A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each
other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that she
could get one over on them easy.

So the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun
game.

The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he
politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun. I
ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you
pay me only $5. Then you ask me one, and if I don’t know
the answer, I will pay you $500, she says.

This catches the senior’s attention and to keep the lawyer
quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. ‘What’s the distance
from the Earth to the Moon?’

The senior doesn’t say a word, but reaches into his pocket,
pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now it’s the senior’s turn. He asks the lawyer, ‘What
goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?’

The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references she
could find on the Net.

She sends e-mails to all the smart friends she knows; all to
no avail. After an hour of searching, she finally gives
up.

She wakes the senior and hands him $500. The senior
pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. She wakes
the senior up and asks, ‘Well, so what goes up a hill with
three legs and comes down with four?’

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and
goes back to sleep.

**Thanks (again) to J.M. Heinrichs for sending this to The Mayor via electronic letter

Lady Ga Ga has been asked why she uses that name instead of her own.

Apparently, ‘Geoff’ doesn’t have the same ring

Apparantly my gas-guzzling 4×4 with its high CO2 emissions has contributed to the altered weather patterns which caused the recent flooding in Pakistan.

Well, I only have one option….Sell the Prius.

A couple of Chinese guys were selling watches on a stall in the market, so I asked my wife if she wanted one.

“I don’t know,” she said. “They look like they fell off the back of a truck.”

“I know,” I said, “But their watches look pretty good.”

I love to shave with a new razor. It reminds me of making love to a beautiful woman for the first time. All the excitement, a little blood, and I am holding a razor.

**Sickipedia

The only person I didn’t find funny on Seinfeld, was Seinfeld. Everyone else was a hoot, but Seinfeld was kind of lame. At least that stand-up routine at the beginning and end of each show was. The best stand-up routine on Seinfeld was when KKKramer was on stage and started telling those black dudes that they should be swinging from trees. Remember that? What a hoot!

That wasn’t a stand-up routine on Seinfeld, that was real? Man, it sure is uncomfortable in here right now.

Sure, we’ve all seen this joke a few times in our life, but I betcha you haven’t seen it in the form of a graphic, have ya?

We’re pretty high-tech around here. Some would say we deliver an extraordinary value-proposition.

Charismatic: Only 1
Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal: 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None
Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians: 3
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: 5
One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians:
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

Nazarene: 6
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy

Lutherans: None
Lutherans don’t believe in change.

Amish:
What’s a light bulb?

Written across the wall of a cave were the following symbols

It was considered a unique find and the writings were believed to be 3000 years old.

The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meanings of the markings.

The President of the society pointed to the first drawing and said:

“This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem.

You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.

The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them”.

“Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn’t grow, they seek food from the sea.

The last symbol is the Star of David, which obviously means they were evidently Hebrews.”

The audience applauded enthusiastically.

Then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said:

“Idiots, Hebrew is read from right to left.” It says, “holy mackerel, dig the ass on that chick.”

**Thanks to Taylor Empire Airways for sending this to The Mayor

**From our friend across the pond, Big Red Kev

What’s the difference between Poland and my pencil case?

My pencil case has a ruler.

**Thanks, Sickipedia

My wife told me that she was seeing someone else because she was fed up with my bad habits.

I nearly choked on my toenail.

…that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

‘House’ for instance, is feminine: ‘la casa.’
‘Pencil,’ however, is masculine: ‘el lapiz.’

A student asked, ‘What gender is ‘computer’?’

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer’ should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men’s group decided that ‘computer’ should definitely be of the feminine gender (‘la computadora’), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (‘el computador’), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and 

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

**Thanks to el Marginalized Dinosauro

…in fluent Italian. The waiter seemed to appreciate his willingness to accept their culture.

So, I tried the same thing in our local Chinese restaurant.

I squinted my eyes and shouted, “Harro! Spesha frah raice prease!” But instead of showing appreciation, they took the upturned prawn-cracker basket from my head and told me to get out.

**Sickipedia