Archive for the ‘Kate Moss’ Category

Kate Moss Got Ugly

Wednesday, February 20th, 2008

Talk about false advertising. Imagine, you’re at a bar and pick up this hot piece of ass. The next morning you wake up to a chick that has more lines on her face than an 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of foolscap. I guarantee you’d be gnawing off your arm and pouring sulfuric acid all over your balls. Many people around the internets are wondering what happened to Kate Moss and her startling looks. I happen to know the answer: she snorted her good looks up her giant nose years ago. Keep in mind that Kate Moss is 34. From the picture on the right, she looks like she should be knitting shawls and screaming at kids to keep off her lawn.

Next–CNN head honcho to Staff: Be Kind To Castro

Kate Moss is Rich as Hell

Monday, September 18th, 2006

How did Kate Moss’ drug scandal last year affect her financial bottom line? Quite nicely, thank you very much:

Kate Moss’s bank balance is showing no signs of slimming down as the supermodel has reportedly tripled her annual income to £30 million since the drug scandal that threatened to ruin her career a year ago. Miss Moss, who turned up to Topshop Unique’s fashion show yesterday and is rumoured to be designing a line for the high street shop, is currently fronting a record 14 ad campaigns, including Agent Provocateur, Burberry and Rimmel London.

New York retail analyst Jim Hurley commented: “She’s like the goose who laid the golden egg. Everyone wants her.”

She is indeed the goose that laid the golden egg, and I would like to be the gander that fertilizes it.

This not only proves that it is possible to be extremely successful while being a cocaine addict, a booze-hound and a party animal, it proves that super-duper, teenie-weenie, itsy-bitsy humans make great super models, and anyone that thinks they should be banned from the catwalk is full of shit.

So, ladies, if you would like to be successful like Kate Moss, you need to put down that fork and pick up a straw. You need to get your hand out of that bag of Dorito’s and get it into a bottle of Xenical, you need to put down that can of Coke and pick up that bottle of Vodka. Kate knows best.

A blow-addicted rolling stone gathers no moss

Pic by Use My Computer

The Skinny on Modeling

Saturday, September 16th, 2006

Last week at Madrid’s Fashion Week, officials banned models who’s body mass index (BMI) was less than 18. In other words, it banned really skinny models. Taking the baton and running full-throttle, British Culture Secretary Tessa Jowell, has urged officials at London’s Fashion Week to do the same:

“I applaud the decision taken by Madrid to ban super-thin models, and urge the organizers of London Fashion Week to do the same,” British Culture Secretary Tessa Jowell.

This amazes The Mayor. Discrimination based on weight. Not only do designers not use fat models, now they don’t want to use skinny models. Not only are they getting away with it, they are applauded for it. Try getting away with that when you hire a secretary. “Sorry Judy, I can’t hire you as my personal secretary, you’re too gaunt”.

We’re always told that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and that beauty is subjective. Personally, I love super-skinny women. Look at Kate Moss for example. There is not a chance in hell that Kate Moss has a BMI over or even near 18, yet she is one of the most beautiful women in the world. And she’s English, go figure that?

Just because a woman doesn’t fit into a category that the World Health Organization deems healthy doesn’t mean the woman isn’t healthy. I know plenty of super-skinny women who, I guarantee, are healthier than the fat and/or out of shape bastards at the WHO.

Discrimination comes in many forms, and banning a woman from a catwalk because some bureaucracy has scales that they think should be followed is outrageous. The officials at Madrid’s Fashion Week should be ashamed of themselves, the British Cabinet Minister should give her head a shake, and anyone that discriminates against super-skinny women should be put in a hole and beaten with a cricket bat.

Super-skinny women don’t need counseling, they don’t need organizations banning them from events, they don’t need politicians promoting discrimination based on weight. What super-skinny models need is to be molested and videotaped, viewed on YouTube, and spanked at short intervals. Maybe this is the whiskey talking, but…well, it’s probably the whiskey talking.

Ban this, skinny haters

Kate Moss is Stylish

Tuesday, February 21st, 2006

According to Grazia Magazines readers, Kate Moss is the most stylish woman of all time(keep in mind that this is a British poll, and the Brits eat blood pudding)

The 32-year-old supermodel, who is still waiting to hear if she will face criminal charges over allegedly taking class A-drugs, beat off competition from the likes of Elizabeth Taylor and Princess Diana.

I know what’s good for Kate, and I told her the other day where I thought her career should be heading. I said, “Kate, put down the mirror and come here for a second, I have something to tell you”. I could see that Kate was worried because I had a serious tone in my voice and she basically lives and dies on my every word. She staggered over to me and said, “Listen, I know what you’re going to say, you’re going to tell me to give up the drugs, start eating properly, and stay away from the dirty element I hang around”. I was like, “No way, just the opposite, you need to do more cocaine, you’re a fat pig”.

I told Kate that she needs to drop another 20 pounds, that her weight is embarrassing, not only to me, but it should be for her too. Her eyes grew to the size of tea saucers, this is exactly what she needed to hear. I didn’t stop there though, I could tell she needed more encouraging. I told Kate that I could hardly see the divits of her chest-bone, that she must be plumping up. Basically I demanded that she either drop another 20 pounds or the Canadian meat wagon won’t be making any more stops in Kateville.

Kate is very fragile right now, I’m pretty upset at the advice her *handlers* have been giving her recently. It’s time to face some cold hard facts, and that is cocaine is the best thing that has ever happened to Kate Moss. It saved her life as well as her career, and to give up the blow now would be the ultimate mistake in a life that has seen many, many mistakes.

Sure, you’re stylish right now, Kate, but this is coming from a nation of people which the word *floss* and *dental hygiene* mean exactly nothing. Listen to The Mayor, Kate, it’s your only hope.

Sure, you’re stylish, but so are the cute boots I put on my dog

More (or Less) Kate Moss

Tuesday, January 24th, 2006

Yesterday’s post on Kate Moss has elicited quite a response, and none of it was very positive. It wasn’t the actual post that seemed to get under the good readerships’ skin, it was her pic and the fact that I said Kate Moss is one hot piece of ass.

Everyone disagreed with me. Have a boo at what Carin, from Is This Blog On?, said in the comment section:

“Sorry, but she does absolutely NOTHING for me. No hips, and practically negative breasts. Add in the vacant look … nope. Not even with the Mayor’s penis.

Honestly, Kate Moss could be a trannie”.

Holy crap, that’s biting. Not even with MY penis? I tell you what, Carin, I’m willing to find out if Kate Moss is a trannie, I’m willing to do some exploratory work on Kate Moss’ delicious (totally female) body to find out. I’ll let you know.

Scott, from LMNOP was equally as cruel towards my choice of women:

I’m with Carin. Show’s some promise, but for God’s sake, eat something, woman! At least nibble a rice cake or two.

It’s a trick of the light, Mayor. In reality, Kate Moss is lousy in bed. All bones and sharp angles. Like trying to hump a pile of Tinkertoys. On the plus side, you don’t have to cook her breakfast in the morning.

Okay, the *trying to hump a pile of Tinkertoys* comment was pretty damn funny, but I just don’t see it, I still think Kate is beautiful.

RyCrisp wasn’t as subtle (if you can call what Carin and Scott said as subtle) in his comment to me. Nope, RyCrisp went straight for the jugular:

Leave the choir boys alone…cockass!

Wow, I do believe that RyCrisp is insinuating that I’m a big fan of Brokeback Mountain, and somehow I prefer the love of a man instead of the flavour of a woman. That kind of creeps me out.

Even MACCO, Mitchieville’s American Canadian CIA Operative gave me grief:

She makes Twiggy look like Mama Cass. She looks like she would choke on a grain of rice.

My God, when will this madness end? Not soon enough, as displayed here by Mark Nicodemo’s comment:

Pretty soon, the string of Christmas lights is going to look thick by comparison.

Well, although I appreciate all the comments that the fine folkage of Mitchieville left, I suppose I can only respond by saying this: “You are all so dead fucking wrong that it makes me want to vomit”. There, I said it, there aint no turning back now.

Look at that pic I have up. Just stare at it for a minute or two. LOOK AT IT, DAMN YOU!!! Now, remove your hand from your crotch and admit to The Mayor that Kate Moss is one incredible piece of ass.

Feel better? Is reality finally catching up with you? I thought it might. It’s nice to see that you have come to your senses.

Please resume your normal daily activities.

Cocaine Kate Will Face Police

Monday, January 23rd, 2006

This isn’t so much news as it is an opportunity to post a picture of one of the most delicious women to ever walk the face of the earth.

According to the semi-reliable Mirror, Kate Moss will come back from her 4 month self-imposed exile to be questioned by the British po-po:

On Saturday the Mirror exclusively revealed that fed-up police were threatening to arrest and handcuff Kate.

The globe-trotting model has spent four months stalling their requests for an interview following our expose of her cocaine use.

Hours after Saturday’s story appeared Kate’s representatives moved to fix an interview date. The model is now expected to be questioned within a month.

And I’m sure after the coppers wipe the drool off their gaping pie-holes, they’ll have some serious questions for Kate. Such as, “Can you give me your autograph, on my penis, with your lipstick, that’s on your lips?”

Yes? When you’re finished you’re free to go”.

Kate Moss gets messed up

Friday, December 2nd, 2005

I know this has been around the globe a few times, but I *like* watching Kate Moss dance around with her top off while out of her mind on blow.

That’s what it seems like to me. Maybe she was acting, who knows?

Kate Moss looks good though. If I knew for a fact that if every woman snorted blow and ended up looking as good as Kate Moss, I’d order the entire female population to move to Colombia.

The clip’s about 40 seconds or so. Watch it, even if you’re not allowed to watch a hot girl dance around with her top off while flipping out on nose candy, you still should. Kate would watch you if you danced around with your top off.

Kate Moss LOVES Coke

Thursday, November 17th, 2005

It doesn’t mean that she isn’t huffin’ cocaine out of that Coke can.

Fuck, that was a LOUSY joke.

It would have been funnier if her nose was bleeding.

Pic courtesy of Hollywood Rag

Watch Kate Moss snort Coke

Sunday, October 2nd, 2005

If you want to see the vid of what got Kate Moss in trouble, here it is.

Many people are upset with Kate Moss and her drug abuse, but I think we all need to cut her some slack, after all, she’s beautiful. Maybe she’s not so beautiful in the picture I posted here, but it’s the only one I could find where she had clothes on. But you know as well as I do that she is drop-dead wonderful.

I’m all for prosecting ugly coke-heads, but I’m totally against prosecuting super-models, that just doesn’t seem just or fair.

I think after we get all the ugly drug abusers off the streets, then we should move on and start arresting the tragically beautiful. The last thing we need is our prisons to be full of skinny super model coke-heads. I don’t want to live in a world where such incredible specimens have to ever spend one second behind bars, that just isn’t right.

Who’s with me? Can I get a “hell yes?”