Archive for the ‘lack of talent’ Category

Larry King Looks Like Shit

Tuesday, October 16th, 2018

Although his pantsuit and wool mitts (107 degrees out) looks rather fetching.

When They Were Young

Tuesday, October 20th, 2009

If I was to tell you that in later years of his life this swarthy looking half-hippie would become the leading man in numerous Hollyweird feature films, I’m sure some of you would spit in my face in disgust, unbelieving that I told you such an atrocious lie. To that I would say, “Excellent overreaction, have you ever considered a career in politics?”

Well, this swarthy looking half-hippie really did go on to become a leading man in quite a few Hollyweird films, most of which The Mayor hated. And I didn’t just hate them because they had this guy in them, I hated them because the movies royally sucked. Don’t get me wrong, buddy guy is pretty much a useless sack of crap, but I’m separating him from the movies he was in and making a judgment of the movies he starred in. And they sucked. Royally.

Last year the United Nations named this guy a Messenger of Peace. Ya. A *Messenger of Peace*. The UN awarded him that faggy title based on his “social and liberal political activism.” I think right about now you’re cluing in as to why I earlier referred to this guy as a “useless sack of crap”. Here’s the mathematical formula I used to come to the conclusion about what type of person this guy is:

Social & liberal political activism + UN award = Useless sack of crap

Any idea who9 this useless sack of crap is?

Is it just Keyser…

Tuesday, October 14th, 2008

…or is that one goddamned ugly model?

Apart from anything else, learn not to smear lipstick all over your face!

Keyser’s Financial Advice

Sunday, October 12th, 2008

As attentive readers of the Lair already know, Keyser’s been posting a lot about the financial debacle recently, and there’s some pretty grim news out there. Dominique Sacré-Bleu, head of the IMF, was disturbingly quoted as saying:

Holy shit, I give up. We’ve tried everything, but nothing works. Not a goddamned thing. I swear it makes even a paragon of masculinity such as myself want to weep like a five-year-old girl with a scraped knee. You know what I’ve done? I’ve liquidated every single centime of investment I own–sometimes getting only a centime on the franc–and put it all in that gold stuff advertised by that Australian woman on CNN. She kept telling me that all sorts of experts said that paper investments weren’t worth the paper they’re printed on, and I should squirrel away every centime in gold. You know what? She was entirely right, and I’m man enough to admit it. But did I listen in time? Noooooo. [Dissolves into heaving sobs.]

Whoa! That sort of stuff really makes you think. (more…)

Sex And The City Pretty Much Sucks The Fat One

Tuesday, May 13th, 2008

The first review of the Sex And the City movie is out, and it’s everything I expected from a movie, and less:

There may be a problem with a film when a narrator constantly tells you the meaning of what you have just seen, gift-wrapping each scene with a moral.

There may be a problem with characters who shop with such conviction while the audience looks up from the trough of a credit crunch.

There may be a problem with stretching Sex and the City into a two hour and twenty minute film – it can feel like a never ending dinner party.

It sounds like the type of movie where halfway through, I reach into my pocket, pull out my 12″ buck knife and slice my own head off.

The guy that reviewed the movie admits that the women in the theatre were weeping and cheering and laughing and possibly masturbating to a picture of me, but that seems slightly unlikely.

Who shouldn’t see this movie? Anyone with less than two x chromosomes.

Who should see this movie? Bitter, crusty malcontents that have low social skillz, a thin grasp on reality, and people who say shit like, “You go girl!”

Or, it could be really good

Scott Adams Fears for His Life, Settles on "Hay-soos"

Saturday, March 15th, 2008

This week, Scott Adams, creator of the comic strip “Dilbert,” inserted into his strip the character of “Jesus.” Surely no one would notice.

Let me admit that I’ve always found “Dilbert” to be as bland as a cold, baked potato. The drawing could be significantly improved and the humor is usually lacking. The character Dilbert somehow speaks while lacking a mouth and his tie looks like it’s in a state of perpetual erection. Perhaps Viagara has expanded its clientèle.

The office where Dilbert works employs a talking dog. Talking animals in comic strips is not an original concept.

This week, Adams caught on to the old idea that if one wants instant publicity and fame, he could do no better than mock Christianity and Catholicism. (For an example of this, see the band Marilyn Manson.) Adams spends the week inserting a character named “Jesus” (but pronounced Hay-soos — get it?) into his strips. (I guess it’s routine for the founder of Christianity to help smooth things along in your local cubicle.)

Below is “Jesus” making himself useful:

Surprisingly, Adams received quite a response. At his website, Adams wrote:

My favorite rhetorical question, which I received an alarming number of times, was “Why don’t you mock Mohammed next? Huh? Why not?”

Well, aside from the blindingly obvious reason that I prefer life over death, I didn’t realize I was making fun of Christianity this week. It’s a standard cartoon practice to take well-known historical or fictional stories and put other characters in those roles. I did the same thing with The Wizard of Oz, and no one thought I was insulting Dorothy.

[Emphasis inserted.]

Jesus. Dorothy. Same thing.

I am not so much bothered by Adams’s use of Jesus in his strips so much as the double standard he employs. (And if you’re resorting to drawing “Jesus” with a tie at the local office, then you’re probably lacking in good judgment and running out of ideas very quickly.)

At a time when Adams wisely acknowledges the sensitivity of mocking the founders of religions, he safely selects the one which will generate the least amount of problems. Perhaps next week, Adams can begin drawing writing strips about Dilbert’s courage. Certainly Dilbert must be more courageous than his creator.

~ Sisyphus, cross-posted at The Sisyphus Files.