallard is a poster person for universal health care in Ontario. Despite a troubled childhood, oppression at the hands of white racists, and lack of opportunities, he has managed to become a clinic director for dislocated shoulders. He works a grueling twenty-one hour week, with little spare time for his community. He manages to supervise the Michael Vick animal shelter, in addition to caring for his seven children and five wives. And it was his stamped signature that sent me to see another doctor. It only took two weeks for Dr.Mallard to sign the referal.

Doctor Jekyl is a poster person for universal health care in Ontario. Despite a troubled childhood, oppression at the hands of white racists, and lack of opportunities, he has managed to become a clinic associate director for dislocated shoulders. He is a tall man, with the red hair and green eyes one associates with the Vikings who settled into vegetarian communes in the Shetlands and Orkneys during the open borders period of the ‘Dark’ Ages. He has great bedside manner. He accepted my addiction to tobacco products … by offering me one of the Camel filters that he smokes at his office, along with a shot of whiskey, which is how the people of the Orkneys greet friends.

Now, Doctor Jekyl told me that I needed some tests to determine the extent of nerve damage in my dislocated shoulder * . Complications! The worse being that, because of waiting times, the test would not be done in time, so it was all rather pointless. All those Convenience-Canadians, those citizens who seek our citizenship for benefits, have clogged up the system, apparently. Another complication is the incompetent crew of technicians they have running the test equipment. They lose the paperwork, either that or get it mixed up. They do not really speak english, apparently; at least when they show up somewhat sober. All in all, said Doctor Jekyl, tests are too late, bungled by dolts, and expensive enough to keep taxpayers of the working class (that is, people who work ) too poor to travel to somewhere else to find out what real health care is like. If only more Canadians were illegal immigrants, who can afford vacations back in the Fatherland, sighed Dr.Jekyl, and then he added that … consulting Tarot Cards is, statistically, more effective than Universal Health Care.

According to the Tarot (using the offically approved OHIP deck, featuring the features of prominent Canadian Bolsheviks for the major arcana [as in Pierre Trudeau for Key XV]), Doctor Jekyl assured me that me numb right arm was on vacation in the Underworld, hanging out at a Bed and Breakfast run by Hades * and Persephone * . My right arm was, by definition, acquiring supernatural powers, a mind of its own * , and a whole bunch of new friends.

Having had, perhaps, one sipp’n shot of Clan MacBerserker too many, I did not much care. It was nice to know that my arm was on vacation. Perhaps, I said as I finished another Camel filter, could I join my arm rather than it join me up here?

Capital Idea, agreed the good doctor. Hypnosis, he suggested, would send me to rejoin my absent arm. He would bill OHIP for bunions, to make it worth his while. He put me into a deep trance (perhaps a 5 on the Arons scale), and this is what I recollected when I awoke:

My arm, my paralyzed right arm, was alive and well. I was standing at a conveyor belt. The light was dim, like an industrial factory that was poorly maintained by non-union electricians. There was a bad smell, like you get down wind of Toronto. My right arm appeared to be supervising the conveyor belt: it was Hell’s Library’s Book Return Chute.

The books were coming down the chute in singles and in bunches. Some fell on the floor. When that happened, my right arm would pummel or whip or clout the minion closest to the dropped books, magazines, periodicals or DVD’s. The damage to the books was not an issue; it was just an excuse to pummel, whip, or clout. The minions had black leather hoods sewn onto their heads, and little ribbons safety pinned to their skin for each time they had hung up on a telemarketer.

Telemarketers are everywhere in Hell. They run the place. If you do not like Telemarketers, you will not like Hell. Because, in hell, Telemarketers do not like you, either. My right arm used to supervise call centers, so it felt at home in Hell, and managed to get a job in Hell’s Library. And as an entry level supervisor, you start in the basement, where the Book Return Chute is.

As supervisor, I had no real work except to be cruel and vicious to my staff. The books being returned were pretty interesting. The Necronomicon seemed a favourite, be it the hardcover, soft cover, comic book, or pop-up cut-outs edition. There was Greenpeace literature, touting Global Warming during the last two coldest years on record, and Greenbooger literature from the past, back in 1971 when the harp seal was going to go extinct. And some United Church circulars, featuring fund raising pitches for abortion clinics, ballet shoes for Africa, and art exhibits of artists who mocked Christ, sophists who slandered the works of the Saints, and greedy publicans who built empires upon the taxes of the Simple. But most interesting of all was the recent edition of Child Murder Monthly Magazine, a main stream media production.

The periodical had been badly treated at the hands of an irresponsible library patron. The pages were curly. A coffee stain, no, pomegranate juice, blotted on page three, where the table of contents and publishing information was listed. Other pages were stuck together with what appeared to be Cracker Jack crumbs. And, the cross word on page 27 had been partially done, in ink. In ink.

My Right Arm was outraged. I selected forms to be filled from a file folder in which was kept the forms to be filled to inform mangement, other departments, and the Supreme Central Librarian, Above, of the situation, and the Action Plan we would be seeking funding for. With sociopathic bliss, my right arm in the underworld, checked off check boxes, wrote one phrase answers, and composed sentences. If you who read this in the world above the underworld (which down here we call Midgard); you Midgarders would be angered at a library patron who wrote in a circulating periodical. A fine would be collected, on your world of Midgard. So too, here in the Library of Hell. There would be Hell to pay.

While my right arm was dispatching powerful infernal powers using alchemy, spells, and talismans, I did not pay attention, and instead day dreamed about Child Monthly Murder Magazine. Who would read such a thing? Even worse, who would write and publish it? This main stream media publishing empire, was it responsible for the evil, twisted, perverted, unholy desires of the blasphemers who sought it out every week before the full moon here in Hell? Maybe they had good jobs (no mean feat in Hell, where if you have a job with a phone on your desk, you have to be polite to the telemarketers that call you all the time) and just thought that the Canadian Government would deal with any real problems, and just lived for their pay cheque. What did the Photo Editor and his staff photographers think about the implications of their work? There was a running pool on the number of little girls raped and murdered in misogynist cultures that was done on glossy paper, expensive glossy paper. Whose mind and hands had crafted that? Did not their sense of right and wrong tell them that they were encouraging evil, and undermining good? The use of free speech rights, a good thing, had been twisted by the mercenaries of the main stream media into a job, a career, an advocation, and for a few, seats in the Ivory Tower.

The regular crossword in Child Murder Monthly Magazine was interesting, attractive, and made me feel sick. You know, like when you go into one of those anonymous coffee shops in Non-White Toronto, and you realize on the last bite of your Bavarian Creme that it was not made in Canada, but a Non-Canadian fake food product, and that you are about to get very sick, very fast. You take that last look at your favourite shirt, just knowing that the caustic vomit you are about to expell will eat holes in it. Please God, do not let me throw up through my nose sort of sick.

My day dreaming came to an end when my Right Arm grew tired of filling out forms about the vandalization of Child Murder Monthly Magazine. Each escalating atrocity required another form. So far there was a white one, a pink one, and a yellow one already completed. But my Right Arm had tired and was balking at transfering all over, again, the same information onto the Magnesium Weapons Authorization Form, which was goldenrod in color. So my study of the magazine was ended. And shortly thereafter, my astral body returned to Midgard, to the office of Doctor Jekyl, who had switched to smoking hashish, as it was close to lunch.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this with my Sinister Left Arm, because my willful Right Arm is off on vacation in the Underworld.

xpd Mitchieville, DustMyBroom

Chinese Officials Are Butchering Cats

Monday, March 10th, 2008

In a bid to clean up Beijing before the summer Olympics, Chinese officials have begun rounding up the city’s cats and sending them to kitty death camps:

Hundreds of cats a day are being rounded and crammed into cages so small they cannot even turn around.

Then they are trucked to what animal welfare groups describe as death camps on the edges of the city.

The cull comes in the wake of a government campaign warning of the diseases cats carry and ordering residents to help clear the streets of them.

Cat owners, terrified by the disease warning, are dumping their pets in the streets to be picked up by special collection teams.

Paranoia is so intense that six stray cats -including two pregnant females – were beaten to death with sticks by teachers at a Beijing kindergarten, who feared they might pass illnesses to the children.

It is estimated that when finished, the cull will have exterminated 500,000 cats.

The cats are rounded up, thrown in tight cages and basically left to die an agonizing death:

“Disease spreads quickly among them and they die slowly in agony and distress. The government won’t even do the cats the kindness of giving them lethal injections when they become sick. They just wait for them to die.

“It is the abandoned pets that suffer the most and die the soonest. They relied so much on their owners that they can’t cope with the new environment.

“Most refuse to eat or drink and get sick more quickly than the feral cats.”

This isn’t the first time Chinese officials culled a specific type of animal, last year, officals killed more than 50,000 dogs. A few years before that was Tiananmen square.

When all is said and done, there really isn’t much you can do about something like this. I mean, there is something everyone can do, but not many people are willing to do it: Stop buying Chinese products.

I know it’s hard to do, it seems everything nowadays is made in China, but that simply isn’t true. If everyone in the West looked at labels and boycotted Chinese goods until they got their act together, I’m telling you right here and now, it would take less than a month before the Chicoms started acting less like psychopathic butchers and more like humans.

It’s simple, I suppose: If you love cats and dogs, you won’t buy Chinese products until they have shown that they will be compassionate and fair to animals.

China’s death camp for cats

NEXT–Adventures in Situational Ethics

AND–Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Movie Poster

Not Exactly An Ancient Chinese Secret

Monday, December 17th, 2007

Even though western consumers are gobbling up cheap, crap Chinese toys faster than Rosie O’Donnell downs an Egg McMuffin, there seems to be one group that isn’t buying cheap, Chinese crap toys–Ya, that would be the Chinese:

China may be Santa’s global workshop, but when it comes to buying playthings for their own children, Chinese families who can afford it opt for foreign-brand toys.

“I dare not buy cheap wooden toys or toys with paint,” said Lin Yan, a professor at Shanghai International Studies University, whose 7-year-old daughter tested for elevated levels of lead in her blood.

When her daughter is given toys she suspects are unsafe, she throws them away.

“Sometimes they have indescribable odors,” she said.

The preference is evident in the gargantuan New World Department Store in Shanghai’s commercial heart.

Shelves are crowded with foreign-brand models and remote-control cars, the ubiquitous Legos from Denmark, Mattel Inc. (MAT)’s Barbies, Transformers made by Japan’s Bandai.

Tales of poor quality Chinese toys abound – dolls whose heads fall off, bicycles that rust and puzzles that don’t fit together.

Foreign toys only began making inroads in China in the last 20 years as Hong Kong manufacturers began shifting production across the border in the 1980s. Though local toy brands accounted for 60 percent of sales in China last year, the top tier of the market was dominated by foreign-branded toys, the research group Euromonitor said in a recent report.

Does that not tell you something? Because it should. Hell, if the Chinese are admitting that their toys are shit and that they prefer foreign toys, why are so many dumb-ass westerners still buying up all those fantastically craptastic Chinese shit in a box?

I’ll tell you why: We are addicted to buying. It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad or otherwise, we must have it. Whatever it is. We’ve all seen it, when little Suzie or Timmy starts whining like the little punks that they are, parents immediately lose their spine and cave in and get their little snot-nosed malcontent of a child whatever they want. Instead of giving their kid the free option–a smack upside the head–they give the kid the treat. “Boo hoo, little Timmy will hate me if he doesn’t have that MegaTron right the fuck now…well, I can’t have little Timmy hating me, so, here you go son, have fun with it for two seconds before you throw it out the car window. It’s okay, I’m a shitty parent, I understand”.

We really need to stop buying anything Chinese (except Chinese food, like egg rolls and moo goo guy pan), and an easy way to start is to stop buying Chinese toys. If your kid insists that he wants dangerous toys, give him a nail in a can of acid and spray asbestos in his face, but for the love of God, don’t get him a Chinese toy.

Once again–If the Chinese won’t even buy their own product, why would you? Seriously.

The New NHL

Monday, November 19th, 2007

There is something special happening tonight in the New York Ranger/Islanders game. As a matter of fact, it is the first time this has ever taken place:

A New York City radio station (WZRC; 1480 AM) is actually going to broadcast the game in Chinese.

The Islanders are owned by Charles Wang, an American of Chinese decent. Wang hopes to build hockey interest among the American/Chinese community.

Personally, I don’t believe hockey will ever take off with the Chinese, nor do I believe there will ever be a Chinese hockey player. And the reason is simple: Whenever the Chinese go into the corner, they try to open up a variety store.

No, you’re the bigot.

Date Rape Chemical Found In Chinese Toys

Wednesday, November 7th, 2007

Australia announced a nationwide ban on a Chinese toy today, after reports that the pieces of the toy, when swallowed, make children severely ill. And this has nothing to do with lead, it’s actually worse:

Australia announced a nationwide ban on Wednesday on a Chinese-made toy which investigations showed contained a chemical which metabolizes into a “date rape” style drug when swallowed.

Three Australian children suffered seizures and needed intensive hospital care in the past two weeks after eating the plastic beads, which scientists discovered contain a chemical that breaks down into a potentially fatal recreational drug.

Ms. Burney said an investigation was under way into how the dangerous chemical 1,4-butanediol came to replace the safe chemical 1,5-pentanediol in the manufacturing process.

You would think with all the stringent rules and regulations the Chinese Government imposes on manufacturers in order to produce safe, reliable toys, that these kind of incidences wouldn’t happen.

More than 20 million toys made in China have been recalled worldwide over the past four months due to potentially dangerous levels of lead and hazards posed by small magnets.

Once again, you would think with all the stringent rules and regulations the Chinese Government imposes on Chinese manufacturers in order to produce safe, reliable toys, that these kind of incidences wouldn’t happen.

I’m not exactly sure what our government can do to stop these types of things from happening, but I know what we as consumers can do: Stop buying Chinese shit.

Let’s face it, the majority of Chinese goods are crap. That’s not exactly front page news. But think of it this way, would you buy a car knowing that there is a good possibility that the axle is going to fall off? Of course not. Then why in the hell would you buy a Chinese toy knowing that the chances are good that the parts are going to fall off and break, or that it may contain lead…or roofies?

20 million recalled Chinese toys in 4 months, that speaks volumes. There are still toys out there that are made in North America, they go by the name *Good*, it’s time to start buying them. Boycott all Chinese toys until we are certain that they meet North American Standards. And the next time McDonald’s tries to give your kid a Treat of the Week, tell them, “No thanks, my child would rather not die”.

More unfortunate cookies

Last Day To Vote Mitchieville As Best Canadian Blog

Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007

A fire at a shoe factory in China is renewing calls for better health and safety regulations in that country:

BEIJING (AP) – A fire at an unlicensed shoe factory killed 37 people and injured more than a dozen, Chinese authorities said Monday, one of the deadliest industrial accidents this year in a country plagued with dangerous workplaces.

Very sad. The problem with the owners of these companies is that they have no sole. They tread on the employees and make them work in horrible conditions. Then when they are asked for comment when something tragic like this happens, they end up putting their foot in their mouth. Even worse, some of them even shoe the reporters away. You give these guys an inch and they take a foot. I hate the way they shoehorn their way out of these situations, it’s unfootunate.

They need to give these guys the boot.

Hsu Tries To Escape on Choo Choo, Gets Flu Flu, Now He Goes To Jail And Is Going To Get It In The Poo Poo

Friday, September 7th, 2007

This guy always has an expression on his face like he just shit on your carpet.

Democratic fundraiser, the guy that gave illegal campaign funds to the Clinton’s and Gore, convicted felon, fugitive, Chinese spy and all around asshole, Norman Hsu, has been picked up in Colorado after falling ill on an Amtrak train:

“Disgraced Democratic fundraiser Norman Hsu was arrested in Grand Junction tonight, after he failed to show up for a court appearance in California related to a felony theft conviction. FBI agents took Hsu into custody around 7 p.m. at St. Mary’s Hospital FBI, spokesman Joseph Schadler said in a statement. Hsu was traveling on an Amtrak train when he became ill. Grand Junction paramedics were summoned to the Amtrak station near downtown about 11 a.m. Thursday to treat a patient, Battalion Chief Robert Ferguson said. The patient, whom Ferguson said he found out eight hours later was a fugitive, was not in great pain, Ferguson said.

Everyone in the blogosphere is all over this, so I won’t bore you with any more details about this vermin, yet it seems the only people not interested in this story are the msm.

I suppose the msm are too busy hunting down more *facts* about Larry Craig and his toe-tappin’ washroom antics and can’t spend any time talking about an ex and current convict who gave tens of zillions of dollars to the Clinton’s and Gore, gave state secrets away to the Chinese gov’t and has his fingerprints all over dozens of Democrat state organizations. Oh, plus he’s a fugitive at large.

Ya, nothing to see in that story. What a yawner.

More fag talk, please!

Top five reasons to support Chinese occupation of Tibet

Thursday, August 9th, 2007

The Chinese occupation of Tibet is getting alot of media attention, but is it politically correct to support Red China, or oppose them? What is a person to do? Are these Human Rights things important in this case? Embracing diversity means speaking with one voice. But real progressives support Red China … here are five good reasons why.

Remember Jane Fonda. Yes, indeed. That curvaceous mouthpiece for political correctness. I remember her support for Red China back in the happy hippy days of Vietnam. I was attending a seminar on the dangers of Global Cooling when some unwashed acid freak told me about seeing the big breasted intellectual tell about her admiration for Red China. And if it was true back then, it must be true now. So your should support Red China, not Tibet.

Only White people care about Tibet. Like, who cares what white people think. They have invisible privileges, life is handed to them on a plate. Good jobs are reserved for them, and they live in safe neighbourhoods and know who their daddies are. So when I see white people, I automatically disagree with them. They should just pay taxes and shut up. These Tibet ‘activists’ are just pushing some secret white power agenda. So you should support Red China, not Hitler’s children.

Where is Tibet, anyway? When I went to high school, we had minorities bused in, so we studied Ebonics in Geography class. I never heard about Tibet until some rich white kid who has life handed to him was yapping about it at the university. Has Tibet done anything to stop Global Warming? How many of their cities are endangered by the melting ice caps? If these people cannot make an effort to fight global warming then they do not have much of an existance, now do they. So you should support Red China, not these nobodies in Tibet.

Red China is our Friend. Appeasement demands compromise. If we want to be friends with China, maybe we should cut them some slack. If England had followed through on its concessions in the Ruhr, Austria, and Czechoslovakia, by tossing Poland into the stew pot of peace, well, there would never have been a war in 1939. Surely an appeasement minded person could see the pattern here. Give peace a chance and let China do what it wants to Tibet. So you should support Red China, not brutal militrism.

Who needs religion anyway? The Taliban doesn’t much like these religious fanatics in Tibet. As a way to reach out to our Muslim Fanatic friends, we should support a policy that they support. It is a separation of church and state issue, is it not? Let the Chinese crush these religious fanatics, and we can curry favor with the Taliban. So we should support Red China, and win some respect.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this at both Mitchieville and DustMyBroom.

Chinese Gov’t Bans Crude Birth Control Slogans

Sunday, August 5th, 2007

Although the Chinese gov’t still strictly enforces its 1 child per family policy, China’s top family planning agency is cracking down on rude slogans used to enforce the country’s strict population limits:

Slogans such as ‘Raise fewer babies but more piggies,’ and ‘One more baby means one more tomb,’ have been forbidden.

China’s 28-year-old family planning policy limits most urban couples to just one child and allows some families in the countryside to have a second child if their first is a girl. Critics say it has led to forced abortions, sterilizations and a dangerously imbalanced sex ratio due to a traditional preference for male heirs, which has prompted countless families to abort female fetuses in hopes of getting boys.

After I read this article, I immediately called an emergency Senate meeting to try to find some acceptable slogans to help out the Chinese gov’t with their population problem. I’m sure these will be more than adequate, after all, we worked all night on them.

There are 1.3 billion of us. Enough already.

Wouldn’t you rather be eating a delicious Pocky or a Yan Yan?

Like we need more kids with the surname *Wong*.

Can you really fit another child into that shoebox you call a home?

Big screen TV’s are more entertaining and smell less.

If you have more than one baby we will find it, take it away and inject steroids into its face.

Although I’m not sure about the last one, I’m sure the first five are good enough to run a decent slogan program with.

If you think you have a slogan the Chinese gov’t might find useful, please leave it in the comment section and I’ll make sure they promptly receive it.

Have the poo-poo platter, not a baby

More Chinese Fortunate Cookies

Monday, June 18th, 2007

A new political party has arisen in Britsh Columbia, one that caters specifically to the Chinese immigrant:

The Nation Alliance Party, launched last week, says its focus is on the 350,000 Chinese in B.C.

The party president says that the party is neccesary because the majority of Chinese-Canadians don’t vote, and his party will reflect the Chinese values and improve the lot of Chinese immigrants:

“They have high degrees – master’s degree or doctor’s degree – but their job is just labour job,” he said. “They are not satisfied with their situation.”

This is great news, I applaud this new Canadian for coming up with this idea. Only 5 years in the country even!

Basically, there are really only three parties in Canada to choose from. One for the righties, one for the lefties and one for the extreme lefties. In British Columbia provincial politics it’s even more stuffy, there are just the liberals and the socialists to choose from. Now, thanks to diversity and multiculturalism, we can do away with voting by ideology and start voting by race.

I’m sure then, that if I was to create a political party designed specifically to help British citizens, because that’s my background, British, that the party hats of diversity will be snugly placed on my beautiful bald head.

Think about it, it makes so much sense. The Chinese can vote for the Chinese, the blacks can vote for the blacks, the Moslems can vote for Moslems, and the whites…hahaha, had you going, it would be racist for a whitie to vote for a whitie because of the colour of his/her skin. What are you, a KKKlansman?

Here’s another fun tidbit of information:

Families are being split when bread-winners move back to Asia to work, leaving their wives and children in Canada, Chen noted. “I would like to encourage them to stay here and solve the problem for them,” he said.

Why wouldn’t a person take their family back to China to live with them while they work?? I know that it has nothing to do with the social benefits immigrants receive…like great education and medical care, welfare if needed, subsidized housing, ect. I don’t know the reason, but I’m sure there is one. It’s not like immigrants are taking advantage of our most-generous social system we have in Canada.


Some Things Are Worth Dying For

Monday, June 4th, 2007

While we watch our hockey game tonight or blog about whatever pops into our head take a moment to remember the 1,321,851,888 Chinese citizens who don’t have the luxury of such freedoms.

Link (PBS Documentary)

Link (BBC On This day)

Link (Tank Man)

May 16 – The Crappiest Day In History

Wednesday, May 16th, 2007

There can’t be much argument that In 1943, The Warsaw Ghetto Uprising ended. I suppose if you are some bastard Nazi this would be a good thing, but this was a decidedly terrible day for the Polish-Jews of Warsaw. In 1966 the Cultural Revolution in China began. The number of Chinese people murdered by their own government is known only to God. It gets more bleak: in 1982 the Islanders completed their four game sweep of the Canucks to win the Stanley Cup. Butch Goring’s toothless grin still haunts my dreams. The final kicker, Jim Henson of The Muppets fame died on this day in 1990.

Need more proof that May 16 is ‘The Crappiest Day In History”? Notable celebrity birthdays for this day include Pierce Brosnan and well, Pierce Brosnan. Now the former James Bond is kind of cool, but his birthday is over-shadowed by the ominous births of Tori Spelling (btw – Nikita told me The Mayor hearts Tori), uber-geek Tucker Carlson, Liberace, Janet Jackson and Tracey Gold. Remember Tracey Gold ? I thought not.

The best hope for May 16 being a somewhat less crappy day in the future currently lay in the hands of two women: some young actress named Hires Root Beer being invented you’ve only brought death, despair and B list entertainers to the world. Until someone else can prove differently from this day forward you are “The Crappiest Day In History”.

Posted by Reg, sigh…