Archive for the ‘Language Lessons’ Category

Language Lessons

Thursday, January 17th, 2013


The Mitchieville Berlitz Language and Dog Obedience School (MBL&DOS) is proud to bring to you another segment of Language Lessons.

It has been a few years since we last had a language lesson, and it’s not because The Mayor isn’t interested in teaching his fellow Mitchievillians valuable foreign words and phrases that could one day save your life, it’s because The Mayor isn’t interested in teaching his fellow Mitchievillians valuable foreign words and phrases that could one day save your life. Well what do you know about that, that’s exactly the reason The Mayor hasn’t taught you any lessons in a few years. Knock The Mayor over with a feather and call him Shirley.

Today The Mayor brings you a phrase that he has used several times throughout his travels, a phrase that will most certainly come in handy to you, or/or your traveling companions.

“Excuse me, doctor, would you happen to have a cream or an ointment that will take away this horrible groin itch I have suddenly developed?”

French – “Excusez-moi, docteur, souhaitez-vous arriver à avoir une crème ou un onguent qui emportera ce démangeaisons de l’aine horrible que j’ai soudainement développé ?”

Greek – “Συγχωρείστε με, Γιατρέ, θα σας συμβεί να έχουν μια κρέμα ή ένα μελανό σημείο ότι θα πάρουν αυτό itch φρικτή groin ανέπτυξα ξαφνικά;”

Russian – “Извините меня, доктор, бы вы случаетесь иметь крем или мазь, которая заберет этот зуд ужасный пах, внезапно разработанным?”

Italian – “Mi scusi, dottore, ti capita di avere una crema o un unguento che vi toglierà questo prurito inguine orribile che ho sviluppato improvvisamente?”

German – “Entschuldigen Sie mich, Herr Doktor, Sie haben eine Creme oder eine Salbe, die diese schreckliche Leiste Juckreiz rauben wird, das ich, plötzlich entwickelt habe passieren würde?”

Now, The Mayor isn’t 100% that the Russian translation is correct; if uttering that phrase, the doctor may very well bring you a banana smoothie. Either way, it’ll be some needed temporary relief.

Language Lessons

Friday, March 5th, 2010


The Mitchieville Berlitz Language and Dog Obedience School (MBL&DOS) is proud to bring to you another segment of Language Lessons.

Language Lessons is a semi-bi-yearly instructional course geared at helping you – Mitchieville world travelers – learn different phrases, words and sentences in a variety of international languages.

The sentence you learn today is probably one of the most important sentences one should keep in their linguistic arsenal. Being a world traveler myself, I have used this sentence on numerous occasions. I will not lie - it has even saved my life. Twice.

“Excuse me doctor, a marginalized, homeless person who is obviously still reeling from the lingering effects of Colonialism in Africa, has shoved a rusty shiv into my stomach, I would like medical assistance.”

Dutch - “Excuseer me arts, een uitgesloten dakloze persoon die duidelijk nog windt van de treuzelende gevolgen van Kolonialisme in Afrika, een roestige shiv in mijn maag gestopt, zou ik van medische assistance.” houden;

Italian- Scusi il mio medico, una persona senza casa marginata che ovviamente ancora sta annaspando dagli effetti prolungati del colonialismo in Africa, ha spinto uno shiv arrugginito nel mio stomaco, io gradirebbe assistance.” medico;

German- “Entschuldigen Sie meinen Doktor, eine mit Randbemerkungen geversehene heimatlose Person, die offensichtlich noch von den verweilenden Effekten von Kolonialismus in Afrika wirbelt, hat geschoben ein rostiges shiv in meinen Magen, ich möchte medizinisches assistance.”

Spanish- “Excúse me doctor, una persona sin hogar marginada que obviamente todavía esté aspando de los efectos persistentes del colonialismo en África, ha empujado un shiv oxidado en mi estómago, yo quisiera assistance.” médico;

Portuguese- “Desculpe-me doutor, uma pessoa desabrigada marginalizada que obviamente ainda esteja bobinando dos efeitos atrasados do colonialismo em África, shoved um shiv oxidado em meu estômago, mim gostaria de assistance.” médico;

As I say, this phrase will one day save your life. I mean, if you’re in a nation that actually values life in the first place. If not, prepare to have your wallet stolen, your body beaten further into a pulp, and your carcass thrown into a wood lot where you will bleed out.


Language Lessons

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009


As part of our pursuit to bring you linguistic excellence, I present to you another edition of Language Lessons.

For those of you not familiar with this segment, I will translate a useful phrase or sentence that will help you in your travels abroad. On your next trip overseas, or perhaps to your local inner-city, you will find that having these phrases memorized – or at your fingertips, if you will – is nothing short of a Godsend.

The sentence I am about to give you will help you if you need to speak with medical personnel. If you’re in a hospital or a doctors office, or perhaps even a medical clinic, this popular sentence will get you the medical attention you need. I have found in the past it’s an indispensable sentence to memorize, and I’m sure you’ll use it over and over again in every country you visit. And here it is:

“If this itching doesn’t stop, I am going to start wasting hostages.”

Chinese: 如果發痒的這不停止,我開始浪費人質

Italian: Se questo che itching non si arresta, sto andando cominciare sprecare gli ostaggi

Greek: Εάν αυτό το να φαγουρίσει δεν σταματά, πρόκειται να αρχίσω τους ομήρους

German: Wenn itching dieses nicht stoppt, werde ich Geiseln, zu vergeuden beginnen

Spanish: Si esto que pica no para, voy a comenzar a perder a rehenes

The Mayor notices that the word *itching* doesn’t translate in every language. In case the medical professional doesn’t understand what you’re saying, I suggest you make the “scratchy scratchy” motion. It should drive the point home rather well. But be careful not to over-act, you could be quarantined with people that have polio and the likes.

Why English is so hard to learn

Thursday, August 27th, 2009

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

**From Bits & Pieces

Language Lessons

Thursday, June 4th, 2009


Many of you world travellers will agree with The Mayor when I say that nothing is more embarrassing than going on vacation, meeting a lovely specimen of the opposite sex, and then not being able to communicate even the simplest of words. Sure, love has no language barrier, but when you’re trying to tell the woman you just finished making sexy to, to get the hell out of your hotel room or you’re going to have to pay an extra $9 a night for the extra visitor, then ya bub, you best be knowing a couple of phrases to get by.

Tonight I’m going to introduce you to a phrase that has never let The Mayor down. When I have uttered this gem in the past, not only are the ladies mere seconds away from falling into my arms, but mere nanoseconds from falling into my bed. It also seems to soften the woman up when I eventually try to borrow small sums of money from them. Let’s face it, double rye and gingers don’t pay for themselves.

Be careful when using this phrase, it’s more powerful than AXE deodorant:

“I can eat my weight in cheeseburgers”.

French: Je peux manger mon poids en cheeseburgers

Spanish: Puedo comer mi peso en cheeseburgers

Russian: Я могу съесть мой вес в cheeseburgers

Italian: Posso mangiare il mio peso in cheeseburger

Dutch: Ik kan mijn gewicht in cheeseburgers eten

Remember, I can only lob the ball up for you, it’s your job to smack that little bastard out of the park. That’s not some sort of twisted euphemism. Or perhaps it is. I am totally messing with you right now. And there’s not a damn thing you can do about it other than accept it and nod that pretty little head of yours up and down.

Language Lessons

Tuesday, March 24th, 2009

The last language lesson we had seemed to peek the interest of quite a few constituents. And when I say quite a few constituents, I actually mean 1. And when I say 1, it was actually someone informing me that I just won a $500 Wal-Mart gift card. I’m sure that’s going to come in handy, especially considering my spatula just broke.

This week we will take a phrase that every last tourist and fellow traveler needs to know. It is imperitive that you memorize this phrase, for you will be using it on every trip you take outside of North America: Thank you for only ripping me off a little bit and not a whole lot.

FrenchMerci de me déchirer seulement au loin un peu et pas un sort entier.

Spanish: Gracias por solamente rasgarme apagado un poco y no una porción entera.

German: Danke für mich nur weg zerreißen ein wenig und nicht ein vollständiges Los.

Italian:Grazie per soltanto lo strappo me fuori un po’e non un lotto intero.

Russian: Вы для только рвать меня немного и не гораздо.

Even though the Russian words look silly and made up, I assure you they are real, I had a Russian friend check them out for accuracy.

Another phrase along the same line that you may want to look into is: I know you are taking advantage of my good nature because I am white and from an actual industrialized nation, but do you think you could see it clear to at least give me enough change back so I can catch a bus?

That one will come in handy, you need to trust The Mayor on that.

And so that ends your Language Lesson, I hope you learned a little something today. I hope you learn a little something every day, bust especially today, considering you didn’t learn a thing yesterday.

Language Lessons

Tuesday, February 24th, 2009

I have decided to run a feature on Mitchieville from time to time called Language Lessons. The idea behind Language Lessons is to give you an idea how to say a popular phrase in a foreign language. There is nothing worse that going to a foreign country and not being able to say a few simple sentences in their language. Hopefully this will help you out and get you rooted in some basic foreign vocabulary.

Obviously I can’t translate English phrases into fifty languages, so I’m going to concentrate on just a few for now. I also don’t know fifty languages, but I do know how to say a few things in about 8 languages. As TLDG always says, I have a wonderful tongue.

The phrase I will suggest to you today is, i believe, the most important foreign phrase you can ever learn. Forget food phrases for now, you can always charade your way to a beer and some chicken, but this phrase is a must for any person traveling to far off lands:

“I have this terrible burning and itch on my funny spot, could you give me a medicine to make it stop?”

Now let’s see what that looks like in various foreign languages:

French–Est-ce que je ce brûlant terrible et sur ma tache drôle, pourriez-vous avez démangez me donner une médecine pour lui faire l’arrêt ?

Spanish–Yo tiene este ardiente terrible y pica en mi punto divertido, podría usted darme una medicina para hacerle la parada?

German–Ich dieses schreckliche brennende und itch auf meinem lustigen Punkt, konnten haben Sie mir eine Medizin geben, um es Anschlag zu bilden?

Italian–Io avete questo burning terribile ed itch sul mio punto divertente, potreste darmi una medicina per rendergli l’arresto?

Dutch–Ik heb dit het vreselijke branden en jeuk op mijn grappige vlek, kon u me een geneeskunde geven om tot het einde te maken?

You should also squish up your face into a ball and act pained while reciting this line to the phamacist, you will find you will get better service. Also, make sure not to mix this line up with, “Yes, cucumber salad would be lovely”. Waitresses will look at you crosseyed.

This concludes out first Language Lesson. I hope you took a little summin’ summin’ away with you.

Good day to you sir/madam.