Archive for the ‘Free Stuff’ Category

Racism, Rape Culture, and Baby Fight Club

Friday, March 4th, 2016

Yeah, sure, my racist, rapist, oozing white privilege wanna be plantation owner (with slaves) co-workers were having a white privilege sausage squeeze-fest over some articles in the corporate media about some ‘baby fight club’ article. One of my sadist co-workers was at the point of tears during the discussion about the case. I wanted to strangle her for her white privilege, the honky bitch. Obviously, this story is just some sort of cover to protect Donald Trump from the critical eye of the progressive media. And, and I mean and, let us face it, ‘baby fight club’ is a racist weasel phrase designed to appropriate foreign cultural practice and vilify them.

Other cultures celebrate conflict between children, and, unlike the dominant racist patriarchy which oppresses us all here, encourages it. I nearly vomited listening to all the white privilege. Racist scum. After lunch, I denounced them all to human resources, using the confidential snitch line. How dare they impose their hate filled culture of institutional racism!

When I got home, I went down to the basement where I keep a few undocumented-Canadians in culturally appropriate housing. Inspired, I (using google translate) suggested that the occupant of cell A fight the occupant of cell B. The winner would get the food ration for both, and the loser would be burnt alive, in keeping with their cultural practices and traditions. A blessing actually, as the person being burnt alive gets an express ticket to the pleasures of the afterlife in the Welfare State shopping mall in the sky. I drank some beer while A and B brawled in the basement rec room where my pool table used to be. Then, the bar-b-que outside in the snow. The lucky victor had a double helping of creme of turnip soup, and four brussel sprouts (what a roughage plus feast!). I could only think of their delight for tomorrow when they get all you can eat pork roast, cut fresh and steamy off the tibia.

Still, the atmosphere of hate that lingers at work oppresses me. These co-workers of mine, they need to suffer.

Veterans Day Discounts and Freebees

Friday, November 4th, 2011

The Retired Geez – The Mayor’s brutha from a different baby mutha – sent this along, via Innocent Bystanders.

Note to all Vets: eat free at Hooter’s.

Abuelo’s Mexican Food – Abuelo’s offerings vary by region, be sure to call ahead to see what the discounts or freebies are included.

Applebees – All veterans and active duty military eat free from a limited menu at Applebee’s on Veterans Day.
Chili’s — Veterans and active duty dine for free from a special limited six item menu on Veterans Day.

Golden Corral — Golden Corral Restaurants’ Military Appreciation Monday free dinner will be available on November 15, from 5 p.m. to 9 p.m. Military retirees, veterans, active duty, National Guard and Reserves are all welcome.

Hooters — All Veterans and active duty eat free. The free entrees must be selected from a special Veterans Day menu.
Krispy Kreme – All active-duty, retirees & veterans get a free doughnut on Veterans Day. Be sure to call ahead to verify your local Krispy Kreme is participating.

McCormick & Schmick’s Seafood Restaurants — Participating McCormick & Schmick’s Seafood Restaurants offer a complimentary entree to vets from a special menu on a space available basis, online reservations are highly recommended.
Outback Steakhouse — Veterans and active-duty military get a complimentary Bloomin’ Onion and non-alcoholic beverage on Veterans Day.

UNO Chicago Grill — UNO is offering a Buy One Get One free offer to Service members or Veterans with a military or veteran I.D. or in uniform or with a photo of themselves in uniform. The Veterans Day BOGO offer includes a free entree or individual pizza, with the purchase of an entree or pizza of equal or greater value.
Texas Roadhouse – Free meal from opening until 4pm. on Veterans Day. Call ahead to your local restaurant for more information.

T.G.I. Friday’s – Veterans and Service members Buy one get one free from Nov 11–14. Contact your nearest location for more details on their Veterans Day BOGO offer.
Retail Stores
The Dollar General — Veterans, Service members (Active, Guard, and Reserve), and their immediate families will receive a 10-percent discount with a Veterans Day coupon. The coupon may be found in store circular ads or by asking a sales associate.

Home Depot — Offers a 10 percent discount to all Veterans during Veterans Day, Memorial Day and Independence Day.

Lowe’s — All veterans receive the 10-percent discount on Veteran’s Day, Memorial Day and the Fourth of July. The offer is available in stores only and is limited to in-stock and special-order purchases of up to $5,000.

Sam’s Club — Sam’s will give away 36,000 collapsible Hugo Canes on Veterans Day to military veterans in need of mobility assistance. Sam’s Club will require membership for this offer, but proof of service may be necessary. – Free ―Veterans Day Honor MP3 album download. The album includes 12 songs by The Bands and Ensembles of the U.S. Armed Forces.

Cabela’s Outdoor Store – Offers their employee discount to all veterans, active-duty military and reserves, law enforcement, fire and EMS personnel November 11-12. Discounts vary from 5% to 50%, depending on the item.

Build-a-Bear Workshop – Members of the armed services including the Army, Navy, Marine Corps, Air Force, Coast Guard, and Reserve Officer Training Corps, will receive a 20% discount November 11-15 on any one transaction at Build-A-Bear Workshop.

Fashion Bug – 20% off all plus-size and misses clothing purchases with a copy of military ID or spouse’s military ID.

Sports Clips Haircuts – The men’s hair salon chain is offering a free haircut to active military and veterans on Veterans Day.

Foot Locker — Veterans, Service members (Active, Guard, and Reserve), and their immediate families with a Foot Locker Veterans Advantage Card receive a 20 percent discount every day of the year. That offer is good both online and at any store location, including Foot Locker, Lady Foot Locker, Kids Foot Locker, Footaction and Champs Sports — even on sale items.

Saving Money with the Mayor – Mitchieville Marathon

Tuesday, December 7th, 2010

The Mayor has a series devoted to getting stuff for free. It is amazing the bargains that he finds. From March 16, 2009 * .

One thing you can always count on in any Global Economic Meltdown™ is the inevitable stupid lists that tell us mere mortals how to save money. These type of lists seem endless. And the one thing all these lists have in common is the complete lack of any new or original idea as to how to save money, or any creative idea as to how to make any money. They are lame from the head up and the neck down and are trying on my soul. I weep.

Take this article I read today (please) from Yahoo Finance–Back to Financial Basics, 10 ways to save money. Among some of the gems to help us save some of our hard earned cash include:

  • Get some fresh air — Walking is good for you, and it’s cheaper than driving.
  • Give up your car altogether
  • Limit the luxuries — do you really need over 500 channels?
  • Skip the little things — make your own coffee in the morning. Instead of spending $5 a day on gourmet coffee, take it with you from home.
  • Eat out less

As I said, the list is typical in its lameosity (and yes, that most certainly is a word).

So I was figuring, since every arsehole and his semi-retarded cousin has a stupid list out on how to save cash, and seeing as I’m semi-retarded and a pretty ginormous arsehole, I’d give you ten useless and obvious ways to save money. It may not be a good, or even fun list, but it will give you something to read while you wait for your buttered scone to nuke.

Meet me after the break for some jolitity (yes, that most certainly is a word)


Get Yer Free Crap

Wednesday, September 22nd, 2010

KY Intrigue – Premium personal lubricant – seems like a no-brainer - US only

Cottonelle Fresh Wipes – You do want to be fresh, don’t you?  US & Canada

Purex® Complete 3-in-1™ Free Trial Offer- Dirty mind and dirty clothes doesn’t cut it – clean yer clothes

Emergen-C – Stockpile this crap, it’s great for hangovers – Canada only

2500 Shopper’s Drug Mart Optimum points – Just call 1-877-888-5348 enter your number and follow the prompts to hit 1 a couple times. Points received in 4-6 weeks. Its a DEMO of ordering a prescription, you aren’t ordering anything. It tells you that right away.

Ocean Spray – Free bag. Because the world doesn’t have enough bags.

L’essence D’ea sample – It’s an acne treatment sample. If you can’t use it, give it to the kid working behind the counter at McDonald’s.

Taster’s Choice Coffee – 6 free single servings of coffee – The Mayor already got his – Canada onlyD’eau

Get Your Free Stuff

Monday, September 13th, 2010

I really need to get a better title for this segment. How about, “Here, have some free crap!”

Too wordy?

Free FIX tea – The Mayor hasn’t tried it, but I’m sure some of you will like it. Possibly. (US, Canada & Australia)

Jergens® Overnight Repair Sample Program – Fix that face of yours or someone you love (US only)

Emergen-C – this crap is great for hangovers (US only)

SBR – All sorts of free crap here. Crap for your face and body, sprays and lubricants and all sorts of assorted nonsense.

OB tampon sample pack – good for bloody noses and such (Canada only)

Kashi snack bar – US residents only

Dolphins Club – sign up to some stupid club and get some stupid dolphin gloves for free (Canada only)

Colgate – free toothbrush for your kids and their disgusting teeth (US only)

Free Subway Breakfast Sandwich Today, August 19

Thursday, August 19th, 2010

Ontario residents only

Everyone else can drink a glass of water and eat your fingernails.

Get Your Free Crap Here

Tuesday, July 20th, 2010

Purex 3 in 1 Laundry Sheets -  (use a space in your postal code, not a dash)

Frizz shampoo, conditioner and serum - Yes, serum!

Goodnites underwear – it’s for little kids that pee the bed, you weirdo

Free IHop meal on your Birthday

Nexus – Shampoo and assorted hair stuff

Free Subway breakfast – for Ontario residents Aug 19

Lots of free tampons and assorted fun thingies

K-Y lube and massaging goo

Free Slurpee Sunday

Sunday, July 11th, 2010


I thought today was the Lord’s Day, but I have been just informed that it’s actually 7/11 Day. Move over Jesus, and take your disciples with ya, because today is a day to enjoy (imperial measurement, damn Yankee’s), a 7.11 oz Slurpee – hold on while I figure out the metric equivalent – 7.11 x 6.418 divided by 4 – 2.17 to the power of 11 (ish), + the denominator – the protagonist and double the terminator = 2.24 metres.

Go to 7/11 tday and enjoy 2.24 metres of Slurpee!

And the best part? The government is paying for it!

La dee dee dee daaaaa, la dee dee dee daaaaaa. That’s The Mayor’s happy Slurpee dance!

Burger King Friday – Get Your Free Breakfast Sandwich

Friday, February 5th, 2010


Burger King – Check

February 5 – Check

Free breakfast sandwich – Check

Worst mascot eva – Check

Get to washroom by 12 pm or explode – Check

Free Pound Of Wings Tonight Only At Kelseys!

Thursday, January 21st, 2010


Kelsey’s restaurants are celebrating 30 years of wings by giving each and every person who walks, crawls, limps, dives, frolics, skips, gayly prances, and/or drives their car through the window, one free pound of chicken wings. Tonight. January 21 from 4pm ’till close.

My suggestion is to go for the salt & pepper wings, they’re excellent.

Keep in mind that Kelsey’s wings are the fat kind, not those skinny little sparrow wings some restaurant/roadhouse type places serve. Give The Mayor a sparrow wing and expect a scene to be caused. Expect a fight to break out. Expect spit to be spat. Expect your world to be rocked.

This offer is only valid to Canadian residents from BC to Ontario. Any Canuck living east of Ontario and all other world citizens can suck it. You get nothing.

Free Mandarin All-You-Can-Eat Buffet On Canada Day

Friday, June 26th, 2009


I know this has nothing to do with nothing, but you know that Chinese people would never eat the shit they serve in Chinese/Canadian restaurants, don’t you? Anyway, The Mardarin is a Class-A operation, and even when you have to pay full price, it’s still well worth it.

FREE Buffet for Canada Day!
July 1, 2009

To celebrate Canada Day at Mandarin, we’re making fireworks of our own by offering our All-You-Can-Eat Buffet for FREE to Canadian citizens! We want to say THANK YOU CANADA, for welcoming us into this great country. Visit any of our 21 locations on July 1, 2009 and enjoy tasty Chinese cuisine alongside tried and true Canadian dishes, all for FREE. The celebration begins at 12:00pm and ends with our last seating at 8:30pm. Reservations will not be taken on Canada Day – guests will be seated on a first come first serve basis. Come join in on the festivities!

Don’t fill up on rice and chicken balls, go for the delicious shrimp on a stick and the excellent steak they have at the bbq section. Steak is a very popular food back in Nanjing, it’s very Chinese. Like hot dogs or pizza slices.

This offer is only available only in Ontario, so for you Western Canadians, you’ll have to settle with eating regional delicacies, like sewer rats, perogies, or pot. For my American friends, cap & trade is going to suck all your money dry, so chew on a toothpick and drink a glass of water.

Kentucky Fried Chicken–Free Chicken Giveaway

Wednesday, May 6th, 2009


Oprah Winfrey, shown here displaying the unit size needed to fill her gaping love muffin, is involved in some sort of Kentucky Fried Chicken giveaway:

Free offer good for 2 pieces of Kentucky Grilled Chicken™ (manager’s choice) and two individual sides and a biscuit at participating KFC restaurants located in the U.S., while supplies last. Limit one offer per coupon, one coupon per person during offer period.

That free offer period is from May 5 to May 19, but today is your last day to download your coupon(s). I suggest downloading 6000 coupons–give them to the poor.

Just kidding, don’t give anything to the poor–unless it’s your ridicule and scorn. Just kidding again. Sort of. But just to be safe, give them nothing (but ridicule and scorn). And chicken. And pieces of Oprah’s flesh. Hell knows she has enough to spare. I can’t end this post. There, it’s ended. Or is it?

Kentucky Fried Chicken Giveaway. Yum Yum.