Archive for the ‘Friday Night Man Flesh’ Category

Friday Night Man Flesh

Friday, September 12th, 2008

We’ve heard a lot about change from the other mayoral candidates this past week, especially from Mitch, the current dictator of Mitchieville. Mitch has been mayor for the past decade and yet the only change seen is higher taxes, more public art celebrating the Mayor’s regime and a continued sexist imbalance, despite strong correctional gains thanks to the efforts of *BITCH*. The time for real change is finally upon us and tonight I would like to introduce you to some of my hardworking supporters. Enough of ad hominem arguments and false promises. The time for action is upon us.

The first consideration in any election that takes place in Mitchieville is security. Already, the tires on my humble campaign vehicle have been slashed – twice – a rock was throw through a window of my similarly humble abode, and one of my food tasters is dead. Once again, I have enlisted the services of my trusty bodyguard YY, also known as Yum Yum, to protect the precious hairs on my head. He never leaves my side. Indeed he shares my bed.

The enigmatic figure you see to the left is none other than Sargon the Magnificent. He is pictured here embarking on a reconnaissance mission. Armed with a photogenic memory, a bag of tea leaves and a pen and notebook, Sargon will investigate rumours that the Mayor is not actually Mitch but an impostor. On his journey, Sargon will confirm that Todd has never set foot in Mitchieville and hence not an eligible candidate for mayor and will also produce a bylaw that will prevent Fenris from naming Set the Snake God as his running mate.

Here we have Desmond. I have hired him to replace the deceased food taster. He brings a lot of experience to this position. Previously, he worked for Fenris Badwulf, but I’ve convinced him the fruits of my kitchen are more rewarding than a steady diet of prune mush and bran.

This finely dressed man is of course my running mate Reg Reginaldson. He’s been out of town for a few days on important business related to our campaign. Watch your mail for details.

Here is a rare photo of my campaign manager Dmorris. Usually, Dmorris prefers to work his magic behind the scenes, but he was so excited to receive his new hummer that he consented to have his photo taken.

I’d like to take this opportunity to remind the fine folks of Mitchieville that change requires money and lots of it at that. Unlike the current Mayor, I do not dip into the public treasury to fund my campaign. While it is true that I have plenty of volunteers working with me to change the current regime, supplies, nourishment and photocopies are needed. Contact *BITCH* if you would like to donate or volunteer your time and resources to make Mitchieville a better place.

Friday Night Man Flesh With Fenris Badwulf

Friday, August 1st, 2008

This miserable cur was caught eating food from the bag he was assigned to carry. He stole food from his burden, bringing into doubt the collective wisdom. He is about to be striped, beaten, and then whipped. This is a Roman ritual of coercicitium, where the non-Roman citizen was pushed in the mud, the mudulorium. Beat them down, prefect of Mitchieville!

What a great thing to see looming up in the fog. When you are driving for the first time somewhere. Beware the temptation to help yourself by screaming for help. No one will come. You are left on your own. Is that a cold you have or the plague?

Sometimes, you spill the honey. Have the ants come for you then? How many of them were there last time? Is this not the sweetest maple syrup you have tasted? Is this worth the destruction of our health care infra structure? Is it?!

You can only say you are sorry so many ways. And we want to hear all of those ways, when you are begging for your life. Sometimes, it creates jobs when you beg for your life. Penance for the penitent. Just like that movie.

Those of you not on the arrest list will be having a fine dinner most every day this week. Time to drag yourself out to your duties as digester of beans. The full enjoyment of this day is more to the liking of your wallet. Scalding beggars with a hot tea spoon was never better.

So ends your assigned time to feel pleasure and happiness here. What dark fate does the three guardians of destiny have for you? Can you alter the grim destiny that forgetful fate casts for you in her hurried way? Eeeeek!

Bring me your money. Bring me your gas money. You can car pool. Give me your gas money.

*BITCH* would like to thank Mr. Badwulf for speaking out against oppression by offering him a share of the photocopy budget. Conditions apply. Consult the appropriate guideline for clarification.

Friday Night Man Flesh

Friday, July 18th, 2008

It’s much too hot to think, but never too hot for some steamy manflesh.


“Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.”

Bruce Lee

Friday Night Man Flesh

Friday, July 11th, 2008

It’s hysterical female activists such as this that give the fine members of *BITCH* fighting a real sexist imbalance a bad name:

In the battle of the sexes, women’s magazine editor Cynthia Good said this was a skirmish she had to fight.

Across Atlanta they stood, orange signs with black letters that read “Men At Work” or “Men Working Ahead.”

Sometimes, the signs stood next to women working alongside the men.

Good demanded Atlanta officials remove the signs and last week, Atlanta Public Works Commissioner Joe Basista agreed.

[..] Public Works officials are replacing 50 “Men Working” with signs that say “Workers Ahead.” It will cost $22 to cover over some of the old signs and $144 to buy new signs, said Public Works spokeswoman Valerie Bell-Smith said.

Good, founding editor of Atlanta-based PINK Magazine, a publication that focuses on professional women, said she’s not stopping with Atlanta.

“We’re calling on the rest of the nation to follow suit and make a statement that we will not accept these subtle forms of discrimination,” said Good, 48.

Just because unproductive broads like this whine over signs that any rational person understands in a pragmatic way – i.e. there are people working ahead, preferably steaming pieces of manflesh, so take care – I’m going to go out of my way to use the words mankind, waiters and waitresses, man, stewardess, alderman, and actress.

I will also continue to wear skirts and dresses and not pants, and enjoy and proclaim a love of cooking and baking, while remaining an individual that recognizes real suffering is not caused by a phrase.

To be fair, the drama of perceived offensive terminology is not confined to feminists. Let the war against racially insensitive terms carry on.

Friday Night Man Flesh

Friday, July 4th, 2008

Change lurks around every corner, yet the future is murky indeed and about as civilized as enraged soccer fans. At least, that is what Sargon tells me in my sleep. The citizens of Mitchieville are restless, that is apparent. Since the Mayor mandated a reduction of library operating hours, smoking and drinking has increased significantly, along with a corresponding decrease in healthy eating habits. With fewer hours available to the hard working people to get to the library to pick up their public awareness pamphlets, the incidence of kitchen fires, accidental electrocutions and death by matches are on the rise.

Some would say this state of affairs is exacerbated by the sexist imbalance that continues to plague the citizenry. The truth of that assertion is up for debate, but *BITCH* remains committed to correcting this unhealthy balance regardless.

On the subject of balance, it’s now time for some food for thought.

One man’s poverty is another man’s employment opportunity: as long ago as the sixteenth century, a German bishop remarked that the poor are a gold mine.

Theodore Dalrymple – “Our Culture, What’s Left Of It”

FNMF–Picked By The Mayor

Friday, June 27th, 2008

I am a big fan of Friday Female Flesh. When I was asked to pen a post for Friday Flesh, I was giddy with joy. When I found out that I was to pen a post on Male Flesh, I wasn’t as giddy. Actually, all the giddiness pretty well left my body and went to wherever the hell giddiness dies. Probably New York. Or the soul of a liberal.

Having said that, I welcome this opportunity to show you that not only do I have excellent taste in women, but I’m sure the women of Mitchieville will be pleasantly surprised at the male flesh that I have chosen just for them.

Ladies, enjoy.


Woody Allen–oh ya, he’s as yummy as a lollipop. He’s as good looking now as he was when he was a teenager in the 1920’s. A devilishly handsome man, chiseled like a rock, and sources say he’s hung like a squirrel–therefore, you will not have to worry about him hurting your most private parts. Woody Allen–slurpalicious!


Next up is Michael Moore. You will never have to worry about missing a meal with this bear on your arm. Some women like hairy and smelly–you know this guy will satisfy that need in spades. He is always in fashion with those sporty baseball caps. And those chubby, porky fingers–the only thing could be hotter is if he had the shakes. Just imagine, oh ya, go with that visual.


If you demand that your love interest has crazy orange hair and outrageously huge tits to wrap your mouth around, then Carrot Top is for you. He’s got the rugged good looks of a young Jeff Goldblum and the sex appeal of Lyle Lovett. He’s got the fresh face of a middle age Elton John and the beastly appeal of Nick Nolte with a dash of Marilyn Manson and a smidgen of Bill Gates thrown in for good measure. Enjoy the hell out of Carrot Top, ladies!

Wow, I was really in the zone tonight. You can thank me later.

Restoring Balance – Female Flesh: Girls of Summer

Saturday, June 21st, 2008

I believe in balance. I am moderate in many ways, indulging in one thing, only to counterbalance it with another. Every ecosystem must maintain a delicate sense of equilibrium or risk falling into chaos. Thus was I asked to start writing Man Flesh after a dearth of Lisa’s great posts. When Lisa and I both started posting recently and unexpectedly, another weekly Female Flesh also cropped up to accompany Reg’s fine female posts. Balance. Equilibrium.

And then this week, the balance was not just tipped, but completely thrown off kilter.  I didn’t know this ahead of time, and only just discovered it Saturday morning Pacific time. And, quite honestly, it offended even my (gay) sensibilities. I felt a compelling urge to restore symmetry. So I dove into the magical world of girls of summer adorned in bikinis:

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You may think, "How would you know what hot female flesh looks like, Logan? You’re gay!" True, I won’t deny my membership in the homosexualist club. However, even I had my years of female flesh appreciation. I used to sneak peaks at my dad’s Playboy and Penthouse. I even had a year-long subscription to Penthouse in college.

Men are either ass-men or breast-men. You’d assume that since gay guys love ass, they’d naturally be ass-men even when appreciating women’s fine assets. However, this is not necessarily true. I was an avid breast-man myself growing up. Even after I turned gay I had a fascination with breasts. All of my current "Top 5 Famous Women I’d Switch For" have nice, large racks.

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And what better way to enjoy breasts than the scant bikini? Enough exposed flesh to be a visual feast, and just enough clothing to tease and intrigue. That’s why beaches are so fun in the summertime: Shirtless guys and bikini-clad women.

Balance. The way it should be.

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Posted by Reg, who posted this post for Logan, who wrote this post on behalf of Reg.

Friday Night Man Flesh

Friday, June 20th, 2008

My apologies to the fine ladies of Mitchieville for the lack of authentic manflesh appearing on these pages of late. Other obligations and obsessions have been occupying my time and thoughts, but the *BITCH* has not abandoned the flock.

Speaking of my kitchen, sometimes it gets a little hot. Here is Jeremy, my latest sous-chef, taking a brief break to cool off.

I’d like to introduce you to Kevin, fellow chef and future business partner. Together, we plan to open up a chain of vegetarian restaurants in Mitchieville. No tofu will be harmed in the process, nor will it be a menu option.

Leroy is our first successful applicant. This is a picture of him during his interview. He has been hired as head waiter.

And now some food for thought.

The way you cut your meat reflects the way you live. ~Confucius

He who eats alone chokes alone. ~Proverb

Friday Night Male Flesh – Wedding Essentials

Friday, June 13th, 2008

I want to start off by offering my warm congratulations to the Mayor and his bride to be. We Californians have recently joined league with our fair neighbor to the North is recognizing marriage for all citizens. So, my interest in marriage has suddenly been piqued. In fact, I’m now starting to think about the essential items that are necessary for a wedding. Because, you know, someday maybe even I’ll get hitched!

Everyone knows the basics: tux, wedding ring, brides and/or grooms, etc. And for the bride you’ve got to have something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. But what about the groom? What essential items should he have? Well, I dug around the Internet and turned up two very important photos to help start to solve this puzzle.

manflesh_wedding_1These guys all seem to feel that a tux shirt and jacket are totally optional. However, it would seem that they value a few other important items: hairspray, facial hair, mullets, perms, white cummerbunds, gold chains, and chest hair. Hrm, I’m not sure about you Mayor, but I don’t think I can grow that much chest hair and I think I’d loose my membership to the Homosexualist Club if I grew a mullet or got a perm. I think I can manage the rest, though.

manflesh_wedding_2 Never in a million years would I have thought to dress up my buddy down below for my wedding. Of course I knew I had to wear a bow tie around my neck. But thankfully I found this picture and now I know that I’m also supposed to wear two bow ties. And who wouldn’t want to wear a silver thong underneath their tux? I certainly wouldn’t miss this special opportunity to put on a sexy silver thong. Mayor: Imagine the fun your newlywed wife will have on the honeymoon as she discovers you in such sexy boy undies!

 

manflesh_wedding_3 And what wedding would be complete without sexy man candy? Every bachelor party needs its entertainment. Louis here certainly would keep me entertained. In fact, I might be inclined to take Louis along on the honeymoon too! Mayor, I’m presuming Reg’s female specimens this week will be more in line with what you’re thinking for bachelor party fun. I just couldn’t resist sharing Louis here for all the lady folk in Mitchieville.

Let’s review. Based on what I’ve uncovered Mayor, you’ll need the following items to have a successful wedding: plentiful facial and chest hair, a mullet and/or perm, gold chains, and most importantly, special tuxedo-themed packaging for your special package! Hope my research has been useful.

I and all the readers of  Loganotron wish the Mayor and Mrs. Mayor all the happiest of days. Until next time, remember: Studies show that a weekly dose of Man Flesh actually improves your heterosexual health!

Friday Night Female Flesh Goes Cowgirl

Friday, June 6th, 2008

Logan suggested a Cowboy\Cowgirl theme for this week.  I say while the hell not after all, we all love riding bareback don’t we? It’s a hot humid day here in Mitchieville Township and I want to spend it outside, so less talk, more Flesh:

Unlike Logan and his Manflesh post below when I think of Brokeback I like to think two of two friends messing around in the mountains who look like this:

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The cowgirls in the pink hats GOT ARRESTED for having imitation guns in a public place.  Just further proof that England has gone to shit and that Limey men are gay. Feel free to add your own strip search\body cavity search joke in the comments section, perverts.

I found the young cowgirls below with their pictures titled "sdacowgirls".   It’s about time Kate livened things up over at SDA! I had no idea she was a fan of FNFF\FNMF.

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Have a safe weekend everyone and tell everyone you see about Mitchieville (even the gay limey ones).

Yeehaw! – Friday Night Male Flesh – Cowboy Style

Friday, June 6th, 2008

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A few weekends ago I hopped a train and headed south to visit my parents. They live in the closest thing California has to a "heartland" — the Central Valley. I grew up on a cattle ranch, and most of my extended family were cowboys and cowgirls. Weekends often consisted of cattle branding’s or dancing the two-step to a live country band at my uncle’s bar or the local community dance hall.

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I grew up and moved away from the ten-gallon-hat country western culture. But a little piece of it lived on in me, through my innate attraction to cowboy studs. Not that you’ll find me strutting around San Francisco in a cowboy hat or ass-less chaps. (Puhlease, I do have a sense of decency and style!)

 

 

Because of my recent trip to Central Cali (or as I sometimes lovingly call it, Hickville), I felt it was appropriate to honor the American cowboy in this week’s post. He’s the original archetype of Western ruggedness, self-reliance, and individualism. And, in some cases, it would just be a cryin’ shame to prevent you from feasting your eyes on these tall-drinks-of-water. cowboy_manflesh_04cowboy_manflesh_03

 

 

 

 

 

And now that you’re in the homoerotic cowboy mood, a little quote from the character Jack Twist from everyone’s favorite gay cowboy movie:

"Tell you what, we coulda had a good life together, fuckin’ real good life! Had us a place of our own. But you didn’t want it, Ennis! So what we got now is Brokeback Mountain! Everything’s built on that, that’s all we got boy, fuckin’ all… You have no idea how bad it gets! I’m not you… I can’t make it on a coupla high-altitude fucks once or twice a year! You are too much for me Ennis, you son of a whoreson bitch… I wish I knew how to quit you."

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Until next time, remember: Studies show that a weekly dose of Man Flesh actually improves your heterosexual health!

Friday Night Man Flesh

Friday, May 30th, 2008

Yes, this steamy piece of manflesh is none other than our friend Darcey. Inspired by Darcey’s Friday Night Blues series, I came up with the idea of Friday Night Manflesh to correct the sexist imbalance that exists in Mitchieville. Darcey is also my campaign manager. Be nice to him, as he has been known to bite.

Here we have Giorgio. I’ve hired him to sort my recyclables into their appropriate containers. During his spare time, he samples food from my kitchen.

This is Kevin. He is my personal librarian. He drew my attention to these thoughts by the president of the Czech Republic as published in the National Post. If only Stephen Harper would speak this clearly, but this sort of clarity is a rarity indeed when it comes to politicians.

I spent most of my life under the communist regime which ignored and brutally violated human freedom and wanted to command not only the people but also the nature. To command “wind and rain” is one of the famous slogans I remember from my childhood. This experience taught me that freedom and rational dealing with the environment are indivisible. It formed my relatively sharp views on the fragility and vulnerability of free society and gave me a special sensitivity to all kinds of factors which may endanger it.

I do not, however, live in the past and do not see the future threats to free society coming from old-fashioned communist ideology. The name of the new danger will undoubtedly be different, but its substance will be very similar. There will be the same attractive, to a great extent pathetic and at first sight quasi-noble idea that transcends the individual in the name of something greater than the self, supplemented by enormous self-confidence on the side of those who stand behind it. Like their predecessors, they will be certain they have the right to sacrifice man and his freedom to make their ideas reality. In the past it was in the name of the masses (or of the proletariat), this time it is in the name of the planet. Yet, structurally, both are very similar.

Vaclav Klaus, President of the Czech Republic.