This is David Letterman with a bleached wig, right? Buehler? Buehler?

No, apparently it’s Lizzie Grubman. Which brings us to the next question: Who and or what is a Lizzie Grubman?

Well, this is coming straight from memory, so some of it might be polluted, but let’s give it a go. Lizzie Grubman is a publicist for celebrities like the Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears (strike 1 & 2). I remember reading that at one point she was  the most powerful publicist in the US.

“Was” is the operative word, because about ten years ago, she was at a nightclub in the Hampton’s (as rich arseholes are apt to go), when security guards asked her to remove her car from a fire lane, so she yelled, “Fuck you, white trash”, backed up her car and plowed into a crowd of people, injuring a few dozen innocents.

She was charged with numerous crimes, but thanks to a justice system where money buys freedom (cough OJ cough), she ended up serving a month or so. Oh right, did I mention she was wasted drunk at the time? Oh right, did I mention that in the civil suit it was claimed from black box evidence that she intentionally ran into the crowd of people. Cuz that information is kind of important.

Yet this story has nothing to do with why I posted this picture. And now even I am wondering-why I posted it.

Oh ya, to show that even rich, spoiled, psychotic idiots get bad tans and end up looking like buck-toothed late-night TV hosts.

The end.

I’m not sure the name of the woolly mammoth that showed up on the red carpet at the Golden Globes the other night, but I do know she’s laughing because of all the money she saved cutting back on personal hygiene products. I remember as a child getting my first gold dollar chocolate. I remember pulling back the gold wrapper and finding rich, delicious chocolate inside. I have a feeling if you peeled back the gold wrapper Large Marge is wearing, you’re not going to find rich, delicious chocolate, but rather something that looks more like a large eared rabid skunk.

And she still looks as lovely as she always has. And do you know who else still looks as lovely as they always have? You. Yes, you. Sure, you may think that the years have taken their toll, and they have, but only for the better. I’m not buttering you up looking for something, I’m really not. I just hardly ever get the opportunity to tell you how great you are. You’re welcome. Now come here and give me a big hug, you giant teddy bear.

Okay, that’s enough. Seriously. Stop.

This is an absolutely classic picture. Every time I look at this I laugh. And I’ve seen this more than 5600 times. As a matter of fact, I laugh harder every time I see this. I’m at the point right now that when I look at this picture I laugh so hard that TLDG has to shove a broken beer bottle into my gut to get me to stop laughing. That’s a true story, you should commend me on my magnificent story-telling abilities.

I’m actually embarrassed to admit this, but I recognized who this was right away. And no, it’s not Brad Pitt or George Clooney.

I don’t have much information about this person, and to be quite honest, I’m not going to look up any because buddy is as uninteresting as they get, and is pretty much a useless waste of skin. Having said that, I do know that he was on a teenie-bopper show about 15 years ago and played, what else, a geek. Interesting sidebar: One of the girls on the show later went on to star in a movie where she played a stripper, and the geek in the picture went on to film a sex tape, which got released to little fanfare.

Wow, what a story!

He likes He-Man, he probably likes Barbie dolls, he’s a geek and a nobody, but he’s inthe When They Were Young Spotlight.

Who is this geek?

I was very surprised that so many people correctly identified Nicole Kidman as the mystery slab of flesh from last weeks When They Were Young post. People like Andy, Brian Gardiner, Chris, Jamesy, Raphael and Dmorris. Obviously they are huge Nicole Kidman fans. Or they are huge fans of ghosts. Or, they all have fetishes about pale chicks. Whatever or whichever it is, I want all of you gentlemen to have a Merry Kwanzaa and a Happy Eid.

The cutey in the picture later turned out to be a cutey when she was all grown up. I’m not sure if she still has that styling hat and scarf, but it hardly matters to the integrity of this post.

Going from nothing but memory, I believe this woman is now 22 years old. She got her start (more or less) from being in that yawner of a soap All My Children. From there she went on to star in I Know What You Did Last Summer, then into a role that I can’t tell you or you’ll nail this immediately.

She was also in the Grudge (I hated it, but she was okay), Scooby-Doo and Harvard Man, among a slew of other not-worthy to mention movies (like Scooby-Doo WAS worthy).

She’s a shrimp at 5′2″, she’s considered a sex symbol by Hollyweird standards, and she has a size 4.5 foot. She’s married, Jewish, and she may or may not like fruit roll ups.

Any idea as to who this short woman with decent acting skillz is?

If you looked at this picture and guessed that it’s my sister Pamela, you’re not even close…my sister has blond hair. Plus, my sister’s 54 years old, the girl in the picture is probably about 10 or so. I don’t mean to come across as insulting, but your powers of observation are sucking the hind one this morning.

Any information I give you about this woman (not my sister but the girl in the picture) will automatically result in you figuring out who this person is in less than a heartbeat. But I will tell you this: She is about 41 now, and possibly the whitest person I have ever seen in my life. She’s not one of them “albiners” as we call them at Camp Whichimucho, but I’m sure a few albino’s have looked at her picture and thought they were looking in the mirror.

Despite her pigmentation impairment, she is still one of the most lovely looking Hollyweird actresses of all time, or at least in The Mayor’s humble opinion. Sure, maybe when the clothes and make-up come off you might be staring at Princess Fiona of Shrek fame, but I highly doubt it. She looks like the type of person that keeps herself neat and tidy and truly cares that she will never let her body or her face go to the reconstructive trash-heap that is the end result of most Hollyweirdo’s lives. Spit.

Who is this person?

Is there anyone out there besides me that has noticed that Johnny Depp loves to play truly crazy characters? He seems to go out of his way to play characters that mask his identity, requiring scads of make-up and zany outfits. That being said, if you are going to be an actor you might as well play a bunch of fun characters, keeps it interesting.

Here is Johnny playing the Madhatter in Alice in Wonderland (notice he has just a touch of make-up on).

If  he doesn’t get to wear a lot of make-up then he holds out for bizarre outfits to wear, like when he played Willie Wonka in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

When he played Sweeney Todd, he had to have crazy hair.

In Edward Scissorhands, he had crazy hair, make-up, bizzare outfits and scissors for hands.

Lastly his most famous role, Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean. But seriously, who wouldn’t want to dress like a pirate and carry a sword?

You definitely can’t call Johnny Depp ordinary.

Reported by Nikita

To find the last time we played Who Is That Guy?, you would have to go back to October 19. The corn was high in the fields, the litluns were a month back into school, and Grandpa was just getting sentenced for the crimes he perpetrated against those lovely sororety girls back ion 2004. Good times, good times.

Dmorris, Paul Mitchell of Two Dogs fame, and Nicoleall knew that the Who is That Guy? guy was none other than Lance Henriksen. Marc in Calgary, Godless Commie, and Wolfie had no idea it was Lance Henriksen, and that’s the reason why, to this day, I still mock and ridicule those three men. I mean, it’s Lance effin’ Henriksen, man!

Today’s mystery character was born in 1954 in a country we Canadians like to call “Canada”. Canada is a Cree word meaning, “Those who will come from far away to collect government cheques.” I have to say, the Indians really had us pegged from the start.

He played the President in National Treasure, he was in Thirteen Days, and played someone or another in the newest Star Trek movie, which, I have to say, is a darn good flick.

He was born in Quebec to a French mother and a father who was born in British Columbia, meaning, he probably likes to get high and then throw temper tantrums. Cuz west coasters are stoners and the French have nasty tempers. Nasty tempers, but beautiful hair. It all makes sense.

I can’t think of anything else to tell you about this guy, because I don’t really know anything else about him. Hmmmm, let’s see - he was also in Firehouse Dog and Capote, and I believe he started out his acting career in the movie First Blood with that stuttering half-wit Sylvester Stallone.

That’s all from memory, so I might have a few things screwed up, like the First Blood info, but since I refuse to Google his name up, or check any sources to verify this information, this is all you are going to get.

Who Is This Guy?

I’ll be honest though, her hair has never looked so sparkling and pretty. Must be all the oats she’s been eating.

**Thanks to Sober in a Nightclub for the pic

There must be more to it than that. I’m not disputing that drugs will age you before your time, but what I’m saying is that drugs must have been used in combination with something else in order to turn a beautiful young lady into something that screams at pigeons in parks in a matter of only a few years. I’m thinking it was drugs + booze + licking busted rods of radioactive isotopes. It’s all a theory, but I’m sure one day when the truth comes out about Lindsay Lohan’s aging, you will think back to this exact moment - the moment you read this post on a cool Saturday in October, dressed only in your underwear and a wool cap - and you will say, “The Mayor was right yet again, he sure did have a canny instinct.”

And you will be exactly right - I do in fact have a canny instinct.