Archive for the ‘McDonald's’ Category

I Now Pronounce You McMan & McWife

Wednesday, June 12th, 2013

You may now eat the nitrates from one anothers face.

You know, when the two in the picture make sexy, they refer to it as having a “Happy Meal?”

Just sayin’.

McDonald’s Coffee VS Tim Horton’s Coffee – A Comparison

Wednesday, October 10th, 2012

When it comes to getting a quick cup cup of coffee (alliteration) from any of the fast food giants in Canada, The Mayor finds the best two options to choose from are Tim Horton’s and McDonald’s. Many would argue that Starbuck’s should be included on the list, as well as Coffee Time and Second Cup, but many would be wrong. Quite wrong. Drinking Starbuck’s is equivalent to drinking poison, Coffee Time *restaurants* are far too filthy to step foot in, and what the hell is a Second Cup?

There are only two choices then, Timmy’s and McDonald’s.

The Mayor has broken down several categories for your perusal based on this, that, and the other. The Mayor will judge each category by a point system worked out by Fenris Badwulf, courtesy of a generous grant by the Food Council of Canada. It is far too complicated a system to explain in detail, but portions involve an abacus, three midgets, and a large rope.

Let’s begin:

Cup appearance and general functionability

Tim Horton’s – Rudimentary cup design and cheap, flimsy lid. Surprisingly though, the lid very seldom falls off. Looks as though the lid was designed by addicts who are part of various drug addiction detoxification and maintenance programs. Opening of lid is embarrassingly bad, and many times you will just rip the piece of plastic completely off, exposing your clothes and groinial area to scorching hot coffee.

Cup is nothing special. It doesn’t heat up even without a sleeve, so as for usefulness, it passes the rigorous tests by Mitchieville’s R & D team.

McDonald’s – Sexy cup and wonderful lid. If you look at the lid from the top and open the plastic opening, the lid will resemble a face. A funny face. The cup has a better feel to it than the Timmy’s one, and it is easily gripable and non-slidable. The design team of said lid and cup are obviously not drug-addled malcontents like the Timmy’s team.

Chances of having lid placed directly on cup seam

Tim Horton’s – 83%

McDonald’s – 34%

Coffee Description

Tim Horton’s – Made from 100% Arabica beans (and cocaine, apparently), Timmy beans are roasted in Timmy’s own facility. A stronger coffee than McDonald’s, yet every cup is smooth, well-balanced, with a deep, rich aroma.

McDonald’s – A lighter coffee with a distinctly light topnote. It has a gentle taste, smooth and well-balanced.

Line up wait time to get coffee through drive-thru, based on 7 car line-up

Tim Horton’s – 3 minutes

McDonald’s – 4 days

Stirage of Coffee when sugar is added

Tim Horton’s – will properly stir your coffee 79% of the time, using plastic stir stick

McDonald’s – will properly stir your coffee 1% of the time using their dirty finger

% of time you will get a great cup of coffee

Tim Horton’s – 92% of the time

McDonald’s – 42% of the time

Whose coffee is better?

We have come to the conclusion that McDonald’s has a better cup of coffee based on taste. However, McDonald’s doesn’t consistently deliver a great cup of coffee, where as Tim’s coffee is served hot and tasty every time. Every time you go to Tim’s, you know what you’re in for – a great cup of coffee (but keep a stir-stick handy). McDonald’s is hit and miss. You’ll either get a great cup of Joe or you’ll get something that tastes like it was filtered through an East European hockey players jockstrap.

Then Who Wins?

Tim’s wins. This is about consistency. Sure, it has to be about taste as well, but it’s not as if Tim’s coffee tastes like Love Canal dirt, the stuff is awesome. If McDonald’s were on their game all the time, McDonald’s would win, but they’re lazy, so they lose. Lazy loses, consistent wins.

And there you have it, that’s what $2.3 million in grant money gets you.

McDonald’s – Retro

Thursday, May 3rd, 2012

Ah yes, the good old days. When it only took 35 cents to make yourself sick as a dog.

Possibly Racist

Thursday, June 16th, 2011

Really though, a buck fiddy is a small price to pay for the luxury of eating delicious Big Mac’s, delightful sausage McMuffin’s and mouth-watering ice coffee’s.

I’m lovin’ it!

American’s – Taking Jobs Foreigners Don’t Want

Friday, April 29th, 2011

I’m not sure if this will be charted in the “saved or created” category by the US gov’t, but McDonald’s hired 62,000 part and full time workers during their latest hiring spree, while turning away another 938,000 potential workers’:

McDonald’s and its franchisees hired 62,000 people in the U.S. after receiving more than one million applications, the Oak Brook, Illinois-based company said today in an e-mailed statement. Previously, it said it planned to hire 50,000.

You won’t find that snippet in the Bloomberg article about the million souls being turned away, it seems to have been scrubbed and replaced by the generally happier news that McDonald’s has hired 62,000 part and full-time minimum wage workers’.

A common theme from the left when it comes to massive, unchecked immigration – illegal or otherwise – is that the west needs illegal immigrants because they do the work North Americans won’t do. Like taking minimum wage service sector jobs. So it came as quite a shock to The Mayor – he was gobsmacked, actually – to find out that over a million Americans applied for minimum wage, part-time jobs that apparently only illegal immigrants will take.

How dare Americans take away jobs from illegal immigrants that will only do the work Americans won’t do? Why are Americans doing the work that illegal immigrants are suppose to be doing? Why do Americans hate illegal immigrants so much?

So many questions, so little time. There is only one question left, the question that is everyones mind: would you like fries with that, senor?

McDonald’s Sued Over Happy Meals

Wednesday, January 5th, 2011

A class-action suit was filed against McDonald’s a few week’s back, claiming the toys that are included in Happy Meals are meant to “bait and induce children to develop a preference for nutritionally poor foods.”

The suit was filed by the Center for Science in the Public Interest on behalf of Monet Parham of Sacramento, Calif., and her six-year-old daughter Maya.

“McDonald’s exploits very young California children and harms their health by advertising unhealthy happy meals with toys directly to them,” the suit states.

“Children eight years-old and younger do not have the cognitive skills and the developmental maturity to understand the persuasive intent of marketing and advertising,” the suit continues, “Thus, McDonald’s advertising featuring toys to bait children violates California law because it is inherently deceptive and unfair.”

The Mayor agrees. What parent has the time nowadays to actually parent? Work is so strenuous and the drive back from City Hall so tough, that by the time I get back to The Manor, the last thing I want is to be surrounded by a bunch of my legitimate children, all begging to be fed.

The Mayor agrees with the wording of this lawsuit, McDonald’s IS exploiting children AND is being “inherently deceptive and unfair.” Just look how McDonald’s advertises its “Happy Meals.” They tell children they will receive food and a drink, plus a toy, all wrapped up in a bag – a bag with colours and writing on it, sometime’s there might even be puzzles on said bag – and when the children receive this so-called “Happy Meal”, they get food and a drink and a toy all packaged in a bag. Talk about deceptive.

The case will be heard in San Francisco, which recently passed a local ordinance setting nutritional standards for children’s meals sold with toys.

“I am very concerned about the health of my children and feel that McDonald’s should be a very limited part of their diet and their childhood experience,” explained Parham.

She said she’s bringing the suit because her daughter insists on going to McDonald’s to get toys based on Barbie, I-Carly, Shrek or Strawberry Shortcake.

“As other busy, working moms and dads know, we have to say ‘no’ to our young children so many times, and McDonald’s makes it so much harder to do.”

Again, agreed 100000%. Personally, The Mayor just can’t say no to his children. Believe me, I’ve tried before, but they are insistent little devils. “I want, I want, I want….” Man, it’s enough to make me want to take my large caliber weapon out of my dresser and blow my brains out.

McDonald’s really does make it hard to say no to my legitimate children. I’ve tried feeding them food straight from the fridge, but apparently kids’ don’t like ice cubes and mustard for dinner. So then my kids’ catch a McDonald’s commercial on the tube – the same tube they had been watching for 10 straight hours – and they start up with their blathering nonsense about how they would love a hamburger and fries. “Hamburger and fries, I scream right in their little faces. you bastards are NOT getting any hamburgers and fries. Eat your ice cubes and mustard before they go hot and cold!!”

“But daddy, I’m not lovin’ it!”

“Not lovin’ it?!!! Where in the hell did you get a slogan like that from? Was it from the Teeeeveeee? Have those corporate PIGS been brainwashing my little snowflakes again?!! How can I say no when Big Food™ are brainwashing my youngin’s 24/7/366 on a leap year? What do they expect from me? Do they expect me to turn the Teeeeeeeveeeee off and start parenting? Don’t they know there’s a Springer marathon on the Teeeeeeveeeee right now?

I’m so sick of being manipulated by Big Happy Meal™. It’s funny, but I don’t have the energy to turn off the teeeeeeveeee and/or make dinner for my legitimate children, and I certainly don’t have the willpower to say no to them, yet I totally have the willpower, motivation and drive to sue McDonald’s because I’m such a shitty parent. I love this country, I really do.

Red Meat – Is There Another Kind?

Friday, October 15th, 2010

TLDG told me today that yes, there is another meat called “white meat.” Strange that, I always refer to meat as meat. I suppose when it comes to food The Mayor is colourblind. That has to do with the fact that I live in a post-meat-racial world, the kind of world Obama (pbuh) promised us. Ya, betcha feel like a racist now, don’t you? Shame on you for classifying your meats by colour. If Rosa Parks was here she’d sit her fat ass down in your bus. Bigot.

McDonald’s Week

Sunday, April 19th, 2009

Congratulations to Ronald McDonald and Birdie the Early Bird on the birth of their beautiful boy. I can see a touch of Ronald in the child, but he definitely has Birdie’s black eyes. I’m sure in a few weeks the kid will develop more feathers.

You do remember Birdie the Early Bird, don’t you? She wasn’t as popular as Captain Crook, but was way more loved than Iam Hungry.

McDonald’s Week

Thursday, April 16th, 2009

If you’re a guy and you eat McDonald’s every third day for seven years, you are pretty much guaranteed to sprout breasts and end up in the hospital like this poor guy. I suppose the only upside to this is that you’ll end up sprouting breasts. Breasts are pretty great, and really fun to play with. I suppose I don’t have to tell you this. Or maybe I do. Haha, virgin.

McDonald’s Week

Wednesday, April 15th, 2009

I’ll have a Big Mac, large Fries, and a Coke…and a McApple for my horse.

McDonald’s Week

Tuesday, April 14th, 2009

The picture is terrible and kind of hard to read, but I’ll be damned if it is not the truest thing I have ever read on these here internets. And no, I would not like fries with that.

McDonald’s Week

Monday, April 13th, 2009

I’m sure that after a full weekend of eating chocolate, drinking grog and treating your body like a sewage dump, the last thing you probably want to consider is McDonald’s. And you shouldn’t. Stay away from McDonald’s, stay far, far away. Put it this way, the guy in the picture is only 17 and once had skin like a Japanese girl.