Archive for the ‘Hump day Hottie Or Not-E’ Category

Hump Day Rottie

Wednesday, June 29th, 2011

Every so often, The Mayor gets a hankerin’ to add a funny caption to some photos. The problem is, The Mayor is terrible at captioning photos, and to date not one single caption has turned out to be even slightly amusing. But no one likes a quitter (except other quitters), so The Mayor intends on jumping back on the captioning horse and giving it another go.

Today we have “Spike”, a 16 month rottie, blah blah yadda blah puke. The Mayor has a caption he is sure you will enjoy, it’s perfect:

“Hi, I’m Spike. One day when you least expect it, I’m going to wig out and chew the face off your child causing him/her to undergo hundreds of hours of reconstructive surgery, leaving him/her with physical and emotional scars so deep that they will last a lifetime and denigrate your child’s quality of life for an eternity”.

Hahahaha – NAILED it!

Cate Blanchett – Hump Day Hottie Or Hump Day Nottie?

Wednesday, April 6th, 2011

Mitchievillian’s were near unanimous last week when they agreed with The Mayor and said Cameron Diaz isn’t a hottie, but in fact she’s a nottie. Not only is Cameron Diaz a nottie, but she has a dudes name. And testicles.

Today’s broad du jour is Cate Blanchett. Cate is proof that not every woman born in Australia is beautiful. The Mayor isn’t saying Cate Blanchett was beaten by the ugly stick, but she was given a few hoofs with the totally average boot.

The Mayor also happens to think Cate Blanchett isn’t a terrible actress. Considering the “stars” we have today, The Mayor would go as far as saying she is probably one of the top actresses in Hollyweird. That’s based on ability, not looks, of course.

But this isn’t about ability (those are the same words you read on an application when you’re applying for the government), this is about looks. And when push comes to shove, when the chips are down, when all is said and done, Cate Blanchett is a nottie.

Case closed.

Finito.

Fin.

The End.

What say you?

Cameron Diaz – Hump Day Hottie Or Hump Day Nottie?

Wednesday, March 30th, 2011

There was no consensus last week as to whether Maggie Gyllenhaalis a hottie or a nottie, as Mitchievillians were pretty much split evenly when asked. The Mayor would like to say Mitchievillians were split along racial lines, but he has no facts to back up that statement. Although I do believe someone from the hottie-Maggie camp referred to a nottie-Maggie as a “Scottish turd.”

Today’s hottie/nottie is Cameron Diaz, or “The Joker” as she commonly known. The Mayor finds that anyone who sports an overabundance of teeth looks like the Joker. Diaz has in the neigbourhood of 75 teeth in her crooked head, so there’s no getting around the Joker label that was put on her.

Diaz looks great in this picture, The Mayor isn’t going to deny that. Had this been the only picture The Mayor had ever seen of Cameron Diaz, he would have have placed her in the hottie category. However, there are other pictures floating around the internet that aren’t so complimentary. Seeing both sides, The Mayor is now firmly on the nottie side.

Remember though, hottie or nottie is based on looks, not acting abilities. If this was a 50/50 idea where 50% of your vote is based on looks and 50% is based on acting abilities, Diaz would start off with zero for her acting abilities and wouldn’t stand a chance to climb back into the game. And even if you think she’s a hottie, she would be a barely passable hottie garnering probably no more that 30/50 in the looks category, so add that up with the zero for acting abilities and you get solid F.

What do you think, is Cameron Diaz a hottie or a nottie?

Maggie Gyllenhaal – Hump Day Hottie Or Hump Day Nottie?

Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011

It wasn’t easy finding an acceptable picture of Maggie Gyllenhaal for today’s segment. The Mayor scoured the internet for what seemed like 25 seconds, when in reality it was closer to 5, and this is the best he could come up with. Perhaps it’s closer to the mark to say this is the best picture Maggie Gyllenhaal could come up with.

And that’s not good.

The Mayor has his mind made up when it comes to the MG hottie or nottie debate. And it aint much of a debate. But since beauty is subjective, meaning that there might actually be a few people who believe MG wasn’t struck with the acid-tipped flaming arrow of ugliness, The Mayor will leave it to you, Mitchievilles discerning readership as to whether Maggie Gyllenhall is a hottie or whether she is a nottie.

Uma Thurman – Now A Hottie?

Wednesday, February 23rd, 2011

In the history of Hump Day Hottie or Hump Day Nottie, there has never been a woman that has caused as much uproar as Uma Thurmandid last week. Unkind words were spoken, feelings were hurt, blood was spilled; Mitchievillians were evenly split as to whether Uma Thurman is indeed a hottie, or if she is a nottie.

The Mayor mentioned right from the start of the post last week that the picture he chose wasn’t very flattering. Funny thing though, The Mayor couldn’t actually find a picture that was totally unflattering, yet today when he tried to find a very flattering picture, he couldn’t find one of those either. Perhaps there should be a “Hump Day Hottie, Hump Day Nottie, Or is This Chick Totally Average?” category.

Pizzamancer, on the yes side of the Uma Thurman hottie debate, asked The Mayor to post a picture of Uma Thurman “at her best.” Well, since The Mayor can’t post a picture of Thurman with her top off (seeing as this is a family site, dontchaknow), he decided to post a picture of Uma Thurman in a more natural setting. Seeing as though The Mayor couldn’t find a picture of Thurman in a natural setting, he decided to choose this one. As my Italian friends would say, “thatsa nice.”

Uma Thurman looks good in this picture, at least to these eyes. But is this picture enough to persuade the anti-Thurman crowd to change their minds?

We shall see.

Another thing, Uma Thurman has a small dog between her legs. It could be a wolf. Or a rat. Either way, it’s kind of a turn on.

What say you, do you now think Thurman is a hottie, or is she still a nottie?

Uma Thurman – Hump Day Hottie Or Hump Day Nottie?

Wednesday, February 16th, 2011

Granted, The Mayor didn’t pick out the greatest picture of Uma Thurman for today’s segment, but I feel it’s best to try to find pictures of Hollyweirdo’s without their make-up in order to show what they look like when they are not all dolled-up and hottie looking. In other words, if you’ve ever seen a daytime talk show, you’ll know that any old broken down, haggard, looks like it slept in their car last night, mummified ogre can get a make-over and look rather acceptable. Peel off the first nine layers of make-up though, and what you’re left with is something that looks like it was crapped out of your rottie after it got into your pot of chili from last night’s dinner.

The Mayor isn’t exactly saying Uma Thurman is a nottie. But she aint a hottie. Maybe she’s a spottie. She aint no Scottie. There’s just something about Uma Thurman that turns The Mayor off. Maybe it’s not even her looks. Maybe it’s the fact that her mother is a socialite and Uma got where she is today through her family’s many connections and not by the regular channels most people go through before reaching the top of their profession. Maybe The Mayor is repulsed by her because her dad is a  Buddhist scholar, her mother is a socialite, and Uma got sent straight to the front of the line. Or, maybe it’s because Uma is pretty ugly.

That’s The Mayor’s take on Uma Thurman, pretty insightful. I’m sure this post has given you pause for thought.

But what say you? Is Uma Thurman (Munster) a hottie or a nottie?

Sarah Knott – Hump Day Hottie

Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011

The Mayor doesn’t have much information about Australian born Sarah Knott, but it’s obvious from the picture above that she was born without the top 1/5 of her head. Fortunately she’s a model, so that won’t affect her ability to make a living.

There are a few dozen pictures of Sarah Knott on the internets, but this in the only one I could find that didn’t have that patented model sneer you see in 99.8% of model pictures. The sneer was sort of cute the first 9 trillion times I saw it, but after that it got kind of boring. It’s actually to the point now that when The Mayor sees the *model sneer®*, he instinctively horks on the monitor in disgust.

Anyway, Sarah Knott, she’s got long hair.

Isabeli Fontana – Hump Day Hottie

Wednesday, January 12th, 2011

It’s not every day that you’ll see a woman this beautiful who is a nuclear physicist. And today is no different. For Isabeli Fontana is a Victoria’s Secret model. Go figure.

We’ve all heard of Victoria’s Secret before. But I’m sure many of you are wondering what IS Victoria’s Secret? What secret does Victoria hold? Well, The Mayor can tell you straight out that the secret Victoria holds is that she is extremely ugly. But, and this is a BIG but, she has a great personality.

Krystal Forscutt – Hump Day Hottie

Wednesday, December 8th, 2010

You might remember Krystal Forscutt from the reality series Big Brother Australia. The Mayor sure does. The Mayor never misses a reality show, it doesn’t matter what country it’s in or what time it’s on, The Mayor has seen them all and will continue viewing them until his eyes fall right out of his sockets.

Not much more is known of Krystal Forscutt, and truth be told, The Mayor isn’t going to invest even a second looking into any information about her as he suspects the greatest accomplishment she has ever made consists of the picture above.

This is your Hump Day Hottie, she should put on a sweater before she catches the death of cold. Silly girl.

Cristina Buccino – Hump Day Hottie

Wednesday, September 15th, 2010

As with the majority of Hump Day Hotties that grace the pages of Mitchieville, I have very little information as to who or what this young lady is all about. I do know that she fits the profile The Mayor looks for when selecting the hottie – straggly hair, pointy shoulders, and a large tattooed star just above her flattened gut.

The Mayor also found out that her name is Cristina Buccino and that she’s Italian. Buccino? I thought a buccino was a type of elbow noodle? Hmmmm, it very well may be. Perhaps she’s the heiress to the Buccino elbow noodle fortune that I keep hearing about. What, you haven’t heard of the Buccino noodle empire? Hahaha, where ya been, hiding under a rock?

CJ Gibson – Hump Day Hottie Or Hump Day Not-E?

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

CJ Gibson is an American actress of Filipino and Italian decent. Mix those two and you get what? That’s right, a “Filitalian”, or, an “Itapino”.  Throw some Mexican into the mix and you’d have yourself a “Mexitalipino”, or, a “Filmexlian”.

Add some Bulgarian and you would have a “Bulmexitapino”.

Either way, The Mayor thinks she’s a smorgasbord of good looks derived from various cultures, or, if you want to be technical, she’s a smorgasbord because she is a supper buffet offering various dishes.

Kelly Monaco – Hump Day Hottie

Wednesday, August 25th, 2010

I was going to add Kelly Monaco into a Hottie or Not-E segment today, but then quickly realized that Kelly Monaco is so far removed from being a Not-E that if I even suggested otherwise, my constituents would instantly come to the conclusion that The Mayor must have either woken up this morning and downed a crack/ice smoothie, or, I was hit by a truck and am suffering from a traumatic head injury. Then again, Mitchieville is about as lively as a Pakistani village right now and no one other than Cudgel has commented in over 3 weeks, so really, who the hell is going to notice?

Anyway, I know nothing about Kelly Monaco whatsoever, and truth be told, The Mayor likes it that way. Oh, she has a head? What a surprise, I didn’t notice.