Archive for the ‘France’ Category

Who Are The World’s Worst Tourists?

Sunday, July 12th, 2009


You guessed it, it’s those damn Zimbabweans. I’m telling you right here and now, they are the rudest, most selfish, what? It’s not Zimbabweans? Well that’s a little embarrassing now, isn’t it? I really should apologize, but then again, it wouldn’t make them any less rude:

Penny-pinching, rude and terrible at foreign languages – French people are the world’s worst tourists according to a study of the global hotel industry.

The study by the global hotel industry in 27 countries says the Japanese are the best tourists and ranks Australians sixth.

Carried out last month by TNS Infratest, the study asked 40,000 hotels worldwide to rank tourists from 27 countries based on nine criteria, from their politeness to their willingness to tip.

Clean, polite, quiet and uncomplaining, Japanese tourists came top of the crop for the third year running.

At the other end of the spectrum, French holidaymakers and business travellers were the least open to new languages, ranked last for generosity and readiness to tip, and next-to-last for their overall attitude and politeness.

And they smell. I don’t know that for a fact, but this guy I know knows some guy who use to hang out with a French dude, and he said Claude really stunk. He said Claude smelled like a cross between a dog that was rolling around in its own feces, and another, bigger dog that was rolling around in its own feces. Then, take the two dogs, and get them to roll around in each others’ feces, and then throw in some of your own feces, as well as someone you know who has some spare feces, and that’s exactly what Claude smells like. That, and Old Spice.

So, combine all those negative attributes with the stink, and yes, you are going to get a breed or tourist that everyone agrees sucks like a Hoover, smells like a broken cyst, tips like the homeless, and has an attitude like a government worker. Congratulations, Frenchie, you suck.

We Don’t Need No Water…

Tuesday, January 6th, 2009

Even though 35,000 police, gendarmes, firemen and military personnel were deployed New Years Eve in France, a record amount of cars were torched and burned:

There is an impression of “calm”, since there was no major incident to report. But this is counterbalanced by a negative find: 1147 burnt-out cars, or 30% more than last year, even though the police were out in force (35,000 men deployed). Two hundred eighty persons were arrested. Other than the burnt cars there was little to report. “Only four policemen were slightly injured,” declared the Interior Ministry in its communiqué this morning, adding that “no damage to public or private property” was noted.

It’s interesting to note that cars are not considered private property in France. 1200 cars torched and burned in one night and all you hear from the average Frenchman is, “As long as they didn’t burn down the cheese factory.”

The French have been conditioned to think that the crime of torching a car is on par of stealing Joe Louis’ from the local Mac’s Milk. Setting a car on fire in no bigger a crime than spitting on the sidewalk or entering a restaurant barefoot. The French have the whole surrender attitude down to a fine art.

Considering France’s military history, I suppose the whole thing makes a ton of sense.

C’est La Vie!