Welcome to another exciting edition of Hit By A? (applause).
Today we welcome to the ground, Helen Smamorski, of Long Island, NY (applause).
Before Helen met her untimely fate at the hands of a _______, she was a cosmetician at the Happy Face Salonin the Flatiron District of Long Island. Her hobbies once included eating, drinking, and eating and drinking. Helen also enjoyed wearing sweaters, complaining about the poor service at a local Burger King drive-thru, and playing *knifey knifey* with local marginalized youth who were still reeling from the effects of colonialism in Africa by evil white heteronormative males.
If you are new to our game, here’s how we play. The Mayor will give you a series of clues as to what what Helen was hit by. You will need to piece together this information in order to come up with the correct answer. The winner of today’s Hit By A?will win three purple privilege tokens courtesy of the Fenris Badwulf School of Telemarketing.
Here are your clues:
1) She was crossing the road at West 14th and 9th when she was hit.
2) When first found, rigamortis had not set in.
3) Helen’s left foot is not shown for a reason.
4) Anthony Weiner had never met Helen, but has sent her pictures of his incredibly small penis.
5) When *hit*, her mouth was slightly more open than it is now.
And those are your 5 clues. Good luck to all of today’s participants.
This is The Mayor, and remember to have Bob Barker spayed or neutered. Probably spayed.