Archive for the ‘Kanye West’ Category

Okay, But Are You Sure?

Saturday, May 8th, 2010

I’d be more confident in Mzzzzz Klapp if her high school football team didn’t refer to her as the teams “hump dumplin’.”

I’d also be more confident in Mzzzzz Klapp if her high school football team didn’t refer to having sex with her as “getting the Klapp.”

In other news, I may have lost my wallet. Have you seen it anywhere?

Kanye West Is A Little Bitch

Monday, September 10th, 2007

Kanye “GWB hates black people* West, went on yet another tirade after being shut out of all five categories he was nominated for at the VMA’s Sunday night:

West, waiting for an elevator in a crowded hallway, began yelling about losing all five categories for which he was nominated, including male artist of the year.

“That’s two years in a row, man … give a black man a chance,” said West, stomping around his entourage and directing his comments at a reporter. “I’m trying hard man, I have the … No. 1 record, man.”

And from his sleeve he pulls out the much anticipated race card. The black mans wild card, for it always trumps a straight flush to the ace.

Kanye is right, of course, the black man doesn’t stand a chance in the music business, and that’s why you never see any black musicians. Personally, the only black musician I have ever heard of is Elvis Presley.

Many of you may think that Kanye West is a crying, sulking little bitch who needs a good thumping. Many of you may think that he is a spoiled puke with too much money and not enough brains. Some of you may think that Kanye West is a pathetic douchebag that should shut his useless mouth up. Wow, I forgot my point. Maybe I was trying to say that everyone is racist and Kanye is a victim. Ya, that sounds about right.

Go West, young cry-baby

Private Helicoptor From Wales Serves Kanye West His Lunch

Tuesday, March 6th, 2007

Kanye West, who has never smiled in his life, has agreed to perform at Algores enviro-stock concert thingie this summer. And how does Kanye West, a *friend of the environment* actually treat the environment? Ya, about the same way Algore treats a quarter pounder with cheese–with extreme prejudice:

If Kanye West were to walk into the British Raj’s dining room and order dinner, it would cost the rapper about $17.50. But since the restaurant is delivering — from Wales to New York — it’s going to cost a bit more.

For a feast of onion bhajees, chapati breads, biryanis, pappadums, a specially prepared fish dish and vegetables on the side, the bill will top $3,900, plus travel and accommodation for the restaurant’s head chef.

Dont worry folks, it’s okay, Kanye will repay mother earth by buying carbon indulgences to make up for his huge carbon Bigfoot-print.

You see, even if the private helicopter that will fly in Kanye’s meal is polluting and killing momma earth with its death gasses, it’s all offset by Kanye’s agreement to play Algores enviro-stock this summer. Kanye’s conscience is fine for another night, he will sleep soundly in his 10,000 sq. ft home, he will drive his monster SUV without a negative thought, and he will play a concert tomorrow that has a light show that could power up Saskatoon for 9 years knowing that it’s all okay, for he LOVED momma earth.

Go West, young man…and don’t stop

The European MTV Awards Hates Black People

Tuesday, November 7th, 2006

Kanye West crashed the stage of the European MTV Music Awards and went into a profanity-laced tirade after learning he did not win the Best Video Award.

“[My video] cost a million dollars. Pamela Anderson was in it. I was jumping across canyons and sh–.” When his video doesn’t win, Kanye argued, “the awards show loses credibility. Nothing against you, but hell, man.”

The rant, which inspired gasps from the audience, carried over into a post-show press conference, in which West admitted to reporters, “I haven’t seen [the Justice vs. Simian video]. Possibly it could have been quite good, but no way better than ‘Touch the Sky’. That is complete bullsh–. I paid a million. Obviously it’s not all about the money, but the response it got transcended everything, it really made great TV. It took a month to film; I stood on a mountain; I flew a helicopter over Vegas. I did it to be the king of all videos and I wanted to walk home with that award.”

Isn’t he just adorable? Don’t you want to throw your arms around his little neck and give him a great big squeeze?

Some people might say that Kanye West is a sucky, pathetic, whiny little troll who has a big mouth that needs to be closed via a baseball bat. I’m not one of those people. Let’s face it, Kanye deserved to win that award, after all, he stood on a mountain for God’s sake. Not only that, look at all the money he spent on that video, it has to be the best. Even though I have never heard anything that Kanye has ever produced, I know he must be a great person that needs to be taken seriously. Why, you ask? Because he’s a musician. Yup, he plays music.

Kanye, go west, young turd

A Drunk Elvis is Still Better Than a Sober Kanye West

Wednesday, February 15th, 2006

I have to admit, I’ve always loved Elvis. What? Shut up, Elvis was the shit, don’t try to deny it. Dollars for donuts, Elvis had the best voice ever in rock and or roll. If you’ve ever heard the King sing Peace in the Valley, and if you didn’t get a lump in your throat and a tear in your eye, then you’re a fucking Martian and you have no soul.

That being said, watching a wasted Elvis Presley sing Are You Lonesome Tonight, or mutter incoherently as the case may be, is one of the greatest and funniest things I have ever seen and heard.

At one point Elvis says something along the lines of “Someone once told me that the world’s a stage and we each play a part, they hrrphhmm frrghhf grrurp, plus tax”, and “The stage is bare and I’m standing here without any hair”.

Regardless, the crowd still went out of their minds and clapped like maniacs. And you want to know why? Because Elvis is the greatest performer ever in the history of civilization.

Hey, what do you know, the acid just kicked in.

Kayne West is a turd

Monday, November 28th, 2005

This post was going to be about how 50c would vote for Bush if he was allowed to vote, but it’s not going to be about half-buck, it’s going to be about Kanye West. Why, you ask? Good question, I’m glad you’re awake. I’m going to talk about Kanye West because Kanye West is a turd:

Kanye basically called Bush a racist on national television, and has since rethought his strategy for speaking out.

First of all, Kanye said exactly this on national television,”Bush hates black people”. The article says that Kayne “basically” called Bush a racist. There is nothing “basically” about it, West called Bush a racist. He couldn’t have called him more of a racist if he said that Bush keeps slaves on his plantation to pick his cotton. I can’t even see how those words can be interpreted to mean that Kanye doesn’t think Bush is a racist.

Let’s move on:

When NBC edited it out on the West Coast, that was a wakeup call,” West told the magazine. “It let people know how censored we still are. This is supposed to be America, but you can’t get your opinion out”.

You can still get your opinion out in America, but the networks still get a bit touchy when some lunatic calls the President a racist. Perhaps the networks have a policy that doesn’t allow people to try to entice a race-war through their venomous words.

“There’s all kinds of things I want to say, but I need to pace myself, to make sure my opportunities to say these things aren’t taken away too abruptly.”

If you have something to say, dawg, then say it. If you don’t have anything to say then shut your mouth.

You live in America, you can say whatever you please, as long as it doesn’t cross certain boundaries. Kanye is worried about Kanye, I’ve seen these types of guys a thousand times. He thinks he’s such a trooper, a leader, a revolutionary, but he’s only in it for the ching.

Kanye knows that if keeps saying stupid shit that he’s going to be in a world of financial hurt. He goes where the money goes.

If Kanye was half the man he thinks he is, he’d say what he has to say and who gives a crap what the consequences are. Apparently you can call the President of the U.S a bigot on national tv and not get arrested, what’s he got to be worried about?

Kanye, ya aint got no cred. You’re poor.