“Is it just me, or does this ocean make my ass look fat?”
I know this girl who use to say she had an ass like Jennifer Lopez. Only thing is, she thought she was complimenting herself. She was all of 85 lbs, and had no shape whatsoever, but she was French, so she had a swelled head at the best of times. She also had a mouth like a mako shark with teeth jutting this way and that, which was great when I needed her to open a can of creamed corn, but not so great in social settings. I once gave her an offer — I would lend her the money to get radical reconstructive surgery on her teeth and yap, or to save a few dollars she could go with option B: I’ll slap pucks at her face until she’s cured.
I never really wonder what happened to that little French girl with the sideshow freak mouth, but every so often when I have a stubborn can of creamed corn that just won’t open, I think to myself how handy it would be if that fat assed French bitch was there with me.