I’ve just arrived home from an important meeting of *BITCH* members that was held at the Mitchieville Central library. I’m very pleased to report that membership has doubled over the past few months. My humble attempts to recognize the oppressed citizens of this town on Friday nights has been shamefully mocked by Reg (Logan) and the ladies are not amused. Increased membership means increased revenue. Soon, we will be publishing a weekly full-coloured magazine entitled “Mitchieville Manmeat,” featuring choice cuts of manflesh from Mitchieville. Part of the proceeds will go back to *BITCH*, while the remaining profits will go toward funding my upcoming Mayorial campaign. We will be distributing a small quantity of copies to the library for patrons to take free of charge.

Alas, good news is rarely unaccompanied by bad news, especially when the stakes are high. Earlier in the week, someone broke into my vehicle, popped the hood and poured prune mush into the fluid tanks. On the bright side, I got to watch Joe clean it all up.
He was assisted by his apprentice named Frank, who kindly offered to appear in the first edition “Mitchieville Manmeat.”

And now, it is time for a little reflection. This principle is the cornerstone of my platform.

Sometimes the law defends plunder and participates in it. Thus the beneficiaries are spared the shame and danger that their acts would otherwise involve… But how is this legal plunder to be identified? Quite simply. See if the law takes from some persons what belongs to them and gives it to the other persons to whom it doesn’t belong. See if the law benefits one citizen at the expense of another by doing what the citizen himself cannot do without committing a crime. Then abolish that law without delay … No legal plunder; this is the principle of justice, peace, order, stability, harmony and logic.

Frederic Bastiat – “The Law”

Okay, I suck.  Last week there was no Friday Night Female Flesh for our legions of readers to ogle.   I tried making up for it on Saturday but it was too late as Lisa had already sullied the fine pages of Mitchieville with gross looking Male Flesh that made me feel uncomfortable when I looked at it.

As bad as I felt about you, the best damn readers on the Internet, I felt worse about my blogger-in-arms Logan.   You see Logan went out and found a couple of all-Canadian themed Flesh pics in honour of our national Victoria Day long weekend.  I will not let my suckiness from last week stop a good post from being posted. Seeing as this weekend is a long weekend state-side and Canadian flesh rocks, why not post that post this week!  I figure I can get away with this as:  a) your just here for the flesh;  b) I have to post something to combat the Man Flesh that Lisa is bound to post.; c)  there is nothing you can do about it anyway. I suppose you could leave Mitchieville and never return but you wouldn’t do that would you? 

Here’s what Logan had for us:

After Reg posted Canada’s own Playmate of the Year last week (found here) and Mitchieville went ga-ga over her, I felt I had to step up my efforts. I knew there must be a semi-famous Canadian male celebrity out there who has also shown some skin.

Imagine my surprise when hottie Shawn Ashmore stripped nekkid and draped himself in the Maple Leaf flag in Cosmo UK recently. You may vaguely recognize Ashmore as the cool stud that played Iceman in the three X-Men movies.

I love it when celebrities show their Canadian pride. Especially when it’s hot male Canadian celebrity. And, is it just me, or does it appear that Shawn shaves down there??

Ladies do love a man who can cook, especially if he also happens to be a steamy piece of man meat. Mitchieville boasts many hot chefs that are too often hidden from public view. Their food we may try, but what of the visuals? Tonight, some of the choicest step out of the kitchen for your gratification.

When I’m not hanging out in my own kitchen, I tend to frequent Green is the Colour of American Money bistro on Main. The head chef, pictured above, doesn’t charge me for my meal.

Here we have Chef, who is the head caterer at Mitchieville City Hall. This is only a sneak preview. For security reasons, Chef is only shown in his usual disguise. Your imagination is required.

Chive, on the other hand, has no worries that he is aware of. An outspoken community advocate for big box stores, strip clubs, and plastic bags, Chive is only too happy to show off his wares.

Before those visitors interested in ideas rather than flesh rush off to file a human rights complaint, stop, and consider the following statement. Discuss until your prune mush is digested and excreted.

If only it was as easy to banish hunger by rubbing the belly as it is to masturbate.

Diogenes the Cynic

I, Lisa, founding member of *BITCH*, wrote this after consulting with Sargon.

Thanks to Reg aka Logan, I’ve been obliged to increase my efforts to correct the sexist imbalance in the community. My humble Friday Night Manflesh has been shamelessly copied and mocked, so that now we have a gay Friday Night Manflesh and at least one Friday Female Flesh. Not nice. And then there is the Mayor and his poor choice in female flesh this past week to counter my steamy pieces of man meat. I half expect a Friday Night Animal Flesh will appear for the gratification of bestiality fans.

But all this flesh aside for the moment, let us consider that the more heady citizens are being discriminated against here every Friday night. Looking for thought provoking ideas, they are instead assailed by half naked bodies. Hoping for some civil discussion, they are instead treated to a virtual war in the comment sections. I, Lisa, may be the founding member of *BITCH* but don’t let it be said that I don’t listen to the people.

Accordingly, I intend to provide some food for thought each and every Friday night. Now Dmorris will have an appropriate response to his wife if she happens to catch him in Mitchieville. Simply explain you are expanding your understanding of economics and read her this observation by Friedrich Hayek.

I have seen it suggested that ’social’ applies to everything that reduces or removes differences of income. But why call such action ’social’? Perhaps because it is a method of securing majorities, that is, votes, in addition to those one expects to get for other reasons? This does seem to be so, but it also means of course that every exhortation to us to be ’social’ is an appeal for a further step towards the ’social justice’ of socialism. Thus use of the term ’social’ becomes virtually equivalent to the call for ‘distributive justice’. This is, however, irreconcilable with a competitive market order, and with growth or even maintenance of population and of wealth. Thus people have come, through such errors, to call ’social’ what is the main obstacle to the very maintenance of ’society’. ‘Social’ should really be called ‘anti-social’.

F.A. Hayek, The Fatal Conceit

Let’s face it: Guys with tattoos are H-O-T. It’s not that a tattoo makes an ugly guy hot. But a tattoo does make an average guy sexy and also makes a sexy guy irresistible. A tattoo is a sure-fire way to spot a bad boy. And we all know that bad boys get all the lady lovin’ they want.

Oh, the naughty things we want to do to Benjamin. Just look at those steamy, come-hither eyes. They’re so inviting. And that booty — So round and bubbly. Oops, I almost forgot. This is a post about tattoos. Right, right. There it is… Benjamin has a tribal tattoo on his shoulder! See, I knew there was another reason besides that sweet booty to share him with y’all.

Chris is 100% Grade AAA Beef. He’s got that cute-but-dumb trailer-park-hick thing going for him. Heck, who needs a guy to be smart, anyway? All a lady (or dude) really needs in a guy is a couple of hot tattoos and a one-track mind. Post-coital pillow talk is sooo overrated.

Alejandro es muy triste. (That means he is very sad.) He’s trying to drown his sorrows with bottle after bottle of cerveza. You see, it all started with Maria. She thought a tattoo would be sexy. So he got one for her. Then she started eyeing Alejandro’s best amigo Enrique who had two tattoos. So Alejandro got another to win and keep Maria’s heart. Then Maria’s attention drifted to Juan who had three tattoos. Alejandro knew what he had to do. Finally Alejandro got one too many tattoos and Maria left him. Poor Alejandro. Maybe he needs a buddy’s shoulder to cry on…

Hans is a hot German dude who believes tattoos are one’s righteous path to heaven. All of his tattoos are inspired by or represent the wings of angels. I don’t think JFK quite had Hans in mind when he proclaimed, “Ich bin ein Berliner.” Germans is just crazzzy, yo.

Wow. Talk about a tattoo, huh?! Elliott was named after a very special Disney movie. Can you guess which one? To pay homage to his namesake, Elliott decided to take his tattoo to the next level. I can’t decide whether I should be turned on and jump Elliott from behind, or if I should be somewhat afraid of the formidable guardian-of-his-behind. If I had a behind that hot, I suppose I’d want something there protecting it too.

Until next time, remember: Studies show that a weekly dose of Man Flesh actually improves your heterosexual health!

Posted by Logan. Or is it Reg pretending to be Logan? Or Logan pretending to be Reg pretending to be Logan? I guess we’ll never truly know for sure…

BIG NEWS IN MITCHIEVILLE!!!

It’s tattoo week at Friday Night Female Flesh this week but my regular post has been altered for the news that Canadian girl Jayde Nicole is the 2008 Playboy Playmate of the Year. It gets better, Jayde is from Mitchieville!

The lovely Jayde was born in Scarborough (a part of Toronto) and grew up in Port Perry. It just so happens that His Worship grew up in Scarborough and the great Fenris Badwulf hangs his hat there these days. The Town of Port Perry, located about 40 minutes east of Toronto and a part of Mitchieville Township, is buzzing with the news that Jayde has been named Playmate of the Year. Imagine the pride when residents learn that Port Perry got mentioned at Mitchieville as well! Jayde was Playmate of the Month in January 2007 and must be a huge Aretha Franklin fan as she has the word “RESPECT” tattooed just above her, ahem, panty line. As it is Tattoo Week at Friday Night Female Flesh, I have a totally 100% NSFW close-up of this respectful tattoo right here. Congratulations to Jayde, The Mayor, his Cabinet, and all of Mitchieville are proud of you.

Here’s a few other tattooed laden tarts who can’t hold a candle to Mitchieville’s homegrown Playmate of the Year but I took the time to find them for this post so what the heck:

It used to be that Friday was a special day of the week, Friday was Man Flesh\Female Flesh day. Lately it’s been Every Day Of The Damn Week Man\Female Flesh. I assure you I have a ‘Little T&A’ post worthy of the good name of Friday Night Female Flesh ready for tomorrow night.

The post title and the pic below give a hint as to the theme Logan and I came up with for tomorrow night. Until then, check out this review (with podcast)of the new Iron Man movie and keep your stick on the ice.

If you think there is perhaps a bit too much flesh here every Friday night, you would probably be right. On the other hand, Mitchieville is a very multi-gendered place. Trouble is, flesh for heterosexual females sadly receives unequal representation in Mitchieville. My humble efforts to provide some gratification once a week for this oppressed group have resulted in an all and out attack. Reg now posts his Friday Night Female Flesh and recently Logon has entered the fray with his gay version of Friday Night Man Flesh.

It also occurs to me that the needs of staunch intellectuals are being ignored on Friday nights. Those looking for mental flesh, rather than physical flesh are thus scorned. Accordingly, I have no choice but to reconsider this weekly effort of mine. No, you won’t be seeing less authentic manflesh. Far from it. It just might not be in the format you are accustomed to.

Now, for some mental flesh. Devour the following statement and think about it.

Freedom granted only when it is known beforehand that its effects will be beneficial is not freedom.

Friedrich August von Hayek

Tonight we remember the 1980’s and all the glorious female flesh from the decade that well and truly sucked. Let’s set the mood with one of the very few good New Wave tunes from the early 80’s

The band was called Split Enz and their song ‘I Got You’ was a huge hit across The Commonwealth. The Finn brothers went on to form the band Crowed House and until The Lord of the Rings was filmed there 15 years later the only other good thing about New Zealand was that The Mayor lived there for a year.

The lovely lass on the left was a model on high demand during the 80’s until she gave up on life and married Harry Conick Jr. No one has heard from her since. The pool shark on the right could be TLDG (don’t play her for money) but isn’t, she’s just a good looking skank with totally awesome hair and nice breasts who happens to play pool.

This is Reg and his posse back in the Spring of ‘88 at our year-end formal dance. I’m the one at the back with the sense enough to hide his face. It just occured to me I was still 17 when that picture was taken. Damn you Father Time!

Kids these days have it good with this whole ‘Global Warming’ thing. Oh no, the polar ice cap is melting at a rate of 2mm a year! Bah!! In the 80’s we had Global Warming of the nuclear kind to worry about. Bad enough that we had to worry about catching AIDS or roving squads of post-apocalyptic Australian road warriors, we had Global Thermonuclear Warfare to worry about. Things were tense for a while and then Ronnie told Gorby to “tear down this wall” and all was good in the world. I’ll point out that unlike other US Presidents good old Ronnie knew that ‘nuclear’ was pronounced ‘nuclear’ not nucular. This next video is for my friend and fellow blogger Chris Strange . Though I’ve never met Chris I do know that ‘Chris’ isn’t his real name and he mentioned something in his post last weekend that made me think of balloons and nuclear war.

I’m sure you all remember Ari Myers. Ari played the character ‘Emma’ on the famous TV show ‘Kate and Allie’. Though I can’t remember what network the show was on, or what night of the week it played, I’m sure you all remember Kate and Allie. It wasn’t NBC Thurday becasue that was when The Cosby Show, Family Ties, Cheers and Night Court was on. Night Court, is it just me or was Markie Post was hot! I’m stalling for time here because I’m sure none of you want to read about the effect very beautiful Ari Myers had on me and how I handled this effect. Lets move on shall we?

Of all the great TV shows of the 1980’s WKRP in Cincinnati wasn’t one of them. Sure we all loved Herb Tarlick and Les Nessman, who can forget the classic ‘flying turkey’ episode but most guys were watching Loni Anderson and her breasts. Not me though, I had it bad for the geeky brunette in the background, Bailey Quarters played by Jan Smithers. Sure she was an older woman (I was 12 at the time) and she was the love interest of that guy who played Andy that whose name history has forgotten but I had it for her bad. According to Wiki, Jan lives in Canada these days.

Speaking of Canada, my beloved Vancouver Canucks made it to The Stanley Cups Finals in 1982 and if it wasn’t for Barney Bentall and The Legendary Heartsthe rest of the 1980’s would have been a write-off. I’m guessing a lot of you, even Canadian readers, might not know Barney Bentall but he was one of the lone rock troubadours in the dark years of the 1980’s:

It is a miracle of the modern age that Heather Locklear is more beautiful now then she was wayyyyyy back when. Way back when she was in a TV show called “Melrose Place”, but 1980’s TV trivia buffs remember that Heather rose to fame working along side ‘The Shat’ in “T.J. Hooker” which was a show about cops before “Cops” became a TV show and was not really about hookers at all.

Thinking of Heather Locklear makes of 1980’s Metal Bands. Not only did she marry Tommy Lee of Motley Crue but after dumping him she hooked up with Ritchie Sambora of Bon Jovi. Thinking of The Crue and Bon Jovi gets me thinking of Power Ballads. Musically the 80’s sucked hard (thank Set for Dire Straits, Tom Petty and Nirvana)but the 80’s did give us The Power Ballad.

There isn’t anyone who went the high school in the 80’s who doesn’t know the words to “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn” by Poison or “Patience” by Gun N’ Roses (when Axel Rose was still a normal human from the planet Earth). IMHO the best Power Ballad of the era was sung by former Mitchieville Township resident Sebastian Bach of Peterborough, Ontario. So for the 1980’s, every girl at CHSS I ever had a crush on, and Sebastian Bach, I Remember You:

Ah the 80s. Nothing quite like em, for better and for… well… just for the better. Who can forget the era of cocaine, jazzercise, short shorts (for men and women), heavy metal hair bands, ripped jeans, Madonna, and Michael Jackson (when he was still a normal human from the planet Earth)?

What exactly was it that made a guy hot in the 80s? It’s hard to believe when you look back at who the studs of the 80s were. Feathery hairdos, skinny bodies, even skinnier legs, mustaches, and hairy chests. And on occasion, the man perm! Hahahaha. What were the men of the 80s actually thinking getting their hair permed?! Let’s just blame it on too much cocaine affecting their reasoning skills.

Everyone remembers the quintessential 80s stud Tom Selleck, or to be more exact Magnum P.I. Hell yes! This guy had it all. He lived on a huge Hawaiian estate and got to drive a Ferrari around all day. He often lounged around topless, showing off that hairy chest that proved he was a virile lady killer. And when he wasn’t lounging, solving crimes, or driving fast cars, Magnum would take a dip in the blue Hawaiian ocean as his his ascot-wearing, sexually ambiguous partner in crime Rick watched from the beach. Okay, so Rick was totally gay for Magnum. Am I right, or what?!

Then we have the blond hunk every guy wanted to be, and every woman wanted to be with. John Schnieder aka Bo Duke was a free-wheelin Southern boy with a fast car and a gorgeous blond head of hair. His lanky frame and perfect smile helped him seduce the lady-folk. Bo Duke was a stud among mere mortals. It must have really sucked to be Luke Duke — always playing second fiddle to his more handsome, blond cousin.

Oh Erik Estrada, or as TV fans lovingly knew him, Ponch Poncherello from CHiPs. Ponch was one of the first Latino male sex symbols. Just look at that photo. It oozes with sex appeal (and maybe a little bit of hair grease too). Ponch wielded a badge, a gun, and a hot motorcycle. And I’m no authority on what women find attractive in a man (Lisa??), but I hear that chicks dig guys on motorcycles. They certainly wanted to ride Ponch’s crotch rocket. (Side note: I wonder if that’s where the slang term “ponch” came from, meaning big belly?)

And, let us not forget the dreamiest of all the 80s studs, Rob Lowe. Those steamy eyes, the dark features, that lithe body. Rob Lowe was a young stud on his way to fame and fortune. Then he ruined it all by making a sex tape with two girls. Hell, most Hollywood wannabes make sex tapes and leak them on purpose these days, just for the free publicity. But back then, Lowe was committing an uncharted offense. And to make things worse, one of the girls was underage. So, he checked himself into rehab for alcohol abuse and sex addiction. Wow, this guy had some serious problems, right? He was the hottest stud in Hollywood, drank lots of good booze, and got as much poontang (and more) as any guy could ever want. Man, I sure am glad he checked himself into a clinic to cure his illness…

The 80s may have produced some hot studs. But, for the sake of all that is good in this world, may we never revisit the 80s again.

And, until next time, remember: Studies show that a weekly dose of Man Flesh actually improves your heterosexual health! Even 80s retro Man Flesh.

Posted by Logan

Can you guess the common theme from the images below? If you can, then you get a gold star, and you’ve also guessed Reg and Logan’s Friday Night Female/Male Flesh theme for tomorrow night!

Welcome to the official version of Friday Night Man Flesh, inspired by the one and only Friday Night Blues. Last week I introduced you to some steamy hunks of flesh from Mitchieville. As Mitchieville boasts some of the choicest cuts of meat in the entire country, I have decided to showcase a few more this evening for your viewing pleasure.

Don’t forget to submit your dues and donations this month to *BITCH*. Help us to help Mitchieville become a top destination for women.

This is Pedro. He is here pictured emerging from one of the state planned recreation centres. Pedro is an engineer that has displeased the Mayor because he maintained that the swamp land chosen for the building site was unstable ground. He is scheduled to appear before the public to answer charges of wrecking state projects.

Here is an glimpse of the man flesh contest *BITCH* held on Wednesday. A good showing, but can you spot the Waldo in the group?

This is David. For the right price, he can be bought.