I apologize for stating that there was a photograph circulating on the internet of Jiri Tlusty giving oral pleasure to a fellow male and for suggesting that such photograph exposed Mr. Tlusty’s secret life.

I feel so bad that I would like to fisk my own apology. Please bear with me, as my glasses are fogged up with tears.

I apologize for stating that there was a photograph circulating on the internet …

Quite so. It appears to be all over the covers of newspapers. So, I was wrong to say that the photo was on the internet. This is an error of fact. I can even prove I was wrong:

It appears that the photo was not on the internet, but on the cover of the Toronto Sun. An entirely different media, as different as an orange is from its fellow fruit, the apple. And, of course, the newspapers have it on their websites, too (here for example).

… of Jiri Tlusty giving oral pleasure to a fellow male …

Moving on in my catalog of errors, we now deal with the issues of a) oral, b) pleasure, and c) male.

a) Oral. From the photograph we can see that the tongue to lip contact is suggested, but not emphasized. Perhaps tongue, lip, or maxillofacial would be more accurate. The breast squeezing that appears to be implied has been ignored, too. I am sure the judge at the libel trial will lecture me on my poor command of english at sentencing.

b) Pleasure. There is no concrete way of knowing if both participants are feeling pleasure. There is doubt, or doubt can be created through suitable telemarketing methods. Only interrogation of both parties could establish if both are feeling pleasure. I doubt that Jiri will testify that he was experiencing pleasure when this picture was taken, which will prove that I was wrong.

c) Male. Living in Toronto, close to The Rainbow Village, one should never assume that just because someone assumes the outer attributes of the male role, does not mean that their birth gender is the same. Indeed, the ‘male’ here could be a cross-dressing female, or even a mannequin (such as found here * ). So, we must doubt the evidence of our senses.

Therefore, I was wrong to assume that Jiri was having pleasure whilst doing whatever was being done (certainly not oral) with this creature (possibly not human, and certainly not male) of indeterminate gender.

… and for suggesting that such photograph exposed Mr. Tlusty’s secret life

This, I now sadly realize, is wrong in so many ways. Let me elaborate on just one of the errors in this sentence fragment, to show how crushed in spirit I am. This cannot be a secret life if one is snapping pictures of oneself. You can read all the lurid details here * . Obviously, it is anything but secret. So, I was wrong. Infact, Jiri Tlusty is now a media star, just like Paris Hilton. There is nothing secret to see here.

I am ignorant of Canadian Law. My background is in Roman Law. So when I read in the scary letter I got from Jiri’s lawyer that

This posting is an invasion of Mr. Tlusty’s privacy and places at risk Mr. Tlusty’s ability to make a livlihood with the Toronto Maple Leafs Hockey Club.

This spoke to my heart. Especially after reading that the Toronto team had rallied behind Jiri. Everyone knows about the Roman emperors Maximinus Thrax (murdered by the Senate * ), Aurelian (murdered by his own troops * ), or the two emperors Trebonianus Gallus and Gaius Vibius Volusianus (murdered by their own troops at the same time * ). So that the fact that the team is rallying behind him does not mean that they are rallying behind him, but that they are plotting to get rid of him (which would encompass placing ‘… at risk Mr. Tlusty’s ability to make a livlihood with the Toronto Maple Leafs Hockey Club’).

Another aspect of Roman Law is the privilege that comes with wealth, fame, and power. While Jiri Tlusty does not have power (in the form of a private standing army), he does have wealth and fame. When Jiri unleashes his legal team against me, I do not have the resources to resist him. I will lose in court, and will be ruined financially for life. Having met the first of his demands, that the offending verbage and link be removed, I now face the next assault from his well-financed team. I am doomed. Roman culture is filled with examples of the mighty squishing the weak. Jiri is wise to go after small fish such as myself, and leave the big, powerful entities alone. These non-pictures, that do not show anyone having oral pleasure with anything that could be considered male, are proudly displayed, and continue to be, by those entities that are of our cultures powerful senatorial class. They have the means to fight for their freedom of speech, and I do not. As for an unimportant worm such as myself, I am squished, like the Dacian warlord Decebalus *. I have no wealth, I have no fame, and, or course, I have no armaments.

As I said, I apologize.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.

For your amusement, while you listen to the Lions roar and wait for me to be dragged into the arena, the pertinent linky links:

Jiri Tlusti–I’m Sorry

“Lusty Tlusty” High Sticks Mitchieville

Jiri Tlusty, victim and victimizer

Is That Jiri Tlusty In The White Shirt?

As can see by the letter above you won’t be able to czech out pictures of Mitchieville’s favourite Toronto Maple Leaf, Jiri “Lusty” Tlusty anymore. The Mayor received the letter above a few hours ago and being the poor law abiding citizens we are, our noble Mayor removed the images from our blog. We can only guess that ‘Lusty’ is a hockey player who skates softly but likes to carry a big stick.

I read yesteday that the pics were originally posted to a Facebook profile. Hmmm, I have the pics saved to my hard drive, and I have a Facebook profile (Reg Reginaldson). If only Mitchieville had a Minister who went to law school and could advise as to the legality of posting the pics to Facebook…

The original linky links:

Is That Jiri Tlusty In The White Shirt?

Jiri Tlusty, victim and victimizer

Can “Lusty Tlusty” Handle His Stick?

As you can see by the letter above (click to enlarge), I have received a cease and desist by Jiri Tlusty’s lawyer, asking us to remove his picture and any offending link(s) that refer to him. Failure to adhere will result in *injunctive relief proceedings*.

The picture and link(s) have been removed.

I want to say how sorry all of us are at Mitchieville for posting the semi-naked picture of Jiri on our site. On behalf of all the writers at Mitchieville, I would like to apologize to Jiri Tlusty and ask his forgiveness. Jiri, we’re sorry.

I would also like to apologize to Jiri’s lawyer, a Mr. Jerome Morse. I am sorry we have created all this work for you, I can only hope and pray that somehow you will be compensated fairly. I know that most lawyers hardly make enough money to keep their heads above water, and I know this has probably cut into the time you probably spend every day on more worthwhile causes, like evicting old people from their homes, or chasing ambulances. Once again, I am sorry.

Finally, I would like to apologize to the internet, Jiri’s camera phone that made this all possible, Jiri Tlusti’s horrible judgement, and of course, Jiri Tlusti’s penis. Without all four of those factors, this would never have happened. I am so personally shamefaced that Jiri has access to a computer, a camera phone, the brilliance of a lawn gnome and the duncity to send pictures of his penis over the net in a day and age where anyone with a pulse and a living brain cell knows that anything you send over the net is going to come out one day for everyone to see.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Oh, and Go Leafs Go!

“Lusty Tlusty” High Sticks Mitchieville

Can “Lusty Tlusty” Handle His Stick?

Jiri Tlusty, victim and victimizer

Is That Jiri Tlusty In The White Shirt?

Fenris’ Cease and Desist apology

Wow, I think from now on it’s only appropriate that Green Bay fans are known as *The Fudge Packers*. Witness the malcontent in the bottom right corner holding on to the Fudge Packer player like they’re on their honeymoon. It’s like buddy is falling off a cliff and hanging onto a branch for dear life.

There’s a reason why these guys wear cups…

Next–Jiri Tlusty, victim and victimizer

And–Can “Lusty Tlusty” Handle His Stick?

As you read this, tears are streaming down my face. My hands are shaking with rage. My feet are clenched in my slippers. I am outraged that people are expressing a viewpoint that contradicts political correctness.

For a long time, activists have been demanding that the heteronormative sport of hockey be remade into something more acceptable to non-hockey fans, especially ones who have no experience of the sport, do not speak english, and think that Canada is a racist shithole. Hockey has alot about it that does not appeal to many of the cultures found within the village peoples of the global village. The worst aspect of it all is that the sport requires ability, which means that Oppressed-Canadians are under represented in the sport. Most of the fans are heternormative, or worse, white.

Now, at long last, comes an incident that gives us hope that the unsolvable problems of oppression, slavery, and racism can finally get more social funding. There is controversy over Jiri Tlusty.

This is good news. But is Jiri Tlusty really a homosexual? How can he be gay when he does not support politically correct causes? The mere physical act of male on male sex does not define one as gay. To be gay, you have to be:

Openly support politically correct causes

Openly oppose anti-politically correct causes

Have claim to victim status through skin color, expousing a non-christian religion, gender related issues, or whatever can make a socialist cry.

Jiri Tlusty is not a member of any acceptable socialist party in Canada, so he cannot be considered gay.

This is not a victory for the gay rights lobby. No more funding will flow into the palms of activists so that they can demand more funding. There will not be more photo-copier paper to print memoranda about being caring. No more telemarketers will be hired to raise awareness about Global Warming.

If Jiri Tlusty wants to get on the politically correct bandwagon, if he wants to help people like Al Gore, Al Sharpton, or Jack Kervorkian, I suggest he renounce his heteronormative ways and join a socialist political party, and support socialism. What he does in his bedroom is no business of the people (unless applying for a fire arms permit), so all he has to do is wear a Che t-shirt, look sad when meeting gangbangers, and support the destruction of Western Civilization.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.

Next–Can “Lusty Tlusty” Handle His Stick?

And–Is That Jiri Tlusty In The White Shirt?

“Lusty Tlusty” High Sticks Mitchieville

Jiri Tluski’s Lawyer Sends The Mayor a Cease And Desist