Archive for the ‘I see dead people’ Category

Remembering Aaron Swartz

Wednesday, January 16th, 2013

I was completely unaware of how many people in the media were ignorant of the existence of Aaron Swartz, but who felt the call of their hearts to pinch off a weepy obit themed piece in memory of the young activist. They never wrote anything before about Aaron, and then, like the miracle of mushrooms growing in dung, all sprout up at the same time, mentioning the same points, using the same style, using the same order of thought. A friend of mine suggested that the activists were just copying and pasting together an assignment, just like they did in high school, and college. There are so many sudden mushrooms messages of care for Aaron, so similar, so Chris Spence. It is the thought that counts, and the end justifies the means: caring about fallen activist Aaron, and taking a dig at some institution you do not like. Impressive Group Think, activist media primates. You get to dash off a quick piece and drag your primate ass off to for early beer, bong, and same sex suck; we get stuck with the thought that you care. But I, Fenris Badwulf, I care. I have questions; I want answers. Answers about Murder, for one.

RIP Elizabeth Taylor

Friday, March 25th, 2011

Wow, she really was beautiful.

Faces Found In Food Week

Wednesday, February 23rd, 2011

If you’re to ever find a face in food, chances are that food is going to be a piece of toast. 97/100 times that’s the case.

The face most often found in food? Jesus.

Jesus and Elvis, they seem to be the most popular faces in food. When a face is found in food, it’s always someone incredibly great, like Jesus or Elvis, no one ever finds Woody Allen or Peter Jennings. Having said that, I’ve never found Woody Allen’s face in my toast, but I have crapped a few Woody Allen’s in my day. Mind you, they could have been Peter Jennings.

Hippie Culture

Wednesday, January 26th, 2011

It is Ouija board night at the Etobicoke Temple of Set, the Snake God. And we are trying to attract the younger crowd, so it is How to use your Ouija board to get sex theme. Sometimes good judgment is more important than good sex.


Inside Mitchieville

Tuesday, January 25th, 2011

Those right wing guys, they always talk about family. But just look at these happy white kids, out of the hippie generation. Something different.


So long Israel, and hello Vienna! – Saved in Drafts

Thursday, December 16th, 2010

**It certainly wouldbe nice if Fenris revisited this piece and finished it. The Mayor doesn’t like posts that end with the word “and”. It leaves too much up in the air. This post is from 2.14.2010. Woulda coulda shoulda won some sort of award, and…

I have been bothered at my leisure with demands for production about the soon to be non-existance of Israel.  Yeah, sure, it is a tasty subject for satire.  It is grim and there will be quite a few war movies, great war movies of the future, to be written, scripted, story-boarded, filmed, edited, and shown.  So I will write quick, as there are only a few more paragraphs to go before I am done with you.

Today is the first Saturday after the Persians went public with the Bomb. They have the Bomb.  They have stated quite clearly the conditions under which they will use their Bomb.  This is quite Queensberry rules, and every dead Statesman you talk to on the Ouija board will tell you that what they say is true enough to take heed of, and if you heed their boundary conditions, the Bomb will not go boom.  So what?  So what does this have to do with Israel?  Those Persian atomic bombs can only hit Los Angeles, maybe San Francisco, certainly Honolulu.  Utah is safe.  So who cares?

Sure, Israel has the Bomb. They have the Bomb too.  Big Deal.  This problem is not a big problem as far as Military problems go.  Israel does not fear the Bomb.  They are more likely to fire their broadside first, and it just might happen in this wonderful decade of 2010.  But before we get to how earthquakes and atomic bombs are like each other in effect, I want to talk about the ruthless self-interest of nation states.

This is a bad thing for Israel, but not in the way you would expect. History suggests that powers that pay tribute, pay tribute for appeasement, effect, or subterfuge.

Appeasement. The defeated in war end up paying tribute.  A certain amount of the trillions invested in Israel every year has a proportion, a percentage that is simple weregild, blood money for a ’sorry we shot your Grandpa’ that comes with a rather nice greeting card.

Appeasement, but. But the great power that was enforcing this payment is under a leader of Hope and Change. He has been bowing to these other, lesser, tribute paying powers. Today, Saturday, the Final Decision Makers are listening to Opera at their weekend retreats, sipping the best, and deciding. Maybe the Israel money does not have to be paid. Not now. The Americans are choosing retreat as their policy. So weregild for Israel can stop.

Effect. Sure, your tribute money buys you some peace and contentment over close there to where the oil fields are. But lately, last few years, those shipping lines, pipelines, refineries are

Drinking Tea in the Dark

Monday, November 1st, 2010

If you arise early in the morning before the dawn, you can, if you make the time, enjoy a cup of tea in the dark. This is a habit I picked up from my father, a veteran of the British Army. He picked up the habit waiting for German attacks just before the dawn. Of course, that war is long over, and only a quiet few remember those battles, but battles will come again, and they usually strike just before the dawn.


I Can See Your Pee Pee

Friday, May 7th, 2010

Don’t act all offended and disgusted and what not, you had a chance to put these kind of pictures behind you, but you chose otherwise. Now there’ll be a slow and steady drip (hardy harr harr) of these picture for the next month or two, instead of five straight days of continuous pee pee humour you could have chosen.

I was out of the country the last 5 or so days on Mayor business and was posting remotely. Sorry I haven’t been my regular engaging self, not responding to comments, ignoring you like you’re my wife, not caring about you like you’re my legitimate children. That all changes today, as I’m back in Mitchieville and sober. Somewhat. Any way, enjoy the pee, and I hope that’s the last picture you have in your mind right before you go to bed tonight and make love to your husband/wife/lover/pack mule/rubber suited blow up thingie.

Is That Satan Hiding In The Background?

Wednesday, April 7th, 2010

It can’t be Satan, there’s no way the anti-Christ would be seen with a bunch of bloated cods like the ones you see in the picture. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go scratch my retinas with a wire BBQ brush.

The Sick Thing Is, I Bet He Got More Action This Way

Thursday, November 26th, 2009


A man in Vietnam dug up his wife’s corpse, molded her in clay to prevent exposure to the decomposing body, and then slept with it for five years because he wanted to spoon with her. The 55-year-old man from some small town in Quang Nam [where I suspect heavy, heavy inbreeding occurs] opened his wife’s grave in 2004, dressed her in clothes, and then put her in his bed.

Of course that wasn’t his first choice:

The man, Le Van, told the website that after his wife died in 2003 he slept ontop of her grave, but about 20 months later he worried about rain, wind and cold, so he decided to dig a tunnel into the grave “to sleep with her”.

His children found out, though, and prevented him from going to the grave. So one night in November 2004 he dug up his wife’s remains and took them home, Vietnamnet reported.

The website carried a photo of Van with the figure of his wife, which is still in his home.

The father of seven said neighbours did not dare visit the house for several years.

“I’m a person that does things differently. I’m not like normal people,” he was quoted as saying.

Uh, yeah. We know.

Now I know what you’re all thinking, but trust me. It’s not a good idea. Let’s just leave it at that.