I apologize for stating that there was a photograph circulating on the internet of Jiri Tlusty giving oral pleasure to a fellow male and for suggesting that such photograph exposed Mr. Tlusty’s secret life.
I feel so bad that I would like to fisk my own apology. Please bear with me, as my glasses are fogged up with tears.
I apologize for stating that there was a photograph circulating on the internet …
Quite so. It appears to be all over the covers of newspapers. So, I was wrong to say that the photo was on the internet. This is an error of fact. I can even prove I was wrong:
It appears that the photo was not on the internet, but on the cover of the Toronto Sun. An entirely different media, as different as an orange is from its fellow fruit, the apple. And, of course, the newspapers have it on their websites, too (here for example).
… of Jiri Tlusty giving oral pleasure to a fellow male …
Moving on in my catalog of errors, we now deal with the issues of a) oral, b) pleasure, and c) male.
a) Oral. From the photograph we can see that the tongue to lip contact is suggested, but not emphasized. Perhaps tongue, lip, or maxillofacial would be more accurate. The breast squeezing that appears to be implied has been ignored, too. I am sure the judge at the libel trial will lecture me on my poor command of english at sentencing.
b) Pleasure. There is no concrete way of knowing if both participants are feeling pleasure. There is doubt, or doubt can be created through suitable telemarketing methods. Only interrogation of both parties could establish if both are feeling pleasure. I doubt that Jiri will testify that he was experiencing pleasure when this picture was taken, which will prove that I was wrong.
c) Male. Living in Toronto, close to The Rainbow Village, one should never assume that just because someone assumes the outer attributes of the male role, does not mean that their birth gender is the same. Indeed, the ‘male’ here could be a cross-dressing female, or even a mannequin (such as found here * ). So, we must doubt the evidence of our senses.
Therefore, I was wrong to assume that Jiri was having pleasure whilst doing whatever was being done (certainly not oral) with this creature (possibly not human, and certainly not male) of indeterminate gender.
… and for suggesting that such photograph exposed Mr. Tlusty’s secret life
This, I now sadly realize, is wrong in so many ways. Let me elaborate on just one of the errors in this sentence fragment, to show how crushed in spirit I am. This cannot be a secret life if one is snapping pictures of oneself. You can read all the lurid details here * . Obviously, it is anything but secret. So, I was wrong. Infact, Jiri Tlusty is now a media star, just like Paris Hilton. There is nothing secret to see here.
I am ignorant of Canadian Law. My background is in Roman Law. So when I read in the scary letter I got from Jiri’s lawyer that
This posting is an invasion of Mr. Tlusty’s privacy and places at risk Mr. Tlusty’s ability to make a livlihood with the Toronto Maple Leafs Hockey Club.
This spoke to my heart. Especially after reading that the Toronto team had rallied behind Jiri. Everyone knows about the Roman emperors Maximinus Thrax (murdered by the Senate * ), Aurelian (murdered by his own troops * ), or the two emperors Trebonianus Gallus and Gaius Vibius Volusianus (murdered by their own troops at the same time * ). So that the fact that the team is rallying behind him does not mean that they are rallying behind him, but that they are plotting to get rid of him (which would encompass placing ‘… at risk Mr. Tlusty’s ability to make a livlihood with the Toronto Maple Leafs Hockey Club’).
Another aspect of Roman Law is the privilege that comes with wealth, fame, and power. While Jiri Tlusty does not have power (in the form of a private standing army), he does have wealth and fame. When Jiri unleashes his legal team against me, I do not have the resources to resist him. I will lose in court, and will be ruined financially for life. Having met the first of his demands, that the offending verbage and link be removed, I now face the next assault from his well-financed team. I am doomed. Roman culture is filled with examples of the mighty squishing the weak. Jiri is wise to go after small fish such as myself, and leave the big, powerful entities alone. These non-pictures, that do not show anyone having oral pleasure with anything that could be considered male, are proudly displayed, and continue to be, by those entities that are of our cultures powerful senatorial class. They have the means to fight for their freedom of speech, and I do not. As for an unimportant worm such as myself, I am squished, like the Dacian warlord Decebalus *. I have no wealth, I have no fame, and, or course, I have no armaments.
As I said, I apologize.
I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.
For your amusement, while you listen to the Lions roar and wait for me to be dragged into the arena, the pertinent linky links: