Archive for the ‘Hump Day Hottie’ Category

Hump Day Hottie – Candice Boucher

Wednesday, January 23rd, 2013

Candice Boucher was born in South Africa (throw anotha shrimp on the barbie, mate!), and is a 29 year old model. That’s all anyone knows about her. Boy, what an enigma she is.

As you can see above, she is performing what we in the modeling/fashion industry refer to as the “shot in the chest, now go lie down on the floor” pose. And The Mayor must say, she does an excellent job of it. The way her eyes glaze over like maple dip donuts, the way she tucks her right leg into her left leg, and the way her hard breasts sit there like two small non-grassy knolls waiting to erupt into a silicone explosion. Impressive, The Mayor bows to her genius. And then tries to catch a peak of her silicone-filled puppies.


Hump Day Hottie – Katy Perry

Wednesday, January 16th, 2013

Katy Perry is one of those units whose looks can be spooky deceptive. In this picture she’s a babe, but The Mayor has seen other pictures where it looks like she was on the losing end of a fight with a pitbull. And that’s the reason The Mayor is such a big fan of PhotoShop, make-up, and facial surgery – they turn lowish quality looking humans into something you wouldn’t be embarrassed to be seen with when you trot them out to Wendy’s for the .99 cent Value Meal Deal.

Erin Heatherton – Hump Day Hottie

Wednesday, September 19th, 2012

Little is known about Erin Heatherton, at least to The Mayor. You see, The Mayor is sure there is scads and scads of information about her somewhere, but to track down all those facts and details calls for time and energy, something The Mayor isn’t willing to invest, just to find out she’s a supermodel, is engaged to some pretentious idiot, has tons of cash, and likes drinking colourful drinks while sunning herself on some foreign beach. If she was truly important, we would have all heard about her by now, but she really isn’t all that important, so enjoy looking at her scantily clad body. It’s better that way.


Gisele Bundchen – Hump Day Hottie

Sunday, February 5th, 2012

It’s Superbowl Sunday, the day when plenty of normally non-gluttonous peoples will eat too much, gamble too much, and drink too much. Monday morning will be a hungover blur for a lot of folks tomorrow, and a percentage of people will wonder why their underwear is on inside out and their knees have grass stains on them. If that happens to you, chances are the Giants won.

The beautiful creature in the photo is none other that Gisele Bundchen, the woman Tom Brady is married/dating. Today, Gisele Bundchen will be rooting for Tom Brady and the Pats to win. If they do, tonight Tom Brady will be rooting Gisele Bundchen. If the Pats lose, chances are by 8 am Monday morning, Brady will have sent Gisele Bundchen back on the slowboat to whatever backward nation she comes from. That’s how things work in Bradyland – if he wins, supermodels get roted, if he loses, they get deported. It’s cruel, but fair.

Giants 37 – Pats 24

Belen Rodriguez – Hump Day Hottie

Wednesday, January 18th, 2012

Typically it takes The Mayor anywhere between 1 – 3 minutes to find a suitable picture of the woman who will be represented as the Hump Day Hottie. Today though, it took upwards of 10 minutes. And that’s because of two things: there are very few pictures of  Belen Rodriguez where she has her clothes on, and, even though she is a beautiful woman, she isn’t very photogenic.

Sad. But true.

Yes, she is photogenic when she’s bending over, but The Mayor felt that posting something like that wouldn’t be appropriate. Hot, yes. Appropriate, no.

So this is what you get – a filtered pictured of one Belena Rodriguez. And in case you’re thinking she has a rust spot on the side side of her belly, it actually a tat. A really terrible tat that she should be very embarrassed about.

Lily Aldridge – Hump Day Hottie

Wednesday, January 11th, 2012

The first job The Mayor ever had after he completed Bartender’s College, was working as a photographer at a fashion shoot in Bracebridge, Ontario. The Mayor must have done a decent job because he was hired on for another shoot, then another, and before you know it, The Mayor had a full time gig photogging women and eating expensive sandwiches from catering tables.

This went on for a couple years, but it wasn’t something The Mayor wanted to do with his life, so he soon became restless. Sure, The Mayor enjoyed the craft table, working indoors, and hanging out with gorgeous women, of course. But photogging wasn’t his calling. He knew that. The Mayor would have quit photogging sooner, but there were certain things he really liked about his job that made him stay months longer than he should have. For instance, The Mayor loved playing “Got yer nose” with the models. It never got old. He also loved playing “pull my finger” with them as well. You would think that after asking a model to pull your finger 50 or 60 times they would catch on, but they never did. And after The Mayor tooted, he would say to them “That was you”, and the little idiots would apologize and walk away sheepishly. The Mayor never tired of that.

But 2 years was enough. The Mayor knew when it was his last day by the way he started acting. When photogging a subject, you have to put them in the frame of mind as to how your client wants their session served. For instance, if you want your subject to have a certain look, you must tell them exactly what you want. “Sad!, Angry!”, that type of thing. But it got to the point where The Mayor couldn’t care less what he was doing, and he started screaming out all sorts of commands to the models – “Angry! Sad! Hurtful! Spiteful! You’re a chicken! Fall Down! Pull my finger!”

And after that day, The Mayor was enjoying retirement.

True story, tell your friends.

And here’s Lily Aldridge, she will pull your finger if you ask her nice enough, The Mayor is certain of that.

Erin Andrews – Hump Day Hottie

Wednesday, September 28th, 2011

While The Mayor wouldn’t say that Erin Andrew’s is the sexiest woman to ever grace the pages of Mitchieville, he still thinks she is hot enough to drill a peephole through her hotel room wall, and then post the video’s online. Pardon? That’s already been done to Erin Andrew’s? You’re kidding, aren’t you? Wow, some people sure are sick in the head.

Elle Liberachi – Hump Day Hottie

Wednesday, July 20th, 2011

The Mayor has been trying to figure out all morning where he has heard the name Liberachi before. Was Liberachi a famous Hollyweird *star* at one time? Nope, don’t think so. Is Liberachi a politician in Woodbridge, Ontario? That doesn’t sound right. Ahhhh, The Mayor has figured it out. Liberachi is a winger who plays for the St Louis Blues. Yup. Gordie Liberachi. Crappy shot, but one hell of a skater.

Gordie Liberachi, who the hell would have known he looks so good all dolled up?

Mila Kunis – Hump Day Hottie

Wednesday, July 13th, 2011

It’s bizarre when you think about it: Even though Mila Kunis is a very attractive young woman and a semi-successful Hollyweird *star*, she has never once had a decent picture taken of her. You can scour the interwebs until your eyes burn and your precious little fingers bleed, but you will not find one solitary sexy picture of Mila Kunis.

For those of you who don’t know who Mila Kunis is, she was part of the cast of that absolutely terrible 70’s Show. She’s also the annoying voice of Meg Griffin on Family Guy (another show that jumped the shark years ago and has gone from edgy to plain crappy). The Mayor isn’t sure what else she’s done, it’s not as if he hangs out all day checking out TV shows in the hope that Mila Kunis will appear (at least not any more he doesn’t).

She’s from the Ukraine originally and her parents were commies. She is also Jewish, which blows The Mayor’s mind because Hollyweird is so under-represented when it comes to Jewish folks. It’s good to see the Jews have finally gotten a toehold into Hollyweird.

As for any other information about Mila Kunis, The Mayor suggests you look up some sort of online resource to help you because The Mayor doesn’t know anything else about her. She is pretty though, it’s just a pity she equates trashy clothes with sexy.

It’s 6:15 am in Mitchieville and The Mayor is drinking a tumbler of scotch.

Hump Day Hottie

Wednesday, July 6th, 2011

The Mayor doesn’t know much about today’s HDH. And when The Mayor says he doesn’t know much about her, what he means is that he doesn’t know anything about her. Luckily, you don’t want to know anything about her. That worked out well. Think about it – The Mayor’s cavalierness combined with your “not-give-a-shitness” really works well together. Boy, we’re quite a team, aren’t we? Like Batman & Robin. Like peanut butter and jelly. Like a jock and a crotch. You’re the jock, of course. You’ll never catch The Mayor protecting your junk.

Hump Day Rottie

Wednesday, June 29th, 2011

Every so often, The Mayor gets a hankerin’ to add a funny caption to some photos. The problem is, The Mayor is terrible at captioning photos, and to date not one single caption has turned out to be even slightly amusing. But no one likes a quitter (except other quitters), so The Mayor intends on jumping back on the captioning horse and giving it another go.

Today we have “Spike”, a 16 month rottie, blah blah yadda blah puke. The Mayor has a caption he is sure you will enjoy, it’s perfect:

“Hi, I’m Spike. One day when you least expect it, I’m going to wig out and chew the face off your child causing him/her to undergo hundreds of hours of reconstructive surgery, leaving him/her with physical and emotional scars so deep that they will last a lifetime and denigrate your child’s quality of life for an eternity”.

Hahahaha – NAILED it!

Jessica Hart – Hump Day Hottie

Wednesday, June 22nd, 2011

This is your Hump Day Hottie, Jessica Hart. Even though Jessica has unusually large feet for a woman, and a giant space between her front teeth, she still possesses an unique beauty about her. The Mayor can’t quite put his finger on it, but if he could, he would probably have a restraining order slapped on him faster than you can say, “Man, that chick has unusually large feet and a giant space between her front teeth.”

If you would like to visit Jessica’s blog to learn more about her, or just to see more pictures of an unique beauty with unusually large feet and a giant space between her front teeth, The Mayor suggests going directly to the source, Jessica Hart. Or, if you prefer, you can go to the Australian Dental Association for more information on oral hygiene.

Hahaha, *oral*.