Archive for the ‘Happy Birthday’ Category

Canada is a racist shithole day

Sunday, July 1st, 2012

Like most Un-Hyphenated-Canadians, I forgot this was Canada is a racist shit hole day. If you live in Toronto, City of Light, you are either staying indoors or fleeing the city to get away from the fish stinking Queer-Canadian festival. Wear shoes, my Father always told me; stepping on a used condom is worse than stepping on a fresh dog turd. There is no parking in the city; and after the sun sets your rectum will attract intruders like brains attract zombies. Really now, who owns Canada*. I do not. I identify with my tribe, I begrudge the confiscations called taxes, and I seek out every advantage over the state I can manage. This Canada Day thing celebrates nothing; it is an excuse to pass money to political hacks, advertisers and marketeers with similar political agendas; it is an excuse to squeeze out more rewriting of history slanted towards the viewpoint of the knuckle walking left (The Battle of Lundy’s Lane* was a struggle for a woman’s right to choose, for example), and it is nothing but a bread and circuses show for the urban never workers, to distract them from themselves, to lure their slack jawed attention from their culture of welfare, drugs, crime, and pillage. Canada is a racist shit hole, more so with every fresh plane load of victims of racism brought in to puff up the Statist vote.

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Happy Birthday, Grandma

Tuesday, March 20th, 2012

You would think Grandma would be a little happier, especially after receiving a hip transplant for her birthday. Oh well, you can’t please everyone all the time.

In an unrelated note, unless this somehow relates, posting around these parts has been poor to terrible to crap on a stick lately, and The Mayor apologizes for that. Hang in there for a bit longer and you’ll see that things will get better. Better than what, The Mayor has no idea, but they will get better. Okay fine, *better* might not be the right word, but we will start posting more, just not today. Or tomorrow. And the rest of this week doesn’t look good. Next week kind of sucks as well. But the week after that looks to be a boon week. Man, that’ll be something!

Happy Anniversary Mitchieville – Happy Birthday Clare – Happy New Year All Y’all

Saturday, December 31st, 2011

So many events happening in Mitchieville today, The Mayor is sure to be three or four sheets to the wind by brunch. By the time dinner rolls around, The Mayor is sure to look like a rubby with his vomit-stained shirt, his pee-hole-in-the-snow looking eyes, and a nose that is redder than Rudolph’s. By 2 am he will be declared legally dead, but fear not, he’ll just be sleeping very, very, very deeply. In a gutter. Naked.

Happy Anniversary Mitchieville! 7 years. Hooeeeereee Craaaap! December 31, 2004 is when it all started. Nearly 12,000 posts and 123,000 comments later and Mitchieville is still going strong. Or at least going. The Mayor is blown away when he thinks that Mitchieville has produced close to 12,000 posts in 7 years. There’s only one other activity The Mayor has engaged in his life that rivals the 12,000 mark. Drinking. It’s drinking. You have an awfully perverted mind.

It has been an up and down year for The Mayor as far as Mitchieville is concerned. From a “hits” standpoint, Mitchieville had its best year ever. Mitchieville set personal records for hits, return visitors, page views, etc, so that’s obviously good. The bad part though is that The Mayor feels he didn’t get to dedicate enough time to Mitchieville in 2011.

Truth be told, The Mayor started a new business venture, and it ended up sucking all his “free” time away. Time he usually spent with family, or writing nonsense on Mitchieville, was diverted to this new business venture. The Mayor traveled quite a bit this year trying to make his new business work. Time that was usually spent writing award-winning posts was now being taken away and replaced by spending time driving the 400 series of highways, motoring up and down all sorts of sideroads in Ontario, and hanging out in small towns. It sounds like The Mayor is complaining, but he’s not really. You lose one thing to gain another, he supposes.

However, Fenris filled in the gap that The Mayor left. Fenris put in a lot of OT this year, and wrote what The Mayor thought was some of the best posts he has ever put up on Mitchieville. The Mayor has always said that Fenris is one of the best writers he has ever come across. Thank goodness for Fenris. On a really personal note – The Mayor has known Fenris for quite a few years now, but this year The Mayor managed to spend quite a bit of time with him. Fenris is a great guy and The Mayor is lucky to have him as a friend. Really lucky. Plus, Fenris is a mountain of a man and can kick the snot out of pretty much everyone with a pulse. And that has come in handy.

The Mayor would like to thank his wonderful readership for coming to this place day in and day out. Over the course of 7 years The Mayor has been lucky enough to meet many Mitchievillian’s in person. Some of you are actually decent people. Some. He looks forward to meeting more of you in the future.

Anyway, it’s only the 7th anniversary, it’s not like it’s the 10th, or an important date or anything. It isn’t what it isn’t, as the cool kids say.

Again though, thanks for stopping by, The Mayor truly feels honoured that you take the time to come here to be abused and disgusted instead of going to the zillion other websites that can offer you even more abuse and disgust.

December 31 is also The Mayor’s legitimate daughter’s birthday. Today she turns 3. That’s right, she turns 3 today. Ya, kinda makes the face wrinkles seem a little deeper when you think about it. Three years ago today, The Mayor had just gotten out of hospital after his appendix blew, and at 11:32 December 31, The Mayor’s beautiful baby girl was born. Clare has been a real blessing in The Mayor’s life. He never thought he was going to have another child (or the two legitimate one’s before that even), but man oh man, she’s just such an amazing little girl, The Mayor is all goo goo and gaa gaa over her all the time 24/7/365 on a leap year.

Clare is a great kid. She’s funny as all hell, she’s smart as a whip, and she totally owns The Mayor. Again – The Mayor is blessed, he knows he’s blessed. Oh, ans she love forks and spoons, as you can clearly see.

Happy Birthday Clare, may you never ever, ever, ever read Mitchieville.

Happy New Year to all. Happy everything! Happy happy happy!

The Mayor loves you all, you are the dysfunctional family he never wanted, but grew to love.

All the bestest of everything in 2012. And stay away from crowds.

Happy Birthday, River Rat

Wednesday, March 9th, 2011

MACCO (Mitchieville’s American Canadian CIA Operative), or as he is better known in these parts – River Rat – is celebrating his birthday today. Stuck on 39 for quite a few years, The Mayor, Fenris, our Senate and Backbenchers would like to wish the River Rat the bestest birthday ever.

RR is also one of the longest serving Mitchievillian’s, clocking in at around 6 years. That’s dedication.

River Rat, this day is for you. And when The Mayor hoists one (or twelve) tonight in honour of you, here are the words he will say:

 “Here’s to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold beer and another one!”

Hey, shouldn’t those dogs in the picture be playing poker? What gives?

Happy Birthday, Don

Thursday, November 18th, 2010

I think Don might be up in Northern BC with his brother, eating moose meat, playing euchre, drinking beer and possibly frolicking in the meadow, but by chance you’re actually reading this post – Happy Birthday Don.

It took The Mayor a few minutes to come up with a picture suitable for Don’s birthday, but I think I nailed it. The only thing that would have been better is if the owl had a target on its little head.