Archive for the ‘Halloween Week’ Category

Hallowiener

Wednesday, October 31st, 2012

The Mayor can think of few better decorations in an old folks home than a full wall mural of a graveyard. The skulls are a nice touch, but the tombstones really drive home the point that yes, you are closer to your final destination than you think.

Halloweiner Week

Monday, October 31st, 2011

The Mayor was trying to think what Sophie Turner was going for with that costume of hers, and he suddenly realized she’s going as someone who has the right to enter your home and claim it as her own. Like the old joke: how do you get 50 Indians into a phone booth? Tell them they own it.

That might have been racist, or whatnot.

A Pumpkin In March

Friday, March 4th, 2011

For those of you who were wondering what a pumpkin bought in early October looks like in early March, here you go.

It’s beautiful, isn’t it?

The Mayor can’t wait to put a candle in this sucker come Halloween. And then you know what happens afterwards, don’t you? That’s right, delicious pumpkin pie.

Yummy!

Hallowiener Week

Friday, October 29th, 2010

Did someone order a small pizza with a little sausage?

Hallowiener Week

Thursday, October 28th, 2010

Barbie has really let herself go, eh?

Okay, time to move on to the next post. Let’s go. Right over here. Move along. Nothing to see here. Seriously. Hey, you are really starting to freak me out.

Hallowiener Week

Wednesday, October 27th, 2010

I was cleaning out some pics from my, well, the place where I store pictures on my computer – I believe it’s called “My Pictures”, and I went to delete today’s picture of Timothy Geithner because it sickens me to know he’s somewhere on my computer, and the prompt says “Are you sure you want to send Timothy Geithner to recycling?” And I’m like, “Hell yes I want to send that bastard to recycling.” Is there a way I can bypass recycling and send him straight to hell?

That’s one mighty gigantic pumpikin above, ainnit? A disgusting, lumpy, smelly ole pumpikin. That aught to give the neighbourhood kids nightmares for the next, well, 80 years or so. And the really scary part about that pumpikin? I betcha it’s had its fair share of candles in it. AAAOOOOO. AAAAOOOOOO.

We started Hallowiener Week off on a Wednesday, but fear not fellow Mitchievillian’s, we are running this out-of-control train until Sunday. These are exciting times we live in, and The Mayor is so excited he may have to take another pill….the BLUE one.

Halloweenie Week

Friday, October 30th, 2009

halloween

It’s All Hallows Eve at The Manor and we are all very excited. We have wrapped all our gifts, hung all our stockings from the chimney with care, and I can’t speak for anyone else here, but I have visions of sugarplums dancing through my head. I’m also pretty wasted, so that’s just another added bonus.

I’ve put out a few milk and cookies for the big guy, and this year I’ve even cleaned out my chimney. I sure hope the big guy thinks I’m good and leaves me lots of gifts. Unlike the previous 42 years when I got Jack out of the deal. But I can’t complain, especially considering how many cool things the Easter Bunny leaves me at Christmas.

Happy Halloweenie, everyone.

Halloweenie Week

Thursday, October 29th, 2009

baby

This picture could easily be one of the “when you see it you’ll shit bricks” picture that’s all the rage right now. Look closer, you’ll see what I mean.

I was reading a few stories by the state-run media today that were telling people it might not be a great idea to take their kids out this year for Halloween due to the Great Swine Flu Epidemic of 2009®. The reporters actually framed it as “SOME” parents have shown a reservation this year as blah blah blah. Same crap, different day. I suppose the media feel they haven’t hyped this flu thing enough yet. Perhaps if they can destroy Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas, then the hype-job will be complete.

You know what? If you have kids and you don’t take them out for Halloween because you’ve bought into this pandemic crap, then you are an idiot and I hope your kids grow up to become a community activist or something equally as useless. Remember parents, this is a FLU they’re talking about. Keep it all in perspective. 500,000 die worldwide from regular flu’s every year. So far, the barnyard flu has killed 5000.

Anyway, that’s a beautiful baby in the picture, the parents should be very proud having created such an adorable child. I hope it doesn’t get swine flu.

Halloweenie Week

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009

baywatch-amy-oops

I’ll be perfectly honest with you – I haven’t seen Pamela Anderson look this good in about 20 years. She must have had surgery to hide those stretchmarks around her mouth or something. Or maybe she shaved, she does look less hairy. She looks younger and healthy and less, well, herpi-ish.

Yes of course. She looks less herpi-ish.

**Thanks to Amy Oops for the picture

Halloweenie Week

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009

what-the-hell

Technically this isn’t a Halloweenie picture, but it is a picture that will haunt your memories for a good long while, and that’s what Halloweenie is all about – about getting scared.

Gene Simmons doesn’t really scare me, I know I could kick the tar out of that tubby bastard, and even the fake but accurate Gene Simmons in the picture doesn’t scare me, but the woman with the giant bow tie freaks the living hell out of me. The shorter woman not so much, but the broad with the white gloves is giving me a kanipshin.

Hey, fake but accurate Gene Simmons has a pretty long tongue. I wonder if….nawwwwwwwwww.

Halloweenie Week

Monday, October 26th, 2009

sad-hollowein-costume

For Halloween, these kids don’t deserve candy, they deserve new parents. Little Patches the Clown looks like someone pissed in his Alpha bits, I don’t even know what that sorry lump is in the middle, and that thing on the left somewhat resembles a Star Wars character. Possibly Darth Loser. Trust me, if this motley crew come banging on your door this year, pull down the blinds and shut off the lights. And let the rottweilers out.

Halloween Friday

Friday, October 31st, 2008

I’m not sure what this little fella is suppose to be, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t laugh at it for a half an hour.

I bought a 90 pack of little chocolate bars and a bag of Rainbow Twizzlers for the trick or treaters tonight, but after I opened the pack of chocolates, I quickly realized that I didn’t really want to give any of them away. There were four kinds of bars: Crispy Crunch, Mr Big, Wunderbar, and Caramilk. The only bar I ended up giving away were those terrible Caramilk’s, the rest I hid in my desk drawer. And the Twizzlers are complete garbage, so I was at ease giving those away. Having said that, the look on the kids faces was priceless when I gave them those wretched Twizzlers. It was like I handed them a juice box or a sewing kit. I thought there were going to be tears at one point.

I even answered the door eating a Crispy Crunch while handing them a stinking pack of Twizzlers. To me, Halloween is more than handing tiny beggers chocolate, it’s about teaching kids a lesson: If you go around people’s doors with a bag looking for shit, you will receive a bag of shit. Now, had they come with a lawnmower and a good work ethic, the little beggars could have made a sweet two bucks by cutting the Mayor’s lawn.

Trick or Treat? Smell your own feet.