I had to go to the mall today to pick up some toothpaste and some booze, and I saw this lady and her young son trying to lift her shopping cart over a curb right outside a Wal-Mart. Her son was very young, so he was basically useless, so I asked her if I could lend her a hand, which she accepted. So I lifted the cart over the curb and she thanked me, and then she started mumbling about how the cart is restricted to only the Wally parking lot and her car was way on the other side of the lot. So I asked her if she wanted me to lug some of her shit to her car. She accepted.
Her cart was full, so I grabbed the heaviest crap: two boxes of diapers and two 24 of waters. It turns out her car was about 60 miles away, so here’s me with a 24 of water and a box of diapers in each arm struggling like hell to make it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m strong as the day is long (I’m also cute as a bugs ear and my breath smells like vanilla, even if I don’t brush my teeth), but that’s a long way to carry all that crap. Anyway, we get talking and it turns out the woman is a Moslem.
Blah blah and all that shit, we get to her car and she opens the trunk, I throw her crap in and I swear to all that is holy, she turned to me and said, “Thanks, my future slave.” It wasn’t even one of those things that I thought I could have misheard, there’s no other phrase that can substitute hearing that you are a future slave.
I was pretty stunned actually, but it wasn’t kicking in just yet, my mind was a little hazy from being called a Moslem woman’s slave. So, she reaches into the trunk and grabs a water and asks me if I would like one, so I said, “Thanks slut, but no.” Now, try saying *thanks a lot* really quickly, it sounds exactly like *thanks slut”…does it not? It sure as hell does.
Now this woman is looking at me sideways, wondering if I just called her a slut, and I’m looking at her sideways wondering if she called me her future slave.
The moral of the story is that we as a peoples can come together and live in peace and harmony if we insult and degrade one another, and never, ever, ever question what anyone ever says to us.
The Periodic Table of Awesomenents is just that–awesome. Although they forgot to add me to the table again this year, stupid buggers.
One of the best sites I have seen in a long time is The Grand Palais interactive site. Go for a tour, watch a movie, explore. This is wonderful.
You know how the Chinese can prove that their chimanauts went to the moon? From the news reports they made two hours before lift-off that they were already on the moon.
—->From the site——>Don Hertzfeldt created Ah, L’Amour in 1995 as an 18-year-old student at the University of California Santa Babara. It was his first film. Ah, L’Amour has been posted here a couple of times, but the embedded video was always pulled do to licensing rights. Now Atom Films has obtained those rights, so you can enjoy it!
I’ve never watched the show “America’s Got Talent”, mostly because I walk upright and have taste, but this Terry Fator fella sure does have an interesting talent. And no, it doesn’t involve three midgets, a large rope and a stepladder.